| Real world vs. Cyberspace?
Posted: 8/10/2009 12:44:50 PM | | Ok, here's the scenario: I send a message to a girl a while back here on POF, I got the usual read/delete (not a big deal). A month or so goes by and I am at the park (in her town) with my son and my friends watching him play with my friend's kids. There is a lady there with her kids and she looked familiar (from this site). I didn't think anything of it and just continued going about my business as usual. When I get home and my son goes to bed I get on here and I see a message in my inbox, it is her. She sends me a message asking if I was at the park and all that. I thought it was sort of strange that a month ago she wanted nothing to do with any conversation with me after my message. So my question is: Why would one choose not to reply when they have no idea that the person may actually be better in person than what thier profile depicts of them? | |
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| Real world vs. Cyberspace?
Posted: 8/10/2009 1:19:11 PM | Was there any other content to the message she sent you other than to ask if you were in the park that day? Because it sounds to me like maybe she recognized you from your profile the same way you recognized her and she was just curious if it was you.
I mean, there is a guy that hangs out at a bar I frequent and I found his profile on here. I sent him a message asking if that was him at the bar because I was curious if it was him. That doesn't mean I am interested (although I am, just incase he happens to read this *winkwink*) just that I am curious if it is him or not. | |
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| Real world vs. Cyberspace?
Posted: 8/10/2009 1:23:07 PM | Why would one choose not to reply when they have no idea that the person may actually be better in person than what thier profile depicts of them?
Some people don't like to gamble or take risks; this meeting another POFer business can be a bit risky and out of many's comfort zone.
or
Perhaps you look a lot better in person than you do in your photos, lot of people do you know. Either way, perhaps you should feel a bit flattered. | |
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| Real world vs. Cyberspace?
Posted: 8/10/2009 1:25:13 PM | Maybe because she got to see you in real life, watch you interact with your friends and children etc for a day, and liked what she saw? Maybe there was something in your initial email or profile that she *wasn't quite sure* about?
I don't get it, OP...wouldn't you be pleased that she actually was interested enough upon seeing you in person , to contact you, even belatedly? As opposed to just going on one or two pictures on a website? | |
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| Real world vs. Cyberspace?
Posted: 8/10/2009 1:56:00 PM | This is the primary reason online dating does not work for LTR.
You cannot get energy, body language, voice tone, voice inflection, instinctual vibes, ect from a pic and a paragraph.
Women key into all these things when they consider a mate, but online all you get is pic and paragraph.
This being said, for a booty call, online dating is fine, when all you want is someone hot to fvck one night. | |
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| Real world vs. Cyberspace?
Posted: 8/10/2009 2:15:05 PM | silverz71:
Perhaps it that she was going through rough patch a month ago and had no time or place for you or anyone. If you are still interested stop questioning her motives, your appropriate response and message her back. Respond only to what she brought up (yes it was you, you were there with your son and friends) and don't imply or infer any other motivations on her part. Then, if you are still interested mention that you might or will be there again and perhaps you two could meet / chat / whatever folk do now days. Put the ball back in her court.
TK
{the fact that she recognized you a month later would have sent me over the moon; but that's just me} | |
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| Real world vs. Cyberspace?
Posted: 8/10/2009 2:26:21 PM | This is the primary reason online dating does not work for LTR.
So I guess the hundreds of pages of Success Stories posted here on POF aren't significant?
I think online dating can work in your favour if you utiilize the site to it's best advantage. It depends what you're looking for, clearly in some cases...
Apparently, this site IS working for you in a round about way. You have made a connection, perhaps not in the "conventional...omg...we sent messages back and forth and found each other method" but non the less a positive result originating from a message you sent here.
I agree that this gal perhaps was more intrigued and interested in you after she saw you interacting with your child in real life.
All the best to you!!!
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| Real world vs. Cyberspace?
Posted: 8/10/2009 2:53:41 PM | All of the situations listed sound like possibilities to me.
But to answer your question, in my opinion, a person would choose not to reply when they have no idea that the person may actually be better in person because too often, it works out that it is not better, but worse than what you expected/hoped for. Many people are dishonest about their looks, try to alter their pictures or the way they are taken to give the best possible outcomes with no thought to realism.
I've actually had the experience of meeting a guy who didn't look so great in his picture, but there was something about him. And sure enough, when we met I was shocked and thinking I'm a pretty lucky girl. We met from this site. We've been together happily for two years.
I don't think my story is the "norm." | |
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| Real world vs. Cyberspace?
Posted: 8/10/2009 2:57:42 PM |
You cannot get energy, body language, voice tone, voice inflection, instinctual vibes, ect from a pic and a paragraph.
This is exactly the disadvantage of online dating sites.
Why would one choose not to reply when they have no idea that the person may actually be better in person than what thier profile depicts of them?
Thanks for asking this question. Unfortunately you're probably not going to get a response from people who are too scared to reply.
I'd probably go ahead and say that the profile should depict you as you in real life to some degree, otherwise it would be inaccurate. | |
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| Real world vs. Cyberspace?
Posted: 8/10/2009 3:07:43 PM |
Was there any other content to the message she sent you other than to ask if you were in the park that day?
Yes there was plenty "content" in the message, 2 messages in fact.
Perhaps it that she was going through rough patch a month ago and had no time or place for you or anyone.
If that is/was the case why wouldn't you say so, or hide your profile?
This is the primary reason online dating does not work for LTR.
I do agree with the online thing not working to its full potential. I feel that too many people judge one by the picture and text that they forget that maybe the person is worth getting to know.
I agree that this gal perhaps was more intrigued and interested in you after she saw you interacting with your child in real life.
