| when are standards too high?
Posted: 8/9/2009 10:09:59 AM | Do you think there is anything wrong with having high standards when it comes to potential partners? Would you ever lower your standards if you think you have quite high ones?
My best guy friend thinks that i am way too fussy when it comes to potential new bf's but i just see it as me not being attracted to someone. Now im not for one min saying that looks are everything to me but honestly if your out in a pub or park or wherever and a guy doesnt catch your eye your less likely to start up a convo with them are you.
I guess I just dont know if im putting too much emphasis on the 1st impressions that guys give me.
When someone contacts you do you look at their pic before deciding if you should reply or not?
So many questions lol
 | |
|
| when are standards too high?
Posted: 8/9/2009 10:33:42 AM |
My best guy friend thinks that i am way too fussy when it comes to potential new bf's but i just see it as me not being attracted to someone. Now im not for one min saying that looks are everything to me but honestly if your out in a pub or park or wherever and a guy doesnt catch your eye your less likely to start up a convo with them are you.
This sounds like either: your friend wants to date you himself, but knows he doesn't meet your appearance standard; or, he is trying to tell you in the nicest way possible that you are fishing in ponds wherein your bait is likely to be insufficiently tempting. (Possibly both.) Either way, it's probably a good idea to pay attention.
I guess I just dont know if im putting too much emphasis on the 1st impressions that guys give me.
Yes, you are. You are ignoring that you may find someone increasingly attractive as you get to know him, regardless of whether or not he would catch your eye by simply wandering across your field of vision.
Personally, I tend not to notice blonds and redheads. They might be cute as anything but my eye just goes right past 'em. That does not mean I won't be attracted to someone with one of these hair colors, just that initially I'll have to notice him for a reason other than appearance. Which is a good way to start, anyway. | |
|
| when are standards too high?
Posted: 8/9/2009 10:42:31 AM | I think the issue is everyone has their own opinion on what are "too high standards". If someone told me they only date guys who had a specific fat percentage, or a certain shade of blond hair, or they only dated guys with pale blue eyes, or they would only date a doctor, then I would consider them to have "too high standards"...or maybe people should say "too narrow standards?" But, if someone said they prefer guys who have a TRULY athletic build, had light eyes, and were professional/college degreed...that's "more open.". But guess what? I bet you would find someone who would STILL say your standards are to high! 
Yesterday, I commented in a different thread saying I'm interested in well-spoken, tall/athletic, goal-oriented guys who are non-smokers and who do not have children...guess what? I had a guy comment saying I was stuck up!? Of course I replied to him via email and in the thread, as I don't understand why he did that...BTW, let's say he possessed some of the characteristics that weren't appealing to me...maybe THAT was HIS issue...
I feel it is VERY important to have things in common AND find the person at least somewhat physically attractive...would you be happy being intimate with a man who you didn't find attractive at all!?! I know I couldn't...just like I'd feel empty if I thought a guy was hot...yet had NOTHING in common with him...
And of course some might think my next comment is catty, but I've personally experienced it and have seen it among certain women...there are certain women who will tell you your standards are too high...yet they would never date the same type of men that they are recommending you to date! I've also seen women who normally didn't have the ability to get a certain type of guy say this to women who normally does...by no means am I saying your particular friend is like this (hope not), but keep that in mind with certain people...
I actually had a female friend say that to me once...only for her to turn around and go after the SAME guy...but it didn't matter because I ended up with him anyway! But mostly, I get this comment from men who have shown interest in me...but they possess multiple characteristics (physical and non)that I don't find appealing...
Do what makes YOU happy...but be somewhat flexible in certain areas...and even then, you're still not going to please everyone... | |
|
| when are standards too high?
Posted: 8/9/2009 10:50:06 AM |
This sounds like either: your friend wants to date you himself, but knows he doesn't meet your appearance standard; or, he is trying to tell you in the nicest way possible that you are fishing in ponds wherein your bait is likely to be insufficiently tempting. (Possibly both.) Either way, it's probably a good idea to pay attention.
No he doesnt want to date me at all... seriously we really are just great mates. i've known him forever. I'm not his type and he definatly isnt mine lol probably why our friendship works! With regards to my bait lol it hasnt failed me in the ponds that i usually fish so far if that makes sense. He just thinks that i have two types that i dont usually stray that far away from :o) and it isnt that i dont want to its just that although i have guys who i like for their personality sometimes that isnt enough. ( im really not good at writing what i am trying to say and realise that i am making myself seem really shallow lol and i am not at all just stuck for words lol)
Yes, you are. You are ignoring that you may find someone increasingly attractive as you get to know him, regardless of whether or not he would catch your eye by simply wandering across your field of vision. [/quote I wasnt saying that if they dont catch my eye then i wouldnt bother. I probably didnt word it right lol. I'm all for getting to know someones personality but there still has to be some sort of attraction physically for me. Equally tho if im attracted to someone and they have no personality then its a no go! I've been out with guys before who are completely different from my normal "type" and that was because of their personality but they were still cute in their own way if that makes sense I tend not to notice blonds and redheads. They might be cute as anything but my eye just goes right past 'em. That does not mean I won't be attracted to someone with one of these hair colors, just that initially I'll have to notice him for a reason other than appearance. I think this is what i was trying to say  | |
|
| when are standards too high?
