| Are you really ready for dating?
Posted: 8/8/2009 5:25:09 AM | What is it with going through all the trouble of posting up a profile with pics and all, then on our first date say "Well, I am not really ready for dating anyone"? The addition to that was that he didnt have time to date as well. Too bad, I really liked him but it leads me to this:
HUH? Why is anyone on a dating site if they are not ready to date? | |
|
| |
| Are you really ready for dating?
Posted: 8/8/2009 5:46:40 AM | of course to see what's out there........ NOT everyone has to date on here. you don't HAVE to buy something evrytime you go into a store!! some people go to look right????? { except for me}} i have to buy.... lol lol | |
|
| Are you really ready for dating?
Posted: 8/8/2009 6:31:33 AM | | He didn't know that meeting someone was the same as going on a date. He is out meeting women he meets on dating sites, when he should be using a meeting site. When he finds someone he wants to date he will be ready to date and then he should switch back to dating sites, if only so he has a profile he can remove because now he is seeing someone, I mean dating someone. For seeing someone, he should remove his profile from a seeing someone site. | |
|
| |
| Are you really ready for dating?
Posted: 8/8/2009 7:46:30 AM | | I think when someone says "I'm not ready to date" its a nice way of saying "I don't want to date you".... | |
|
| Are you really ready for dating?
Posted: 8/8/2009 7:53:22 AM | His profile DOES state that he is here for "dating". I guess he may not want to date me, heck, it has happened before and I am sure he wont be the last but really, guys, can you be honest about it? lol 
Oh and you can see what is out there on here without going throught the trouble of putting up a profile. | |
|
| Are you really ready for dating?
Posted: 8/8/2009 7:55:55 AM | He probably hadn't realized it until then. I'm inclined to take him at his word, because I think this happens a lot; people break up with someone, sign up on a dating site, enjoy the attention, then the penny drops, "Oh, wait, if I find someone I really like, this means starting the whole thing all over again."
Alternatively, this could just be a way of gently turning down someone whose feelings he doesn't want to hurt. But I think the first scenario is more likely.
I can't tell if it was more of a disappointment for you, or, more, you thought it was funny - hope he was nice enough, and your feelings casual enough, for a bit of both!
 | |
|
| Are you really ready for dating?
Posted: 8/8/2009 7:57:42 AM |
I guess he may not want to date me, heck, it has happened before and I am sure he wont be the last but really, guys, can you be honest about it?.
Maybe because they don't want to hurt your feelings? | |
|
| |
| Are you really ready for dating?
Posted: 8/8/2009 8:22:00 AM | Sometimes you just want to get out and enjoy another's company without an expection of it leading to more. That might fall into the activity partner, but here that's deemed to be sexual. Light, casual "dating"... hard to classify as anything other than as a date, but not "dating" per se.
I'm pretty busy. I don't have time for an ongoing relationship although I'm sure if I met someone who fit, I'd make time. It's hard to date when all you have to offer is bits and pieces of time... did have one guy who was willing to dine on the crumbs, but that's not fair to him.
Did you ask him if he'd like to go out again? | |
|
| Are you really ready for dating?
Posted: 8/8/2009 8:55:15 AM | Have you never heard of window shopping, or just heading out to shop with no specific plan of action to buy?........OMG.......I sound like a woman....... 
There are many around that want to date, but are not sure that they know how, or can really afford to, or want company, but not commitment, etc. There are no real rules for dating and how it happens, or if one is really ready to be doing it at all.
You can have someone that has not been with another for years, and quite content, and all of a sudden, another will come into their life, and now they are not only dating, but in a relationship that they never even initiated.
There are others that date and date and date, and not only disappoint those they are dating, but themselves as well, because they really do not know what they are doing or whom they are searching for, if anyone.
I can tell you this from personal experience, that before I bought my first motorcycle, I would window shop, compare types, brands, prices, and took my time for a couple of years before I decided to actually start the bidding and buying process.
The same has happened to me with dating and women in general, and I window shop much of the time, compare types, brands, prices, and take my time, before I actually start that process of maybe being involved in a committed relationship.
I think that is what dating is really about, and not just a goal of finding that one immediately, or in a short amount of time, and to actually know what you are looking for and why.
Just my opinion.......   | |
|
| Are you really ready for dating?
Posted: 8/8/2009 10:21:56 AM | | He just wasn't ready to date you , an excuse to either have a FWB situation or not see you again, you'll know which it is if he starts calling and asking just to come over for an hour or two | |
|
| Are you really ready for dating?
Posted: 8/8/2009 4:01:25 PM | | LOL - I doubt that, he says he is too busy to date so he may not have an hour or two. Thanks for all your responces. | |
|
| Are you really ready for dating?
Posted: 8/8/2009 4:44:53 PM | Sounds like he needs a slap! You're quite the catch, he must have some serious personal / emotional issues to pass up such an opportunity. Just move on, nothing but trouble can come from this situation  | |
|
| Are you really ready for dating?
Posted: 8/8/2009 5:31:47 PM |
Why is anyone on a dating site if they are not ready to date?
Because they are lonely and "once in a while dinner date" isn't an option on the looking for menu?
As to your situation maybe it was a new profile, you were the one of the first people he was in contact with, and by the first date he looked at all the emailing, all the going to check for email, the planning and coordinating schedules, the having to think about what to wear, what to do, where to go, and just got exhausted and came to the conclusion that he doesn't want to go through all that. That internet dating is just too much trouble.
