| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/6/2009 8:32:17 PM | Ok...i know i know..men are frightened by chicks w/kiddos because of the obvious "im not ready to be a dad factor"..
But tell me what else there is..i mean is that it really?? And are most men really thinking they cant date a girl because they dont want to get close to the kid or whatever in the hell it is.
I dont know..after a 3rd guy im actually interested in up here plainly stating..ehrr i dont date chicks w/kids...im starting to get down...Its either they want to bang me or run from me and im getting down...ive tried single parents online and well nada yet..but i guess im just trying to get into a male's point of view on this..even tho i guess i fear im answering my question anyway. | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/6/2009 9:01:24 PM | Well from what Im reading in other topics.Alot of guys think single moms are easy or looking for a new daddy for them (Im sorry my kids have a dad and dont need an other one) and looking to dig in their wallets..Which is a joke..Im a single hard working mom. I take care of MY kids all by myself..If or when I date someone I tell them they are my kids and my kids only.Thats the way it is and always will be.They have no responsiblities for my kids. Their not there for my kids.. They are around for me. Some guys are willing to to take some arent..Thats if a guy is worth meeting my kids.Havent met one that is yet..It takes time to find a man
Plus single dads go through the same thing.I have guy friends that are single dads and same kinda problem | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/6/2009 9:01:31 PM | | I think for some guys it can be the instant family factor but it may have to do with time and availability as well. But it's better a guy be upfront about it rather than investing time into a relationship then getting blown off. | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/6/2009 9:08:34 PM | Just like the poster above said, some men don't want the instant family factor and are worried about your time and availability. I don't think it's about them thinking you want a daddy for your child(ren). Having children changes what you can do in the evenings and if/when you can go on a date. Having children often means you can't go out-of-town on weekends for a road trip or go on a nice vacation far away. It might mean you have to help with homework instead of go on a date. All this makes dating a single parent different than dating a single person.
Some men will want to date you; some will not. I learned this from years of being a single parent. I was turned down a lot because of it. While it was frustrating, I understand it. Your best bet is not to get upset over those who won't date you. | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/6/2009 9:12:09 PM |
Ok...i know i know..men are frightened by chicks w/kiddos because of the obvious "im not ready to be a dad factor"..
But tell me what else there is..i mean is that it really?? And are most men really thinking they cant date a girl because they dont want to get close to the kid or whatever in the hell it is.
I dont know..after a 3rd guy im actually interested in up here plainly stating..ehrr i dont date chicks w/kids...im starting to get down...Its either they want to bang me or run from me and im getting down...ive tried single parents online and well nada yet..but i guess im just trying to get into a male's point of view on this..even tho i guess i fear im answering my question anyway.
How many children do you have and what ages are they? Were you married when you had them? How involved is your ex with your children now? | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/6/2009 9:16:18 PM | | uh 1 girl and she's 7. I was married yes..for many years.. And my ex is pretty much nonexistent...an occasional weekend here and there..but overall nothing... | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/6/2009 10:11:51 PM | I posted the following in another thread on the same subject:
In Canada, and some other places, if you date a single woman with kids, you can often be held liable for child support for her kids if you split. All you have to be is a 'perceived father figure'. To be fair, most women will not nail you for this. However, if for some reason, she has to go on social assistance, the government can and WILL come after you for support for kids that are not your biological kids... On top of what they get the natural father to pay...
For a man, dating a woman with kids may mean:
1... No overnight stays...
2... Sudden cancellations to plans... I've been sitting down to a great dinner in a nice restaurant and we have to drop everything and leave for a kid emergency...
3... Kids may do whatever they can to ruin your relationship (See #2) Including accusations of just about anything.
4... You get to put up with all the flak the kids want to give you, but you are unable to have any say, discipline or argument on the matter... They can be little angels when mommy is watching and Satan incarnate when she's not there...
5... Anything you do costs more... Dinner in nice restaurants for 2 becomes dinner at McDonalds for 4... Hotels, don't ask... maybe need two rooms? or larger suite...?
