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Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Guy  > do guys ever want to date a "slut"?      Home login  
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 pandoras_sox
Joined: 7/26/2009
Msg: 1
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do guys ever want to date a "slut"?Page 1 of 1    
do guys assume that if a girl hooks up with him, she's hooking up with everyone?

how much time is enough time to wait so that a guy won't think a girl is too slutty and not date-able (only ****able)?

any related info would be appreciated.

thanks,
pandora
 JP1111
Joined: 4/13/2008
Msg: 2
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do guys ever want to date a slut?
Posted: 8/9/2009 2:35:44 AM
Most guys will only assume the girl they hooking up with will have other FB also. She will not preceived as a slut since they may have other partners as well. The days where women are considered a slut for "hooking up" with a a guy are over (fir the most part) since we do it.

Since guys no longer consider women slutty for having many partners, the appropriate amount of time before we think thet are datable is the same as it always was, which is the amount of time you think is needed.
 jakeo_germany
Joined: 6/17/2006
Msg: 3
do guys ever want to date a slut?
Posted: 8/9/2009 2:55:29 AM
I generally think a girl that 'hooks up' right away is a slut, but I don't care that she is one.
 mjmilan
Joined: 12/28/2006
Msg: 4
do guys ever want to date a slut?
Posted: 8/9/2009 2:57:07 AM


do guys assume that if a girl hooks up with him, she's hooking up with everyone?

Simple answer - no. It's irrelevent anyway - before a sexual relationship starts we should have things like that covered...


how much time is enough time to wait so that a guy won't think a girl is too slutty and not date-able (only ****able)?

Again, not a question of time.

Things should happen when the moment is right, and not before...

Martin
 Jimg88
Joined: 8/4/2009
Msg: 5
do guys ever want to date a slut?
Posted: 8/9/2009 3:09:15 AM
IMO I feel that most guys outlook on how many guys a girl has hooked up with is directly proportionate to the amount of time before she hooks up with him. Now this time is considerd as contact time.

For example if you go on a few dates and keep in contact with the guy over a couple weeks before sleeping with him then it appears you are less likely to have slept with a large amount of guys rather than if you sleep with him on the very first date.

You have to understand that a guy is not as emotionally tied to sex as a girl might be. If you don't give the guy time to build an emotional attachment to you before adding sex to the relationship then he will never see you as being interested in anything more than a sexual partner. A guy is not going to see you as slutty unless thats what you are portraying and showing him. It's ok to use your sexuality to get someone interested but don't over do it, show us that your capable of engaging us on other levels and interested in us more than just physiclly and you'll find someone whos willing to spend more than just one night with you.
 oregonsaint
Joined: 5/22/2009
Msg: 6
do guys ever want to date a slut?
Posted: 8/9/2009 3:26:04 AM
Let me see. A guy thinks a grl is a slut after she sleeps with him/he sleeps with her? Never did make much sense to me when I hear B/S like that. Uhhhh......you slept with each other. It takes two to do the horizontal hokey pokey. If anyone ever figures out to do it solo...no i dont mean masterbation, please let me know.

A woman is no more a slut for sleeping with a guy, than he is a slut for sleeping with her.

In my opinion, there is no specific amount of time that it would take to change a guys mind that thinks like that, because he is a prlck anyways.

That having been said, I have found that having sex too soon in a developing relationship, can complicate things, and take your eyes off of the prize so to speak. It is far to easy to hold a relationship together, that would ultimately fail, with good sex.

my two cents at least
 Stinger911
Joined: 2/28/2009
Msg: 7
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do guys ever want to date a slut?
Posted: 8/9/2009 3:43:53 AM
I really don't like how the word "slut" is thrown around.

It's basically a remnant from the Victorian era when morality was legislated.

Really the difference between a "slut" and a "non-slut" is self esteem. If the girl is having sex to feel better about herself and give herself a boost and she's doing it often, you could say that's a slut.

But a high-self-esteem girl who acts on her emotions is not a slut, she's healthy.

