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Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Girl  > How to win a woman's heart back after you messed up?      Home login  
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 tyson360fullcircle
Joined: 5/7/2009
Msg: 1
How to win a woman's heart back after you messed up?Page 1 of 1    
I dated a wonderful woman (36 with 1 child) for 5 months, she was not interested in having anymore children. I have no children, wanted children. So I left to pursure other interests breaking this young lady's heart. She fell in love with me and I her. But even though I loved her, I was stubborn about the kids issue and left her. After a month or so, I realized what an idiot I was, and decided to forget about having children of my own and be with this wonderful lady. The problem is she refuses to take me back. I been trying for about 4 months now and she just wants to be friends. In the mean time, I am love sick over her and all depressed. Kicking myself for leaving her in the 1st place. I want to marry her, but I just can't get her to come around. I think she thinks that I will hurt her again, and I promised her I wouldn't. I just don't understand why she won't take me back, I know she loves me, but she is being stubborn.
Advice please??
 SoftAndHappy
Joined: 6/15/2009
Msg: 2
How to win a woman's heart back after you messed up?
Posted: 8/11/2009 6:36:06 PM
You want children. You left her for the right reasons. You will only resent her if the relationship goes sour and you gave up your opportunity to have kids for her. She knows this and she is doing the right thing by not taking you back.

If you TRUELY don't want to have children - and this decision is independent of her - go have a vasectomy. Not ready to do that? Then you shouldn't be trying to get her back.

Not the advice you want to hear - but probably the advice that you need to hear.
 xk1mx
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 3
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How to win a woman's heart back after you messed up?
Posted: 8/11/2009 6:36:33 PM
it isnt so much about being stuborn,as you said you hurt her
chances are,she isnt taking you back because she feels you want different things and she doesnt want you to give up on the idea of having children just for her
it is ok saying you dont need to have children,she is enough
but one day you may realise just how badly you want children of your own and leave her again or even blame her for it
if you honestly feel that you could have a future with this woman and be happy to not have children of your own,then tell her that
but really think about it,dont just rush to get her back just to then realise you still want children at some point
it is a huge decision to make
 *MisKa*
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 4
How to win a woman's heart back after you messed up?
Posted: 8/11/2009 6:38:11 PM
Stubbor? That's all? Just stubborn? She has every right to be as stubborn as she so choses.

You broke it off for a specific reason. For some that reason is a vey good one. There is no reason why a person can't want their own biological children.

So you change your mind and want her back. Well she has the right to put her feelings on hold to see if you will bail on her again. She does not want more children, you wanted your own. That difference is still there.

You either show her some patience so she can regain trust and a level of comfort with ehr again. Or you move on. If I was her, I would play the wait and see game as well, to see if you rabbited again.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 5
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How to win a woman's heart back after you messed up?
Posted: 8/11/2009 6:44:03 PM
If you wanted children and she didn't - it would have been a resentful situation anyway. One of you would have had to give up what you wanted for the other, and with something as big as kids, you'd have been giving up a serious thing.

The kid thing is a dealbreaker if you both truly don't want the same thing and with kids it's not a half decision, it's a huge step. I think she knows this to some extent, and that's why she's not willing to get back into it.
 brown_eyed_woman
Joined: 8/31/2008
Msg: 6
How to win a woman's heart back after you messed up?
Posted: 8/11/2009 6:44:09 PM
People who know they want children, and then shelf that to be with someone who doesnt, ends up wanting children anyways later on. She is the smart one here, she is freeing you to fullfill your dreams, and she is protecting herself from the real likely hearbreak she will endure in the future. Do yourselves both a favor, and stop persuing this relationship. This is one of THE dealbreakers.
 roseyn
Joined: 5/25/2009
Msg: 7
How to win a woman's heart back after you messed up?
Posted: 8/11/2009 6:45:59 PM
You should just stick with you gut. You know you really wanted children so you left for the right reason. Maybe now you're focusing back on her because you haven't found someone else or you're only thinking of the good things you had with her. In the long run you shouldn't compromise what you know in your heart you really want or you're gonna be real pissed off when it ends up not working out in the long run. Find someone else
 Kixxie
Joined: 7/4/2009
Msg: 8
How to win a woman's heart back after you messed up?
Posted: 8/11/2009 6:47:58 PM
OP......Ya know that phrase "You never know what you have until it's gone"? I'm thinking it fits your situation. Sometimes you can't rebuild a bridge that's been burned.
Good luck with your situation. I hope it works out for you.
 louise1359
Joined: 6/15/2009
Msg: 9
How to win a woman's heart back after you messed up?
Posted: 8/11/2009 8:09:26 PM
And when she continues to resist your pleas for "just one child" AFTER she takes you back, will you say then that she is "just being stubborn?"

