| Falling in love.... online?????
Posted: 10/20/2004 11:58:25 AM | | I've read several threads/posts that seem to assume that people can "fall in love" while only having met online. Personally, I don't believe this is possible. I believe that you can have a very strong attraction... an infatuation... but I believe that real love can only grow once you've met and spent time with a person in real life. But then again, I don't believe in "love" at first sight (love and lust should never be confused) either, and I don't think that love is something you "fall" into.... like an uncovered well you just happened to not see. I'm interested to know what others think. Can people really love - I'm talking romantic love here, not friendship love - someone they've only met online? | |
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| Falling in love.... online?????
Posted: 10/20/2004 12:04:44 PM | | Yeah, I'm with you on that one. I get people (mostly guys) talking to me and they get aggravated sometimes because I don't consider them one of my "best friends". I take the word, "friend" seriously. If I have never met you then you would be considered an "online friend". Hell, until I see you face to face, who knows FOR SURE who you are. I keep my real life and online life separate. The logical side of me. *shrug* | |
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| Falling in love.... online?????
Posted: 10/20/2004 1:03:21 PM | it's a good place to MEET people, but not so good for establishing a relationship with someone. that has to be in person.
they say that within the first 20 seconds of meeting someone face to face both parties have already established in their minds a firm opinion of the other person and know wether that person will be a friend or a lover. so no matter how many hours you spend online with someone you still have to pass that 20 second test ;) | |
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| Falling in love.... online?????
Posted: 10/20/2004 1:16:30 PM | | bluepony, I know what you mean. You can meet a lot of people in your life, and only about a dozen out of thousands will become friends...the rest are just acquaintances.... | |
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Ruby_
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Joined: 7/10/2004
Msg: 5 | |
| Falling in love.... online?????
Posted: 10/20/2004 1:20:59 PM | I think falling in love online is an illusion. You can fall in love with the persona of the person online.
When you don't see them, you build them up in your mind as to how they look and how they act. They are perfect and exactly who we want to be with.
There was a TV show that chronicled the first time meeting of people who met online. What I witnessed was most didn't work out in person. Maybe one or the other wasn't honest enough about themself when they were online. This was one of the messages that came through for me.
I mean a party guy thinking he could make a relationship with an introverted homebody, she was so distraught by the end of the weekend. Online he said he didn't drink.
(The roles of these two people could easily have been reversed. I don't want to appear that I am man bashing) | |
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| Falling in love.... online?????
Posted: 10/20/2004 2:27:49 PM | "You can fall in love witht he persona of the person online."
Well said!! I once met a guy online and we chatted for a couple of months before deciding to have a lunch date. Now, online, we were so "compatible" it was scary, totally hot for one another, could chat for hours, and couldn't wait to meet. Our first and ONLY date was a total flop. The witty, intelligent, confident guy I'd known online was a total dud in person. It was a disaster. This is not uncommon. You can not tell what a person is really like, IMO, until you've actually met and spent time together face to face, because they can portray a totally different persona online.
Good point about the 20 second thing, Femminin. I think that's when "chemistry" is determined. If the guy doesn't make my hormones go "woo-hoo!" in the first 20 seconds, he probably never will.  | |
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| Falling in love.... online?????
Posted: 10/20/2004 3:11:24 PM |
If the guy doesn't make my hormones go "woo-hoo!" in the first 20 seconds, he probably never will.
I used to think this too until I got involved with a guy that I would not go out with because I wasn't attracted to him. After a few months he really proved to be a good friend when I needed one and I decided to go out with him. I ended up CRAZY about this guy...just hearing his gentle laugh and the way he said my name when I tickled him drove me crazy. I was TOTALLY hot for him ....but not at first. Ever since then I try to give chemistry a chance to grow. | |
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| Falling in love.... online?????
Posted: 10/20/2004 3:23:38 PM | It may be but if I could feel that way about a man again, I'd be in corny heaven *dreamy sigh*  | |
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| Falling in love.... online?????