If a girl WANTS to have sex and it feels right to her but she STOPS herself because she thinks "Oh, he will think I'm a slut!" then that's really weak in my opinion and she's more concerned about what other people think than she is with being authentic to herself.
 Jimg88
Joined: 8/4/2009
Msg: 8
do guys ever want to date a slut?
Posted: 8/9/2009 4:25:55 AM
I good deal of being in a relationship is caring what your significant other thinks. If a girl wants to have sex on the first date then thats fine there is nothing wrong with that but that doesn't mean the guy should have to see her as relationship material.

For a relationship to work you need to think about more than your own feelings but about what the otehr person is feeling and how your actions make them feel. You are always in your right to do what makes you happy but if you want something long term you need to make the other person happy and feel positively about you as well.
 theoddestspot
Joined: 1/16/2008
Msg: 9
do guys ever want to date a slut?
Posted: 8/9/2009 5:01:10 AM
nope. just because a woman hooks up with one guy doesnt mean all the guyus shes date ride the train. sometimes people just click and it happens, or it doesnt.

as far as time I dont think there is a standard around that. whatever works for the 2 individuals is all that matters.

I think you should be more consider about how you feel and when your comfortable to share your body with a man.
 RenaissanceMan1950
Joined: 2/20/2009
Msg: 10
do guys ever want to date a slut?
Posted: 8/9/2009 5:26:04 AM
OP, I have always applied the same "rules" to women as I do to myself, when it comes to sexuality. I thought that we buried the old "double standard" in the 70s, along with "equal pay for equal work". In my day to day life, I don't know a single guy who would use the word "slut", or cling to the double standard. Generally, the men I see on the fora who still do, are mostly poorly educated, lower status men.

For what it's worth, every significant relationship in my life, including a 20 year marriage, began with sex very early in the relationship. National polls show that well over half the people report that they have had sex on a first date at some point in their lives.

At 29 you should have started to figure out who you are and what you want, rather than worried about what some new guy thinks you should be. That's not just about when to have sex, but everything else too. Most guys aren't looking for reasons to "judge" you, and anyone who is right for you will be in sync with you, when it comes to deciding when it feels right for both of you to become sexual.
 allsmiles50
Joined: 7/20/2009
Msg: 11
do guys ever want to date a slut?
Posted: 8/9/2009 5:34:19 AM
RM1950. If polls show sex is the beignning of all relationships, then shouldn't we consider all the other news items that go along with it? Why is divorce so high? Why are there so many abussive relationships? Why are there so hurt, beat, and abandoned children? Do you think it's all an indication of self-centeredness? "Me! Me! Me! I want fullfilled! I want company so I stop feeling lonely at any cost. Le tme give myself away. I'll take anything I can get."
Think maybe its time to do things different instead of staying on the same path that keeps doing the same bad things over and over?
Insanity - doing the same things over and over while expecting different results.
As a dog returns to it's vomit - why would you want to keep to the very thing that made you sick in the first place?

Someone much wiser than I said, people jump to sex in hopes of replacing the family love they never experienced. I used to think my family was normal until I got around other families and saw the differences. And when I encountered true love I see how far removed people are from it. Neediness is not love. Sex is not love, though it can be an expression of it. We are more than animals. We are more than animals that need to breed to continue the species.
 Gen Jayne
Joined: 8/4/2009
Msg: 12
do guys ever want to date a slut?
Posted: 8/9/2009 5:38:24 AM
"""Things should happen when the moment is right, and not before""

Yeah, but what if you think the moment is right within the first minute you lay eyes on him because he is so drop dead hott. What if you wanna f&ck him right there in the parking lot before you even go in the restaurant?

Are you a slut then????
 RenaissanceMan1950
Joined: 2/20/2009
Msg: 13
do guys ever want to date a slut?
Posted: 8/9/2009 5:45:52 AM

If polls show sex is the beignning of all relationships, then shouldn't we consider all the other news items that go along with it? Why is divorce so high?


That's not what I said, or what the polls show. They indicate that, at some point in their lives, over half the people have had sex on a first date. So, if a woman has had, perhaps, 100 first dates, and slept with one of those 100 on a first date, she would be included, even if the other 99 never became sexual.