Posted: 8/9/2009 10:52:52 AM | I think you have to be realistic,everone has an idea of where they rank in looks.You cant hold out for a 10 when your a 5.Maybe thats what your friend is tring to tell you,but if your not worried about being single you crack on.Your standards will drop as you get more anxious for a partner.
I dont look at profiles of new contacts untill a few messages have been exchanged.If i consider them a potential,then i look.But in my case i dont get too many messages so its not a problem,if you get a lot of responce its one way to thin them out.As for first impressions....your right,you know at first glance if there's a hope of a relationship. | |
|
| when are standards too high?
Posted: 8/9/2009 10:56:04 AM | SexyKG74 i think you have hit the nail on the head and im glad to see that someone else thinks along the same lines as me and that i am not being too fussy!
I guess i just need to relax and wait and see what happens. this is probably the longest i have been single and my last relationship was for almost 7 years so i seem to have entered the world of adult dating and have no idea where to start | |
|
avpd
|
Joined: 8/5/2009
Msg: 7 | |
| when are standards too high?
Posted: 8/9/2009 11:03:37 AM | | I've been in and out of this site for years now. I remember a very attractive 40 year old woman on here a few years back. She was still a virgin and had never even dated because she had never found any man who she was attracted to. I don't know about the OP. ARE there men out there who you find attractive? If so you should hold out for men you are attracted to. | |
|
| when are standards too high?
Posted: 8/9/2009 11:03:40 AM | Cagny i kind of see where your coming from but my friend and i have such an open relationship that he would tell me if he thought i was punching above my weight as it were lol. I personally think that i am at the same level as the guys i approach and im usually not dissapointed.
I always look at profiles and then message if i like what i read and see. this might sound bad but if i were to talk to someone and then thought there may be potential but then wasnt attracted to them i'd feel bad having made that initial connection with them. | |
|
| when are standards too high?
Posted: 8/9/2009 11:10:22 AM |
I don't know about the OP. ARE there men out there who you find attractive
Yes there are men who find me attractive. I've never been short of male attention and This is where my basis for the thread came from. since splitting with my ex last year i have had a few guys express their interest in me but i'm just not attracted to them physically and this is where my friends comment about high standards come from because i dont find them attractive however i do get on with some of them on a purely friendly basis and whilst i like to talk with them etc i couldnt be involved romantically with them and this is wher he thinks my standards are too high. | |
|
| when are standards too high?
Posted: 8/9/2009 11:13:42 AM |
...punching above my weight...
Ha! That's adorable.
Given all the qualifiers following the first post, I wonder if your friend isn't simply off-base. Maybe you're just not ready to jump in the ring again yet. | |
|
| when are standards too high?
Posted: 8/9/2009 11:21:42 AM | Thanks helen lol Adorable i can cope with! defo a UK saying then
I definatly think im ready to start looking again but i guess i wont know until i try. The big difference is the last time i was single was 18, had just left home and started uni. alot has changed since then and i think when i split with my ex i had to do 6 and a bit years of growing up in roughly a year lol.
I was just wondering if maybe i was being too picky. but maybe i just am fussy! | |
|
| when are standards too high?
Posted: 8/9/2009 12:32:09 PM | I don't think anyone should lower their standards because that is too much like settling. Better to be alone.
However (as I often tell a friend of mine who will only look at someone if they're straight out of an Ambercrombie and Fitch ad) be aware that you may not be up to the standards of the people you are shooting for, and accept that they may not want you.
Also keep in mind that people who fit the high standards stereotype (good looking, successful etc) get a million offers, and they can pick and choose. In short, just be aware that you can want them all you want, but don't expect them to want you. | |
|
| when are standards too high?
Posted: 8/9/2009 12:34:21 PM |
Do you think there is anything wrong with having high standards when it comes to potential partners?
I suppose that would depend on what the real purpose of those standard is.
If you've sat down and come up with an honest evaluation of your needs then, IMO, there isn't anything wrong with it. That's just the way some people are.
But I've also seen people who are scared/damaged set standards so high that no one can possibly meet them. They can tell their friends/family that they put themselves out there, go through the motions, etc... but "no one meets my standards!". These people have all their friends/family believing they are doing the socially "normal" things but by setting their standards so high they are actually avoiding any real involvement. | |
|
| when are standards too high?
Posted: 8/9/2009 1:01:52 PM | If you are getting no takers for your "offer", then you have set the bar too high. It's a pure market. If none of the responses are ever suitable, then you have decided not to actually connect with anyone from here, which is fine, so long as you recognize it for what it is.
You have a right to your preferences, and so long as they are realistic, you aren't supposed to be interested in just anyone. On the other hand, if you are only interested in those who would never be interested in you, you're not being realistic.
