| Laying it all down first - Which is better
Posted: 8/7/2009 9:50:49 AM | | The very FIRST time you meet a guy and immediately after hello he says something like "I'm honest, never cheated, love you for who you are, and will support you once I get to know you better", would a switch in your head reverse everything that he just said if he was physically ugly to you? Now what if a physically attractive guy said the same thing, would you give him a shot and put him through the test of time? Basically I'm asking which is a more powerful attraction switch, and you have to pick 1 out of 2: -What a man says, OR what a man looks like.- To keep it simple, you can't choose both and you're not shallow if you pick looks. ALL girls will say both are required, but ONE must be more powerful than the other first. Important note: Picking a choice only applies to foot in your door, no Long term or short term romance, no dating, no friends thing, nothing else as a factor but foot --> door. Simple example: Ugly guy says something to make you genuinely laugh and you still talk to him, you pick what he says first. Hot guy says something stupid but you still talk to him, you pick his looks first. | |
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| Laying it all down first - Which is better
Posted: 8/7/2009 9:55:43 AM | | Neither. It's not the total looks thing, although the chemistry needs to be present. It's WHO they are as a person, and if a guy said that to me upon meeting him the first time, we would clearly be on opposite parts of the planet. I would appreciate his honesty and straightforwardness, and his ability to reach out and say that he's there for me, but he doesn't know me at that point. | |
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| Laying it all down first - Which is better
Posted: 8/7/2009 10:05:35 AM | | I agree with artist 48. However I will say in order for him to appeal to me, I have to be attracted to him. Now, if that's just based on looks or something more will depend on how we initially met. | |
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| Laying it all down first - Which is better
Posted: 8/7/2009 10:12:57 AM | If a guy I meet says: "I'm honest, never cheated, love you for who you are, and will support you once I get to know you better" I would KNOW FOR A FACT he was a LIAR and would NOT give him the time of day... CUTE or NOT!!!! 
Now, I have to say...as shallow as it may sound... there has to be an attraction to begin with... I WILL of course talk to someone even if I'm not attracted physically to them... but in order to have a relationship... the attraction HAS to be there... at least for me...
I would go with the CUTE guy...and then TEACH HIM what I like!!!! How's that?  | |
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| Laying it all down first - Which is better
Posted: 8/7/2009 10:46:51 AM | If there was chemistry, the looks would be irrelevent. I can have chemistry or not with people regardless of whether or not they would generally be viewed as "hot." Remember, we girls go for "sexy-ugly" guys (guys who turn us on inspite of NOT being traditionally good-looking; most women have different guys on their sexy-ugly list, but think movie stars like Liam Neeson or Tommy Lee Jones)
Now, if there was chemistry and one guy made me laugh and the other guy said something stupid, boring, or annoying? Funny guy would win. Humor is, for me, the ultimate aphrodisiac. | |
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| Laying it all down first - Which is better
Posted: 8/7/2009 1:09:56 PM | This is a joke, right?
Good grief, if I'm meeting someone for the FIRST TIME, and he says "I'm honest, never cheated, love you for who you are, and will support you once I get to know you better", I am going to RUN FOR THE HILLS! It would not matter at all what he looked like! Anyone who would spout that kind of nonsense in a first meeting is not ever going to be someone I will want to date. | |
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| Laying it all down first - Which is better
Posted: 8/7/2009 1:18:52 PM | | Well, I do agree with the ladies about the 'love you for who you are' comment. Love isn't something that you should joke around with. The word should never be spoken unless it was meant... and to mean it, you have to get to know the individual. As for the liar comment ... yes, most men do use every lie in the book to try to get your attention. I've worked in bars for a number of years, and have heard some outrageous comments made to complete strangers... however, don't assume that EVERY guy is a liar. I personally never have cheated. If you are going to cheat on somebody, you shouldn't be with them. I've been cheated on before, and don't believe that anybody deserves to experience that feeling, regardless of the situation. | |
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| Laying it all down first - Which is better
Posted: 8/7/2009 1:55:37 PM | Desperation and emotional immaturity would be an instant turn off...
I would go with the CUTE guy...and then TEACH HIM what I like!!!! How's that?
I like the humour in this, but I also think that if you're already thinking about what you'd need to change in them so soon then don't bother!
The boring truth is, as others have said, attraction has to be there on all levels, but the balance of how much is physical can vary from person to person and depending on who they meet. No black and white answer to this or so many similar questions! | |
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| Laying it all down first - Which is better
Posted: 8/7/2009 2:14:53 PM | | For me personally, what a man DOES largely determines the degree of his attraction. What a man says (provided content of his speech is not explicit or implied threats) and how he looks are secondary factors. | |
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| Laying it all down first - Which is better
Posted: 8/7/2009 5:41:21 PM | Talk is cheap.
