Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > if someone "scared you" by seeming too eager. . .      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 louise1359
Joined: 6/15/2009
Msg: 1
if someone "scared you" by seeming too eager. . . Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
What would you do? I know it's based on the degree to which you are attracted--but, in general and assuming a enough attraction, would you tell the person you need to slow down, that you are a bit concerned about the speed of things, and give them a chance? What would you look for as evidence that they aren't the "psycho" type? What would make you call it quits? What would reassure you?

Have you ever been on the other side of this--someone told you things were going too fast, but the relationship continued? If so, how did that work out for you? Did you think their concerns were justified?
 BrickCharm City
Joined: 6/13/2009
Msg: 2
view profile
History
if someone scared you by seeming too eager. . .
Posted: 8/12/2009 10:07:45 AM

What would you do? I know it's based on the degree to which you are attracted--but, in general and assuming a enough attraction, would you tell the person you need to slow down, that you are a bit concerned about the speed of things, and give them a chance? What would you look for as evidence that they aren't the "psycho" type? What would make you call it quits? What would reassure you?


Tell them things are moving too fast and you want to slow down. You need to have that discussion.


Have you ever been on the other side of this--someone told you things were going too fast, but the relationship continued?

Yup.


Did you think their concerns were justified?

Yup.
 Bella2810
Joined: 9/13/2008
Msg: 3
view profile
History
if someone scared you by seeming too eager. . .
Posted: 8/12/2009 10:08:50 AM
I think it has to do with past experience. If they're telling you it's moving too fast for them, they are probably trying to protect themselves from being hurt as they have been in the past. I believe the only way to love is with wreckless abandon, knock down the walls and just do it. Which is what I try to do unless I start seeing red flags.
 Commonsens
Joined: 4/6/2009
Msg: 4
if someone scared you by seeming too eager. . .
Posted: 8/12/2009 10:12:27 AM
Yes, my banker scares the sh!t of out me all the time.

But as women goes, never had a problem with speed: they can go as fast as they want; I can handle it and pick up the pieces if needed afterward.
I do not see their speed as red flags: some people knows what they want and are not afraid to get what they want.
Generally, those people are the most honest as they do not hide at all.

The ones that bother me are the ones who take eons to even make simple choices.
 ~GoneSailing~
Joined: 6/5/2009
Msg: 5
if someone scared you by seeming too eager. . .
Posted: 8/12/2009 10:19:06 AM
For a brief time a few Summers ago, I dated a lovely bachelor. He was older than me, slightly (6 years) and he'd been divorced from his high school sweetheart at that time for nearly 15 years. He was quite set in his bachelor ways. Til we met. Suddenly within a week or two - he was talking of moving me and my sons to his home, which was far from our school district. He was talking of his mother's wedding bands....and I freaked.

I rapidly ran the other way and dumped him. Well, of course that did slow things down. But thankfully he came to his senses and we took things much more slowly.

He was a lovely and beautiful man, we enjoyed a healthy and nice relationship for nearly a year and a half.

Why my story? Because I nearly leaped out of my skin and ran the other way at his rush to the finish. I'm a big scaredy cat about going to fast and men? Men who are too interested. If a guy is TOO into me, and moving too fast my instinct is to bar the door and the windows, call the local law, and search for my dog in the hopes he wasn't made into a snack.

I'm suspicious of grown ups who cannot contain their enthusiasm. But, as many people have pointed out to me recently, I'm not comfortable with situations that are out of control. Or people who are out of control of their emotions.

OP- you indicate there's mutual attraction and interest. In my case, with this man - there also was mutual interest. And I had to overcome my "issues" to give "us" another chance.

In that case? I'm glad I did. I do not regret having done so. The time spent with him was a special time in my life, and I think sharing it with him made both of us better people.

When you shut the door on someone, you don't have any way of knowing what experience you're choosing to miss out on.