6... You and your girlfriend are welcome at your friend's cottages... You and your girlfriend and her kids are NOT welcome at your friend's cottages...
7... Like walking around naked when it's just you and your G/F? Well, no more.... because it's never "just you and your G/F" anymore...
8... Depending on the age of the kids, and their bedtimes determines what you do even if it's only watching television.... Arguments over what to watch are more interesting when you get to choose between Sesame Street or the Game.... You cannot win no matter the outcome....
9... If the kids get sick, EVERYONE gets sick! And Kids do get sick a lot....
10. Nothing kills the mood like having the kids open the door without knocking.... or the threat of it happening...
11. Money is usually tighter... if not for you, for her...
12. Get used to meeting the kids father all the time if he's around... and oddly enough, he may not like you... If you're not big on meeting your G/F's ex lovers, this can be a strain...
13. Get used to hearing all about him... the kids love to tell you all the great things he does for them....
14. Get used to sometimes having to sit at home, while your G/F and her Ex go out together to do some kid related things....
15. Your evening with your G/F doesn't really start until after the kid's bedtimes... or an hour or two and or a few interruptions later....
16. Said evening means having the music or TV turned down low so as to not wake the little ones...
17. Sometimes you will have to meet the kids grandparents from the Father's side... Oddly, they won't like you either...
18. And consider this, if you do get involved long term with her and her kids... What happens to the kids if anything should happen to her...????
The plus side:
1... Kids can be trained to retrieve a beer...
2... Kids can be trained to do chores...
3... You can tell the kids stuff that you know will piss off her Ex when it gets back to him.
4... You can leave the door unlocked when having sex, so the kids inadvertantly walk in.... (see #3 immediately above)
5... That's it, there is no #5
Then, also, how will getting involved with her affect her kid(s)? Will they get emotionally involved with the guy and vice versa....?
There are just so many dynamics involved when dating a single mother.... it's a big decision and involves a lot more than taking a 'chance' on her.... it affects more than just the guy and the girl....it can and often does affect their futures even if they don't stay together...
.
You have to realise that if you already have kids, you are quite likely limiting the possibility of having kids with the new guy...
A lot of guys want their own kids too.... Is that so hard to understand....?
Guys actually might want to further their bloodline so to speak...
Supposing you already have 2 or 3 kids of your own.... Now, you want a relationship with a person who might want kids of his own... How many can you have with him? Hmm.... 1 kid? maybe...
How about 2 kids? Hmmm That's really pushing it economically... 3 kids is probably out of the question for most couples... remember that gives you a total of 5 or 6 kids between you....
So for a lot of couples, it ain't happening....
How about all you women who say you're DONE HAVING KIDS? Hmmm tough titty for the guy is that it?
And as for that "other guy"... Hmmm, Many women have no problem telling us about how the guy was a louse, a cheating **stard, a liar....an ass... a whatever... and THEN you want us to raise HIS kids with you....? Gee, thanks.... The last thing some of us want is a reminder of the guy that fcuked you (likely for years) before we came along.... got you pregnant....and then we get to pay for that reminder's upkeep and so forth... and then you don't want to have our kid(s).... Nice.... makes us feel so freaking special....
Even better, if he's still around, he comes over, shakes hands with us oh so very freaking nicely... and leaves us to raise his kids, and if we're really lucky, he might come by once a week to tell us how to do it....
And we're supposed to be nice and politically correct to this "guy" who did everything with you except raise the results of all that sperm he left in you.... He got you when you were young, and smooth skinned and innocent, and left you when you were older, jaded, with stretch marks and all the other little after effects of giving birth....
No wonder I saw a smirk on his face as he left.....
Thanks.... | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/6/2009 10:21:26 PM | | hey church and jacob..thanks so much for making me realize how great it is to be single...you guys are true douchebags..thanks for everything! | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/6/2009 10:25:34 PM |
Hey church and jacob..thanks so much for making me realize how great it is to be single...you guys are true douchebags..thanks for everything!
Hey, jenny cedes, thanks for insulting me because you don't like what I posted. Nice... shows class....