Hot or not, someone who made such proclamations without knowing me would come off as a major fake....or delusional. You cant promise to love someone you dont even know. | |
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| Laying it all down first - Which is better
Posted: 8/7/2009 5:48:01 PM | Honestly? I wouldn't choose either option. I don't want to be supported by anyone and I'd be very wary of someone who stated that they'd "love me for who I am" without even knowing me? That would cause the date to come to a screeching halt, no matter whether I thought he was attractive or not.
However later in the post you state a hypothetical question, about a man that's "not" attractive, saying something funny and making me laugh.......while hot guy in the corner says something stupid.....
I would still be prone to enjoying "funny guy" because I do love to laugh and personality *is* so important.
IRL I once dated an adonis of a man. He absolutely could have been a male model. Unfortunately he was so busy checking himself out in store windows as we walked that it was difficult to develop anything substantial with him, so I broke it off.
Alternatively I dated a man that was an absolute genius. I loved the way his mind worked. He was also very witty, which I found attractive. Unfortunately I was "not" physically attracted to him, and ended up breaking that one off as well. It wasn't shallow, it was just that neither of those men were a good fit for me, or I for them. | |
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| Laying it all down first - Which is better
Posted: 8/7/2009 7:28:40 PM | | They are all liars. The looker with the line of $shit will win every time, seen it to many times. Was a bartender for many years and watched the women gobble up the bull$hit every time, only to come back next wek wondering where he is, and as always, I would stand there laughing, where do you think he is, he is feeding some other lady the line of bull$shit you ate from him last week. | |
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| Laying it all down first - Which is better
Posted: 8/7/2009 8:20:14 PM | Tough to give an answer to this one. Because...what one person thinks is really hot...another person thinks is really homely! One SO in my life was very homely...I was gagaga over him. To me, he was simply adorable...and very funny.
I think you need a third choice..Chemistry! I would choose chemistry. | |
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| Laying it all down first - Which is better
Posted: 8/8/2009 7:53:28 AM | | What a man says. How a man think, how he feels, choices he makes. Yes, there has to be some physical attraction. But the most attractive men can be very ugly if their hearts are not true. | |
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| Laying it all down first - Which is better
Posted: 8/8/2009 10:13:55 AM |
The very FIRST time you meet a guy and immediately after hello he says something like "I'm honest, never cheated, love you for who you are, and will support you once I get to know you better", would a switch in your head reverse everything that he just said if he was physically ugly to you?
No, I'd still think he was nuts.
Now what if a physically attractive guy said the same thing, would you give him a shot and put him through the test of time?
I'd think it was a shame he was nuts because he was so cute.
Basically I'm asking which is a more powerful attraction switch, and you have to pick 1 out of 2: -What a man says, OR what a man looks like.
Both. Duh!
To keep it simple, you can't choose both and you're not shallow if you pick looks. ALL girls will say both are required, but ONE must be more powerful than the other first.
No shit! You can't measure personality across a room. Attraction is a requirement, so NATURALLY physical attraction is first. However, if the guy's an idiot, his stay is temporary, so who cares? We CAN choose both or neither. That's the beauty of "surveys" like this.
Important note: Picking a choice only applies to foot in your door, no Long term or short term romance, no dating, no friends thing, nothing else as a factor but foot --> door. Simple example: Ugly guy says something to make you genuinely laugh and you still talk to him, you pick what he says first. Hot guy says something stupid but you still talk to him, you pick his looks first.
Most women AND men would talk to a person they had attraction to long enough to determine interest.
HOWEVER, anyone who talks to me I'll talk back to in a general situation - that has nothing to do with dating though. Therefore, if a man said all that to me, wouldn't HE be wrong since he's not supposed to be talking to me to get anywhere? Why would a man who's not trying to date me tell me what kind of guy he'd be to date? It's irrelevant. | |
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| Laying it all down first - Which is better
Posted: 8/8/2009 12:31:16 PM | OK first of all your post was quite confusing. I had no idea what you meant until the last two sentences.
I think most of the people replying to you have misunderstood what you said. I don't think your example guy really meant right after meeting that he already "loved you for who you are" he was just saying he was the type of guy to do so in a relationship. However, it would still be a weird thing to say.
A great personality increases attraction. It's just a fact. The more you like someone the more attracted you are to them. Conversely, a bad personality decreases attraction. I have turned down guys that were seriously hot because they were jerks. As everyone else has said though, there has to be SOME physical attraction though or a romantic relationship won't work no matter how much you like them. Physical attraction can increase with chemistry and how well you get a long but it can't ...form. | |
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