| A Dead Serious Question about the Importance of Breasts
Posted: 8/1/2009 3:46:54 PM | Hello, Once Again,
I've been on here reading posts and learning a lot today (my first visit to the forums). I've been literally scared to death to ask this question but seriously I need to know the truth.
Because of cancer, I am missing a breast. Yes, I had reconstruction done but the surgeon did such a terrible job that I lived with that monstrosity on my chest for eight long years before making the decision to have it removed. It was so bad, my daughter nicknamed the gawd-awful thing, Frankenboob. She wasn't being mean. All she really did was to give me a word that so completely described what had been done to me.
When it came time to discuss with a new surgeon the whole removal process, he of course, asked me to consider another reconstruction. I flat out refused. Once bitten twice shy, as the saying goes.
Do breasts make that much difference to you men, out there? I wear a prosthesis now most of the time (I don't wear it to bed).
Someone who used to be really close to me once said no man would pay attention to a one-breasted woman. I tend to disagree. But need to ask this really sensitive question anyway.
And by the way, if living a full and wonderful life meant having the original breast removed again, I'd do in a heartbeat.
Thanks. | |
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| A Dead Serious Question about the Importance of Breasts
Posted: 8/1/2009 3:53:09 PM | I don't really know of a good answer to this one other than some guys are understanding and are perfectly cool with it and others aren't. I will say not to write yourself out of the picture simply because of what has happened, and I definitely disagree with your friend. Will it take more persistence to find the right guy? Possibly. Is he out there? I would say so, yeah.
Sorry if it's not a very helpful answer. In other news, perhaps someone should sick a band of rabid monkeys on the first guy who botched the surgery. | |
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| A Dead Serious Question about the Importance of Breasts
Posted: 8/1/2009 3:56:42 PM | | I've never found breasts to be that important, usually look at them more like a fun toy. Nipple play can still be fun. But I don't think any intelligent man would think that breasts are a key thing. Sure, they can grab attention, and be distracting, but definitely not vital. | |
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| A Dead Serious Question about the Importance of Breasts
Posted: 8/1/2009 3:58:51 PM | It's like everything else, you will meet some guys who won't care... and some who will run the other way... and all shades in between...
I'm not really a boob man myself so it would likely at most only be a minor issue to me... probably not even that... I'm realistic enough to understand that situations like that are unavoidable...
And by the way, if living a full and wonderful life meant having the original breast removed again, I'd do in a heartbeat.
Yeah, I don't think anyone would question that.... makes too much sense... | |
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| A Dead Serious Question about the Importance of Breasts
Posted: 8/1/2009 4:12:25 PM | I'm actually being totally serious on this one, so listen up. Getting reconstruction/breast augmentation(a good C cup, D if you are a larger person) will 100% change your life for the better. You will have more self confidence and it will show outwardly. Your dating life will take a large leap forward. You will notice not only men, but women too looking at you and admiring your look.
I say go for it, you've been through so much might as well treat yourself to something.
Do it! Just don't go grossly big. | |
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| A Dead Serious Question about the Importance of Breasts
Posted: 8/1/2009 4:13:55 PM | Just wanted to join the "Naaah!" vote, as in no, it wouldn't bother me. I had a wonderful relationship with a girl back in college who had significantly mis-matched breasts, due to a childhood disease. While college age guys are infamous for taking on anything, I can definitely say it's no biggy.
The only person I'd point and laugh at, would be your weird friend who said 'no man would pay attention to a one-breasted woman.' Utter nonsense. Paul McCartney married a woman with a leg missing. Yeah, she made him nuts and stole a bunch of his money, but that's not the point!
Breasts might make a guy look twice at you before he gets to know you, but the guys that are after you for a real relationship move up from there to your eyes pretty quick. (You don't have a Franken-eye, too, do you? Never mind, that would be ok too.)
The only thing you might want to avoid, is having him discover what's going on by surprise, in the dark. He might think he lost the missing one under the bed, and that it's going to grow, and grow, and then attack him, like that one that chased Woody Allen around. | |
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| A Dead Serious Question about the Importance of Breasts
Posted: 8/1/2009 4:18:02 PM | Some may care, but many won't. More often then not it will be more important that you're comfortable with it and don't let it inhibit you... guys are easily amused, believe me, we'll find something to play with  | |
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| A Dead Serious Question about the Importance of Breasts
Posted: 8/1/2009 4:37:17 PM | ROTFL!
Listen Igor,
You reminded me of a funny thing that happened to me a few months after I had the thing taken off my chest. I was out at a birthday party for my grandson who was turning 1 year old. I was wearing a very short, loosefitting dress. I had my bra on and the prosthesis was just, well you, know holding it's place on the left. Anyway, I'm helping with cleanup and getting the kids all together and stuff. People were still sitting around talking and watching me and I'm joining into the conversation when all of a sudden I bent over and the silicone breast falls out of my bra, onto the ground where it bounces a couple times. In a flash, I thought I could make light of this situation or die of embarrassment. I chose the former, looked down on the ground at the boob, then looked up at the people I'd been chatting with. The looks on their faces was priceless and I wish to this day I could have captured their expressions on film. I smiled and matter-of-factly said: "I guess I lost my boob."
That broke the tension and everyone began laughing along with me. It was truly one of those very, very funny moments in my life. And all really comes down to my personal philosophy that my life's glass is always 3/4 full and never 1/2 empty.
Anyway, some of you really made me chuckle. A good thing indeed.
Thanks.
