| i'm not sure what to do with this
Posted: 8/6/2009 11:55:49 AM | i also posted this in broken hearts but i thought maybe this would be a good place to get answers as well!
so my ex who broke my heart wants to see me, and i really want to see him but i'm hesitant cuz i'm scared of him hurting me again. he contacts me a lot saying he misses me, but he can only be my friend as he's not ready for an actual relationship. but now he wants to see me. i don't know what this means, or what to expect from this. i have one friend telling me i should see him but have no real expectations so i don't get hurt if nothing happens, and another says i shouldn't even bother cuz he's probably just looking for sex and will keep on dragging me along. i really want to do it, cuz i don't see why i can't use this as a trial thing since we haven't seen each other in a while. couldn't i just play hard to get and look super hot while i'm at it? hahaha
i don't know, what do you all think? | |
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| i'm not sure what to do with this
Posted: 8/6/2009 12:02:27 PM | | He is saying he wants to "see" you and "only be [your] friend" and you are seeing this as a trial run. Connect these things, and, if you are strong enough, do it, otherwise continue to heal, because you have not done that yet. | |
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| i'm not sure what to do with this
Posted: 8/6/2009 12:06:03 PM | Ohhh...look at the pretty fire..it's so colourful and warm...must touch the pretty fire...OUCH! FIRE BURNS!!
time passes.....
Ohhh...look at the pretty fire...it's so colourful and warm...must touch the pretty fire....OUCH! FIRE BURNS!
and so on and so on and so on until one day.....
Nice fire. Throw me a beer. | |
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| i'm not sure what to do with this
Posted: 8/6/2009 12:06:13 PM | This is a tough one because all situations are so different, babygirl.
First off, why do you want to see him? Do you want him back like before, or are you thinking of "just friends?" I can see, if you were together a really long time and have a history together, that there might be a desire to be friends, or even more.
But, he told you he's not ready for an actual relationship, but he wants to see you. My guess is that (sorry to break this to you) that he's only looking for sex. Not saying he won't respect you, but he misses your body and wants that part back without having to attend Sunday brunch with your folks or whatever.
So, depending on what you want out of this (besides a "trial"), you could do one of three things...
If you want him back, just show up as you normally are (come as you are!) with an open mind, low expectations, and just ask him what's up.
If you don't want him back, dress up all hotty style and make him drool over you.
If you just want to be friends, state that before you even see each other so there are no expectations for hanky panky or otherwise :)
Good luck, broken hearts suck ass! | |
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| i'm not sure what to do with this
Posted: 8/6/2009 12:08:39 PM | You'll only open yourself up to being hurt again, since he has already stated he's "not ready", which translates to "I'm going to keep looking for something better, but you happen to be here and available" in this case. He'll get what he wants from you and break your heart once more; your second friend is right.
If you want to play games with him, by all means, play your games, have your revenge, etc, but your mindset is already setting you up to lose.
I'd say blow him off and move on. | |
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| i'm not sure what to do with this
Posted: 8/6/2009 12:08:55 PM | OP - I think you're not listening...
He's trying to stay in contact with you, and telling you from the start that there is no chance of a relationship from this - but you're already thinking of how you can turn this into a trial...
My advice, if you can, in all honesty, see this simply as salvaging a friendship from the ashes of something else, then go for it. If you see it as anything else, then perhaps it would be better for you not to see him.
Sorry to hear of the situation you're in though - it can't be easy.
Martin. | |
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| i'm not sure what to do with this
Posted: 8/6/2009 12:11:19 PM |
my ex who broke my heart wants to see me
"see" in what sense of the word - meet for a coffee or start a full-on relationship?
he's not ready for an actual relationship.
...so I'm guessing its the former :)
i really want to do it...
Sounds like you already made up your mind.
i don't see why i can't use this as a trial thing
Ask yourself what your thinking of this as a "trial thing" *for*...are you expecting this to lead to a relationship? If thats the case and judging from what you've written I'd rethink things - if its just a trial to see how you get along outside of a relationship then that seems sensible.
...couldn't i just play hard to get and look super hot while i'm at it?
Only if you want to make things more complicated than they are already :) | |
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| i'm not sure what to do with this
Posted: 8/6/2009 12:18:40 PM | Of course he's only looking for sex. Don't be naive. He doesn't miss you he just misses the sex.
Allow me to translate: He thought he could do better and upgrade but realized he over estimated himself and is now regretting his decision and trying to run damage control hoping he can maybe manipulate your broken heart and lingering feelings for him into a FWB type relationship.
Sure you could play hard to get looking super hot and tease him, but whats the point? How about instead of wasting both of your and his time and creating more completely unnecessary drama you just date someone else? | |
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| i'm not sure what to do with this
Posted: 8/6/2009 12:18:56 PM | Well, first of all, he's an EX for a reason I presume.
And secondly, there's a pretty good post in the Broken Hearts section that can help explain why this is a really bad idea.
You're never going to heal if you two continue to talk and be in each other's lives. If it's 'been a while' and you're still this excited, wanting to see him, and, as it sounds, be 'with' him, then you're obviously not over him.
