| | can someone help me with my soon to be hubbyPage 1 of 3 (1, 2, 3) | were fighting all the time... about little stuff too... he has been very moody... and half the time doesnt want to talk ne more... he wont tell people that were engaged... or even say that he's happy to marry me... and when i ask him to do one little thing like clean his mess in the room... he wont.... so i dont know what to do any more can someone please help me with advice...... | |
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| can someone help me with my soon to be hubby
Posted: 8/7/2009 8:29:52 PM | " and when i ask him to do one little thing like clean his mess in the room... he wont."
This sounds like you're talking about a child.
OP, you're 18. I assume your presumed fiance is in the same age range. I really think that's way too young to marry. Be out there! live life! If you're together, then be together. But if you put labels on your relationship when you're so young, then it's very likely that there are also certain expectations that you both have of each other and that may be a little too much at your age. You both still have so much growing up to do. Maybe he feels resentful about being a 'fiance' instead of being a boyfriend. | |
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| can someone help me with my soon to be hubby
Posted: 8/7/2009 8:30:11 PM | Yeah probably not a good idea to marry a dude who you fight with, who won't tell anyone you're engaged, who won't speak to you, and who doesn't keep his room clean.
It's only going to get worse | |
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| can someone help me with my soon to be hubby
Posted: 8/7/2009 8:34:08 PM | | Honestly - at 18 marriage should be the LAST thing on your mind. VERY few marriages (where one or both involved were teenagers) lasts more than a couple to a few years anymore. | |
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| can someone help me with my soon to be hubby
Posted: 8/7/2009 8:39:06 PM |
were fighting all the time... about little stuff too... he has been very moody... and half the time doesnt want to talk ne more... he wont tell people that were engaged... or even say that he's happy to marry me... and when i ask him to do one little thing like clean his mess in the room... he wont.... so i dont know what to do any more can someone please help me with advice......
does this sound like a man who wants to get married to you??????. | |
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| can someone help me with my soon to be hubby
Posted: 8/7/2009 8:46:55 PM |
so i dont know what to do any more can someone please help me with advice.
Communicate with him rather than internet strangers?
Seek out a professional councilor?
were fighting all the time... about little stuff too
Ever thought to stop fighting? Cuz it takes 2 to have a fight? And then maybe figure out why you are helping to continue a fight? Then tell him about you and why you are fighting with him, and maybe he will have thought about it too?
Or you both sit down and think of it like relationship homework? Take 10 minutes sitting at the table and write down all the things that went through your mind? All the feelings? And together talk about why they came up?
he has been very moody... and half the time doesnt want to talk ne more
Have you told him how that makes you feel? Completely and truthfully without holding anything back? And then asking him why he does it, or to get back to you about why he is acting this way?
he wont tell people that were engaged
I don't know how long you've been engaged.
There isn't anything in the OP about it. I don't know if it happened last night, and you are freaking out because he didn't immediately call his mom and tell her.
I don't know if he said something that you interpreted as getting engaged, and he's trying to figure out how to get out of it without hurting your feelings.
Not enough information to have an opinion.
and when i ask him to do one little thing like clean his mess in the room... he wont.... so i dont know what to do any more
Figure out why the mess in the room is so important to you?...Do you want proof that you can control him? Or is there some sort of potential biohazard and safety issue? Those really are the only two options especially since that is his home too...I'm assuming. Otherwise you'd simply clean it up without thinking about it, or leave it there and ignore it.
What you do anymore is try to communicate. You talk, you listen. He talks, he listens. If either one is unable to do any of that to the others expectations you might want to see someone professional. | |
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| can someone help me with my soon to be hubby
Posted: 8/7/2009 9:08:23 PM | In my opinion you've got a man who doesn't want to get married. Do you want to marry someone that doesn't want to marry you, isn't proud and excited to make you his wife? I don't think so. You're only 18, you have a lot of living to do. Give him the ring back, and tell him the wedding is off. If and when he changes his behavior, then you can consider resuming the relationship, if you want to, but this man is all but screaming to get out of marrying you.
If you're pregnant, you have options. You can be a single mother, give the baby up for adoption, whatever you want to do. But don't tie yourself to a man that obviously doesn't want to be your husband. It costs about $50 bucks here to get married, but about $4,000 t0 get divorced.
Be smart.
Beth | |
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| can someone help me with my soon to be hubby
Posted: 8/7/2009 9:39:41 PM | | sorry lass, he is trying to piss you off enough so that yo'll break it off with him. hostility with a woman you're going to marry? that comes after 30 years of putting up with shit not now. best tak a step back and be very sure. | |
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| can someone help me with my soon to be hubby
Posted: 8/7/2009 9:41:29 PM | My condolences. Sounds more like a 16 year old son than a prospective hubby. I'd sit him down and ask him point blank what the heck is going on. ( Unless he is a drinker. In that case, run fast, run far.)
I would not be surprised, when his ass hits the chair, if he said "Nothing". This guy does not want to be married, imo. Unless you want to be left standing at the church, or are content with your life a living hell every day, you should consider breaking it off. The relationship you describe is not likely to get better with marriage. | |
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| can someone help me with my soon to be hubby
Posted: 8/7/2009 9:48:43 PM | Advice... hmmmm... how about closing your internet dating website profile? Seeing as how you're engaged and all....