Jo | |
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| A Dead Serious Question about the Importance of Breasts
Posted: 8/1/2009 4:39:39 PM | | Easiest fix in the world. Wear your prosthesis in public. Hold off on telling anyone about it the same way you wouldn't introduce a young kid to a man on a first date, but if you see potential of potential, share your story with him. If a dude who is a possibility for a relationship doesn't accept you with just one real boob, then don't see him as a possibility for a relationship. Particularly in your age group, it's not like it's an extremely uncommon thing. Breast cancer and removal both happen all the time. Dudes shouldn't be shocked by it. | |
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| A Dead Serious Question about the Importance of Breasts
Posted: 8/1/2009 4:45:51 PM | Your friend is a moron. While denying the role of physical attraction is a joke, if the person I fell in love with had two holes through her chest instead of breasts, it would not change how i feel.
I would be more concerned about how YOU feel.
And if I was going through Nevada again, I'd most definitely see if you wanted to meet for a meal. | |
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| A Dead Serious Question about the Importance of Breasts
Posted: 8/1/2009 4:46:47 PM | wow,this is something i've never thought about.okay,ill give it a shot.
they obviously wont know up front(im guessin as ive never seen a one boobed woman),so deffinately tell them before it goes there.if i was in that situation,it would freak me out,but depending how much i liked you,how well we clicked and that sort of stuff it could make or break the deal.most guys would still get it on with you once(the ones i know anyway)because,well,it'd be new.as far as the relationship,theres alot of variables,i know it sucks,but you would instantly weed out anyone who wasnt already thinking about beeing serious with you.so thats a plus,but some would be asses(jerks,dont know if theres a word filter here.lol) about it.its kind of something you'll just have to grind against.it'll help to guarantee their in it for 'you' and not your body or whatever.i know that wont help the feelings when it goes bad(my massively f-ed up teeth have taught me that.lol).but a saying my mom taugfht me kinda explains it all.
'if you dont like looking at me then dont look'
it can stop you from finding love,but not true love.
in conclusion,will it make a difference,yeah.will it matter?not if the persons really worth your time
hope that helped,a little at least | |
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| A Dead Serious Question about the Importance of Breasts
Posted: 8/1/2009 4:58:05 PM | Your buddy...aka Shallow Hal...IMO is wrong on this one.
First off...it was a smart thing to do. Choosing the much higher percentage over vanity was the right thing to do.
Bringing it up very soon (ie..first date) would more likely shy someone away in terms of just how much emotional baggage may be attached to the proceedure as opposed to his feelings on the cosmetic aspect.
Get to know someone...and vice versa...and certainly before he would discover it on his own.
If I told you I had fourteen toes and a tail on the first date...you might run.
After a few dates you'd be thinking how cute my furry little tail was. | |
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| A Dead Serious Question about the Importance of Breasts
Posted: 8/1/2009 5:07:01 PM | | I'm with everyone else - first get to know a guy to see if the relationship is going somewhere, and if it is, one day just pull him aside and explain things. And if it like me (or any of the other guys that have responded) it really wouldn't stop me from spending time with the woman that I love. The important thing is that she is healthy. | |
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| A Dead Serious Question about the Importance of Breasts
Posted: 8/1/2009 5:07:17 PM | OP, you're 54, and I assume you'll be dating men in your age group.
"Do breasts make that much difference to you men, out there? I wear a prosthesis now most of the time (I don't wear it to bed)."
Having one breast will most likely turn off certain guys, but the effect wouldn't nearly be as bad for someone your age, where the people you date would be much more mature and understanding of your situation, as long as you aren't overly self-conscious of your one-breastedness (I make up words).
With that said, breasts are a symbol of sexuality in our society, and obviously your dating pool will be cut short due to your situation. | |
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| A Dead Serious Question about the Importance of Breasts
Posted: 8/1/2009 5:18:05 PM | It is not the boobs that make the woman but it is what is in her heart,soul and spirit that make the woman.
Period.
Be yourself and some lucky guy will realize just how special you are in time.
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| A Dead Serious Question about the Importance of Breasts
Posted: 8/1/2009 5:18:32 PM |
If a dude who is a possibility for a relationship doesn't accept you with just one real boob, then don't see him as a possibility for a relationship
Exactly what I was thinking, a "real" man would not make such an issue of it and accept you "AS-IS" and not worry about a missing boob. It doesn't change WHO you are and besides, no one is perfect, we ALL have flaws of some sort, so if a guy makes an issue of it or has a problem with it, move on he isn't worth your time. There IS a guy out there that will be very happy with you. | |
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| A Dead Serious Question about the Importance of Breasts
Posted: 8/1/2009 5:20:54 PM | | Boobs are fun but missing one, or two, is not that big a deal unless it caves in your self-image to the point of debilitating you as a sex toy. The man who cannot be thrilled with a woman regardless of her breast count is not a man in the true sense of the word. Now, if your vagina and hands go missing, it could present a real challenge, mostly because you would be slower fetching a beer. Keep it in perspective and enjoy what you do have, as he will. | |
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| A Dead Serious Question about the Importance of Breasts
Posted: 8/1/2009 6:50:32 PM | First of all, God Bless you. You made the right choice and I pray you continue in good health. Yes, breast and looks are always initial attractors. That being said, any guy that would not celebrate and admire your spirit of survival and the fact that you overcame a potentially deadly disease, is not worth YOUR time. As for breast augmentation, that is a personal choice. I would never begrudge a mother, breast cancer survivor or, as mentioned above, some that had deformities, some cosmetic surgery. It has to be what you want for your own self-esteem. Nobody else.
take care and believe that the right person will come along and accept you for being YOU!
God Bless
Greg | |
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