| my poor puppy:(
Posted: 8/12/2009 9:36:23 PM | okay so here's the situation.. we have a patio at our building where you can go hang out. there's a 9 yr old girl who kinda lives here mother really has custody but she is always with her dad.I have a black lab/ German Sheppard. she is a great dog good with kids/other animals . she is a true sweetie and not just saying this because she is mine.
the 9 yr old has this habit of pulling my dog and other tenants dogs around by the collar( drives me nuts) my dog is my second born she is my baby. this has been going on now day in and out since school ended and this girl "moved in with her dad". every time she does it her dad doesn't say a word. well today was the day i have had enough i snarked at her to stop treating my dog like that i told her my dog had growled at my daughter for doing this which is bs and she will get bit be it today or a yr from now the dog will get fed up . but i want it to stop before my dog bites her and my dog end up destroyed over some brat. today when i told her this her dads response was "i needed to calm down and don't get so stressed".
it is now to the point on most days i will not leave my apartment with my dog other then to walk her and even then i sneak like a criminal or something so this child doesn't abuse my dog.i have had enough and clearly telling her or her dad does nothing.. part of me is in high hopes a dog does bite her and maybe then she will get it, but i really wana stop this before someones dog ends up put down due to this child. how can i handle this without her dad being all pissy that someone else has to parent his child because hes too busy drinking beer. | |
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| my poor puppy:(
Posted: 8/12/2009 9:44:04 PM | | I don't understand how this girl has access to your dog? | |
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| my poor puppy:(
Posted: 8/12/2009 10:00:17 PM | | ^^^ I agree with futershock. Why do you let this girl go near your puppy. Grow some balls and be firm! If you cause neighbour rivalry with the day, who GAF??? You have to take charge. This is your dog and you must protect it from strangers and to protect your child from a dog who has been mistreated by this person. To h3ll if the dad gets pissed at you. You must protect your beloved pet as when they are puppies is the best time to mould their personalities and build their trust issues. Lets not wait until it is too late and he bites the brat and needs to be put down for being vicious. | |
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| my poor puppy:(
Posted: 8/12/2009 10:09:13 PM | | I third the motion. Do what you need to do. And yes....How does the girl have access to your dog when you are not around? | |
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| my poor puppy:(
Posted: 8/12/2009 10:15:11 PM |
well today was the day i have had enough i snarked at her Next time don't wait until you've had enough. Speak up when you first notice something instead of letting it build up to the point where you yell at a kid & call her names ("brat").
today when i told her this her dads response was "i needed to calm down and don't get so stressed". He may or may not be doing his job, and the kid may or may not be just acting like a kid or being a holy terror, but in this case the dad might be right --- if you let a minor annoyance simmer until it becomes something that really pisses you off, then you're going to over-react.
it is now to the point on most days i will not leave my apartment with my dog other then to walk her Why would she be out without you anyway?
how can i handle this without her dad being all pissy that someone else has to parent his child because hes too busy drinking beer. You can't control his reaction to you, but you can control your reaction to the child. I would suggest saying CALMLY, "sorry I snapped the other day but I'm afraid the dog and/or your child might get hurt, so I'd appreciate you backing me up here and keeping your daughter from teasing the dog." Then have a beer with him. Offer the daughter a treat she can give to your dog. Etc. You're neighbors, after all. It doesn't have to be negative. | |
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| my poor puppy:(
Posted: 8/12/2009 10:19:24 PM | ^^^ very good advice Lorelie...
Her first priority should be to keep her child safe and then to ensure no one has access to her dog without her permission. Also, good advice, perhaps the dog owner can teach the unruly child how to treat a dog, if the parent is not willing to help.
I disagree with having a beer with him, though.... until she is sure that he is going to co operate in controlling his daughter's behaviour.
Good luck, OP | |
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| my poor puppy:(
Posted: 8/12/2009 11:31:03 PM | OP, I would take another tack and educate the child about dogs period, what upsets them, what they see as challenges such as someone at their eye level actually looking them in the eye, and that because dogs can't talk, they have a couple of choices. They can growl, bark or bite.
You should tell the child that you don't want to be responsible for her getting hurt and to imagine if she was in class with someone and they were poking her with a pencil. Eventually it would make her mad particularly if she thought the teacher should intervene the same way a well trained dog waits for the adults to tell the child not to pull the dog around by the collar. If it keeps happening, eventually the dog will take it into their own hands and bite.
If the dog bites, she could be hurt very badly and a good nice dog would probably be killed. If the child actually likes dogs and realizes that the innocent dog could be put down because of her actions, hopefully she will be more mindful of how to play well with a dog.
Where I live, it is literally illegal to have a dog that is outside a fenced enclosure and not on a leash, even if it is so well trained nothing would cause it to bolt or go after someone. I had a problem like this years ago. The woman next door pretty much left her 2-year-old out in their back yard all day. Now, she may have been watching occasionally from a window but this kid was throwing bricks at my small dog, whom the bigger german shepherd saw as his baby. I was horrified at the thought that the big dog would some day go after this kid but his mother refused to do anything. We wound up moving across the street which solved the problem but if the parents aren't going to deal with it, you need to make adjustments. | |
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| my poor puppy:(
Posted: 8/13/2009 1:01:16 AM |
but i want it to stop before my dog bites her and my dog end up destroyed over some brat. today when i told her this her dads response was "i needed to calm down and don't get so stressed".
Seems like someone just doesn't "get it"....
Near where I live, there are two little girls (maybe 8 and 9)...
