| Being approached by a woman (complete stranger)
Posted: 8/2/2009 2:12:12 PM | I did a search and only saw a small thread from 2006 about women approaching men-but if I somehow didn't search properly-please don't freak if this thread has been done a million times already. I haven't been in the forums for a long time.
My question to guys is their opinion on how they would respond to a woman who is a complete stranger coming up to talk to you. Common sense would be that you would be happy-if you were single-and found her attractive. And perhaps get her #-or have a drink together. But what if you aren't single, or are not wanting to be disturbed, or might not be interested? Could you still just be polite and say hi but...."sorry I have a gf" or "sorry i'm married"..."sorry i'm busy".
I have approached guys in the past-but it's been quite a while since i had the guts to do so-and today i wish i had. Today I decided to stop at a local coffee pub for a yogurt smoothie. I was walking across the parking lot and saw an awesome blue motorcycle. I wondered if the owner of said motorcycle was as attractive as his bike. (i presume the owner of the bike is male...call me sexest if you wish) :)
Inside I scoped the room and saw no one that would seem to fit the bike....a group of young girls and a couple of seniors. (again sterotyping! but i really don't think the bike is theirs.) I ordered and while waiting for my smoothie wondered if I should look around the corner of the coffee pub. I had to at least look. I thought i'd see a really hot guy with a super hot gf. I saw a guy-in the corner-I think on a computer. He looked attractive but i chickened out and turned around and went back to waiting for my smoothie. I got the smoothie and left.
I guess my question to guys-is would be freaked out/annoyed/turned off by a woman that doesn't know you that walks up to you in a coffee shop to talk to you. I was gonna ask if that was his awesome bike...my favorite color...same color as the outfit I am wearing today....then look for a ring on his finger...yes="have a great day" and leave; no=......"maybe you can take me for a ride sometime?" (does that sound super slutty?-cuz that is NOT what i was going for) or "may i join you (at his table)?".
What advise (and of course probably insults as well-it is the internet) does everyone(guys especially) in cyberland have? I am kinda kicking myself for not at least saying hello. But i was avoiding a potentionally ackward situation/rejection/coming across as weird/desperate. The sad thing is that in the past-I have approached guys in somewhat similair situations and it usually worked out fine...and even if it wasn't a great experience-it didn't faze me. But this time I was more worried about looking like a fool. | |
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| Being approached by a woman (complete stranger)
Posted: 8/2/2009 2:18:34 PM | Someone else mentioned it in another thread today (edit: it was farceur), but I agree with the notion: just go up to them with a nice smile on your face, and you should be fine. We guys are hearty stock, and frankly know how hard it is to have to "break the ice" since traditionally we're the ones assumed to do the action. At the very least, there will be empathy, rest assured.
Best of luck, and I hope "your move" works out for you. <img src=http://www.plentyoffish.com/smiles/icon_201.gif border=0> | |
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| Being approached by a woman (complete stranger)
Posted: 8/2/2009 2:22:20 PM | Sun devil nailed it. We are usually the ones taking the risk so we are happy and relieved when a woman says HI first. We also know what rejection feels like so we will do our best to make it polite.
Say HI! | |
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| Being approached by a woman (complete stranger)
Posted: 8/2/2009 2:23:07 PM | Walk up and say hi. As long and you remain confident it doesn't seem desperate rather its friendly. The only way to find out if a guy without a ring is single or not is to ask him.
I go out to coffee shops and such to meet people otherwise it would be better to stay at home if feeling antisocial. | |
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| Being approached by a woman (complete stranger)
Posted: 8/2/2009 2:23:24 PM | You aren't going to catch a fish unless you have a line in the water as they say, the fact that you are even thinking in terms of approaching guys puts you 50 yards ahead of any other 'competitor'! Now it may be that the guy has a girlfriend already etc etc BUT how are you to know that?
He may be single/available or whatever...maybe he was thinking of a way to approach you, all in all its not going to hurt(OK maybe a couple of turn downs will ) BUT you'll be the one making the choice of going after what you want rather than being pushed around by the tide and 'waiting' for the guy you like to ask you something. I wish you all the luck available in the dating world and also hope to see your profile 'taken down' real soon ;-) | |
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| Being approached by a woman (complete stranger)
Posted: 8/2/2009 2:29:14 PM |
My question to guys is their opinion on how they would respond to a woman who is a complete stranger coming up to talk to you. Common sense would be that you would be happy-if you were single-and found her attractive.
Unless she was interested in me for more than just talk and she made that evident, I'd have no interest in talking to her.
But what if you aren't single, or are not wanting to be disturbed, or might not be interested? Could you still just be polite and say hi but...."sorry I have a gf" or "sorry i'm married"..."sorry i'm busy".
I'd be polite, but formal.
