| A little overweight, very curvey, ....and I hear this.
Posted: 8/7/2009 7:00:36 PM | This happened to me recently. A very sweet man, intelligent, and artistic. Told me that I was too heavy to make love to. Let alone marry. He said if I lose the weight he'd marry me. He is an older man. He is petite for a man, however very strong physically.
That's what he said.. "lose the weight and I will marry you"
First....he says..."lose the weight and I will make love to you"...
So there has not been lovemaking in the biblical sense.
Just curious....is this a real deal breaker in men's eyes? Would like to know what men really want. A good hearted optimistic funny and loving woman...or skinny .
I am not big enough to go fishing in a BBW/BBM river. I am a small rubenesque...with some help and a little time my weight fluctuates...everything else is fine. Just wish to know is this a big deal with you men.
What say ye all to that? Otherwise, he says I am THE WOMAN amongs ALL women~ I have the best personality and the most wonderful way of treating a man. Yet, this is still not enough.
Not making love for years, leaves a woman, hungry for love....and also making love is a great way to lose weight. | |
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| A little overweight, very curvey, ....and I hear this.
Posted: 8/7/2009 7:08:49 PM | lovingly hold his 'family jewels", sigh, smile, bite your lip,look him deep in the eyes and say "Grow a couple of inches and I'll make love to you---grow a bit of girth too".
Give him a sensual smile, lick your lips and walk away. | |
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| A little overweight, very curvey, ....and I hear this.
Posted: 8/7/2009 7:09:36 PM | He might be stating a preference and didn't have the honesty to convey that to you - in other words, blaming you.
IF you lose weight...blah blah blah.
Every straight man will have preferences. Some like skinny, some like thick, some like round, some like fat.
Why don't you ask him to put on weight so that he can do what YOU want? Just a thought. | |
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| A little overweight, very curvey, ....and I hear this.
Posted: 8/7/2009 7:10:01 PM | | I can't speak for all men, obviously. I could lose a few pounds (okay...30....) too. All other things (intellect, humor, interests, personality) being equal, I am in NO position to cast aspersions. All I can say for your "sweet man" is that he would seem to me to be shallow and a fool. I read your profile...the guy's an idiot (BTW Archaeology really is spelled with the extra "a", except at UC Berkeley...bunch of avant garde elitists!!!!) | |
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| A little overweight, very curvey, ....and I hear this.
Posted: 8/7/2009 7:17:18 PM | | I think a man should love you for who you are.....you look like you have alot to offer....you should lose the weight only if you want to, not because a man told you he would marry you if you do....there are other men that would appreciate you just as you are.....tell him to get botox and get some height because you won't settle for less... | |
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| A little overweight, very curvey, ....and I hear this.
Posted: 8/7/2009 7:24:48 PM | People get rejected for all sorts of reasons, eyes too close together, ears stick out, weak chin, balding, look like one's ex (I get that one a lot lol). I don't think there is much we can do except say "next" and not look back. And don't take it personally.
And one has to ask oneself if in a few years the inevitable illness, infirmity, or just normal aging would find him looking at you with a critical eye...you want to hear those words under those circumstances? | |
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| A little overweight, very curvey, ....and I hear this.
Posted: 8/7/2009 8:29:23 PM | Hmmm...I am seeing this in a different light. I was feeling so embarrassed when he came over . And feeling awful if I said I was hungry, cause he says..."I am only hungry when I smell food." And he says, "why do you eat so much?" I haven't eaten hardly anything whilst with him...yet after all day and only had breakfast...and I mention...should we have something to eat....and he says....."Don't you want to lose weight.....get up.....excersise till it hurts....you have to move around alot."
I have a bad back from a car wreck..and as well, my neck (having had whiplash) can't hold up in certain postitions till I have to rest it on a pillow or sit back in a chair.
It isn't easy as he says.
He tells me...he is an artist..and artists are not attracted to my body. On the other hand...so many men have made advances to me...I don't understand.
He says the reason he see's me when he can...is because I am such a wonderful personality..and that keeps him coming back to me...He says I really know how to treat a man. He enjoys my company. woohoo....
However....there will be no making love till I get the weight off.
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| A little overweight, very curvey, ....and I hear this.
Posted: 8/7/2009 8:41:28 PM | People like him are trolls and I don't know you but if you have the great personality that you say you have than you will have no problem finding a decent man in your area.
