| help asking out a girl at the office
Posted: 8/9/2009 5:42:53 AM | im certain this girl likes me...but never get a chance to talk to her alone. she is excessivly flirty when we pass in the hallway...but seems to by shy and never says anything beyond "hi how are you?" also she and i both sit in offices with 4 other people so i cant go ask her out in front of 3 other girls.
i tried waiting until she is there late and going over to chat abolut why shes there late, but she is always leaving early.
guess im not so much looking for how to ask her out as just to talk to her | |
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| help asking out a girl at the office
Posted: 8/9/2009 5:50:06 AM | Even a cat is smart enough to not eat from a dish that's next to its litter box. It is never, ever a good idea to "ask out" a co-worker. It's weird and uncomfortable, if she says "no", and can be a disaster if you start dating and it doesn't work out.
If anything is "meant to be" with a co-worker, it will happen serendipitously. You'll find yourselves in the same group doing some activity, like a golf outing, bowling league, etc.. and be part of the same large "circle of friends", and things will go from there.
To just walk up to someone who works where you do, and out of the blue ask her out, is not a great "career move", and 90% of the potential, if you do, is on the downside. | |
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| help asking out a girl at the office
Posted: 8/9/2009 6:16:55 AM | Not a good idea to date someone from one's workplace. You need to think how awkward things could get if things go pear shaped.
Regarding:-
....she is excessivly flirty when we pass in the hallway...but seems to by shy and never says anything beyond "hi how are you?"
If she never so much as says anything beyond the above and seems to be shy, what on earth is she doing to be "excessivly flirty?" | |
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| help asking out a girl at the office
Posted: 8/9/2009 7:55:11 AM | Asking out a coworker is a bad idea. Can't stress this enough. It may seem unfair that you've met someone you'd really like to date and you can't because of the situation, but trust me, asking out a coworker is a horrible idea. She may say no, feel really uncomfortable, mention it to other coworkers, even if you do it nicely and respectfully, things could get out of hand and you could be accused of harassment.
Even if she said yes, there are a lots of problems with dating a coworker, and even more when you break up with one. Just don't do it. | |
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| help asking out a girl at the office
Posted: 8/9/2009 9:08:07 AM | | I know everyone says asking out a coworker is a bad idea, but i still think it can be done without it being too weird. I'm a girl, and i had a crush on someone from work before, and i wish he would've said something or show some sign of interest. You can organize a happy-hour with just few people from work, and invite her (send an email if you can't ask her in person). I say hang out just as co-workers getting to know each other...no harm there, and let things take it's course. I agree that things can get awkward but if you take things slow and be a gentleman, and if she is mature about it, it doesn't have to be. | |
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| help asking out a girl at the office
Posted: 8/9/2009 9:20:20 AM | There are some potential pitfalls, but having had a great relationship early in my life that resulted from meeting at work and, despite ending eventually (very well, though, easiest breakup ever), inspired no regrets, I can't agree with "don't do it."
As to how... maybe just ask her if she'd like to get lunch with you, like you might with any colleague. You could do this at one of the times when she's flirting with you! This is casual and need not lead to anything beyond friendship if you find, upon getting to know her a bit, that you're not compatible after all. On the other hand, if it goes well, it could lead to dinner another time. I like juzmi's idea, too, of starting out with a group activity.
Good luck! | |
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| help asking out a girl at the office
Posted: 8/9/2009 4:31:24 PM | Don't listen to these losers -afraid to take a chance...
Office romances can be fun, as long as the two of you feel the same way.
The best time to make your move (or see if she's gonna make her move on you) is during breaks or lunch. you can talk freely and see if you have anything in common worth persuing. most of it's all about comparing your lives, Maybe you both like mosh pits, scary movies, skydiving naked or she needs someone to help her change the oil in her car. if something clicks, suggest you try it together some time. -even lunch (if she likes subway for lunch) -tell her your going that way can you bring her something back (or does she wanna come along, or bring everyone in the office with you) | |
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| help asking out a girl at the office
Posted: 8/9/2009 7:55:36 PM | | Any place you and your co-workers could co-mingle after work..."happy hour", an office party, etc.-? Might be a better place to talk with her. | |
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| help asking out a girl at the office
Posted: 8/9/2009 8:07:45 PM | | Avoid office romance, things can get complicated if it doesn't work. Don't let your emotions interfere with common sense. | |
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| help asking out a girl at the office
Posted: 8/9/2009 8:44:18 PM | I dont agree with those that say dont do the work thing in this context.