My advice is that if he is telling you he doesn't want to, or can't be, in a relationship, then I would suggest ignoring him and work on healing. You're never going to get over him, or whatever happened, or even just your hurt feelings if he is in your life.
Even if you DO want another shot with him, you might still need to heal from what happened before. I think the general advice from everyone here, including me, is that this is just a bad idea. A bomb waiting to go off.
Also, it may just be the way you worded it, but I am pretty sure he's just looking for sex. Especially from someone who already knows how to please him. | |
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| i'm not sure what to do with this
Posted: 8/6/2009 12:23:48 PM | What are the words I could say that would help you to move on. About the only good thing about his request is that he is being honest and not leading you on about a relationship. He is not available. Because you hurt you are thinking, "maybe I can change him? Maybe if I dress hot or do something different he will come along? Maybe he will see the light? So why not do a trial run?
The answer is because (as others have said) you have not healed. You are in rebound mode which is very vulnerable. Say NO in the kindest way you can but say NO and move on. | |
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| i'm not sure what to do with this
Posted: 8/6/2009 1:03:03 PM | Pay Backs a B1tch make him suffer and string him along without giving him sex and see him beg, whine, shower you with gifts and take you out to dinner if he wants, but don't let up your resolve and be incharge of the relationship, if he just wants to be friends fine but dont let him manipulate you into another relationship without you as the master.
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| i'm not sure what to do with this
Posted: 8/6/2009 1:46:29 PM | Hey girl, I had the same thing happen to me when I was your age and I got hurt more than 3 x but I was lusting over him not really in love so everytime he called I would go, boy was I stupid. He played me a fool that's for sure. He always kept telling me how he missed me so much even when we both were married. He also wanted to see me and cheat on his wife, well we did once and again my stupidity because I was always thinking that he would leave her and just be with me well not true. So personally I would tell him that your too busy to see him and see what happens from there. I hope I was able to help you somewhat. Take care and Good Luck!  | |
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| i'm not sure what to do with this
Posted: 8/6/2009 3:21:28 PM | It sounds to me like you would like us to help talk you into something that you know is a really dumb idea.
Sweetie, there is a reason he is your ex. If he broke your heart once, what do you think he is going to do when you give him another chance to do it again? Really. You know better.
If you want to heal, ignore him. Move on. It's the only way. | |
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| i'm not sure what to do with this
Posted: 8/6/2009 3:55:30 PM |
Pay Backs a B1tch make him suffer and string him along without giving him sex and see him beg, whine, shower you with gifts and take you out to dinner if he wants, but don't let up your resolve and be incharge of the relationship, if he just wants to be friends fine but dont let him manipulate you into another relationship without you as the master.
the OP has said that he broke her heart, and is confused to see him again...and yet you want her to play games with him?....are you serious?
I understand what your saying about pay back being a bi=tch...but what do you think this going to solve?... | |
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| i'm not sure what to do with this
Posted: 8/6/2009 4:17:01 PM | Absolutionly Nothing but revenge, stisfation of having the last laugh, closer, maybe making him a better guy from it to work on redeming himself and the benifits that come from receiving free dates and test him to see if he deserves a second chance perhaps. Whos to say the next guy she dates will not hurt her too?
As long as she remains in control of the interactions and doesn't let him in again she will be in control of the relationship as just friends. | |
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| i'm not sure what to do with this
Posted: 8/6/2009 4:26:17 PM | He needs to sort his s**t out. You shouldn't allow him just to keep you around until he decides whether he wants to get back or not.. Seems like he doesn't want to get back with you but he doesn't want to see you moving on with someone else....I tell you this because my best friend just went through that. After 6 years, they broke up..he claims he misses her so much, thinks about her every day, loves her, can't live without her bla bla bla yet he can't get back together...anyhow...he shows up three weeks later with a girlfriend...yep, how do you like them apples....
I would say go with the flow...date if you can, enjoy your life., work on improving yourself for you and so on...only good things can come out of doing this ;)
Good luck! | |
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| i'm not sure what to do with this
Posted: 8/6/2009 5:21:39 PM | | It's obvious you are still not over him, therfore you're feelings are still there whether he hurt you or not, so you are still going to be curious. If you want to see him, do so at you're own risk. Listent to youself only, because no matter what anyone will tell you, YOU will still do what you want to do. It's that simple really. Sure you can ask for advice and so forth, but deep down you have to listen to youself and make your own decisions..Wow, I should listen to myself more often... | |
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| i'm not sure what to do with this
Posted: 8/6/2009 5:44:05 PM | Ignore him (no phone calls, emails, texes, NOTHING) for 2 months, that would be about October 7th.
If he misses and feels the same way then I would start out slowly like emails and developing a friendship that way.
People have been friends like pen-pals for decades, you don't have to physically see him to be his friend !
But lonely nights and alcohol, play tricks on the mind that very few can tame.
This will ALSO give you time to heal from your pain, and develope your world as an individual.
Trust me, if it's meant to be then it will be, no matter what, right?
He's probably already seen you naked, and knows how hot you are. It's not necessary to act that way, is it?
Rise above all this pettiness, you'll be twice as strong a woman in know time at all. | |
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