Maybe he is an old pro on here and you got the guy that has honed his skill and the next step is to try and get you into some sort of "friend" relationship as a step towards the "fwb" relationship, to ultimately end up in the "fb" relationship...or cycle.
Maybe it is similar to the people that put LTR when looking for an intimate encounter.
Only in his case he wants to "hang out," but no one responds to that choice so he chose dating instead.
Or any of the reasons already listed. | |
|
| Are you really ready for dating?
Posted: 8/8/2009 5:50:13 PM | 1. Doesn't want to date YOU. (His loss as you are attractive, smart and caring)
2. He really, really doesn't want to date. (I have friends on my profile for a reason. I don't want to lead anyone on)
3. It was draft day and you were the next draft choice on the board (along with others) | |
|
| Are you really ready for dating?
Posted: 8/9/2009 5:02:33 AM | | Strapping Young Lad and SOFHR - thank you so much for the compliments and they came on my birthday. I couldnt have had better gifts than a little ego boost. | |
|
| Are you really ready for dating?
Posted: 8/9/2009 8:04:15 AM | Birthday! Well then,
Happy birthday to you! I'd sing but, you couldn't hear it. That's probably lucky for you as my singing could knock a buzzard of a crap wagon at 100 yards! | |
|
| Are you really ready for dating?
Posted: 8/9/2009 8:09:58 AM | | LOL - I have a couple of turkey vultures roosting in my barn that I wouldnt be too upset if they moved. | |
|
| Are you really ready for dating?
Posted: 8/9/2009 8:18:25 AM |
I think when someone says "I'm not ready to date" its a nice way of saying "I don't want to date you"....
That pretty much sums it up. | |
|
| Are you really ready for dating?
Posted: 8/9/2009 8:28:59 AM | I have been on this site for over a year and I've been on 1 date which only lasted about 2 hours. I have on my profile "friends". My reason being, if they can be my friend first, if there is chemistry, if the feeling is mutual, then I will take the time to continue.
Now, he had just met me and wanted to hold my hand, sweet but I don't know. Then he wanted to kiss me. Again, I am now feeling a little uncomfortable. Several other little things popped up during those 2 hours and 2 weeks later, I realized it wasn't that I didn't have time, but I didn't want to make time. Bottom line: I'm looking, but it needs to fit and not feel uncomfortable. The chemistry has to be mutual, if it's not, keep window shopping it doesn't cost a thing. Sometimes you like them more, sometimes they like you more. Hope you find someone that fits and feels comfortable. Have fun!!! | |
|
| Are you really ready for dating?
Posted: 8/9/2009 10:02:58 AM | My reason being, if they can be my friend first, if there is chemistry, if the feeling is mutual, then I will take the time to continue
I think this is one of the biggest mistakes people make when dating - the ole "Friends First" bit. Most guys out there - myself included - are not interested in being your buddy first, with hopes that one day you'll decide that we're good enough to date. Excuse my bluntness, but to hell with that. I already have friends, my interest in you is romantic, why do I want to waste my time being your buddy first so that two or three or six months down the road you decide you want something different and I've wasted all that time and passed up several other opportunities for nothing? It is very possible and quite common to build a friendship while you are dating. Yes, I agree that your companion should indeed be your best friend - but again that friendship is best built while spending romantic evenings together. One of the quickest ways to lose a man is tell him you just want to be "friends first."
It has been my personal experience that people who tout the "friends first" line are typically either terrified of commitment, or really don't know what it is they want. I won't even talk to someone who uses the "friends first" bit. It's a waste of time.
Now, he had just met me and wanted to hold my hand, sweet but I don't know. Then he wanted to kiss me. Again, I am now feeling a little uncomfortable. Several other little things popped up during those 2 hours and 2 weeks later, I realized it wasn't that I didn't have time, but I didn't want to make time. Bottom line: I'm looking, but it needs to fit and not feel uncomfortable. The chemistry has to be mutual, if it's not, keep window shopping it doesn't cost a thing. Sometimes you like them more, sometimes they like you more. Hope you find someone that fits and feels comfortable. Have fun!!
If you want my honest opinion (which you probably don't, but here it is anyway) you really shouldn't be dating. You're no where close to being ready. You're way, way too cautious and guarded.
I'm not meaning to attack you, or hurt your feelings. I'm merely offering an honest opinion based on what I've read in your post. For someone as attractive as yourself to have only risked one date in over a year is very, very telling. | |
|
| Are you really ready for dating?
Posted: 8/9/2009 4:02:19 PM | Well Elbs does have on her profile "friends" so her intentions are not misleading when someone reads her profile. If a profile states "dating" or "long term" I would suspect that that person is ready to date. I do think there are other intention options that would have better suited for this great guy. I think that when he is really ready to date and when he finds the right woman, she will be very lucky.
I absolutely agree with Cinsav about being here for romantic interests, that is exactly what I mean when I have "long term" on my profile. | |
|
| Are you really ready for dating?
Posted: 8/9/2009 5:19:39 PM | Thank you cinsay for your honesty, I don't mind. There were other factors involved with my decision, but I don't feel comfortable talking about it here.
Don't worry you're not hurting my feelings... my friends, girlfriends, do tell me I'm too picky.
I did meet someone very nice at a POF event, and I thought we had a connection, but then he didn't persue it. I realized that maybe the connection was all on my side, but I didn't sweat it, and I wasn't upset.
And the "I shouldn't be dating", obviously I'm not , but it doesn't bother me.
Thanks again!! | |
|
Home
login 