Knock him off your radar and hopefully you'll have better luck next time. | |
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| For better or worse....conditional
Posted: 8/7/2009 8:53:57 PM | | Sounds like he's never read I Cor. Chptr. 13 Nevertheless, people don't learn to appreciate anything until they've really lost something and it's not your worry if he loses something. Don't worry about what the outcome will be. If you enjoy his friendship, then continue. If you are "hot pants", then move forward, there's a lot more men in the sea. It will probably be a lot harder for him to find someone like you again. My mother dated a man similar......I was already out of the house, but he ended up marrying a skinny lady with 4 kids.......but either way, keep your friendship if that's what's most important, but take your dating interests elsewhere and let him know that also.....don't put yourself on the unavailable list, while he takes away from true precious moments you can have with someone who will love you no matter what. If you've loved once, you can love again. You must understand that as I do. | |
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| For better or worse....conditional
Posted: 8/7/2009 9:08:00 PM | To: LeavingLasVegas
Thank you so much for these wise words, dear friend,
.......
"Sounds like he's never read I Cor. Chptr. 13 Nevertheless, people don't learn to appreciate anything until they've really lost something and it's not your worry if he loses something. Don't worry about what the outcome will be. If you enjoy his friendship, then continue."
".......but either way, keep your friendship if that's what's most important, but take your dating interests elsewhere and let him know that also.....don't put yourself on the unavailable list, while he takes away from true precious moments you can have with someone who will love you no matter what. If you've loved once, you can love again. You must understand that as I do. "
Thank you for your input | |
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| A little overweight, very curvey, ....and I hear this.
Posted: 8/7/2009 9:58:58 PM | /\/\/\/\/\/\
Dont let the "forum police" bother you. Some people have nothing better to do with their time. I have had plenty of threads deleted for rediculous "reasons". Everyone gets a vote not to delete or delete....I say vote not to delete your thread. I did | |
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| A little overweight, very curvey, ....and I hear this.
Posted: 8/8/2009 1:43:34 AM | I'd be a little concerned. Essentially this guy is telling you: "I don't find you physically attractive, but if you change yourself *this* way ... I might."
Not exactly words upon which to build a lasting relationship!
In my experience, if you're attracted to someone, you overlook any number of perceived flaws and just focus on the essence of the relationship. I mean, if you can't get it up over "THE WOMAN amongst ALL women," then the issue isn't hers!
But if you're not completely attracted to someone, you might look for excuses. That sounds like what he's doing. And my advice is: Don't let him. | |
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| A little overweight, very curvey, ....and I hear this.
Posted: 8/8/2009 5:21:25 AM | OP, you're in your middle 50s, if the guy who made this statement to you is relatively close to your age, I think it's rather sad...it sounds like a statement from an immature guy in his early 20s!
If this is a guy that you met on POF, maybe I would post a photo of your full body...that way men can see what you really look like...it's not a major project. You said your weight goes up and down...do you gain and lose 10 lbs a month!? That would be dramatic and hopefully you don't do that, but even so, why not take one or two full body photos in your favorite outfit every 2 months!? Since you have the same photos up and the cleavage shot, just add a full body shot...some people have thin faces and heavier bodies...just like some people have chubby faces and thinner bodies. Many people on this site have noted they are sometimes leary when someone posts multiple photos of their face...yet will not post at least one full body photo.
Personally, I wouldn't waste 5 minutes on a man like that...you are an attractive woman who appears to still have a strong sexual appetite...there's too many fish out there to be spending time on this one!
Good luck! | |
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| A little overweight, very curvey, ....and I hear this.
Posted: 8/8/2009 6:34:19 AM | | hugme...at least he's being honest...as long as he isn't being mean...the thing is, he's not the right man for you. He has the right to feel the way he does, just like we all do, but now that you know how he feels, as hard as it is to do sometimes, it's time to move on. You'll do both of you a huge favor. | |
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| A little overweight, very curvey, ....and I hear this.
Posted: 8/8/2009 12:44:24 PM | hugmekissme...
Lord knows I'm no expert, but when someone says, "You're perfect for me BUT..."
... anything that follows deletes the first part, doesn't it??? It's like saying, "You're NOT perfect for me BECAUSE..."
To me it sounds like this guy is WAY too concerned with YOUR weight/appearance, and that should be a BIG RED FLAG! Someone who gives you grief BEFORE he has sex with you should not be given the opportunity to even be with you, period.
