| Should I Give him a Second Chance?
Posted: 8/3/2009 7:46:43 AM | Been dating a guy for about a month. Things were going at a nice pace...going slowly but in a good way. We would see each other twice a week. He had been the one to initiate plans for us on Sunday ( yesterday). He said he would have me come over and cook a nice meal for me. Well Sunday comes and he texts me that he was really sick and hungover from the wedding he had attended to the night before. Basically he had canceled on me. I was honest and texted him back, stating that I hoped that he got better but I was dissapointed that plans didn't work out. He proceded to tell me " If you actually drank, you would feel my pain!" I was very angry at him....I didn't have a problem with him drinking the night before and I understood that he felt like crap that day and wouldn't be up to doing anything. HOWEVER, I was def not impressed that HE was the one who initiated plans to have me over and cancels on me. I thought it looked really bad on his part. He did ask when I was free next...but I did not respond to his text as I was pretty mad. This was the second time he had cancelled on me. The first time was last Wed. He had been the one wanting to meet for coffee but cancelled at last min due to work obligations.
He texted me a second time yesterday stating " Hey I just woke up and still feel sick....I would be bad company today. Sorry". I still haven't replied to his texts since then. Should I just forgot about this guy? When he canceled on me yesterday....I told him upfront that it sounded like he was blowing me off and I don't like to waste anyone's time. He said that he likes hanging out with me and still wants to but he was feeling sick. He said I was taking things the wrong way. What to do? I was thinking that maybe he is multi dating and was having another girl over...but whenever we had a date, he would always ask me what I was doing the next day. Overall, I had a feeling he was only dating me or maybe I am just being naive? | |
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| Should I Give him a Second Chance?
Posted: 8/3/2009 7:51:34 AM | I think you're being too harsh on him.
But, of course, I'm the same way when I've been drinking. When I'm hungover I don't inflict myself on anyone just because I'm not a pretty person during the aftermath - thus I understand why he canceled.
It seems like he's doing his best to secure your time in advance, which is always an amazing sign. I can see why you'd get frustrated with the cancellations, but keep in mind that life happens (with regards to the work thing) and that we all cope with pain in different ways (for the hangover bit).
TDA | |
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| Should I Give him a Second Chance?
Posted: 8/3/2009 7:54:51 AM | | In a word...NO. Rather than wondering whether or not he is dating others just ask yourself if you like the way he is treating you. The answer is NO. So why would you ask for more of that? There are many other fish. | |
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| Should I Give him a Second Chance?
Posted: 8/3/2009 7:55:22 AM | You're being selfish. He had to work, and you got mad. He wasn't feeling well, and you got mad.
You should be glad he's still trying to make this work with you. | |
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| Should I Give him a Second Chance?
Posted: 8/3/2009 7:56:34 AM | He is probably "multi dating", as you put it but it may be too early in your relationship to expect anything more exclusive.
Ask yourself if you would be happy dating a guy who drinks so heavily that he's incapacitated for two days and if you'd be happy dating a guy who still may be dating others. Then, act accordingly. | |
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| Should I Give him a Second Chance?
Posted: 8/3/2009 8:06:41 AM | I had a experience when I went to meet a girl in another country and she wanted me to drink allot because while in Rome I though I shouldn't refuse and than the next day I was in agony, it was the worst hangover ever. BUT after relaxing in the tub the next day for a few hours by 4pm the next day we went to dinner, walked around every where and went back to my hotel watch movies and cuddled with no tylonal or anything but coffee I could get there I endured the pain.
If I guy really likes you he would be more Willing and Caring, and your very pretty Men are a dime a dosen in Canada get another. | |
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| Should I Give him a Second Chance?
Posted: 8/3/2009 8:16:24 AM | Why would you want to date a guy who drinks so much it makes him sick and unable to do anything?
Wedding or whatever the occasion. | |
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| Should I Give him a Second Chance?
Posted: 8/3/2009 8:20:18 AM | Life happens OP! Last minute things do come up at work and as long as he's communicating - you might be reading too much into it.
As far as the Sunday hangover? Weddings aren't an every week situation and I know most of us who drink have attended some that got out of hand where we ended up in far worse shape than we planned on. Unless the Sunday hangover is an every weekend occurence - again, you may be over reacting.
From what I'm reading you seem to be saying you like this guy and things have been going well so far. Unles you've seen other issues with this guy you haven't written about, I'd suggest biting down on that anger, stop listening to the paranoid forebodings, and start hoping your behavior yesterday hasn't made him decide to give up on you!
Cheers  | |
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| Should I Give him a Second Chance?
Posted: 8/3/2009 8:24:35 AM | | I would dump his ass because he said this "If you actually drank, you would feel my pain" what the hell does that have to do with anything? More power to you if you don't drink at all, and he sounds like he doesn't respect you for that. Consider that the very beginning of his disrespect for you. | |
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| Should I Give him a Second Chance?