Posted: 10/20/2004 3:43:19 PM | So why is it that I've been trying to make this same point in this forum for months and you say it and everyone agrees! lol
I've been called closeminded, and all manner of things for bringing up my opinion on this subject. Sincerely, I don't think you can know until you've met and spent time together. Falling in love, for me, is getting to know the individual faults and all in person. Not long ago I had someone from offline tell me they'd fallen in love with me during our first conversation... my arguement was, "You don't know me at all, how can you say that?"
I'll stand by my belief that one can like what they read, but until you meet in person whether or not you've a chance to fall in love is still up for grabs. | |
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| Falling in love.... online?????
Posted: 10/20/2004 4:00:38 PM | Knowing someone Online "only" is an incomplete picture.
Perhaps one can love someone based on whatever limited information & communication one has received, but things are easily subject to change when actually meeting the person.
One can fall in Love, but it may be "False" Love, minimally Love subject to variabilities.
I think its a bad idea to fall in love with anyone that you have not met in person. | |
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| Falling in love.... online?????
Posted: 10/20/2004 4:21:22 PM | I met a girl once on-line.
It was very nice to exchange email, pictures, phone-calls.
Finally we agreed to meet.
I got lost (ofcourse) and using my cellular phone she talked me in through her town.
She told me I was where I should be, so I parked my car....got out.....looked around....lightning strucked me!
Few minutes later we were hugging, kissing....
Really felt like coming home.
But maybe you all are right about this topic, it did last for just a few months.
Tom | |
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| Falling in love.... online?????
Posted: 10/20/2004 4:44:34 PM | | Many people believed arranged marriages and correspondence LOVE was impossible and yet it has worked for THOUSANDS of YEARS. OBSERVED SCIENCE. Look at the JUNKYARD of WRECKED FACE TO FACE marriages. More tha 50 % in CONUS... YEP. I want somethin' that only works half the time...NOT. RATHER, I will trust that which is DIVINE. | |
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| Falling in love.... online?????
Posted: 10/20/2004 4:49:23 PM | | RIDE has a valid POINT IF the 'love' is hedonistic or undertaken by PAGANS, in my opinion--and yet they too MAY succeed... Relationship is GROWTH and ADAPTATION based upon TRUST. TRUST inspires HONESTY which leads to COMMUNICATION and births REALITY. | |
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| Falling in love.... online?????
Posted: 10/21/2004 9:42:12 AM | "Few minutes later we were hugging, kissing....
Really felt like coming home."
I think that when we're younger we easily confuse sexual attraction/infatuation with "love." And yeah, I've had that happen a few times... 1st date with someone I met online and we were making out like high school kids a half hour later. One of those turned into a very serious relationship... grew into love. But I don't for a moment think that just because we were so physically attracted to one another from the first time we laid eyes on each other that it was love. The love grew.
"Many people believed arranged marriages and correspondence LOVE was impossible and yet it has worked for THOUSANDS of YEARS. OBSERVED SCIENCE. Look at the JUNKYARD of WRECKED FACE TO FACE marriages. More tha 50 % in CONUS... YEP. I want somethin' that only works half the time...NOT. RATHER, I will trust that which is DIVINE. "
Yep, it worked. People had no choice. There was no dating, so no comparision of personality traits/qualities of various people. How were you supposed to know what you wanted? And if you did, it didn't matter anyway. You were stuck with what you got, and you had to make the best of it. Women were the property of their fathers firs, and then of their husbands. With no means of support besides their husbands, so they were stuck in whatever situation they found themselves in. Your choices, outside of the marriage, were prostitution,begging or starving, because no way you'd be able to return home. Leaving a marriage was not an option, so of course it "worked." Lots of miserable people, but it "worked." I don't consider that a measure of success. | |
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| Falling in love.... online?????
Posted: 10/21/2004 1:20:28 PM | That's IGNORANT. City diety worship throughout history has been like Clinton's Whitehouse, Vegas, or any Karioki Bar scene. The temples were filled with food and wild dating and orgies. Ever heard of Artemis, Bachus, or Luxor ?
re:
Yep, it worked. People had no choice. There was no dating, so no comparision of personality traits/qualities of various people. How were you supposed to know what you wanted? And if you did, it didn't matter anyway. You were stuck with what you got, and you had to make the best of it. Women were the property of their fathers firs, and then of their husbands. With no means of support besides their husbands, so they were stuck in whatever situation they found themselves in. Your choices, outside of the marriage, were prostitution,begging or starving, because no way you'd be able to return home. Leaving a marriage was not an option, so of course it "worked." Lots of miserable people, but it "worked." I don't consider that a measure of success. | |
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| Falling in love.... online?????
