| Baggage and the carry-on limit
Posted: 8/2/2009 8:08:50 AM | Okay so over 40 we ALL have some kind of baggage, right? I have some, my Father just died, I moved from the States back to Canada. My Mother is ill. Okay, so thats “my baggage” My question is: How much baggage are you willing to pick up from someone else? Whats the acceptable carry on? I just signed onto this site, and almost right away I met someone pretty wonderful. He's witty, intelligent, handsome. I feel like I really lucked out. The problem: (you knew there was going to be a problem) turns out he has an ex (yeah we all have a few of those). The problem with this one, is she has only been gone for 6 months. And evidently she had the need the other day to “sneak” into his house, while we were sleeping. Yes this really happened. My point? (definitely must be wondering by now). Psycho enough that she “broke into his house” then what else might she be capable of? I/We could have woken up in the emergency room, maybe? But, seriously. Does anybody really need this crap? Do we really need someone else's baggage?
Opinions? Thoughts? Complains?
Hope everybody is having a wonderful Sunday!
L | |
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| Baggage and the carry-on limit
Posted: 8/2/2009 8:35:35 AM | Your primary concern at this moment has to be your own safety. I would suggest that you not sleep at a vulnerable location while his ex is at liberty.
"At liberty" brings me to my next point. You need to carefully observe how your friend handles this situation. His actions will tip you off to how he will deal with his ex and other possible intruders in the coming years. If you don't like what he's doing to solve this, chances are you won't like how he handles his affairs in many venues.
Good luck and stay safe! | |
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| Baggage and the carry-on limit
Posted: 8/2/2009 8:44:22 AM | sounds like the ex has the baggage & he had poor boundaries w/ her. Give the guy a chance, after all, he is choosing to be w/ you NOT HER!
GOOD LUCK! | |
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| Baggage and the carry-on limit
Posted: 8/2/2009 8:44:42 AM | | Baggage is just not kids,elderly parents,finances, etc.. There are people that carry everything from the past aound with them.( exes, bitterness,jealousy,stress,& more ). It really depends on how well a person has it stowed. I`ve seen people who carry it well and others who have very little baggage make it seem like the weight of the world is on them. Rule is " STOW YOUR BAGGAGE OR GET OFF MY LIFE" | |
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| Baggage and the carry-on limit
Posted: 8/2/2009 8:52:10 AM | Front door was locked she "snuck" in through the back door....
And your right about how he handles this. Its going to be "telling" to say the least. I guess, I am feeling that this drama is not something anyone needs, or do you blow it off as "as long as he wasn't seeing anybody else, I was okay, now that he is I want him back". Am I making any sense at all? *lol* He was very communicative with me on this. But, I am just not sure I need the whole ex drama thing...Even though most of us over 40 do have some kind of baggage, right? | |
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| Baggage and the carry-on limit
Posted: 8/2/2009 8:59:55 AM | | Lisc - Run like the wind! If she is capable of this she is capable of making your life hell for a long time. Are they divorced or seperated? Is her name still on the house/mortgage? If so she she may have a "right' to come in if she still owns the property. I'd back away until the situation was finalized or he busts her for trespassing. YMHO | |
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| Baggage and the carry-on limit
Posted: 8/2/2009 9:09:45 AM | I think there's more here than meets the eye,,,
Your sign up date is 7/11
Today is 21 days since your sign up | |
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| Baggage and the carry-on limit
Posted: 8/2/2009 9:13:39 AM | Through these type of experience in life, many of us learn not to let people into our lives who are dragging drama zones with them.
ps..........some of us choose not to get involve with anyone until the have healed from our baggage. When I had a stalker, I didn't get invoved with one because I wasn't about to be responsible for someone else being in danger. I also didn't want to put anyone else in a postion where they might have to defend me. | |
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| Baggage and the carry-on limit
Posted: 8/2/2009 9:14:31 AM | They were never married together for 23 years. They don't own the house. It just surprises me that while he was alone and pining...she wanted nothing to do with him, and now this! *lol* Go figure...
21 days...? Wow..I really did think I had lucked out. He's a great guy. You think 21 days isn't long enough to start dating someone when your both on "dating" sites? I thought that was the point of POF? | |
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| Baggage and the carry-on limit
Posted: 8/2/2009 9:42:34 AM | Yes ~there should be a baggage rating system on POF...little suitcases next to the question about "do you have a car". .....Little baggage =1 suitcase, trunk load=2 suitcases, u-haul= 3 suitcase, freight train =4 suitcases........:)
Little brown paper bag would be ideal for me. | |
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| Baggage and the carry-on limit
Posted: 8/2/2009 10:13:21 AM | Maybe the tape ran out and she was just trying to sneak in and set up the camera before you noticed. Either that or she was looking for a midnight bootie call.
Meeting someone that wonderful, that quickly sounds too good.
If it's too good to be true, then it probably is. | |
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| Baggage and the carry-on limit
Posted: 8/2/2009 10:35:51 AM | My advice..........
Purchase a gun and learn/know how to use it..
the life you save..
may very well be your own..!!
---SoldierByte--- | |
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| Baggage and the carry-on limit
Posted: 8/2/2009 10:46:47 AM | ...That's just too damn freaky....Fatal Attraction comes to mind.
Back to original post...I would use caution when dating someone so recently out a relationship...still a lot of "stuff" not dealt with at this point. Baggage would not be the term I would use with regards to this guy...unfortunately for you, I think he's toting a couple of trunks to go along with the carry on's.
Good luck.