It can hardly cause a work problem if the given logistics makes it hard to have a conversation in the first place!
Having said that, when it comes to "bold" vs "when the opportunity presents" I wouldnt select "bold" for the office. | |
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| help asking out a girl at the office
Posted: 8/10/2009 5:28:58 AM | thanks for the advice! i'm not worried about a sh1tstorm in the office. she seems pretty mature and not flaky.
you guys pointed out some of my problems here...nobody at my office ever does anything together...no get togethers or social events, otherwise this would be easy.
i got like 1 work related excuse to talk to her for a few minutes...thinking i should try and find her alone and do it before lunch time or late in the day and ask if she wants to go get something to eat. | |
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| help asking out a girl at the office
Posted: 8/10/2009 9:17:43 PM | | Please, please please don't ask co-workers out on a date. Even if it's just one date. I have been there before and been so sprung for co-workers. We'd date, stay exclusive and then something stupid would happen(usually by me) we'd break up and then we'd see each other at work. Do you want awkward, uncomfortableness? Savor how you and her are in this point in time, and take full advantage of any opportunity that presents itself when you both can talk. Who cares what the other cubicle people think, just strike up a conversation with her. | |
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| help asking out a girl at the office
Posted: 8/13/2009 12:45:41 PM | Update: as i said, not worried about her being psycho.
she was here really late in the day...i stopped and asked what she was doing here...finishing stuff before going on vacation. she complained a litttle about having to work too hard. we chatted about her plans for a min. shes going home to FL to visit parents. i'm not very talkative and usually strike out by just not keeping girls interested/awkwawrd silences, so i kept it brief and told her to have fun and said bye. was going to use the bit about me starving and we should go get some food but she was leaving that night. she was acting all smiley and way too happy for someone working late and packing and stuff.
when i see her next i guess ill just ask how it was. i dunno maybe say she looks tan to bring up the fun experienceand get her telling me about what she did. know its wierd planning this but i just have trouble talking to people on the fly if i dont know them...not cuz im shy but i just dont have anything to talk to them about. any advice? wish me luck. | |
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| help asking out a girl at the office
Posted: 8/13/2009 3:19:00 PM | If no one in your office does anything, perhaps you should be the one to try setting it up. I normally find that people want to do stuff, but everyones too lazy to arrange it.
If you all go out together, You'll soon know if there's a chance of anything more. If you guys flirt like you seem to in the office, the other people will notice too!
don't let her pass you by mate, a bit of embarassment/awkwardness is NOT as bad as regretting what you didn't do. | |
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| help asking out a girl at the office
Posted: 8/13/2009 3:50:06 PM | When did "hi how are you?" become excessively flirty?
Office romances can be fun, as long as the two of you feel the same way.
Hilighted for emphasis. I've seen many carriers destroyed by jealous men & women... when they quit feeling the same way about one another. | |
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| help asking out a girl at the office
Posted: 8/13/2009 4:46:05 PM | | How many times do we have to tell people to never, ever get romantically involved with someone at work? That's a definite disaster waiting to happen. And I've seen it happen at work just within the past few weeks. They were once great friends. Then they dated. Now they wont even talk to each other, which makes for some very uncomfortable situations in the workplace. | |
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| help asking out a girl at the office
Posted: 8/13/2009 8:28:16 PM | Dude, just stick to the flirting and the fantasy, the problem with flirting is sometimes people misunderstand flirtations for feelings of " oh she must like me"
second problem is you dont know her or her habits and she doesnt know you or your habits, and once people end up dating and or in relationships, things change, what was cute in the beginning now can become extremely annoying she may be a ball breaker for certain things.