I hate wasted opportunity.
 DeepLuv09
Joined: 7/24/2009
Msg: 6
if someone scared you by seeming too eager. . .
Posted: 8/12/2009 10:21:28 AM

I'm about the same age as you.
My best guess would be, with the economy going down the crapper.
With the possibility of ww3, staring us in the face.
With the probability of, Hillary deciding whether or not your worth "saving"
Chances of you surviving a fender bender in an "Al gore" "Econo-box"
He may feel a need to expedite the process ...


Rick you crack me up lol!
 Commonsens
Joined: 4/6/2009
Msg: 7
if someone scared you by seeming too eager. . .
Posted: 8/12/2009 10:24:50 AM
Suddenly within a week or two - he was talking of moving me and my sons to his home


Whoa! I do not mind fast, but there is fast and there is ridiculously fast!

If a woman where to ask me to move within one or two weeks: I will be even faster to run across China away from her!
 BrickCharm City
Joined: 6/13/2009
Msg: 8
view profile
History
if someone scared you by seeming too eager. . .
Posted: 8/12/2009 11:03:30 AM

some people knows what they want and are not afraid to get what they want.
Generally, those people are the most honest as they do not hide at all.

The ones that bother me are the ones who take eons to even make simple choices.


Totally agree. And that was the situation with me. I just put it out there that I would for a,b,c and d to happen when that person was ready for it. But I am a very expressive person so I put a lot of my feelings out there. Sometimes its like damned if you do and damned if you dont. If you play it cool then you are not "into" that person. When you make your feelings known you are "too eager" or "psycho"...It's hard sometimes to find the line in between.
 lonesomerick
Joined: 1/23/2008
Msg: 9
view profile
History
if someone scared you by seeming too eager. . .
Posted: 8/12/2009 11:33:40 AM
In my first relationship I guess I was guilty of moving to fast. I'd dated alot of women but hadn't been in a relationship since the death of my wife. I thought I knew exactly what I wanted (still do) and sure as hell wasn't afraid to go after it! I actually thought I was moving relatively slow, not pushing her...until we became intimate. After that I wasn't hesitant to tell her I loved her. I'm not sure what it was, fear or whatever from her past experiences, but she felt I was over whelming her. So, I slowed down with the "I Love you" phrase, actually waited until she would "sometimes say it". I never asked her to marry me, never asked her to move in with me (she was reluctant to live in the same house my wife lived in,and there were other problems re; cohabitation). Well, that relationship didn't work out.

Later as I continued to date a few women started talking about loving me...it was way to soon for me...and I suddenly felt "over whelmed" that was enough for me, even if I asked if they'd slow down they'd continue. I'd just end it and move on. So, the lesson I "think" I've learned is to just wait until you're on (or close to on) the same page. Why rush it?
 EyesWideOpen66
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 10
if someone scared you by seeming too eager. . .
Posted: 8/12/2009 11:41:34 AM
I think that you are freaking out over nothing. People get eager when they start dating someone who they really like. It's a chemical thing, you get excited... that's the lusty stage and it always tapers off after a bit. There's nothing scary about it, take it as a compliment, continue living your life and dating this person and behaving like you normally would... but let yourself get a little excited too, there's nothing wrong with it!!
 DeepLuv09
Joined: 7/24/2009
Msg: 11
if someone scared you by seeming too eager. . .
Posted: 8/12/2009 11:55:56 AM
In the past I have accused people that are "too eager" of being flakes but I went through that once before and thankfully it backfired lol! I met someone I was so into I mean I was ready to spend the rest of my life with him and *compromise a lot of my long-term goals just to be with him - I know, thats crazy. So he freaked out and backed off and that was the best thing he ever did for me because looking back, he is certainly not worth that kind of compromise but at that time my hormones were just screaming.

