| Cheating with an ex
Posted: 8/6/2009 7:32:00 PM | So I'm just wondering if any one could give me any advice or information on what would drive a guy to cheat on his current girlfriend with his ex?
Does the ex trying to pursue him make a huge factor in him cheating on his current gf with her? Or if at all?
Does he just miss a time of familiarity and that's what drives them back to their exes?
Or is it ultimately cause something is missing in his current relationship that drives him to do that and the ex trying to pursue him has no affect whatsoever? | |
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| Cheating with an ex
Posted: 8/6/2009 7:42:54 PM | 1. yes/no - He isn't over her and has "hope" that it can work. Recommendation - dump him
2. Sometimes. If he is as young as you, he's having his cake and eating it too. Recommendation - dump him
3. Might be something missing. Could be just playing the field. Recommendation - dump him.
You get the jist. That's all I could come up with since you gave limited data points. | |
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| Cheating with an ex
Posted: 8/6/2009 7:46:34 PM | | It may be a little of A, B and C but mostly C. Regardless of whichever one it is, what should be simply understood is that the bf has absolutely no commitment for his gf. Understanding this puts all the plausible reasons “why he would do such a thing” into perspective. | |
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| Cheating with an ex
Posted: 8/6/2009 7:49:56 PM |
So I'm just wondering if any one could give me any advice or information on what would drive a guy to cheat on his current girlfriend with his ex?
Hmmm...let's see.
There's he wants to sabotage the current relationship because the current doesn't listen so he has to do something extreme to get her to pay attention to him.
There's he still has "feelings" for the ex and has taken all his stress from his current and uses the ex to escape from the stress.
There's he likes sex, his ex just happened to be the most convenient.
There's his ex and his current fulfill him in different ways so he's trying to have two relationships.
There's many other ways too.
Does the ex trying to pursue him make a huge factor in him cheating on his current gf with her? Or if at all?
No. But I am sure some will try and scapegoat the/their ex. The guy is still responsible for putting his own penis into things. Or not stopping his penis from going into things. The ex (unless she used drugs, perceived to be viable threats, force, or violence) can't force his penis to go into her. Unless she's a Jedi. There is that mind trick.
Does he just miss a time of familiarity and that's what drives them back to their exes?
Could be. Could be Rohypnol.
Or is it ultimately cause something is missing in his current relationship that drives him to do that and the ex trying to pursue him has no affect whatsoever?
Could be. Could be that nothing is missing in his current relationship and it's absolutely what he dreamed it could be. But he's insecure and has to sabotage it because he doesn't think he deserves it, or that he isn't worth the dream. So cheating drives the other person away, he loses the "dream," and ultimately gets proved right. That he didn't deserve it. Otherwise she would have stuck around. So he maintains consistency with his own self image, but messes with his self interest desire.
Tons and tons of reasons. Oh what a tangled web we weave in our own heads. | |
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| Cheating with an ex
Posted: 8/6/2009 7:50:19 PM | Something's missing in the current relationship.
The ex may be offering emotional attention, specific sexual acts (physical attention), or the time he sees her could be more convenient. (If you work days and he works nights, for example.)
If you're committed to each other, then his seeing the ex would be a clear violation and grounds to end the relationship. But if you're just casual, no commitments, then he's free to do as he pleases... and so are you. | |
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| Cheating with an ex
Posted: 8/6/2009 7:57:27 PM | When you date someone, make it your business to find out if there is DISTANCE between you and the last relationship that your possible new SO had. Also make it your business to find that out plus if they remained such good friends.
Somehow I can't see an ex being such good friends with someone they once had a relationship with. What was the point of breaking up with them in the first place? Different thing when they share children and are divorced. Then you could say that they get along for the sake of the children. But bf/gf? | |
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| Cheating with an ex
Posted: 8/6/2009 8:15:11 PM | You seem to be asking questions all around, but not exactly on, what you are trying to decide. What I glean from all the questions taken together, is that you want to assign blame/responsibility for the cheating, and you wonder if you can or should let the guy somehow get away with it or be forgiven for it.
If that's what this is about, then no question, he's GUILTY. Male or female, stranger or ex, if your partner has sex with someone outside of your established one on one relationship, THE ONE WHO HAS SEX is the one responsible (assuming it isn't rape, of course).
Greedy people love any excuse they can think of to grab what they want, while pretending they were innocent bystanders. If someone 'cheats,' they are simply greedy people who want to have it both ways. Obviously, this guy wants to sleep around. You want to stay with him? Fine, accept that he's going to sleep around, PLEASE make him wear condoms, at least with you, and accept that your status in his life is "Alternate F**k Number X." | |
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| Cheating with an ex
Posted: 8/6/2009 8:19:43 PM | OP don't listen "SassyBoricua69" ...there are good reasons to still be friends with an Ex...you may not have found love with the person, but if they're an amazing person, and you've split on good terms...really you'd want nothing but the best for the person you at one time loved...to just be cast off as some leper because it's what my new girl thinks is "right"...she'd need to check her ego at the door.