She also likes flirting and flirts with others, and even if you're dating what happens if she flirts with the other guys and youve never noticed? do you think its going to stop?
Be friends with her first if you truly like her than it wont matter because youre getting to know her . | |
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| help asking out a girl at the office
Posted: 8/13/2009 8:42:33 PM | | Having just gone through the harassment training at work I can safely say, don't even consider it. In this economy I think having a job is better than getting fired for trying to get a date from a coworker. | |
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| help asking out a girl at the office
Posted: 8/13/2009 8:44:06 PM | First off good luck. Just take your time. No need to ask her outright. Just find ways to spend time with her. If things are good go for more but if not don't push it because you still have to work with her and the last thing you want is to be dealing with someone who knows you like them but isn't actually interested. Play it cool. Talk to her often. Ask her if she wants to grab a coffee after work one day but make sure you know she has time. Just ask her if shes doing anything later on when she passes you in the hall. Be subtle  Good luck | |
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| help asking out a girl at the office
Posted: 8/14/2009 2:40:32 AM | Having been a company owner as well as an employee, I can tell you most assuredly, do not and I repeat NOT get involved with a co-worker. It can go one of two ways. You date for a while, and become distracted from work due to your relationship, thereby making your work performance go down. There will be office gossip, random comments made by women and men in your office, and eventually, even if you try to keep everything quiet, you will be called on the 'carpet' for having a relationship with someone in the office. Most companies have rules forbidding this type of behavior to prevent just these things from happening.
Then, if you and she don't work out, there will be uncomfortable situations where you see one another on a daily basis, pass in the hall, are in meetings together, etc. The party who ended the relationship will be judged by the office gossip mongers as a 'jerk' or a 'tease', and it will affect not only the two of you, but your friends in the office. Once again, you will be called on the 'carpet' for the disruption in the office, because invariably your work performance will suffer, and both of you will be seen as weak because you couldn't control yourselves and seperate the work environment from the dating environment.
Your office employees do not socialize outside of work, you have stated. There may be good reason for this. There may be history in this company of people bringing personal business into the work environment and causing production to suffer.
In my company, we socialized quite a bit outside of work. We regularly had outings, went out for drinks, picnics, family days, that sort of things. There were even Fridays when everyone was caught up for the week and deserved a special treat and I would take everyone over to my house at noon to swim in the pool and have Margaritas! Those were fun times. But I made it clear in my relationships with employees that they were not to "Shit where they eat", which meant no dating fellow employees. Have fun, flirt, joke and enjoy yourself, but do not date, do not sleep with, and do not harrass other employees. Break those rules, find another job. And believe me, no one wanted to lose their job working for me. My employees made great money, worked hard, played hard, but enjoyed what they did.
Now, do you really want to risk losing your job by asking this girl if she had fun on her vacation? Or tell her how hot she looks with her new tan?
Think carefully. Rent is hard to make on unemployment.
Beth | |
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| help asking out a girl at the office
Posted: 8/14/2009 5:17:14 PM | | Hey man, if you want to do it then go ahead, but know the risks involved. Be subtle and appropriate and don't "ask her out" as such, but be social with her and go with the flow. | |
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| help asking out a girl at the office
Posted: 8/14/2009 6:14:38 PM | | Do you like your job? Do you want to LOSE your job? Do you want to KEEP your job? Have you ever heard the term "sexual harrassment"? If you want to stay employed and your job is important to you.. stop stop stop looking at co-workers. Go date and pursue women elsewhere. | |
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| help asking out a girl at the office
Posted: 8/14/2009 7:33:01 PM | | It all depends on how much you care about your job. If the job doesn't mean too much to you then go for it. Otherwise the unpleasantness of always being around someone that rejects you harshly is pretty bad. | |
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| help asking out a girl at the office
Posted: 8/15/2009 3:26:51 AM | | hey OP, don't sh*t where you eat. but if you don't want to follow this sound advice i received from my Chief Warrant Officer, go ahead and do it. if things don't work out as you planned, i hope you've updated your resume because you're a*s will be looking for a new job. | |
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