I have had someone propose to me after two dates and I thought he had to be joking but now that I look back he wasn't. You can't really judge people that are "too fast" but its generally not a good or wise way to move. Take your time, take it slow and learn who the other person is and see if it will work or if its worth moving mountains for. Sometimes its just not.
 jmim
Joined: 3/19/2007
Msg: 12
view profile
History
if someone scared you by seeming too eager. . .
Posted: 8/12/2009 12:24:50 PM
It can sometimes be hard to tell if someone is psycho.
In fact, my favorite personality is the kind where I initially think they are
psycho till I get to know them better.
This is because there is a fine line between "fun and crazy" and "obsessed and psycho".
Though I would also say that...

We live in a society where we are not allowed to be ourselves upon first meeting people. There are certain rules of engagement. And though they are ridiculous and somewhat impersonal....

A sane person will know they need to be followed in the beginning.

Example 1:
Someone I don't know asks me what I like to do. I say "blow stuff up".
They get scared and run away.

Example 2:
I am with a group of friends from school talking about what we did
over the summer. I tell them I "Blew some stuff up."
No one gets scared, because they know me well enough to know
I am not a serial killer.
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 13
view profile
History
if someone scared you by seeming too eager. . .
Posted: 8/12/2009 12:26:01 PM


if someone scared you by seeming too eager. . .
I'd stop all communication.
Red flags are red flags. They don't go away when you "give them a chance."


What would you look for as evidence that they aren't the "psycho" type?
seeming too eager.
I don't buy the "people know what they want" baloney. People don't even know me-- how do they assume to know they want me? Creepy.
 gourmetchef2009
Joined: 7/9/2009
Msg: 14
if someone scared you by seeming too eager. . .
Posted: 8/12/2009 12:39:04 PM
we would really need to hear more details to make a fair assumption. Its very involved and complicated and requires time frames, etc. Personally, i've never had someone tell me i'm going too fast as i usually let the lady lead in this regard.
 Invictus74
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 15
if someone scared you by seeming too eager. . .
Posted: 8/12/2009 2:02:06 PM
Man... This is gonna sound wrecked, but I'm so used to chasing. I'm just hunting all the time. So when a woman that I'm really into actually shows interest... strike that... starts chasing me, I'm like the dog that actually catches the car. Excuse the simile.

I'm actually a little worried that the chase is what is so exciting. ... man... that would suck..
 Sidewinder154
Joined: 5/19/2009
Msg: 16
if someone scared you by seeming too eager. . .
Posted: 8/12/2009 2:36:54 PM
Been there, done it, got the tshirt. I told him on several occasions that it needed to slow down a bit. He couldn't slow down so it ended. Only once has it ever been the other way around and he told me he needed to take things slow. Not a problem. We slowed down and things were just fine. My current SO - we're naturally at the same speed so no issues there!

Just tell them you need to take it a little slower... if they respect that and slow down, great. If not and they keep pushing then you may have to walk away from it. Communication. It's the foundation of a good relationship.
 english lass
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 17
if someone scared you by seeming too eager. . .
Posted: 8/12/2009 2:56:40 PM
how 'eager' is too eager?

it would depend on the degree

if he came to a first date equipped with a Las Vegas marriage license, ring and duct tape... then yeah, i think that'd put me off and i'd be a tad disinclined to wish to 'try again'

if he ignored my request to slow down or back off and continued to hassle me with a multitude of phone calls at all hours/repeatedly showing up at my house/following/watching/..me.... then again, it'd not incline me to wanting to spend further time with him

if however there was respect enough to listen to requests made and an attempt to meet needs, then of course, being in a relationship involves trying to work things out between two people who might often have different initial agendas and speeds that they feel comfortable with...
 WalkingInLondon
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 18
view profile
History
if someone scared you by seeming too eager. . .
Posted: 8/12/2009 3:22:31 PM
I think some people are looking for 'instant families' and 'instant wives'. I've experienced this several times when dating. I actually had a man propose to me on the first date, ring and all! I think it is sad, that they miss the comfort of family life so much that they are willing to grab onto anyone to try and recapture that sense of security love that they once had.

