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elo12
| | Joined: 6/13/2008
Msg: 1 | |
| | Is a blunt, outspoken woman a turn off?Page 1 of 3 (1, 2, 3) | | I am very blunt and outspoken, I will say whats on my mind but I try not to be mean. I also have the tendencies not to smile alot, so men think I am mean or unapproachable, intimidating even. Or even give me the label as the "B*TCH. Why is that? I am not a mean and hateful person at all and in a relationship I am the most lovable, giving kind. I have been run over alot due to this. People take advantage of me. All I want is to find someone to accept me and love me for me. What can I do to better attract a man? Do I have to change who I am? I don't want to think I would have to, because I am not the type to be fake as hell on a first date then change who I am. I like to be who I am out the gate so no surprises arise later on. Please give me some advice... | |
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| Is a blunt, outspoken woman a turn off?
Posted: 8/2/2009 3:52:16 PM | Unfortunately it isn't just the message that is being conveyed, but it is how it is being conveyed. And motivations can really be determined by a guy that easily. Thus, if you are a blunt, out-spoken woman that doesn't smile a lot, I can see how a guy could perceive you as mean, or even a b*tch.
A guy doesn't want someone who will say yes to us all of the time either. It a little thing called moderation. Really, if you're on one end of the spectrum of the other, it will be in your best interest to balance yourself out. In your case, every once in a while (and only every once in a while), don't say what comes to mind in a blunt manner. Be tactful. Smile.
Situation resolved. | |
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| Is a blunt, outspoken woman a turn off?
Posted: 8/2/2009 3:56:09 PM | | Learn some tact, smile more, stop letting people take advantage of you, for starters. The obvious things you already know about are enough to change your luck. You sound like you don't want to change how you deal with people, can't find one who likes how you appear, so maybe the only problem is you just haven't met him yet. Usually when people present the qualities they take pride in as obstacles in dating what they want is to be told how special they are and to hold out for someone who likes them just as they are. There is a big difference between changing who you are, and mastering social skills. | |
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| Is a blunt, outspoken woman a turn off?
Posted: 8/2/2009 4:07:54 PM | | farceur, I hear what you are saying ... but if a woman is like that *all* of the time, unless she was a SI swimsuit model, I don't see how the guy is going to handle it for that long. Now there might be a guy out there that this is right up his alley, but they are few and far between, and if I was her, if such a woman doesn't want to change, I expect her to experience an extremely long wait period of time until he comes into her life. | |
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elo12
| | Joined: 6/13/2008
Msg: 5 | |
| Is a blunt, outspoken woman a turn off?
Posted: 8/2/2009 4:16:11 PM | | I understand what you guys are saying. I am tactful and if I am truely feeling someone I am not B*tchy, I just have a hard exterior. I have my walls up like most. I smile when I am having a good time. I guess I am not when I am being shy and meeting someone for the first time. For me it is stressful and not too exciting, I have social anxiety so its not an easy task to convince myself to meet someone. I have talked to people online and via phone for months and still find it hard to meet them in person even though we might know alot about eachother. | |
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| Is a blunt, outspoken woman a turn off?
Posted: 8/2/2009 4:20:58 PM | Well, at the end of the day, you're going to have to soften your exterior and lower your shields more often. I understand, it isn't something that you normally do, but I think you have to work yourself to being more open.
I understand the basic fear; you don't know if the next guy is going to hurt you. However, the thing is this: if you sit on the sideline all of the time, life goes by fast - and the only way you're going to accomplish your goal is if you get into the game. Cut back on the phone calls and e-mails; let's make it days, not months, ok? (ie That is if things are working out ...) | |
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Cizuz
| | Joined: 6/23/2009
Msg: 7 | |
| Is a blunt, outspoken woman a turn off?
Posted: 8/2/2009 4:30:30 PM | | It's not a turn off at all. Actually it's a turn on in my case. You know what you want and are not afraid to speak your mind, that speaks miles about your personality and you should be proud of it. | |
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| Is a blunt, outspoken woman a turn off?
Posted: 8/2/2009 4:35:08 PM | You have a very pretty smile. You can practice deliberately smiling a lot when you first meet someone.
It's no picnic to go out and meet strangers for most of us but as you do it more you get better at it.
It helps if you explain to people as you did here that you have social anxiety.
You will get more kind sympathetic guys that way who are more likely to
have patience and understanding with you.
I can be blunt and outspoken too and it can be a way to sort of keep people away from you or off guard when you are really just shy.
As you get older you will find your social anxiety improves a lot.
One thing about getting older is you gain more confidence. | |
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| Is a blunt, outspoken woman a turn off?
Posted: 8/2/2009 4:41:28 PM | | Yes, I really agree with Sun_Devil on this. I am a social worker, and work (and have worked over 20 years) with clients who don't have good interpersonal skills, and what is now termed "emotional intelligence". TONS of really messed up families, couples, siblings, children, co-workers, etc. It is not to say these people are "bad" or whatever, it's just they have never mastered, or where never taught the complexities of healthy (deemed so by science) ways to express themselves. I see so many people obsess (seems almost everyone on this website) over physically working out (which of course if fine..), but they almost completely neglect working on their interpersonal, "EI", communication skills. Then these people go on to have kids, and the "toxic" behaviour is passed down. Bad marriages, mental health issues, stress-related illness, etc, are all likely resulting factors. | |
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| Is a blunt, outspoken woman a turn off?
