| With people's profiles, should I . . .?
Posted: 8/6/2009 5:57:09 PM | Take what they say as the gospel about themselves? Or should I draw my own opinions about someone I have never met (does that sound judgemental? ;) ). I wonder to what kind of level the embellishment is on profiles?
What say you? | |
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| With people's profiles, should I . . .?
Posted: 8/6/2009 6:31:10 PM | If you truly breakdown what a gospel is then I say no you should not take a profile as a piece of work constructed from someone elses point of view. Isn't that what a gospel is? I embellish nothing on my profile what you read is pretty much what you get. Now just because I am the way I am does not mean everyone is the way that I am. It is always about judgements and personal opinions, how else could we make a decision? | |
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| With people's profiles, should I . . .?
Posted: 8/6/2009 7:10:55 PM | Well................if you read mine - it's all true - but that's because of the type of person I am - people know what type of person I am and know where they stand with me.
BUT..............should you believe everything said in a profile before meeting them.....nah - but that's because a dating profile is supposed to be a selling 'tool.' Trying to 'sell' yourself, your personality, your likes and dislikes so it appeals to someone else so you can make a friend, a date, a lifetime.
The best way to know someone or if their profile actually matches them is to meet them in person, talk on the phone, get to know them.
I agree with the CEO - it's your judgment and personal opinion that should make the decision of whether or not you believe their profile. Just use your best judgment.
Good luck  | |
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| With people's profiles, should I . . .?
Posted: 8/6/2009 7:46:41 PM | I have found that it is not unusual for a profile to read one way only to discover the reality is very different. I have encountered profiles that list numerous hobbies and interests only to discover the person either knows very little about their favorite hobby or the last time the person engaged in the hobby Bill Clinton was in the White House. Interesting! | |
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| With people's profiles, should I . . .?
Posted: 8/7/2009 12:02:38 AM | | Should it really matter how long it has been since a person took part in their favorite hobby? One of mine happens to be bowling which my knees currently will not allow me to participate in. It doesn't stop me from listing it as a hobby or favorite sport. Even with bad knees if I took enough pharmacueticals I could still kick the sh!t out of the ordinary passive hobbyist. | |
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| With people's profiles, should I . . .?
Posted: 8/7/2009 2:59:53 AM | if you read mine - it's all true - but that's because of the type of person I am
I agree that we may feel our profile matches who we are as a person most times. Experience has taught me that some of the best profiles have been the worse meetings and vice versa. E-mails only teach you so much about people because you put your desires of how something reads out versus how the person speaks and phrases in real life. And yes how people speak as far as phrasing and amount of sarcasm can color(influence) your perception of them. You can take the same paragraph and have three differnt people read it and it will have three differnt meanings.
It comes down to you still have to give people the chance to be themselves and learn from them versus reading their profile with your personal slant to it. | |
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| With people's profiles, should I . . .?
Posted: 8/7/2009 3:46:06 AM | I think that profiles for the most part are the truth the way the writer sees it, that doesm't mean that that is the way one would be described by everyone else. Our profiles are how we see ourselves not how others see us.
Getting back to the original post, is it being judgemental to pass by someone because of a lousy profile? No more judgemental than passing that person by because of age, weight, lack of or too much hair or any of the other hundreds of things that make us feel attracted to or not attracted to a persons picture. We have our preferences and what we see and what we read is what makes us click off one person and move on to the next without even saying Hi! | |
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| With people's profiles, should I . . .?
Posted: 8/7/2009 4:49:22 PM | | Not mine , I lie like a big rug so I can land the hot chicks! I am nothing like my profile but who is to know? I figure I'll fool everyone! O.k so it's not true, I try to be as honest and open about myself on here as one can be, don't know why you would not? I mean if you meet someone they are going to figure it out so why lie? | |
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| With people's profiles, should I . . .?