Posted: 8/3/2009 8:29:07 AM | | Don't over dramatise things. You are not in a steady relationship 8 days in the month...minimal really. As someone above said, "life happens", take it with a grain of salt realise that he is still showing interest in you and if and only if he does something horrible leave him. Being sick after a wedding is not horrible just to clarify. | |
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| Should I Give him a Second Chance?
Posted: 8/3/2009 8:39:07 AM | | Cut him loose...for his sake. He cancels on you for legit reasons and you're gonna get upset with him? I suppose you've never had to change plans at the last minute, right? He's got a long road ahead of him if you two keep dating. | |
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| Should I Give him a Second Chance?
Posted: 8/3/2009 8:42:20 AM | If you feel he's giving you the blow off vibe, then stay away or wait 'til he contacts you. Don't initiate all of the contact, this is a two way street.
If he's telling the truth, he'll contact you again, if not, he was never really interested. | |
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| Should I Give him a Second Chance?
Posted: 8/3/2009 8:56:55 AM | rheard- You and the other posters are right that life happens and things do come up. I completely understand that. When he cancelled on me last week due to work....I didn't really have a problem with that as he is a business owner and has many clientele here. I think I was just pretty upset about the wedding situation because if HE was the one who made such a big deal of making dinner for me and saying it would be a romantic evening...it looked ridiculous that he was now backing up on his word...do you know what I mean ? Yes, I understand he was sick....but I think I would of been more understanding if he had the flu or something else....its not like he couldn't control his drinking the night before when he knew he had planned a dinner the next day.
I think KC Friends is right....him drinking his face off and me NOT being a drinker has nothing to do w/ the whole situation. It was funny and ironic how this guy said that because I should of replied " YES that's exactly why I don't drink...". Anyways, I am still stuck in between. rheard, you're right that things were going well and I really had nothing else bad to say about him. I REALLY did like this guy and thought we were VERY compatible otherwise. I guess I was just dissappointed because I was looking foward to spending a romantic evening alone with him esp since he works so much. | |
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| Should I Give him a Second Chance?
Posted: 8/3/2009 9:59:11 AM | Two cancellations in one week? Not much to go on, is there? I'd point this out to him--if you decide it's worth one more shot. He either wants to see you or he doesn't--and two cancellations in a row is a red-flag. Doesn't really matter WHY he cancelled--well, if he's lying, that matters, but for purposes of making your decision, the real issue is, whether or not he's worth it (assuming he's honest). If you find out he's been lying, well, then it's all moot because you won't waste another moment on him.
Just be clear for yourself: why are you giving him another chance? Is he THAT terrific? Or are you just afraid there won't be anyone else? His signal is "clearly ambiguous" b/c you cannot tell if he's into you and just busy/honest, or not that into you. Make up your mind about how much of this you will accept, and move forward from there. Good luck! | |
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| Should I Give him a Second Chance?
Posted: 8/3/2009 10:07:33 AM | | Two times in one week? I guess i am different than most posts on here. I say he is not worth it at all. Obviously to me, he isnt reliable. If he really really liked you he would be super excited to get to see you again that he would do all he could to be there with you. I would go find a guy who wants you to be his world and you want him to be yours. Good Luck | |
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| Should I Give him a Second Chance?
Posted: 8/3/2009 10:11:09 AM | | I think you acted just fine about all this... I would have felt disappointed too ... firstly because he had made the plans knowing he had a wedding to attend the day before and secondly he obviously put that on the back burner in favour of his overload of alcohol. If he had really had you in mind he might very well have taken you along to the wedding too.. which leads me to further suspect that he saw the wedding as a good binge out. I too don't drink and in my opinion it is all about control and self discipline which he obviously has neither.... bin him or accept his failings and always be leaving yourself wide open to disappointment. | |
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| Should I Give him a Second Chance?
Posted: 8/3/2009 10:19:05 AM | He sounds like he could be a slobbering drunk. I would move on and spare yourself the disappointment of multiple planned evenings falling through.
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| Should I Give him a Second Chance?
Posted: 8/3/2009 10:30:31 AM | I think the first cancelation was legit. I have to agree with you on the second, He chose to get drunk to the point of it making him ill. No one twisted his arm, so therefore if you hadn't made the ground rules very clear this is the time to make them for BOTH of you on what you will accept and what you won't accept.
I guess it really comes down to do you like him enough to try it again with as I said ground rules in place. If so then go for it if not then cut line and rebait.
Good luck | |
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| Should I Give him a Second Chance?
Posted: 8/3/2009 1:22:12 PM |
If you feel he's giving you the blow off vibe, then stay away or wait 'til he contacts you. Don't initiate all of the contact, this is a two way street.
Bingo. You know the feeling when things aren't kosher ... we all know the feeling. We all know the difference between we're being blown-off and when things are legit. Trust your instincts, but you may want to cut this fella a little slack if he's still trying to keep things going. Being disappointed is one thing, but being b!tchy and accusatory is another. | |
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