BTW, virtually everything in my post actually happened to me while dating single moms... the one or two other items happened to close friends....
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/6/2009 10:29:34 PM | Jenny, you are young. Be patient and someone will come along that don't mind kids.
Heck someone may come along that loves kids.
It is just a preference, some guys will date single moms and some wont.
I was dating a single mom when I was 18, But I had a big family and loved kids.
Someone not used to being around kids may not be as fast to start something with a single mom.
Just keep looking. | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/6/2009 10:38:20 PM | jenny i'm a single mom too and you can't be mad at church and jacob's honesty. Let's be honest here, there are a great number of men AND women that want to be number one in their SO's eyes and don't want any competition. And there are a number of men that view single mom's as 'easy' to bed thinking we are all so desperate for a man that we will do anything to get one.
it's the dating game, some guys are great and others...not so much. But keep what they said in the back of your mind...trust me. | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/6/2009 10:45:27 PM | i will vick thanks...
I was more insulted by jacobs bullshit "but i'll settle for a one night stand" Douche comment and church's bullshit book he wrote more than anything..
and maybe i came across as whiney from the getgo about this topic, but it was more of a prelude to a man's mind on the subject..but i havent found one except for a couple up here that i would take their opinion for real.
thanks though..youre very sweet and a true lady. | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/6/2009 10:51:17 PM |
and church's bullshit book he wrote more than anything
Ok... so why were you upset with it...?
Tell me why you were upset...? Those things and more besides have actually happened.... And why call it bullshit...? Please, show a little respect... what you see as BS is unfortunately reality for some people... it was for me...
So now, I throw it back at you... why did you get upset with my posting... and please, don't offer a generalised comment, I'd be interested in hearing specifics.... | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/6/2009 10:52:54 PM | | Well Jenny with Jacobs comments just ignore him..I have pitty for people that are like him.Some people like liven in a dark hole and want to bring up down.. WHEN PEOPLE JUDGE THEY DONT DEFINE YOU THEY DEFINE THEMSELVES.. There are men out there that are willing to date and be in a relationship with single moms..I'm a single mom too...Forget the ones who dont want to..Move on and find the man that will. | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/6/2009 11:08:33 PM |
uh 1 girl and she's 7. I was married yes..for many years.. And my ex is pretty much nonexistent...an occasional weekend here and there..but overall nothing...
The silver lining in the ex not being involved means that a new man in your life won't have to contend with and run in to you ex all of the time. | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/6/2009 11:13:00 PM | | Well you judgeing all single moms to be like this?? Single dads go through the same thing too with women and the women that date them..It isnt fair to categorize all single parents into this..Im a single mom from Canada.I wouldnt and dont need anything from a man. Especial for my kids..They are mine and mine only..I raised my kids to respected everyone.They dont act any differently if Im not around..To do things there are babysitters and family that can take the kids to do weekend getaways..I just want a man not someone to take care of me and my kids.. | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/6/2009 11:23:26 PM | Nothing wrong with being a single parent woman/man/person....until you start asking this question out loud and in a forum that welcomes and instigates judgemental views...suggests insecurity on your part...which you have no business being when it comes to your children...not to mention you...
....take charge of your family and f*k the rest of the world... | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/6/2009 11:34:22 PM | OP, while you may not necesarrily agree with what church wrote, I implore you to read it again and think about it honestly. If you want the honest opinion, what he wrote is GENERALLY true. Specifically to you, maybe not but generally most of my friends and I have been in situations that he described, that is in his first 18 points. The rest of it........ | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/6/2009 11:44:40 PM |
Ok...i know i know..men are frightened by chicks w/kiddos because of the obvious "im not ready to be a dad factor"..
But tell me what else there is..i mean is that it really?? And are most men really thinking they cant date a girl because they dont want to get close to the kid or whatever in the hell it is.
I dont know..after a 3rd guy im actually interested in up here plainly stating..ehrr i dont date chicks w/kids...im starting to get down...Its either they want to bang me or run from me and im getting down...ive tried single parents online and well nada yet..but i guess im just trying to get into a male's point of view on this..even tho i guess i fear im answering my question anyway.
