| Putting the Cart before the horse
Posted: 8/7/2009 6:59:34 PM | A man contacted me requesting to e-mail. He provided his home phone, personal e-mail address etc, on first contact. I told him I preferred to e-mail here before giving out any personal info or talking on the phone. He immediately accused me "and lots of women" on this site as "being strange"....really? Obviously, this guy has 'no clue' about women (at least decent, good and selective women) who aren't willing to give out personal info before getting to know someone better.
He also accused me as 'one of those women who never meets any men'...wrong again Einstein!..but so be it. I guess Low Standards = Low Expectations.
So, yes I blocked the knukle-head. Why are so many men in their late 40's and 50's so clueless??? | |
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| Putting the Cart before the horse
Posted: 8/7/2009 7:02:20 PM | I have no idea why so many men are that why. I guess I'm just clueless. But then I'm 60, so I have an excuse (and if necessary, an alibi).
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| Putting the Cart before the horse
Posted: 8/7/2009 7:29:52 PM | I think some people are not into endless Emails back and forth(especially having to log into this site when they check their 'regular' mail anyway). It may be a test of his to see if you are serious or not too, some folks do just like to nibble-at-the-edges and possibly he's run into them.
I think he should have asked if you were comfortable though to continue communications through another method than POF though. | |
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| Putting the Cart before the horse
Posted: 8/7/2009 7:35:32 PM | | I appreciate the insight. It seemed so forward and, I felt his reaction was a pretty immature, just because I didn't want to abide by his directives. I am a bit slow and cautious but, I think in this day 'n age you have to be. Especially with young children at home. | |
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| Putting the Cart before the horse
Posted: 8/7/2009 7:45:03 PM | | I think his requesting personal info and emailing off of here on the first email is totally off base. The fact that he thinks you are wrong and then babbles on about "lots of women" etc tells me he has apparently tried this same thing on numerous women already and continues to fail. He must think highly of himself. Too bad we don't! LOL!!! | |
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| Putting the Cart before the horse
Posted: 8/7/2009 7:57:28 PM | MisDeed - there is nothing wrong with wanting to feel someone out by a few emails - sometimes a few simple questions are the easiest way to decide that you don't even wish to exchange numbers.
I once met a guy at a local mall food court, he liked me but I felt no connection once we met. As we were about to leave, he asked where I parked and if he could walk me to my car. I told him no and simply said I had some shopping to do for some upcoming birthdays. He then said "Yeah right, sure you do. Did you think I was gonna jump you in the parking lot?' I told him "If my suspicions about why I shouldn't go on a real date with you weren't confirmed before, they are now" and left.
A"nice" guy would never say or do anything to make a woman feel uncomfortable. | |
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| Putting the Cart before the horse
Posted: 8/7/2009 8:14:19 PM | MisDeed
I have had a few contact me and wanting the same thing, email private, phone numbers, etc. I tell them that I want to get to know them on here first by email before I go that far. Win my trust. They usually block me. I am like you I want to be cautious also. If they really want to get to know me for me and build a relationship, be patient. No one is trying to play head games, playing hard to get, I want to know if that person is for me and do we have something in common by way of conversation before we make the first meeting. So, I guess I can be added as one of those women he referrs to. | |
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| Putting the Cart before the horse
Posted: 8/7/2009 8:17:33 PM | Realize that this dating site is a cross section of the population of the world as a whole.
You've got all types on here and you are going to see some unusual and even weird behavior. Some might see nothing wrong with sending out a first contact message containing information including a home address, where the key to the front door is hidden, and even a brief description of the floor plan of the house including how to find the bedroom.
Your mileage may vary | |
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| Putting the Cart before the horse
Posted: 8/7/2009 8:28:30 PM | Thank you everyone for your input. I appreciate it! It does take 'all kinds' and, I'm glad that I'm not alone in following my instincts. Just every once in awhile it's good to 'check in' with others to see what their experiences are like and, to get a 2nd opinon. TGIF and have a great weekend!  | |
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| Putting the Cart before the horse
Posted: 8/7/2009 9:04:39 PM | | Yea you didn't want to abide by his and he didn't want to abide by yours. You think there is something wrong with someone that forward, and he thinks there is something wrong with people who are slow. Who is right? Neither of you are right, you both are making negative statements about the other because neither will conform to what you believes. Both of you lack the ability to adapt to others, you would be perfect for each other. | |
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| Putting the Cart before the horse
Posted: 8/7/2009 9:12:27 PM | Men like that I feel have control issues. Do this and that. When you say I prefer to do it this way.. they freak and call you crazy or names.
I guess you're supposed to give in and do it their way so that they don't freak at you again :)
lol like that's going to happen
good thing you blocked him | |
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| Putting the Cart before the horse
Posted: 8/7/2009 9:27:24 PM | In my experiences with SOME women here, I have found:
if you email without personal information they think you are hiding something - if you do email personal information you are rushing them.
If you email not frequently enough than you are not really interested - if you email too frequently you are being pushy;
and last but not least - if you email wanting to know about heir past you are too nosey and if you do not email about their past you will be emailing back and forth forever.
Isn't this dating online stuff great?  | |
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| Putting the Cart before the horse
Posted: 8/7/2009 10:33:31 PM | I haven't found that 'many' men in their late 40's and 50's have acted this way at all. I've had a couple send me their personal email address and/or phone number with an initial email, but that's it. And when I told them I'd prefer to communicate via POF email for a while, they were fine with it. I can't remember any of them getting upset by that. If they did, it would be their problem, not mine.
You said this one man did this. How does that correlate to 'many'? If you are getting such emails from quite a few men, you may want to state in your profile that you want to communicate through POF until you get to know the man better. That way men who want to immediately jump to personal email or the phone will know it is not going to happen. Just a suggestion.