Posted: 8/7/2009 8:34:28 PM | | i think the way we see ourselves isn't the same as how others see us. when we write a profile we share the things that we view as positive things about ourselves for the most part. other people may see things in us that are wonderful traits we may never recognize looking out from the inside. wouldn't it be interesting if our friends wrote our profiles for us? when i was in the process of having my homestudy completed to adopt my kids, i was very surprised to hear how my friends and family described me. this whole online world can be clouded and we have a responsibility to filter out the fabrications ourselves. | |
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| With people's profiles, should I . . .?
Posted: 8/8/2009 6:14:49 PM | No Fut...............actually if you read mine - it is the truth.
Now that doesn't mean that everyone who reads my profile and likes it will actually "click" with me once meeting me or I with him. That's just life.
So the first thing to do when reading a profile and then wanting to meet that person is to keep an open mind that each person is different, acts differently and writes differently - especially upon the first initial meeting. Unless someone is very egotistical, most people have a difficult time writing about/describing themselves in a light from someone else's perspective. | |
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| With people's profiles, should I . . .?
Posted: 8/8/2009 9:29:17 PM | | Every "truth" has three elements...the contribution of the person its regarding, the contribution of the person recieving it and the area that these two contributions overlap....after that individuality kicks in and preferences surface..... | |
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| With people's profiles, should I . . .?
Posted: 8/11/2009 3:08:54 PM | You never know what a profile means until you begin getting to know the person. True is a mystery to some and never found by others. Buyer beware..this is the POF dating game! No money back clauses here on POF! | |
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| With people's profiles, should I . . .?
Posted: 8/16/2009 12:32:58 PM |  That's true I don't know of any legitimate dating sight or personal one that has a "money back clause." Climbsagain that is just to funny. | |
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| With people's profiles, should I . . .?
Posted: 11/7/2009 2:04:41 PM | "this whole online world can be clouded and we have a responsibility to filter out the fabrications ourselves."
To thine own self be true...therein lies the problem. There are far too many blatant lies in profiles where people create their own reality. Take for instance...who really knows if you indeed have an "associates degree"? Eventually whomever you meet, will know the truth anyway and whomever lies will look like a fool. What responsiblity do we have to others if we know that someone's profile is just nonsense? Sometimes those "Rose Colored Glasses" are meant to prevent people that wear them from seeing themselves...so they make up a persona they think will make them popular or acceptable. So..when we "filter out the fabrications"...does that mean we have an ogligation to the innocent people to call a loonie a loonie..to call a liar a liar. | |
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| With people's profiles, should I . . .?
Posted: 11/7/2009 2:55:38 PM |
does that mean we have an ogligation to the innocent people to call a loonie a loonie..to call a liar a liar.
Yes, I believe we do have an obligation to the innocent people. This is the beauty of making friends on this site. You need friends who will let you know who are the players and the cheaters as well as who are good people to be with.
And it's not only profiles that can be faked. When you see a picture that looks like someone who could grace the cover of a magazine, beware. Maybe that is true, and maybe they have "borrowed" the picture.
There is also a degree to the sin of this fabrication. Somebody can be a good person and yet slant their profile in such a way to sell themselves. On the other hand, there are those who have sinister motivations to gain sex, money and goods. Or are even sexual predators looking for their next victim. These are the ones who are scary.
Check everyone out! Ask people if they know this person. A good place to start online is pipl dot com. Put the name in there and the city and state and see what comes up. This is a free site. You may even have to pay a little bit to check even further. Above all, rely on your gut feeling. If it doesn't feel right, there IS something wrong. Never, never ignore what other people are saying either.
That "in love" feeling initially in a relationship can make you blind and deaf. | |
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| With people's profiles, should I . . .?
Posted: 11/7/2009 8:34:43 PM |
Take what they say as the gospel about themselves? Or should I draw my own opinions about someone I have never met (does that sound judgemental? ;) ). I wonder to what kind of level the embellishment is on profiles?
What say you?
I'd say "If that question is asked in complete sincerity, you have a long, long way to go on this journey. If it's asked in complete sarcasm, then you're 51% of the way there."