You are being extremely disrespectful of her by reducing her response to "just being stubborn." Maybe she has picked up on your lack of ability to accept her as an independent adult with free will. Many times, we find ourselves attracted to and even "in love" with someone who won't be good for us. Whether or not that is the case, she is fully entitled to making her own decisions and I for one would not want to be part of helping you win her back.
 kev_dbq
Joined: 8/26/2008
Msg: 10
How to win a woman's heart back after you messed up?
Posted: 8/11/2009 8:54:17 PM
You need to keep her in the history books and find someone who shares your interest of having kids.
 IllBurHukleBry
Joined: 7/20/2009
Msg: 11
How to win a woman's heart back after you messed up?
Posted: 8/12/2009 7:04:38 AM
I commend her...!! She is not being "stubborn"....she loves you , therefore, she is letting you go....she understands the fact that you will harbor resentment, down the line, towards her...and you will...!! I've been down this road myself...She wants you to be happy, and she knows she can't , completely, give you what you sooo desire....so this is why she has chosen to be "stubborn"....
 brad29483
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 12
How to win a woman's heart back after you messed up?
Posted: 8/12/2009 8:09:10 AM
The problem is, she is right, if you get back together, you will start thinking of the same things and before you know it, you are back ready to dump her if she doesn't want to have kids.

You need to man up and find someone who is on the same page as you. Yes it hurts now because you love this girl, but you can find love again with someone who has a future more like what you have in mind.
 Drue1
Joined: 1/1/2009
Msg: 13
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How to win a woman's heart back after you messed up?
Posted: 8/12/2009 8:24:11 AM
I think shes not takeing you back because she knows you shouldnt be together. You want kids she doesnt. She might feel like shes holding you back from what you really want by staying with you, and its true! You need to move on. You will get over her in time :)
 honeyangel1985
Joined: 6/25/2009
Msg: 14
How to win a woman's heart back after you messed up?
Posted: 8/12/2009 8:35:13 AM
Well good for her. You tossed her onto the back burner and now you want her back? Good luck with that

Hmmm men always realize how good they had it after they just throw it away then they come crawling back with ther tails between their legs.
 JulietJuliet
Joined: 2/5/2009
Msg: 15
How to win a woman's heart back after you messed up?
Posted: 8/12/2009 9:06:34 AM
5 months of dating is nowhere long enough to make a decision on having children.
I think you moved too fast with the wanting a child thing and have scared the hell out of her.
When I first met my ex fiance he wanted children. I was 32 with 3 children and he was 23 with no children. It took me a few years to change my mind and realize that I did want a child with him....Maybe even two children. Unfortunately he cheated before our future was sealed, but the point I am making is TIME.....Don't rush!!!
As for getting her back into your life.....Take her out for dinner and explain yourself. When dinner is over...leave the ball in HER court. IF she wants to contact you then she will, but trying to force her into anything is a bad thing and will only hurt you more.
 Craig42067
Joined: 11/25/2008
Msg: 16
How to win a woman's heart back after you messed up?
Posted: 8/12/2009 9:27:57 AM
If you love someone set them free if they come back its ment to be. Stop talking to her and leave her alone, Women want what the can't have send her one last card and tell her you maid a mistake and you will have to live with it for the rest of your life. Let her go give it some time she might come around if not there are plenty of fish in the sea lol. You will be alright. Trust me Craig
 Silent Steel
Joined: 2/18/2009
Msg: 17
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How to win a woman's heart back after you messed up?
Posted: 8/12/2009 9:37:46 AM
Excuse me if I sound like a critical pr1ck here, but do you expect us to believe that with in a month, you went from feeling strong enough about having children to break it off with her, to making the decision that you dont care if you have kids and wanting her back?

I think that sounds like an extremely sugar coated version of the story.

It makes more sense...that you jumped ship because of the grass is greener syndrome...realized it wasnt....and are using the whole wanting kids thing to make yourself look better.

I cant imagine a person making a huge decision as to whether or not to have kids, within a month.
 whenwillthiswork26
Joined: 11/13/2008
Msg: 18
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How to win a woman's heart back after you messed up?
Posted: 8/12/2009 11:18:44 AM
You want children and you left for that reason. Find a woman who also wants children.

If you really wanted her you would not have left her.

She is right. You would just end up leaving her again. Leave the poor woman alone.
 mkc40
Joined: 8/3/2009
Msg: 19
How to win a woman's heart back after you messed up?
Posted: 8/12/2009 12:06:02 PM
You deeply hurt her. You've been trying for four months to reconcile? I'm surprised she wants to be "friends" with you, because you did a very "unfriendly" thing to her.

To your credit, at least you were honest about your desire to have your own children.

Move on.
 skirtsnboots
Joined: 6/27/2009
Msg: 20
How to win a woman's heart back after you messed up?
Posted: 8/12/2009 12:17:49 PM
I never used to go back to anyone I had split with.

I did twice in later years.
Bad move.

I'd never do that again.
Maybe she feels the same in that she wouldn't go back to an ex after a split.
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