BTW, saying "Low Standards = Low Expectations" is berating yourself. I doubt that you consider yourself to be someone that a man with low standards would contact. | |
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| Putting the Cart before the horse
Posted: 8/8/2009 2:51:17 AM |
He provided his home phone, personal e-mail address etc, on first contact
When a female does that, it's usually a scam.
Obviously, this guy has 'no clue' about women
Obviously. And not a whole lot of real experience, either. Why the rush? | |
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| Putting the Cart before the horse
Posted: 8/8/2009 3:11:37 AM | I don't even go along with ........... too dang quick - from gals.
If I was a female - I would be even more leery.
You girls are right to back off of that kind of stuff.
I've only been a bit goo-goo over about three females (six years online) and they were all on the moon (may as well have been). With those gals we did get to the personal email and phone stuff but .............
Besides those three, I have just STOPPED when a gal wanted to get to the personal contact info. Just killed it right there.
OP ......... that guy's attempt at control ........ smacks of the type that works the numbers. Like the ones that do the 100 emails a day. | |
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| Putting the Cart before the horse
Posted: 8/8/2009 3:37:19 AM |
if you email without personal information they think you are hiding something - if you do email personal information you are rushing them.
If you email not frequently enough than you are not really interested - if you email too frequently you are being pushy;
and last but not least - if you email wanting to know about heir past you are too nosey and if you do not email about their past you will be emailing back and forth forever.
This would be funny if it weren't so very true on here!
Op: Yes that guy was a little strange to say the least. Don't blame ya for blocking him.
The truth is though that with so many on here just wanting endless rounds of e-mail us guys have to make some kind of move! If nothing else to eliminate them as not being seriously inclined to date! Although I'd like to think most of us could handle it better than what you describe!
I like to think I'm not clueless but I do stick with what I learned out in the world about dating. Get acquanted, get the number, set a meet, and proceed from there. This can go quickly at times. If she berates me for "rushing" I'll tell her fine - when you feel comfortable with the idea, let me know. Nine times out of ten those are the ones that drift away after a few more e-mails which sends me the same message a woman out in RW would by declining to exchange numbers - she isn't interested, on here it could be either in me or in dating in the real world - it doesn't matter which, so it's time to move on to someone who is!
Like I said - what that guy did was rather ignorant but it does fit with what a lot of guys in our age group learned about dating when younger. A lot of us who may seem to push too hard are just doing things the way we learned even though they may not be the best fit for dating on this online media.
Cheers  | |
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| Putting the Cart before the horse
Posted: 8/8/2009 4:09:13 AM |
Why are so many men in their late 40's and 50's so clueless???
And to think, we pick Presidents and Prime Ministers from this age group 
Any Fish who sends an email that smell of accusations deserves to be blocked. An obvious control freak as someone already pointed out. Better to be safe with private information, whether your clueless or cluefull . | |
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| Putting the Cart before the horse
Posted: 8/8/2009 6:08:36 AM |
Why are so many men in their late 40's and 50's so clueless???
why are you picking on this one age group?
when i was co-hostessing an event and had to drop my restrictions on my profile, i got emails like this from 20- and 30-somethings too. | |
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| Putting the Cart before the horse
Posted: 8/8/2009 6:20:03 AM | | I can tell which women of those I meet in person have dating profiles online, because of how they react to questions. If a woman is not online doing this stuff, when asked about herself she will answer normally, if she wants to answer, or she will change the subject, or just explain that she isn't interested. The ones who have adopted these Internets as their mode will stand stricken with alarm, their fingers frantically wiggling to click a mouse button that isn't there. I've learned not to ask any question that could be considered at all personal, and especially not for their phone number. | |
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| Putting the Cart before the horse
Posted: 8/8/2009 6:36:35 AM | If he is truly interested he will not let a couple of emails stand in his way of getting to know you.. Keep following your instincts they are very good..
thecatsmeoww | |
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| Putting the Cart before the horse
Posted: 8/8/2009 7:53:44 AM |
The truth is though that with so many on here just wanting endless rounds of e-mail us guys have to make some kind of move!
Excellent point! I for one think that the endless emails serve to smehow validate how "desired/desireable" these people (men AND women) are; given the annonymity that POF provides they can continue the endless emails to stroke their own egos without ever really having to put themselves out there for real rejection. As soon as the questions get "too personal" you get ignored or blocked.
I for one am here to REALY meet somone - not just email forever. After 2 or 3 emails you know if there is "something" there and should be able to get an email address or phone number. Not getting one at that point raises caution flags with me. Can you say "overly paranoid"? | |
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| Putting the Cart before the horse
Posted: 8/8/2009 8:11:11 AM |
I for one think that the endless emails serve to smehow validate how "desired/desireable" these people (men AND women) are; given the annonymity that POF provides they can continue the endless emails to stroke their own egos without ever really having to put themselves out there for real rejection.
Don't know about the validation part but I do know far too many on here seem to be here just to pretend they have a dating life!
It's safe other than the occasional offensive message. They have control of the "relationship". And the option to end can be as simple as no longer responding or blocking whoever you don't wish to hear from anymore.
So yes - I'll do a certain amount of "getting to know ya" on here before making a move but I won't be strung along for months only to find that they already have everything they need from the messaging system!
Cheers | |
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| Putting the Cart before the horse
Posted: 8/8/2009 9:23:56 AM | | I could understand what a guy who gives you his home phone, email, and even physical adress early on, probably so you won't have suspicions as to him being married. Rather than expecting you to call or come over any time soon however is foolish, and getting nasty with you because you didn't, well, what comes after foolish? | |
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