I guess my question to guys-is would be freaked out/annoyed/turned off by a woman that doesn't know you that walks up to you in a coffee shop to talk to you. I was gonna ask if that was his awesome bike...my favorite color...same color as the outfit I am wearing today....then look for a ring on his finger...yes="have a great day" and leave; no=......"maybe you can take me for a ride sometime?" (does that sound super slutty?-cuz that is NOT what i was going for) or "may i join you (at his table)?"
I wouldn't be freaked out, but if a woman asked for a ride on my bike or asked if she could join me at my table, I'd assume she was interested in having sex with me. I don't particularly like being interrupted by anyone, even if I'm alone, so the interruption needs to be about more than just chit-chat. | |
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| Being approached by a woman (complete stranger)
Posted: 8/2/2009 2:34:46 PM | If you're asking about a motorbike he may think you're a meter maid or just some nosey busybody. In any event, if he owns the bike his first reaction will be defensive.
- Did something happen to the bike? Are you going to do something to the bike? Are you harrassing him about the bike?
So he might not be very open at first, until he realizes you are no threat to "the bike". He won't be worried about himself, he'll be worried about his property.
If he doesn't own the bike, he'll just think you're another goofy chick with nothing better to do than bug people. Unless he thinks you are cute, then he'll want your number.
Anyhow, no guts, no glory. | |
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SJS37
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Joined: 7/21/2009
Msg: 8 | |
| Being approached by a woman (complete stranger)
Posted: 8/2/2009 2:45:26 PM | | 99.9% of guys would be flattered in the vary least. If they weren't interested it would not bother them either. Only the Michael Jackson types could be bothered by a woman taking interest in him. Now his girlfriend/wife/boyfriend might get upset but he was alone so the worst that could happen would be that you made him feel desirable. Is that a really bad outcome? | |
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| Being approached by a woman (complete stranger)
Posted: 8/2/2009 2:58:43 PM | A lot of verbiage for a simple question. The story wasn't necessary to the question. Anyway, Like most guys, I suspect, I WISH this would happen more. How the guy feels about it probably varies with age as much as anything else, the more mature the guy, the less likely to assume sex is to follow shortly (of course, it's in our nature to HOPE it means sex to follow shortly!).
Although the age of a woman designating herself as a slut by making the first move ended 50 to 100 years ago, human behavior has not caught up. Thus I support the folks who say you'll be at an advantage if you both accept approaches from others, AND initiate them yourself. | |
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| Being approached by a woman (complete stranger)
Posted: 8/2/2009 3:03:46 PM | But whatever you do... .DO NOT drop like a quarter and then bend over to pick it up... guys hate it when you do that...seriously.
At least make it a dollar if you're going to do something like that.. 
Bluezzz | |
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| Being approached by a woman (complete stranger)
Posted: 8/2/2009 3:07:46 PM | Thanks for the responses! Although I am regretting not speaking to this guy today...I am going to remember this experience (or lack there of!) and the positive feed back here, so that next time I feel compelled to approach a guy...I will. 
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| Being approached by a woman (complete stranger)
Posted: 8/2/2009 3:16:01 PM |
But what if you aren't single, or are not wanting to be disturbed, or might not be interested? Could you still just be polite and say hi but...."sorry I have a gf" or "sorry i'm married"..."sorry i'm busy".
If the guy is not single I could see not wanting to be disturbed. Otherwise, no man would be annoyed at being approached by a woman. The exceptions are if she's twice your size or drunk and rude about it.
I was approached by four women on Saturday a week ago. The first was just being cool, and it was a pleasant conversation. The second was a woman who was in town for one last night, and apparently looking for a quick fix. But she was extremely rude and didn't realize it. Huge turn off. Basically, her whole attitude was kind of "I'm here, I'm good looking, and I approached you, what more could you want?" But she was being a complete b!tch after the first ten seconds. The third was a similar story to the second - imagine the odds. And the fourth was extremely attractive and had a good approach, so she wound up getting herself twirled around a dance floor. The moral of the story = never be afraid to approach a guy, the tradition of us doing all the initiating is complete bullshit. Just go for it with the next biker dude you're hot for. But when you do, approach the way you would wanna be approached, and don't expect a touchdown every time. Your rate of success will be better than ours, but still not a hundred percent. | |
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| Being approached by a woman (complete stranger)
Posted: 8/2/2009 6:02:22 PM | Yup, you missed a great opportunity.
You could have waited and watched to see who went out to the bike. Then you could have walked up to him and told him how much you liked his bike. That was an easy conversation starter. | |
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| Being approached by a woman (complete stranger)
Posted: 8/2/2009 8:30:41 PM | | I would find it completely refreshing and flattering to have a woman come talk/flirt with me. Us guys seem to do all the heavy lifting in this "courting routine". I would feel the same way even if I wasn't interested in her or already attached, I would just let her down easy. I wish there were more women like you. | |
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