Perfect example of a missed opportunity!
Some people don't like to gamble or take risks; this meeting another POFer business can be a bit risky and out of many's comfort zone.
Why sign up if you are not looking to meet? I am not looking to meet on the next day or anything, but too many cases where the other person feels uncomfortable. | |
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| Real world vs. Cyberspace?
Posted: 8/10/2009 4:21:32 PM |
Perfect example of a missed opportunity!
Only if you let it become so, OP.
This woman remembered you, enough so that, a month after you'd emailled her? She still recognized you in person, rather than just from an email. Hell, she even remembered your POF nickname enough to email you at that point.
Why cut off your nose to spite your face, potato/potahto and all that, no?
Wouldn't you rather see what might happen at this point, now that you've both seen each other in person and you know she is interested, rather than playing "Well I'll show HER" on the internet?! | |
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| Real world vs. Cyberspace?
Posted: 8/10/2009 4:37:02 PM | Let this be a lesson learned - TAKE A CHANCE ALREADY! I have never figured out who these people are that think they can determine chemistry from a picture and a profile. It is ludicrous to think as much.
Nothing ventured means nothing gained. Stop being so picky. | |
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| Real world vs. Cyberspace?
Posted: 8/10/2009 4:45:21 PM | I think you should have a good solid POUT for a week or two....make her wait... that'll show her!
Or you could just be an adult and write her back if you're interested and forget about the rest of it.
If she reads this thread you may not have to worry about it. | |
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| Real world vs. Cyberspace?
Posted: 8/10/2009 4:54:55 PM |
Maybe because she got to see you in real life, watch you interact with your friends and children etc for a day, and liked what she saw? Maybe there was something in your initial email or profile that she *wasn't quite sure* about?
I don't get it, OP...wouldn't you be pleased that she actually was interested enough upon seeing you in person , to contact you, even belatedly? As opposed to just going on one or two pictures on a website?
I agree with sweetness-one on this.
Profiles are ,at best,two dimensional representations of who we really are.
Apparently,she found you attractive in real life,and got back to you.
Nothing wrong with that. | |
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| Real world vs. Cyberspace?
Posted: 8/10/2009 5:07:30 PM | Sweetness, I get what you are saying, however I have turned my focus elsewhere. I am not playing any "well I'll show her" games. I just don't understand why someone would be so quick to judge by a profile, delete the message and then, when they see the real deal they are even quicker to get in touch. This kind of behavior tells me that I should be out in a bar rather than on a dating site. I do enjoy the forums like you do and will continue to do so. I do not have a lot of time to myself and I am not into the bar scene, point is that dating sites are just a way to get myself out there. Why are so many people on here if they are not willing to take a chance? I know that many people are not photogenic, or may not say the right things but still, shouldn't women give some of us chances before they ignore you? I do not send "hey baby" messages nor do I send short emails. I do not send messages to those that I know there is no chance for me (perfect 10's) I send well thought out messages that show that I am interested. I am new to this online deal being recently divorced. I am just finding out the way of the world of cyberdating. It appears that most of the women on here are looking for that "hot" guy, not a well rounded guy! I can run circles around a lot of those "hot" guys as far as how to treat a lady. Sure there are some that put me to shame, I am not trying to blow my own horn by any means! There is something to say about these sites that I will never EVER figure them out. I know that out in the real world I have turned a few heads and made a few connections, but online is completely different!
I think you should have a good solid POUT for a week or two....make her wait... that'll show her!
I am not POUTING nor am I trying to show her......I did email her back and told her that my focus is elsewhere!! I am not ignoring her, and it really makes no difference if she reads this post. I am not ashamed of anything I write. I can man up to any written word. | |
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| Real world vs. Cyberspace?
Posted: 8/10/2009 10:20:14 PM | Op~Is your focus really elsewhere? If so...why are you arguing about this whole situation? If your focus is elsewhere...grab your new focus and tell her how very lucky she is to have you because had that "other" woman taken the chance your new focus would be out of luck.
So get over it...enjoy the fact that the woman emailed you and enjoy the fact that you have a new focus!
Wishing you well...Pgirl | |
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| Real world vs. Cyberspace?
Posted: 8/10/2009 10:27:31 PM | Okay, so XMAS will come and go, and you will still be lost in the woods instead of having a picnic in the park. Heck, the woman contacted you, who gives a flying Frisbee why she did it! If you like her, get the ball rolling and ask her out to coffee or something!
The "internet" is not interfering with your dating --- it's YOU who are staring at your own navel instead of making a date with a woman who took a chance to say "hi".
If you don't like her, just block/delete on POF and spit at her in the park. Do you need a friggin' peace conference with Bill Clinton for you to come together?!? | |
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| Real world vs. Cyberspace?
Posted: 8/10/2009 10:30:06 PM | Maybe the woman thought you couldn't take read/deleted as an answer and thinks you're stalking her? She needed to confirm before contacting the police that you were in fact the person in the park....don't reply man, it's a trap!
What Prednisone said - if you've found someone else, does it really matter what was going through one woman's mind when she deleted your message. It could have been one of a million things. Besides, just because she messaged to see if you were the same person, doesn't mean she's interested all of a sudden, she could just be curious. | |
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| Real world vs. Cyberspace?
Posted: 8/11/2009 7:52:38 PM | | could be any number of reasons like presented previously silverz. i think you're photogenic, good looking in pictures. in the profile you didn't put anything under 'smarts' though, maybe she's looking for someone who are college educated. you never know. do you have enough desire or courage to ask her the reason she deleted and never answered yr emailed the first time? | |
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