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| With people's profiles, should I . . .?
Posted: 11/7/2009 8:45:11 PM | Ank CK~...stop scaring the poor little newbies with things like
Check everyone out! Ask people if they know this person. A good place to start online is pipl dot com. Put the name in there and the city and state and see what comes up. This is a free site. You may even have to pay a little bit to check even further. Above all, rely on your gut feeling. If it doesn't feel right, there IS something wrong. Never, never ignore what other people are saying either.
Absolute balderdash!!!
The FREAKIN PROBLEM is that people make emotional commitments based on their hope of what the future will bring...oftentimes before even meeting. For each and every one of us, we are imbued with 7 seven senses. We simply need to be accountable to our own Sense of Perception. And using multiple remote resources to find reasons why you shouldn't date someone...sheeeezzzeeee, how stupid. If you feel you need to check 'em out, you're done anyway. Be an adult, be honest, recognize and enjoy the feeling of attention, the infatuation, relax and enjoy the opportunity for intimacy, realize it will take 6 weeks to 6 months for the party manners to go away and normal life to start to take effect.
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| With people's profiles, should I . . .?
Posted: 11/7/2009 9:59:57 PM |
And using multiple remote resources to find reasons why you shouldn't date someone...sheeeezzzeeee, how stupid. If you feel you need to check 'em out, you're done anyway
Mr. Dub, I see where you are coming from on this, but you're a guy. There's relatively more safety in that fact than a woman has. Not unless you happen to date someone like Lucy Lu and she Kung Fu's you in the head.
Women are just not going to enjoy the feeling of attention, the infatuation, and the opportunity for intimacy unless she feels safe and secure. At least not most women. And if you do enjoy all of those things and then later find out something you didn't know, it just feels horrible. Like you've been tricked into making decisions that you would not have made if you had known everything.
I'm not trying to scare the newbies, only just reminding them of the possibilities. If you have information, there is no need to be scared. | |
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| With people's profiles, should I . . .?
Posted: 11/8/2009 6:38:40 AM | | Hey Dub....... not everyone uses the senses you write about. In fact in matters of the heart for some common sense is the last thought. There is no hatrm in reminding folks to be safe first. Too many smooth talking men out there that have designs on one thing only! | |
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| With people's profiles, should I . . .?
Posted: 11/8/2009 7:20:14 AM | People are tricked because they allow it to happen. And someone doesn't have to be "smooth talking" to have it happen...I've seen it happen with social clods. Most women are too damn scared and desperate so they accept bad behavior, inconsistency and lack of sensing the right things because it's more important to them to have someone around.
Get over it. When you stop making people accountable for their own behaviors by having then run this false gauntlet of checking people out, you end up doing a dis-service to both...but especially the person who "trusted everyone else".
We've become a society of referential approval. It used to be we actually gleaned information and made our own decisions. Now, people consult Wiki, get buy-in from friends, go to non-authoritative sources...you name it. What ever happened to going with your gut?
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| With people's profiles, should I . . .?
Posted: 11/8/2009 7:46:37 AM | | People are going with their gut. It seems more than ever honesty is a thing of the past. People lie with no problem as they do not think of a lie as a lie. The bottom line is why would anyone trust another person when your safety is at stake. You can spin it it anyway you want, this is about individuals deciding they feel best with background checking and asking for information. Seems one aspect of this forum is the sharing of information. | |
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| With people's profiles, should I . . .?
Posted: 11/8/2009 10:18:48 AM | And it seems a bigger aspect is spreading fear. How does one know anything about the circumstances about which someone else chooses to whine and complain about? Why is it that just because "She said he's a player" that no one stops to think "Or possibly she was a liar."
IMHO, there is a lot more emotional entrapment by women ("Ohhh, you slept with me...that means we're forever, right?!") than I would have ever thought when I first started dating.
Let's not excuse doing our own homework...being grownups.
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| With people's profiles, should I . . .?