The point was to say that those who judge others for doing something that they themselves have done are hypocrites. Which is "on topic" to the question the OP was asking. Her concern is "judgment". She wasn't asking for a sociological perspective on marriage and divorce, nor suggestions about how she "should" view sexuality.
 Mystie_Dragonfly
Joined: 4/8/2009
Msg: 14
do guys ever want to date a slut?
Posted: 8/9/2009 5:54:21 AM
I see the same men in these forums calling women who enjoy sex sluts in one thread... then in the next thread say they won't date someone who doesn't put out.

A friend of mine wrote this. I think I am going to post it every time someone asks about being a slut...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Four-Letter Word

This means you.

Slut -- 1: a slovenly woman : SLATTERN 2a: a lewd woman; esp : PROSTITUTE b: a saucy girl : MINX

Ah, "slut." A compact little word, forceful even in the way it sounds, starting out with a hissing sibilant and pushing off of the tongue through the L and U, and then that nastily crisp T. "Slut." Say it a few times out loud. Roll it around in your mouth. "Sssslut." "Sss…lllut." Say it again. Notice that it's difficult -- almost impossible, in fact -- to pronounce it neutrally. It's got a sneer built into it, that word. It's not as twangy and unthreatening as "tramp." It's not as easy to yell as "whore." "Whore" is built for screaming rage and dishes flying through the air, with a nice gusty H at the front and a big old roaring R bringing up the rear. Not "slut," though. "Slut" is muttered. "Slut" is whispered. "Whore" comes in like a punch, but "slut" tingles, like a slap. "Slut" hides behind the teeth. "Slut" is for when your back is turned.

"Slut" is for when you don't act like a lady. "Slut" is for when you sit with your legs apart. "Slut" is for when you wear it short, tight, without a bra, cut up high and down low and around the side, because, see, "slut" is also for when you have the nerve to enjoy your body in front of women who hate their own bodies. Don't strut. Don't dance with soul, or lick your lips. Don't look too good; don't think you look too good. Digging your own self is slutty. Making your own good time is slutty. Who do you think you are, anyway? Knees together, slut.

"Slut" is for when you forget to hate and fear boys. "Slut" is for when you talk to them, flirt with them, hang out with them and watch kung fu movies, pretend they don't suck at guitar, sit on their laps, cut their hair. "Slut" is for when you don't remember that you can't have a male friend unless he's your brother or gay, because your male friends want to fvck you, and you can't handle that. "Slut" is liking sports and belches and messy apartments -- or, rather, "liking" those things, because you couldn't really like those things. You just pretend to like them so that you can get attention from men, because you have no personality of your own, and even if you did, men only want you for your action anyway. That's pathetic. Get a life, slut.

"Slut" is for when, in spite of everything you've learned from Cosmo and your sorority sisters, you just love men, for when you want to look at them and talk about them and burrow your nose into their necks and lick them from head to toe and hop right on them when they walk in the door like that scene from Raising Arizona where Holly Hunter clings to Nicolas Cage like a wood tick. Ugh. That's so undignified. That's so unfeminine. "Slut" is for walking down the street and talking to a friend on your cell phone and watching a cute boy walk past in the opposite direction and looking at him and looking away and looking back and then turning around in mid-sentence to keep looking. "Slut" is for thinking of stubble burn and biting your lip. "Slut" is for remembering the way your first true love used to pin you up against his car door and flushing clear up to the roots of your hair. "Slut" is for big hands and deep voices. "Slut" is for on top of you and under you and behind you, in the closet, on the floor, under the piano. "Slut" is for liking it. "Slut" is for wanting it. "Slut" is for going after it. Men hunt, women gather; men chase, women wait. Look it up, slut.

· Bad girls have more fun. That doesn't seem fair, does it?