Posted: 10/21/2004 5:16:24 PM | I think that when we're younger we easily confuse sexual attraction/infatuation with
"love."
[Laughing]
Yes, I was so much younger six months ago!
Tom | |
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| Falling in love.... online?????
Posted: 10/23/2004 10:23:35 AM | | Yes, explorermedic, I have heard of those places, and am quite familiar with their history. I may disagree with you, and will plainly state that, but I will never personally attack you. It is personal attacks, ad homeinum arguments, that I find ignorant. | |
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| Falling in love.... online?????
Posted: 10/23/2004 9:56:51 PM | Hello all: (my fist post)
I second bluepony. Speaking of online-friends, do you all think there is comfort in anoynimity or would you venture forth to meet your online friend? | |
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| Falling in love.... online?????
Posted: 10/25/2004 10:14:43 AM | | I have a group of gal pals that have been online friends for 5 years. I've met three of them - the others are too geographically inaccessible at this point. So yes, I'd definitely venture out to meet online friends if we had a comfortable, ongoing relationship. I've made some wonderful pals in dating guys I've met online as well. Several I still see or correspond with from time to time. | |
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| Falling in love.... online?????
Posted: 10/27/2004 1:51:53 AM | Wow...Ive been reading all these posts...and i have to say Im so totally shocked. Please forgive me for saying this post so harshly.....but why are some/most of these posts so bitter, or so firmly grounded this so overrationalized way . Has everbody been so hurt and jaded that they forget that Love is magic...you cant fit love into these little boxes , and try to label them with your own prejeduices "this is lust", " this cant possibly be real love", "that is definately infatuation". The nature of love is that its huge,, and magical , and catches us in all sorts of ways ( and mediums!!!) we least expect it to. Heres the bittter pill, some people are so afraid of what they feel they have this need to label what they ( and others feel) as something other than love. Love is and hits every soul in a different way and feeling...
There have been a few references by some about "being young" and confusing love for lust yada yada yada.... Dont appologize for it, Thats the great part of being young, youre not old enough to make Love into this rational bitter scary thing as most of the posters here have!
Falling in and out of love is a process of life, and each time you love, even if it doesnt always work, you always win for expressing love, even the bad and the hurt, you grow and become more loving , perfecting it through experience. Dont overloook these opportunitys because they didnt come in the most traditonal way you expect. Take gifts, like love, and cherish them, not Judge them!!! | |
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| Falling in love.... online?????
Posted: 10/27/2004 3:56:38 AM | sure u can It happen to me and id do it again ! i can honesty say i was in love we were in love ! would i do it again ? yes with planning i would ! the planning would have helped and insight in being with someone from another country ! good luck just plan a little or better alot
Jerry | |
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| Falling in love.... online?????
Posted: 10/27/2004 4:25:02 AM | | I jad a lady "fall in love" with me on line and it was really scary. I told her she has never even met me, how can she be in love with me? But she really felt she was and sent me a number of scathing e-mails afterwards. I never even saw her picture? | |
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| Falling in love.... online?????
Posted: 10/27/2004 5:52:45 PM | | Well, I suppose it all depends upon how one defines "love." I'm talking about something that lasts, and yes, that is totally "magical." Doesn't mean it can't also be rational. You don't have to be bitter to be mature in recognizing the difference between real, lasting love and that fleeting infatuation that can change as often as you change your underwear. Yep... it feels great. Yep... it feels like you're totally high. But how in the world can you actually love - and I mean lasting, real love - someone you don't even know? What's to love? The way they look? That's just not the way I define love. Everyone is, obviously, free to define it their own way. Love is not bitter or scary, but it can have some rationality to it. Yep... as a rational person I'm hopefully not going to grow to love someone who's an abusive jerk with chemical dependencies. Love does, in some aspects, involve a choice. So I thank God for my rationality. Rationality is not a diry word, darlin'. I thank God I've grown to the point where I realize it. | |
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