Posted: 11/8/2009 10:51:04 AM | | The profile............for it is worth..is worth very little. The real value comes in meeting people face to face. However safety is first. Making good choices based on what you see and in some cases what you learn about the person through other sources. Discovering background information is part of doing your homework. | |
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| With people's profiles, should I . . .?
Posted: 11/9/2009 3:48:39 PM |
Discovering background information is part of doing your homework. Conceptually I don't disagree. Mechanically I think you're full of wariness as opposed to optimism.
To me, the genesis of that discovery is how how much of their life they expose to you. We live in a 24x7 (potentially) connected society. When somebody is truly interested in you, they make a reason to expose their life to you. They enjoy filling in the gaps in time with you. They share things...if they're in love, they share the best of themselves, including family, friends, victories and failures. And while I understand some jobs do prevent people from communicating for periods of time, those jobs are generally pretty structured and "available time" is known.
The problem with unsubstantiated word-of-mouth...whether it be the local POF "pig" roast or a web-site...is that since most relationships don't make it...and since most that are still here are still looking, there's a darn good chance it didn't work out with someone else. Wanna guess which tongues waggle the hardest or which poster on checkhimout-dot-com posts the sharpest barbs...perhaps the needy/clingy fruitcake who rearranged your pantry.
I've had 6 LTRs...a couple of 2-3 week Tweeners...and a few ONS's. Let's just say I've got experience in relationships not going forward in the way we both hoped they would. I've received some incredible hate mail from time to time...but if you've been honest and have been up-front and allowed her to express herself in the relationship...to let her be who she wants to be, then things will calm down after a few weeks...and you both know you tried, you just weren't a couple. But for a period of time after the breakup, people will do stupid things...and I've seen (AS HAVE MANY OF THE LURKERS OF THESE FORA) the whole...Jr. High-ish cliques of who-can-date-who...and be allowed to be happy without being around the group anymore.
If you can approach every intro and dating opportunity with an optimistic and open heart...you're probably somebody worth getting to know. If not...ehhhhh, not so much. So if somebody's not sharing theirs in a way that makes sense to you, then you get to question whether your perception is off...or is it their behavior...take your clues from what really happens, not what others tell you.
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| With people's profiles, should I . . .?
Posted: 11/10/2009 5:36:26 AM | ^^^Mr. Dub, I do like this:
If you can approach every intro and dating opportunity with an optimistic and open heart...you're probably somebody worth getting to know. If not...ehhhhh, not so much. So if somebody's not sharing theirs in a way that makes sense to you, then you get to question whether your perception is off...or is it their behavior...take your clues from what really happens, not what others tell you.
For sure, you cannot always always take to heart what others tell you. However, (and you knew a "however' was coming from me) there are exceptions to this. First off, you must listen to those who have your best interests at heart. Now, if someone is jealous or a busy-body, of course, you should not take what they say. But you can't apply a blanket rule that you should not go by what others tell you.
The initial in-love experience causes a lot of people to be blind and deaf, so unless one can keep his or her wits about them, their own perceptions ARE going to be suspect and somewhat unreliable once you get to that point. I suspect, though, that you are someone who has their emotions pretty much under control and before expending any of those emotions, can logically and systematically pick through those melons and know within a squeeze or two which one you want to invest any efforts upon. You fish via the active "cast, keep or release" method. Others are not so confident and fish via the passive "bait dangling for whatever you can catch" method which is much more prone to being troublesome and need more outside assistance.
Here is the ideal situation:
To me, the genesis of that discovery is how how much of their life they expose to you. We live in a 24x7 (potentially) connected society. When somebody is truly interested in you, they make a reason to expose their life to you. They enjoy filling in the gaps in time with you. They share things...if they're in love, they share the best of themselves, including family, friends, victories and failures. And while I understand some jobs do prevent people from communicating for periods of time, those jobs are generally pretty structured and "available time" is known.
I do envy those who can attain to it. | |
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