"Slut" is for kissing boys with tongue. "Slut" is for kissing lots of different boys with tongue. "Slut" is for craving kissing lots of different boys with tongue. That's not right, you know. It says so in the Bible, and in social hygiene films. "Slut" is for loving sex. "Slut" is for needing sex. "Slut" is for thinking sex isn't shameful. Sex is for married people, for diamond owners, for nice girls in twin sets whose mothers hid the Erica Jong, for people totally and completely, like, in total and complete love, and it takes place behind closed doors, with the lights out. Sex isn't fun. Sex isn't casual. Sex is a deadly serious, disgusting, dirty, degrading business. Just lie there. Don't move around. Don't use your fingernails or moan or anything; that's slutty. Don't get on top. Don't go down. Going down is really slutty, especially if you like it as much as he does. Ew. That's so gross. Only a slut would like that. That's so sickening. I bet you masturbate, too. Ew, I can't even think about that. That's so foul -- touching yourself down there like that? That's -- well, it's dirty and sticky and gross, dude! Nobody does that. Well, boys do, but that's different.

"Slut" is for sex outside a committed relationship. Sex outside a committed relationship is a cry for help. It means you have no self-respect, obviously. You're, like, a total nympho, man. I can't believe you would even do that. God. Don't talk about it. Don't think about it. Don't miss it. Don't daydream about doing it with Josh Hartnett in a waterfall. I mean -- yuck. That's totally slutty. Are you, like, desperate or something? Why else would you just have sex with a guy? That's so wrong. You're so wrong. You're such a slut.

"Slut" is for fvcking on the first date, giving head instead of your number, not caring if he calls, caring if he calls but fvcking another guy to pass the time. You do that stuff, well, clearly you're a slut. What's even worse? You, like, enjoy it. It's so show-offy, too. Like, "look at me, I think I'm a guy," like Samantha on Sex & The City, like, get over yourself, hon. And, I mean, Samantha brings home at least one new guy every week, but she's, like, obviously so miserable and empty inside because she never settles down. Don't you want to get married? How do you ever expect to get married if you keep slutting around? You have to save yourself. I mean, no man's going to want you if you've slept with, like, a million other guys before him. You're used. You're dirty. He'll fvck you, but he'll never bring you home to his mother, because you didn't stay pure and go to bed only with guys you loved. And you can't have more experience than your husband; that's just not done. What if he gets insecure about it? You'll scare him off. You don't want that, do you?

· Do you know how much I hate you, you slut? Almost as much as I hate myself.

And you've probably got diseases. I bet you don't even use protection. Remember? How you have no self-respect? And don't use condoms and birth control, because you just want guys to like you, so you just fvck them? That's so sad. I feel really sorry for you. Yeah, you say you enjoy it, but it's just a compulsion, and it's pitiful, really.

Just stay away from my man, okay? Don't even talk to him. Women have to look out for each other, because men would never look out for us, because we don't deserve their respect and fidelity. We women have to stick together. If he steps out on me with you, that's not his fvck-up. It's yours. I mean, you're the slut here. You obviously came onto him all barracuda-style and lured him into bed, so I blame you completely. So just don't even go over there to talk to him. He'd never treat me right, and if I left you two alone, something would happen.

God, I can't even look at you. You just prance around acting all carefree like you don't care what happens, like it doesn't matter, like you have the right to sleep with whomever you want or something -- you make me ill! I hate you! fvck you, slut!

------------------------------

If you found yourself nodding along in sincere agreement with any of what's written above, you have a serious, serious problem and need to report to your nearest therapist for a course of self-esteem rehabilitation and double-standard deprogramming. The rest of you may continue to wear your sluttishness with pride. Here endeth the lesson.

And thank you, Dr. Weston.
A review of The Ethical Slut.
You know, your mother doesn't know everything.
Please slut responsibly.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 Jim978
Joined: 7/10/2009
Msg: 15
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do guys ever want to date a slut?
Posted: 8/9/2009 8:01:29 AM

do guys assume that if a girl hooks up with him, she's hooking up with everyone?


IME, people who assume tend to make a lot of mistakes.



how much time is enough time to wait so that a guy won't think a girl is too slutty and not date-able (only ****able)?