...maeflowers | |
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| Baggage and the carry-on limit
Posted: 8/2/2009 10:51:14 AM | Okay so ya'll think that this is "extreme"..*sigh of relief* I thought it was just me.
And I have concerns about how "fast" this has been also, trust me. Although, are we all that jaded that "can't believe this is so good": Can't be happening to us? I think I have gotten some "really decent" points of view here. I appreciate this forum for the opportunity to "vent". Not sure what I am going to do about all of this. I like him, he likes me, he has a psycho ex, that apparently is on a "mission" *lol*. I do know one thing, I won't be sleeping at his house anymore. If I ever sleep with him again! Confusion, confusion, confusion..... | |
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| Baggage and the carry-on limit
Posted: 8/2/2009 10:51:31 AM | Ew…I just got a chill reading this….
The problem with this one, is she has only been gone for 6 months. And evidently she had the need the other day to “sneak” into his house, while we were sleeping.
Well, I guess my comment would be…it is both your dating styles are similar otherwise you would not have gone to his home so soon…lol….not knowing the impact the ex might have on the relationship…lol
I don’t think it is your place to question the ex as being Psycho…lol
Question him for heavens sake…sheesh…lol...or yourself!
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| Baggage and the carry-on limit
Posted: 8/2/2009 10:55:35 AM | "unfortunately for you, I think he's toting a couple of trunks to go along with the carry on's".
Hillarious! In kind of a sad way.... | |
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| Baggage and the carry-on limit
Posted: 8/2/2009 11:01:17 AM | OP, too bad you moved back to Canada from the States. In most states in the United States, you can legally shoot someone who breaks into your home. That would solve the issue, wouldn't it? 
It's a cliche to say that "everyone has baggage." I don't agree with that. None of us has had an idyllic life, or never had to deal with problems. We all have things that are difficult to deal with, like work pressure; but we don't all have lives that are in chaos.
This particular situation is a great example of someone with "baggage". There is a problem, that is serious, and potentially life threatening for you. He hasn't dealt with it, by getting an order of protection, or involving the police.
If you choose to be involved with him, then you're taking this on with your eyes wide open. This isn't about being emotionally supportive when life deals him a bad break. This is about choosing to be involved with someone whose life is in chaos, and has, so far, chosen not to do the things he can do to deal with it. | |
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| Baggage and the carry-on limit
Posted: 8/2/2009 11:04:16 AM | | I can count the psychos that are out to kill me on one hand so I don't consider that baggage - but I'll admit I'm at my carry-on limit. | |
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| Baggage and the carry-on limit
Posted: 8/2/2009 11:09:19 AM | I'm with you, Mae! I pictured a bunny boiling away on the stove, also. OP, this isn't drama, it's danger. Listen to Soldier, too.
You are short on details. Like how long ago she left, how long you've been divorced, how many guns are in the house and if she knows how to use them. Go to some of the threads dealing with "how long after divorce, ltr, before dating" and take heed of the advice there.
If you're just looking for a night of bedspring gymnastics, your approach to "finding" someone is working; but if you're more interested in building something with a real foundation, you may have to develop some patience.
Or develop a taste for well-done rabbit meat. | |
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| Baggage and the carry-on limit
Posted: 8/2/2009 11:12:35 AM | | It's why in the US people lock the doors, front and back. In Canada I guess they call it a fortress if the welcome mat is missing from the front porch. She snuck in through the unlocked back door...man, in Texas she would be target practice if she went around to the back yard. Anyway, dot dot dot, you anti-baggage people are jolly jokers to me because you're encamped atop a mountain of baggage and look down at the free spirits wandering in your foothills. It's like you want someone who accepts your own baggage but brings none of their own. That's how it seems to me and my backpack. | |
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| Baggage and the carry-on limit
Posted: 8/2/2009 11:19:39 AM | "Well, I guess my comment would be…it is both your dating styles are similar otherwise you would not have gone to his home so soon…lol….not knowing the impact the ex might have on the relationship…lol"
This is a whole other topic....
Although, I agree with you, might have been somewhat premature *lol* Keep in mind though, this woman hasn''t given him the "time of day" in over 6 months. I don't think either one of us "saw this coming". We were both "blindsided" by this. Came out of the "clear blue sky"...okay enough with the cliches.
Its something that we did discuss. The amount of time he had been single, was a concern for me. He was able to re-assure me.
I guess only time is going to tell. | |
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| Baggage and the carry-on limit
Posted: 8/2/2009 11:41:28 AM | What I think NewToMichiana meant was that there could be tons more you don't know. Seems like you started sleeping with this man awfully fast. How long did you email, call, get to know about his past before you started dating.
Baggage involves oneself and issues you can't get over. I don't see it as being someone else's issues ie the ex. If I were you, I think you need to do some more talking before some more skeletons come out of that closet. | |
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| Baggage and the carry-on limit
Posted: 8/2/2009 12:23:49 PM | | I've seen this dog-in-the-manger behaviour in the past. She wants nothing to do with him, until he starts dating someone else. All of a sudden = she's having car trouble, the washing machine is acting up, the lawn mower wont' work, etc. etc. etc. I've seen a lot of men buy into that, not realizing that the sole aim of the ex is to make sure he's at her beck and call so much that the new woman gets fed up and leaves. She probably snuck into the house because she heard through the rumour mill that he had someone new and she wanted to freak them out. There are ways I would have handled that without saying a word and, guaranteed, she would not come back. The big question here is - how is he going to handle it? I think you really need to know the answer to that before you proceed any further with this man. | |
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