I have no complaint with dating a single mom. Obviously, it changes the "natural" dynamic of dating, but in looking for someone I can enjoy being with and be happiest with, it seems silly to discount a woman purely because she's got children.
Personally, I'd prefer not to meet the kids - especially younger ones - early on. It's nothing against the kids, or the concept of the kids. But until I feel relatively comfortable that the woman and I will be dating for some time to come, I just don't feel it's right. Particularly with smaller kids, who could get easily attatched to me only to then never see me again. That's not to say it wouldn't bother me to not see them either, but, I'm adult, I know how the ups and downs of dating go. Given the littler kids are the more they don't know, let alone understand, the concept of dating, it just seems the best for the kids to keep things at a distance for a while.
If the natural dating/relating/falling in loving process took things in the future to the point that marriage was an appropriate step for both of us (emotionally, mentally, financially, etc...all of the proper ducks are lined up, in other words), sure, I'd marry a woman who already has a child.
Given I wouldn't rush to marry anyone - I find those who are engaged 4 months after meeting to be, for the most part, foolish - I don't see why the child/children would be a problem. By that point, I'd assume I've met the kids, and if I'm willing to marry their mom and step into the de-facto dad role, I'd assume I'd be attatched to the kids and love them as well. | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/7/2009 12:58:23 AM | | for church and all his followers...i'll admit..youre "book" is interesting..here its gibberish..but interesting nonetheless...and might i point out that not all single moms are created equal..and i'll end with that.. | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/7/2009 5:50:49 AM | | jenny your better of being with single father alot of us single childless guys wont date singlwe mums as its a waste of time and alot of us single childless guy dont want to raise another man children its a fact single mums would be te last place on earth to get involved in a realtionship with and alot of us single childless guys want to have a family with the single childless woman dating a single mum with all the drama and the baggage to go with it no thanks its a lost cause | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/7/2009 6:08:15 AM | "hey church and jacob..thanks so much for making me realize how great it is to be single...you guys are true douchebags..thanks for everything!"
It kills me in the forums when someone asks a question and the get an honest responce how many people get mad and start with the name calling. If you don't want others thoughts don't ask the question. Talk about douchebags!!!
Here are my thoughts and I am a single parent (close to 99.9% of the time). Lots of single moms want more then a date or a relationship they want help. I do not want help with my kids from the women I date, they are my kids. I would rather date women that enjoy being around my girls at the beach and the like, but I would never expect them to buy them lunch, run after them or clean up their trash. I don't want a date to expect me to do any of those things for her kid or kids too. What I want from a date or a relationship is some fun and together time. I have dated single moms that were cool with that, but most want more and for me they too are big douchebags. | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/7/2009 6:52:53 AM | Men have their preferences just like I'm sure you do. I can't bring myself to date men my age or younger. I've tried and just can't get past the age. I've always liked older men. No fault of the younger guys....just my preference.
Don't waste your time on the ones that don't date single mothers. (Not saying you guys are a waste of time but you have to admit it would be a waste for a single mom to try right?) It should come up before the first date that they don't go there. if they put it off and come up with that reasoning later then yes, they are just trying to get in your pants or they decided they didn't want you as much as they thought they did and that is an easy way out of the relationship. Saying "I just can't handle kids right now" sounds a lot better than "I just don't like you". | |
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| Whats wrong with a single parent woman?
Posted: 8/7/2009 7:03:54 AM | Church, it was true for YOU, and the class of woman you go for. If you walked into some womans life with that attitude i dont blame her kids for wanting to be rid of you.
I feel for those kids, having to endure mommys bad taste in men for the duration of their childhoods. Did you refer to them as "the results of the sperm some dude left up in their mom"? Did you really have them fetch your beer and make sure they got an eyeful of watching you have sex with your mother, and play little macho games of talking crap abut their dad? If so you should be on the sex offender registry, and be charged with child abuse. | |
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