"How much time" is entirely up to the two individuals involved. Circumstances/feelings/wants/desires/needs change from day to day. As long as 2 adults make a decision they are both willing to live with... that's their business.
 bwana217
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 16
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do guys ever want to date a slut?
Posted: 8/9/2009 8:17:20 AM

"""Things should happen when the moment is right, and not before""

Yeah, but what if you think the moment is right within the first minute you lay eyes on him because he is so drop dead hott. What if you wanna f&ck him right there in the parking lot before you even go in the restaurant?

Are you a slut then????


That would be somewhat impractical. Automobiles are a bit on the small size these days, and many municipalities have laws against that sort of thing. A bit of fellatio, though, is always appreciated.

I'm glad to see that most men here aren't supporting the idea of the "slut" box or Madonna/Whore dichotomy, and some have pointed out that their longest and deepest relationships began with sex very early. I think that most self-actualized men are like this.

However, it doesn't matter, because when women express a fear of being considered a slut, it is not primarily because of men's reactions, but those of other women.
 Navigator6
Joined: 3/5/2008
Msg: 17
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do guys ever want to date a slut?
Posted: 8/9/2009 8:41:07 AM

do guys assume that if a girl hooks up with him, she's hooking up with everyone?

Personally, in the last 2 years, I have ended 3 meet & greets early, simply because (without me ever bringing it up) 3 women made it very clear that they would be willing to "go home with me" that night. When I hear something like that, the first thing that comes to mind is, how many other strangers from the internet has she slept with? With all of the incurable and potentially deadly STD's there are out there, it boggles my mind how people could/would hook-up so indiscriminately. Condoms DO NOT protect you from everything.
 Tyefromnj1
Joined: 10/11/2008
Msg: 18
do guys ever want to date a slut?
Posted: 8/9/2009 9:29:44 AM
I rather have a someone with a little sexual promiscuity. This site and many woman outside of here sure know how to be considered prudes.
 RenaissanceMan1950
Joined: 2/20/2009
Msg: 19
do guys ever want to date a slut?
Posted: 8/9/2009 9:30:25 AM
A friend wrote me an email about my post #10 indicating that it might appear to advocate early sex. If that's the way it was interpreted, my apologies, because that was not the point.

The point simply is, OP, that you shouldn't have sex, out of fear that a man will judge you a prude and leave, nor should you worry about him judging you, if it feels right to you to have sex. After all, if/when you have sex with a man, he's there too, doing the same thing. If a man judges you negatively for something that he is doing too, he has revealed himself to be a sexist hypocrite, and probably a control freak.

The double standard has no basis in society as it exists now. The old model from the 50s, where every woman had to pretend to be a virgin on her wedding day, and men were judged first on the basis of being a "good provider" are relics of the past, and those who cling to them are generally ignorant.

So, if two people mutually choose a vow of chastity until marriage, that's a wonderful thing. Otherwise, if they both expect it to become sexual prior to marriage, then "when" of it is up to what feels right to them as a couple, and what feels right shouldn't be based on fear of what the other will think of you.
 pandoras_sox
Joined: 7/26/2009
Msg: 20
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do guys ever want to date a slut?
Posted: 8/9/2009 10:12:18 AM
mystie- awesome.

yes i am 29 but i've never "dated" before.. not via the internet. usually, i know a guy for a while, he's a friend or a coworker or a school chum and by the time we fvck its not like we just met each other. so i'm just curious about the "rules".. obv they do not hold for everyone but there must be some concensus, i figure, among men.

i've gone out with 3 guys now from plentyoffish over the course of a month. and fooled around with all of them, because i like sex and there was a click, of one degree or another. none of them have continued to pursue me so i'm just WONDERING whats up? i guess i should keep it in my pants, yo, if i want a bf.

thanks for the input everyone.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 21
do guys ever want to date a slut?
Posted: 8/9/2009 10:13:32 AM
I don't consider women sluts for having sex. I also don't assume that a woman who has sex with me right away has done that with everyone. In some cases she probably does in others I'm sure she hasn't. Either way, it doesn't matter. I've done it and I don't berlieve in double standards. Any guy who won't date you because you slept with him is a hypocrite with a low opinion of himself.

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