In your case...this guy cheated...doesn’t' matter with whom, he cheated; treat him like you'd treat any other guy who cheated on you.
Truthy...ego has no place in rational thought | |
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| Cheating with an ex
Posted: 8/6/2009 9:05:46 PM | you cheat with an ex because you still want them in some way and haven't let go. all the bajillion other reasons you see are just covering up this one thing.
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| Cheating with an ex
Posted: 8/6/2009 9:22:22 PM | | He's a sh|tty guy. Nothing more, nothing less. And his current girlfriend is an idiot for falling for him. She just needs to move on and forget about him. | |
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| Cheating with an ex
Posted: 8/6/2009 9:41:56 PM | @truth1ness:
I guess you took offense because people like you like to keep ex-girlfriends around for a reason. What I said has nothing to do with 'ego'. Unless it was yours that was bruised.
People break up for a reason and if they can remain "friends" then they can stay together as bf/gf. These forums are peppered with stories about people messing around with the ex while with someone new.
Pay close attention to what the OP posted and try not to let YOUR ego get in the way!
You should try taking your own advice-----ego has no place in rational thought. | |
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| Cheating with an ex
Posted: 8/6/2009 10:21:10 PM | | Men do this for the same reason as women. The guy you are talking about may be feeling that your relationship is not going to work out. Or you may be neglecting him in some way such as emotional, or physical. Either way..a man wont do this, no matter how bad off he is, or how much neglect. A real man will end the relationship before doing this. If the guy you are with slipped...and basically knows he really messed up, then that's for you to decide if you can trust him again. Or give him a chance to become a man. Otherwise, I would kick him to the curb... | |
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SJS37
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Joined: 7/21/2009
Msg: 15 | |
| Cheating with an ex
Posted: 8/6/2009 10:35:29 PM | | Because his current g/f is only a stand in for when he can't have his ex. | |
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| Cheating with an ex
Posted: 8/6/2009 11:07:45 PM | | Depends on the guy. In my case the ex persuing would make no difference at all. I believe in properly ending something before starting something new. | |
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| Cheating with an ex
Posted: 8/6/2009 11:10:21 PM | | there's many different types of people and reasons they'd selfishly do something like this to someone close. missing their ex or something that they had together, the ex pursuing them might turn them on, something missing in the current relationship, just plain being a worthless slut, or serious personal problems. really all kinds of reasons but none of them make it ok. people should always shoot straight with eachother and it is very sad how many do not | |
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| Cheating with an ex
Posted: 8/6/2009 11:28:15 PM |
A man won't do what he doesn't want to do.
Truer words have never been spoken. How weird is it that it's like, almost the complete opposite for a woman? haha :P | |
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| Cheating
Posted: 8/6/2009 11:34:39 PM |
I'm just wondering if any one could give me any advice or information on what would drive a guy to cheat on his current girlfriend with his ex? You want your ex to cheat on his new girlfriend with you? That's just mean.
A man won't do what he doesn't want to do. I'll think of you next time I'm at the doctor's office having my prostate checked. | |
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| Cheating
Posted: 8/6/2009 11:40:22 PM | Basically, Guy cheats on girl, Dump his ass.
Girl cheats on guy
Dump her ass.
Doesn't matter with whom they cheat. | |
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| Cheating with an ex
Posted: 8/6/2009 11:44:38 PM | SassyBoricua69 not all breakups are huge drama filled things even if you are just bf/gf. Sometimes two people who have a friendship just realize things are not going to work out romantically for them. Maybe they're not on the same page as far as children, religion, location, who knows? You're right, in many cases exes who remain friends end up doing things friends don't do. But in many cases they remain just friends. It does happen. And I'm not sure why you think you "offended" the previous poster who commented on your post and, quite frankly, bashed him for the rest of your post. All he said was not to listen and then states his opinion.
OP men and women cheat for the same reasons. However no one can say it's definitely because you're relationship is missing something or it's definitely because he still has feelings for his ex. It COULD be those things but every situation is different. Sometimes they're just immature and want instant gratification. But whatever the reason the fact remains that he has hugely disrespected his relationship with his current girlfriend. You have to decide if that's a dealbreaker for you. The reason, honestly, is not that important unless you decide you can get over this occurence. The reason only becomes important then to determine if he's likely to cheat again. If he is, hit the door. | |
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