It's pitiful, and we should be as gentle with these people as possible,
Beth
 LakeCountyGal
Joined: 9/4/2008
Msg: 19
if someone scared you by seeming too eager. . .
Posted: 8/12/2009 3:54:42 PM
Depends on what you personally consider "too fast". Everyone has their own comfort level as far as pacing. If someone seems a bit too impatient to move things along too soon, that can be a red flag. Tell them you need to slow down. Move on, if they can't.

I've always dated guys who were in too much of a hurry. Then I'd let myself rush into things with them. Big mistake. Slower, is better.
 ~GoneSailing~
Joined: 6/5/2009
Msg: 20
if someone scared you by seeming too eager. . .
Posted: 8/12/2009 4:17:48 PM

I think some people are looking for 'instant families' and 'instant wives'


You know these are the same guys who sent their allowance in to a PO address to buy Sea Monkeys because they wanted to see naked women with tails swimming in their bedrooms.......
 ~Hello~
Joined: 7/30/2008
Msg: 21
if someone scared you by seeming too eager. . .
Posted: 8/12/2009 4:20:23 PM
I still remember the guy who wanted me to meet his children on Day 1 - within minutes of meeting .. AND he informed me that we would both be leaving the site .. gulp.. it was friggin scarey I tell ya! .. kinda freaked me out a little .. Of course there's more to the tale .. but I don't wanna think about it! phew ...

shudder ..

As for telling 'them' to slow down? .. hmm.. not sure how well that works .. spose it's an individual thing .. but I think we are who we are (esp after that majical age.. cough..) hehe .. some people jump in .. BAM. .. others take what seems forever .. and then there are all sorts of variations in between .. and I think it varies even more depending on the connection betwixt the 2 .. I've never responded to any 2 men in exactly the same way .. probly cuz I've never dated 2 men who were Exactly the same .. .. ain't Life Grand!!

I guess that's what "they" mean by 'timing' .. It's gotta be 'just right' .. .. and then the porridge has to suit your tastes too ..

All this Before that first fart!!! lol ..



ok ok .. sorry .. but you know what I mean .. right?




OMG - Seamonkeys!!! lmao - I remember those!!! toooo funny GSB .. lmao ..

Hey broke bald guy!!! start panhandling! You owe me a new keyboard for this one:
The last chick I dated boiled my sea monkeys.


OMG .. I'm gonna have dreams tonight..
 Divorced, Broke, Bald
Joined: 7/9/2009
Msg: 22
if someone scared you by seeming too eager. . .
Posted: 8/12/2009 4:22:05 PM
The last chick I dated boiled my sea monkeys.
 ~GoneSailing~
Joined: 6/5/2009
Msg: 23
if someone scared you by seeming too eager. . .
Posted: 8/12/2009 4:27:47 PM
Instead of your rabbit?
Freaky chick!

You gotta like her style!



I'd bounce another one your way DBB but there's this silly little posting rule about taking over threads etc., It's a communist way of preventing us from having too much pleasure frolicking with others online...we might begin to (gulp) like each other and then what???

Dancing in the sheets?
(oops! I mean of course streets)
 Divorced, Broke, Bald
Joined: 7/9/2009
Msg: 24
if someone scared you by seeming too eager. . .
Posted: 8/12/2009 4:30:16 PM
I figured it for laziness: she didn't have to run the water. (I think the instructions were a tad tricky for her.)
 BrickCharm City
Joined: 6/13/2009
Msg: 25
view profile
History
if someone scared you by seeming too eager. . .
Posted: 8/12/2009 4:49:31 PM
Well after hearing every one else's stories, I'm gonna go ahead and remove myself from the "too eager" group. LOL I was just excited and really feeling somebody and told them so, it wasn't that serious. But like someone else said, everyone has their own idea of what is considered "too fast".
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > if someone "scared you" by seeming too eager. . .