Posted: 8/2/2009 4:52:34 PM | You know sweety -
Just be who you are. The guys here who are telling you that you should
do this and blah blah blah - Im just going to keep my thought in space
for this one.
Just be yourself.
Different guys like different kinds of women. You are who you are
just like Iam who I am. Im a little hard but I am a great girl. Yeah I get
afraid to meet people here too but you know what- thats my own self esteem-
I dont think I am pretty enough - Im older, Im not what I was at 20 - but
you know what - I am Vivian and I am always true to myself.
I dont let anyone dictate how I should be or what I should do. I do what
I need to do to be me.
Be you. | |
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| Is a blunt, outspoken woman a turn off?
Posted: 8/2/2009 5:08:28 PM | I agree with many of the previous on this one. Definitely get out there that this is something you are dealing with, and guys really will understand. Hey, we get anxiety as much as women. I do agree that it has to do with the anxiety we all went through as children. There are guys that are looking for women like that, but I've got to believe the majority of guys are slowly going to link such behavior to drama. And note that I never said that you now have to be "Miss Positive" 24/7.
However, the thing that took me a little was that it was starting to be perceived as being b*tchy. That is a little extreme. Yeah, we guys have to understand some of the intricacies of the women that we date, and frankly I think for the most part all of us are willing to agree that for the woman that we love, we'd work on it with her. However, she's going to have to meet us halfway here, and if not frankly we're just going to go to the next woman who has less drama. Just like life is short for you, it is short for us as well. | |
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| Is a blunt, outspoken woman a turn off?
Posted: 8/2/2009 5:15:09 PM | I'll answer that question with one, is a man who is blunt, outspoken, opinionated a turn off? all my women friends don't like that behavior, I respect someone standing up for what they belive in and as you get older you learn there are sometimes where there is more than one right answer, there should be some discretion I would think, if your wearing your favorite clothes and your partners blutness goes "your wearing that??? godddddd, whatever" that would get old after I dont know, 5 mins....I agree with be yourself, I always am, I have opinions and am going to have them whether someone else agrees or not but theres an understanding that people are different and not everybody sees things the same..........if it comes off as "if you dont like it this way your stupid" I wouldn't last 10 mins with that person, a good healthy debate on subjects can be nice but the overbearing people can be hard to take........hope I wasn't too blunt.....or outspoken  | |
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| Is a blunt, outspoken woman a turn off?
Posted: 8/2/2009 5:33:44 PM | I would say the words them selves, "blunt" and "outspoken," are denigrative--so, yes, if you describe yourself this way you are pointing out unattractive traits. If you say, "I say what I mean in no uncertain terms", I would think a lot of men would find that refreshing. OUTspoken, OVERbearing, honest to a FAULT--these are good things taken to the extreme, making them BAD things.
your partners bluntness goes "your wearing that??? godddddd, whatever"
Huh, that's passive-aggressive in my book. A BLUNT person would say, "You're not wearing that, it looks like you stole your clothes off a dead transient." (that's an actual statement one guy made to another guy in my presence--and they remained good friends; what men can take from men and what they can take from women are two ENTIRELY different things) | |
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| Is a blunt, outspoken woman a turn off?
Posted: 8/2/2009 5:39:51 PM | | So you're blunt, outspoken, refuse to change, don't smile, have a hard exterior, have walls up, have social anxiety, don't talk to people.... and this is appealing/attractive... how? | |
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| Is a blunt, outspoken woman a turn off?
Posted: 8/2/2009 7:48:27 PM |
I am not a mean and hateful person at all and in a relationship I am the most lovable, giving kind. I have been run over alot due to this.
Not that I know you well enough to make this determination, but...
Some women over compensate by being a b*tch. You have to ask yourself if you're over compensating or not.
What can I do to better attract a man
Porn.
I don't want to think I would have to
I don't change who I am just for the sake of it, or to make a relationship work. If I think those changes are reasonable, or better yet, those changes will make me a better person, I'm certainly open to it. | |
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| Is a blunt, outspoken woman a turn off?
Posted: 8/2/2009 7:50:12 PM |
So you're blunt, outspoken, refuse to change, don't smile, have a hard exterior, have walls up, have social anxiety, don't talk to people.... and this is appealing/attractive... how?
To someone with the same characteristic sheet? Answer: In every way
There is a wonderful voyage of self and mutual discovery when two of strikingly similar personalities and backgrounds can know each other.
If you are happy as you, don't change it for a thing. | |
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| Is a blunt, outspoken woman a turn off?
Posted: 8/2/2009 8:38:24 PM | Nothing wrong with being blunt and outspoken. Just depends on what you have to say.