I always look at the picture first, yes. If I'm not initially attracted to someone, it will never have "romantic" potential. I'll still answer, and perhaps have a friendly email exchange, if she's an interesting person, but it will never be more than that, and my responses will be in that vein. | |
|
| when are standards too high?
Posted: 8/9/2009 3:07:22 PM |
If you are getting no takers for your "offer", then you have set the bar too high
I completely agree with that. the problem is that i am too nice for my own good sometimes and often end up becoming friends with the people who dont meet my standards ( in the real world lol not online) simply because i dont want to hurt their feelings by rejecting them.
I also answer even if im not interested just because its a simple courtesy and polite to do so. but if im not attracted to them when i see the picture then i know that it wont go any further.
Saying that there are people who i am instantly attracted to by looking at their picture that i want to know more about and then there are people who's pictures i see who im not immensly attracted to but i do think there is something ok about them and then i'd contact them simply to see what their personality was like and if it made them more atatractive to me ( i think ive made that more complicated lol ) | |
|
| when are standards too high?
Posted: 8/9/2009 3:15:20 PM | | How about this; what if you had better more comfortable convos with men you found the least attractive and every guy you thought was hot, the conversation was done before it even began and no mental connection whatsoever? | |
|
| when are standards too high?
Posted: 8/9/2009 3:19:08 PM |
How about this; what if you had better more comfortable convos with men you found the least attractive and every guy you thought was hot, the conversation was done before it even began and no mental connection whatsoever?
I have no idea what that has to do with the topic? I can't answer for the OP, but I do know for me that without some level of physical attraction, it is simply never going to be a "romantic relationship", which is not to say that "only" looks matter. It's a filter, though, that someone has to be physically attractive, or else, all the other things just don't matter. | |
|
| when are standards too high?
Posted: 8/9/2009 3:26:43 PM | You're being too picky to get what you don't want, which is great, but at the same time, you can't get what you do want, which is less than great. Your choices:
a) keep waiting and looking
b) decide to want something else more and get that instead
c) kidnap a homely man and force him to have a make-over
d) rage against the world for failing to provide what you deserve
e) have a beer
 | |
|
| when are standards too high?
Posted: 8/9/2009 3:26:52 PM | I have no idea what that has to do with the topic?
I was speaking on this part of the post.
Now im not for one min saying that looks are everything to me but honestly if your out in a pub or park or wherever and a guy doesnt catch your eye your less likely to start up a convo with them are you.
It seems that this is usually the downfall we men have to cope with after being blindingly in love with the hotties who rarely give us the time of the day only to be engaged and seemingly accepted by the very ladies we overlook. | |
|
| when are standards too high?
Posted: 8/9/2009 4:12:57 PM |
It seems that this is usually the downfall we men have to cope with after being blindingly in love with the hotties who rarely give us the time of the day only to be engaged and seemingly accepted by the very ladies we overlook.
Ok i see where your coming from but then if i was playing devils advocate surely that is a factor for some women also. Would you say that you have a type? or high standards. or do you think your standards have changed as you got older? | |
|
| when are standards too high?
Posted: 8/9/2009 4:16:34 PM |
Ok i see where your coming from but then if i was playing devils advocate surely that is a factor for some women also. Would you say that you have a type? or high standards. or do you think your standards have changed as you got older?
As I've gotten older the age range has changed, but otherwise, I definitely have a type, that has never changed and never will. I'd rather not date at all, if I can't find someone who is my physical type. | |
|
| when are standards too high?
Posted: 8/9/2009 4:29:26 PM | See i've just started to adjust my age range slightly lol but its mainly just moved with my age if that makes sense.
Type wise i think i have A type and then almsost some fore of Sub types lol.
When you say Physically do you mean body shape, height, etc or more from a looks point of view? or both?
Just curious | |
|
| when are standards too high?
Posted: 8/9/2009 4:34:55 PM |
hen you say Physically do you mean body shape, height, etc or more from a looks point of view? or both?
For me it's body shape first, last, and always. Other physical features can add or subtract, but there is a "go"/"no go" based on body type, before I look at anything else. | |
|
| when are standards too high?
Posted: 8/9/2009 4:51:36 PM |
For me it's body shape first, last, and always. Other physical features can add or subtract, but there is a "go"/"no go" based on body type, before I look at anything else
Interesting. so if you met a girl on here and she had an amazing personality and facially her pics were attractive to you but then you saw a full length pic and she was slightly larger/smaller than your "type" would you still want to date her or would it be a no simply because she wasnt the right body shape
( im seriously not having a go/picking you out i'm just enjoying the debate lol feel free to tell me to buzz off at anytime) | |
|
| when are standards too high?
Posted: 8/9/2009 4:54:59 PM |
Interesting. so if you met a girl on here and she had an amazing personality and facially her pics were attractive to you but then you saw a full length pic and she was slightly larger/smaller than your "type" would you still want to date her or would it be a no simply because she wasnt the right body shape
No. Body type is definitive for me. I can be friends with anyone, but to be sexually interested in a woman, I have to be turned on by her body type. If that's not there, it just isn't, and all the rest doesn't matter. | |
|
Home
login 