Trust what others have been saying. You're not going to be any happier by getting married so young, to someone who obviously is having second thoughts. You're obviously not all that into him either, or else why are you here? And don't give me that "just here for the forums" BS, no one buys that. | |
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| can someone help me with my soon to be hubby
Posted: 8/7/2009 9:52:03 PM | | Call it off...look after yourself. Get an education and a career before you even contemplate marriage. He is trapped and looking for you to break up with him because he is too chicken shlt to do it himself. | |
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| can someone help me with my soon to be hubby
Posted: 8/7/2009 10:10:28 PM |
touchdown bundy: Advice... hmmmm... how about closing your internet dating website profile? Seeing as how you're engaged and all....
Her profile indicates she is not looking to date.
There are lots of folks on this site who are here for reasons other than dating, including myself. Look before you leap... | |
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| can someone help me with my soon to be hubby
Posted: 8/7/2009 10:12:10 PM | IMO, the relationship you have outlined doesn't fall into the OMG, this has to be it category. At the very best it is a work in progress.
Pregnant...not pregnant...it is very young to get married. I read your profile...and if you are not you sound like you have some ambitions to explore. And don't take this as condescending...complete the transition into the adult YOU wish to be.
That piece of paper will not solidify a relationship. It is only a contract. And one that should only be entered into after your relationship is solid.
If you are PG, I still stand up to what I said. And, if that is the case you might be feeling pressure (by others or yourself) to "get 'er done" before the event.
This is where I fear the retrebution...A pregnancy is (IMO) the single worst reason to or not to get married. As is any other reason, short of both of you knowing without a doubt, that this is what you want. It doesn't protect or prevent anything bad. It doesn't create anything good. That is...in and of itself. It only makes what you already have a legal agreement. Well....maybe a tax advantage or two.
What it could do...is complicate things if you are not meant to be, cause a feeling of entrapment or regret for either or both of you even if it was otherwise meant to happen.
I wish I had a dollar for every time heard but didn't listen to the old people.
Edit: Regarding the things that bother you about your SO. Don't lay all your money down on the chance that you are going to be able to change any/all of them. More than likely they won't change and the list of things that "drive you crazy" will only grow in time. And eventually...we all get long nose and ear hairs. | |
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drstew
| | Joined: 7/31/2009
Msg: 20 | |
| can someone help me with my soon to be hubby
Posted: 8/7/2009 10:17:55 PM |
There are lots of folks on this site who are here for reasons other than dating, including myself. Look before you leap...
Why do you say that? I have been in hiding for a week and can't figure out why I am there. I will come out of hiding eventually. I'm giving it a couple of weeks anyway, and no I am not attached.
Op-- You have pretty much answered your own question when it comes to da*relationship*. Is this what you want? | |
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| can someone help me with my soon to be hubby
Posted: 8/7/2009 10:24:58 PM |
There are lots of folks on this site who are here for reasons other than dating, including myself. Look before you leap...
I read her profile, and I call bullshit. On you as well. People are here PRETENDING they aren't looking for something, when I think they are. There's plenty of other forums out there, yet here you are on a dating website. It's not fooling anyone. | |
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| can someone help me with my soon to be hubby
Posted: 8/7/2009 10:32:21 PM |
I read her profile, and I call bullshit. On you as well. People are here PRETENDING they aren't looking for something, when I think they are. There's plenty of other forums out there, yet here you are on a dating website. It's not fooling anyone.
Do you suppose...sir...that one can come to this site...looking for someone and enjoy the forums...then find someone but still remain for the enjoyment of the forums.
Or....is it possible that someone looking for someone on here finds the forum side...enjoys it so much that they refer their friends (already in a relationship) to come share the joy.
Well...there are at least two possible explainations....can we now get back to the topic? | |
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drstew
| | Joined: 7/31/2009
Msg: 23 | |
| can someone help me with my soon to be hubby
Posted: 8/7/2009 10:35:20 PM |
I read her profile, and I call bullshit. On you as well. People are here PRETENDING they aren't looking for something, when I think they are. There's plenty of other forums out there, yet here you are on a dating website. It's not fooling anyone.
So, what are they looking for? The reason I would like to know is that I don't go into hiding for no apparent reason, but for some reason, I don't feel comfortable enough to come out of there. I am a 3 week newbie by the way. No other dating sites am I on.
What I am trying to say, is something stinks and I can't figure it were it is coming from, but I can smell it. | |
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| can someone help me with my soon to be hubby
Posted: 8/7/2009 10:41:07 PM |
Do you suppose...sir...that one can come to this site...looking for someone and enjoy the forums...then find someone but still remain for the enjoyment of the forums.
I could buy that if these forums were somehow different than any other of the million forums out there. Which they aren't. | |
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| can someone help me with my soon to be hubby
Posted: 8/7/2009 10:41:45 PM | Sorry to be so blunt, but anyone who even contemplates marriage at 18 (pregnant or otherwise) truly needs to have their head examined. You're still a child emotionally.
From your profile
hmmm well i like to play some video games but not gay ones more like first person shooters and i dig xbox live :) but NO W.O.W.!!!!! or any M.M.O.'s at all!!! you sound like a child. Marriage at this point would be the biggest mistake of your life. But, like most people, I'm equally sure you won't take any of the sound advice given here. It's your life. | |
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