Listen, it's ok for him to have preferences, but he has stated what he likes, you don't fit the criteria, and you should not change for ANY man. Embrace your curves and move on. Find someone who will really love you, not someone who wants you to change for him.
p.
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| A little overweight, very curvey, ....and I hear this.
Posted: 8/8/2009 2:34:05 PM | | No matter how charming he might be, the guy is lacking in the heart department. If his heart was truly loving and you touched his heart, poundage would be irrelevant. What I read you describe is a serious narcissistic control issues red flag. On to the next one! | |
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| A little overweight, very curvey, ....and I hear this.
Posted: 8/8/2009 3:32:37 PM |
He tells me...he is an artist..and artists are not attracted to my body. On the other hand...so many men have made advances to me...I don't understand.
I don't understand why you bother with this guy... especially because it doesn't sound like you're without other offers.
Instead of wondering what it is he sees in you, ask yourself what it is you see in him. | |
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| A little overweight, very curvey, ....and I hear this.
Posted: 8/8/2009 3:35:56 PM | "he is an artist..and artists are not attracted to my body. "
Obviously he is unfamiliar with the work of all of the extremely famous artists of the Rueban era. His loss.
Back in my skinny days following my divorce I dated a guy who told me he was used to well padded women and thought making love to me would be like making love to a bag of bones .... then he took me to 'skinny haven' (weightloss ) restaurant for dinner. hehehehe .. ahem.
Years later, before I quit smoking, another morbidly obese guy told me he would marry me if I quit smoking .... I wouldn't have wanted him, but that didn't seem to factor into his judgement of me. grins. I'm not sure if avoiding his interest was part of my delay in quitting.
Connie | |
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| A little overweight, very curvey, ....and I hear this.
Posted: 8/8/2009 6:03:49 PM | I can only parrot what others have posted before me.
I can understand if his dissatisfaction came after years together and you gaining weight that now bothered "him", although I doubt if he would not have changed in some way as well, if this were the case. is it? are you two a long term?
if not, then why all the discontent on his part now? he chose to date you, were you much thinner then? maybe I didn't read your first post entirely. sorry if my questions are redundant.
as an online dater AND a geriatric fat girl, I keep my pics updated. sure I choose close ups that are more pleasing to me, but I also include those dreaded full body shots that I hate, but I feel it's only right for me to present me as me. I even have in my profile that "if fat turns you off, no harm, no foul...or is that fowl, either way, don't say that I didn't warn you".
I get my fair share of looky-loos, but they out number those that actually contact me by 100 to 1. I put it off to my honest depiction of myself and most don't like it.
I can live with that.
if I could wake up tomorrow back to what I was at age 25, I'd be thrilled. but I am a realist and know that's not how it works in real life. | |
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| A little overweight, very curvey, ....and I hear this.
Posted: 8/8/2009 6:21:08 PM | THank you everyone for your input. I have only known this man for a few months. And he is still on POF....and we aren't a quote unquote "couple".....but he enjoys my company and I have his...but when he said that , what he said....it did hurt. Cause other men have said the opposite. He , by the way is older then I am....He has beautiful white hair, and a soft voice and seemed so attracted to me at first...and except for the intimate thing....he misses me when he is gone for awhile..and wishes to spend time with me when he comes back. We are not an official couple.
We have good conversation....and he says I make him feel like a King or something when he comes over. ( I am probably the calmest and funniest woman he knows) And I am very intelligent....which he says, some women are and some aren't...but I seem to be on the same intellectual page as he.
I don't think he would care if I continued to date....but I sort of stopped seeing some people....and I think I will change that. Only because I don't like the way I feel this way.
(he did say, to me when we were oogling eyes at each other...."you aren't falling in love with me are you?"....."that's dangerous" | |
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| A little overweight, very curvey, ....and I hear this.
Posted: 8/8/2009 6:42:11 PM | First, to address his behavior... He doesn't care whether you're overweight. It sounds as though he's looking to make you submit and create a dynamic where you're giving up yourself in order to be with him. I would guess this is likely to progress to more serious demands in the future.
I see you as a beautiful woman who should be respected and cherished. I think almost everyone on this forum sees you the same way. However, I don't think you see this in yourself. Before you start a relationship, you might want to consider getting over some insecurities, self-esteem issues and the like. His behavior is deplorable, but he doesn't need to change - you do. And when you do, you'll see that it doesn't occur to you to spend time or energy on people who don't uplift and support everything you are and want to be. Explore who you are, and find out what wonderful things you deserve.
Sincerely,
A.L. | |
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