A stupid and insensitive, blunt and outspoken woman will annoy most men they happen to meet, unless you happen to fall into a physical category that they find attractive. Though in that case they probably won't be interested in what you have to say.
An intelligent and articulate, blunt and outspoken woman will scare most men off, because you're less likely to put up with any of their sh*t. And if they give you the run-around, then you'll verbally rip them to shreds.
Behaving in a way that means you're not being true to yourself, may help you end up with someone. Doesn't mean that they'll be able to handle the person you really are when you drop the facade.
So continue behaving like your true self. If they can't handle it, then you're better off without them. When you do find one that can handle it, they might be a keeper. | |
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| Is a blunt, outspoken woman a turn off?
Posted: 8/6/2009 6:57:49 PM | | A girl who is truly straightforward (and who in turn appreciates brutal honesty herself) possesses an absolutely admirable quality. | |
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| Is a blunt, outspoken woman a turn off?
Posted: 8/6/2009 7:30:54 PM | Love your smile OP ..
With a smile like that I wouldn't be too worried about being a little blunt from time to time as long as you are tactful..
I am also blunt some times.
I am also not quick to meet anyone I only know online.
Be who you are a stop worring about the little things...
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| Is a blunt, outspoken woman a turn off?
Posted: 8/6/2009 7:32:53 PM | I think you're sincere OP so I'm going to hand you honesty, I trust you can handle it.
Looking over your profile and adding my abstract sense I'd say you've got an underlying tendency to condescending comments rather than "outspoken bluntness" as you say. Being outspoken and blunt is no turn off, having a condescending attitude definitely is among this higher class of suitors you'd like to attract.
Among well to do, well adjusted, manly fellers with competent minds I think a genuine sense of humility for the world at large is a huge turn on. It shows a deep thinking and positive attitude, considerate behaviour, good parenting skills, all the green lights.
Bluntness is great, when it's positive and turns half empty glasses into half full ones. Outspoken is wonderful, when it's about an idea you have to do something positive right this minute, to solve a situation with little loss or do something engaging. Everybody loves a skill use that makes for a win-win over a lose-lose.
Not smiling is no issue and far better than a painted emotion, we're all ideally contemplative for inspiration regularly, we frown and laugh, we poke our tongues and look suprised, we aren't robots.
Mean can be subjective but not being hateful is very positive. Lovable and giving is valuable, and so is consideration and thoughtful pragmatism.
Everybody gets caught in front of a truck at times, so don't beat yourself up about it.
Quite often changing yourself and wondering if you should, is just a matter of getting to know yourself better, and being the person you'd like to be. This last bit is really the differentiation between adulthood and childhood, God knows it's nothing to do with sexual maturity. It is about satisfying your better sensibilities with self governing as prudent. Children are who they are, adults should be who they wish to be since this will be the assumption of responsibility. Children grow into adults as they increasingly shoulder responsibility.
At the end of the day you are responsible for your life and all the world will call it choice. None of us can escape that but sincerity will get you understanding. Start there, in every word, every action. Thought, word and deed is a good philosophy, mess them up and you start to look different from whom you are. Get them right and everything which happens was only a lesson you needed or a return on investment. | |
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| Is a blunt, outspoken woman a turn off?
Posted: 8/6/2009 7:58:26 PM |
Why is that?
Either because you fulfill their definition of bytch, or they are looking for a way to blame you for their behavior.
All I want is to find someone to accept me and love me for me.
Welcome to the human race.
What can I do to better attract a man?
You can either learn what men are attracted to and become that, or you can be yourself and peel back the layers of what you are attracted to (and why) and try to find that.
Do I have to change who I am?
Only if you want short lived but immediate gratification of some ideal.
Please give me some advice...
Don't look to date. Don't look for a relationship. Just talk to people. Go hang out at a bus stop. Hang out at a golf course. Hang out at AA. Get a job as a part time waitress. | |
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| Is a blunt, outspoken woman a turn off?
Posted: 8/6/2009 8:27:43 PM | OP, I'm the same and men tend to find it a threat to their egos and they tend to feel afraid of strong, open minded women. But I figure that's me and I'm not going to change and be someone I'm not. But sadly men label us women as ****y 
OP, it's their problem not ours. | |
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| Is a blunt, outspoken woman a turn off?
Posted: 8/6/2009 8:50:29 PM | No more than a blunt, outspoken man....... 
It is all a matter of delivery, along with that special tact that some have, but many do not, and thus the other descriptors of those that just can not handle being outspoken and blunt in a way that is acceptable to most.
Just my opinion.......   | |
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| Is a blunt, outspoken woman a turn off?
Posted: 8/6/2009 9:58:29 PM |
OP, I'm the same and men tend to find it a threat to their egos and they tend to feel afraid of strong, open minded women. But I figure that's me and I'm not going to change and be someone I'm not. But sadly men label us women as ****y
OP, it's their problem not ours.
Ummmm!!!! No.......it's every ones problem.
OP eventually you'll come across some one who can accept you as you.
it just takes time. | |
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