They asked me one day if they could 'approach' my dogs...
Well, to my great surprise, these girls were PERFECT around dogs...
They approached, showed open hands to the dogs...
moved slowly but firmly...
allowed my dogs to see everything they did and didn't try to pet near eyes or mouth...
they respected the dogs as dogs...
they were neither afraid or****... and were very smooth and confident...
my dogs equally took to them.....
I was so impressed....
So I asked them how they knew how to behave around dogs... They told me their father had spent the time and taught them...
Obviously, their father understood dogs...
Now in my case...
I have two commands my dogs obey...
One is a defence mode... they will growl and defend... and attack if threatened....
The other is a 'scare' mode...
They just look vicious.... primarily for keeping people back but not to hurt anyone...
A friend once had a really mean looking dog...
He used to say "Watch him" in a commanding tone, when someone came too close...
So I asked him when his dog was trained to do that....
He replied... "He isn't.... but the other guy doesn't know that...."
And I did all that work to make my dogs scary....LOL | |
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| my poor puppy:(
Posted: 8/13/2009 7:19:51 AM | I gather your dog is running loose? This is the first thing you must change. You have complete control over your dog as others have said and not this child or her father!
As another post said, this child should seek permission first. This will be very difficult if your dog is running loose.If you decide to continue to let your dog loose, then perhaps you should remove the collar.
Of course explain to this girl why it's an unacceptable behaviour and that you will not allow her to continue doing this. She is free to come and visit your dog, but if she continues to abuse the dog in this fashion she won't be allowed to visit him. | |
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| my poor puppy:(
Posted: 8/13/2009 9:32:10 AM | You do not have the right to use a public access space as your personal dog house. I do not see how this child is getting anywhere near your dog if it is being properly cared for or supervised.
Although the kid needs to learn how to treat animals properly as the dogs owner it is your job to keep your dog under your control and on your property at all times. | |
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| my poor puppy:(
Posted: 8/13/2009 6:24:09 PM | no my dog is always leashed, we are not allowed to have them off leash unless they are fenced in or in a dog park. that's what the big problem is. this child is always sitting outside either with her grandma or dad. when you tell her to leave the dogs alone she doesn't. i found out today too this is not only my dog but every dog in the building. more then one owner has told me they have told her the same thing as i have 1 million times before i snapped on her. because we are in a building we have no choice but to walk by her.i must take my dog out she cant just live in the apartment and that would be cruel so you have to go though the common areas.. she lives across the hall so she is unavoidable.
as soon as cars pull in she comes running over to bug you, the second you walk out the door she is there. its not like if we had a house and they where the next door neighbor... | |
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| my poor puppy:(
Posted: 8/13/2009 8:51:42 PM | ^^^^ why not simply take the time to explain her? Since she comes running to your dog all the time - and your dog is leached and with you - that means she comes running to you all the time, right? So - why don't you kneel down to be on her level, connect with her eyes, smile, nod a little, and tell her: "hey, I have seen you play with my dog quite often. How about I tell you what myt dog likes and doesn't like, so you can help me treat him well?"
She will be delighted to be included in this rather than excluded, and you will have all her attention. Explain to her what the dogs likes and don't likes, how to pet him correctly, how to always ask permission to the owner because not all dogs are nice dogs, and so on.
Children need to be told with seriousness and patience, they can't guess all these things. Getting snappy at them is not going to answer their need for curiosity and play.
You can also use perspective thinking to help her understand better: "How would you feel if someone yanked you through your neck? That wouldn't be very pleasant, would it? This is how the dog feels when you do that. Let me show you how he likes it! Okay?"
Do you remember how long it took for your dog to be trained, when she was a puppy? For a child, it's the same, but it's much more complex - and simpler in the same time, as you can appeal to her intelligence through language. But it's not enough to only "tell" her. You need to teach her. Assist her. Act as a mentor. Include her. Bond with her. Connect with her curiosity and her desire to be approved by adults, rather than appeal to her sens of rebellion and defiance. And above all, remember she will listen to you a lot better if you listen to her first and consider her with benevolence, care and appreciation rather than annoyance. Children can sense these things. | |
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| my poor puppy:(
Posted: 8/13/2009 9:16:44 PM | I am very surprised that you, as a mother, would call a child a brat, and not have the love and patience for children to teach her how to behave with a dog.
For whatever reasons i am guessing this child is craving attention, and may not realize that her roughousing with dogs could be dangerous.
Why not be a friend to this child and take the time as a loving adult to take C-Souls advice?
When i had my children i did not just become a mother of my own children, i became a "mother of all", meaning that if i see ANY child that is in need of attention, love, guidance, or whathaveyou, i do my best to offer it to that child, because that maternal instinct runs very deep.
Here is a great chance to make a difference in a childs life, by offering her kindness and teaching her about animals. I hope you rise to the call. | |
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| my poor puppy:(
Posted: 8/14/2009 7:18:06 PM | I have a 140 pound pit boxer you can borrow he won't bite her but he'll drag her from he11 and back Rofl. He really rather goofy but anything smaller than 160 lbs is a drag toy to him.
If it bothers you just say it you could save yourself and your dog a lot of frustration.
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| my poor puppy:(
Posted: 8/14/2009 8:21:43 PM | | lol bring him here!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol i have explained since i moved in February how to treat a dog to her. she doesn't get it ...... and yes i call her a brat she is what she is.... she beats my dog steals toys from my 4 yr no im not really a fan and today i got told off by her grandma because i should not be speaking to her granddaughter about anything..i called a lawyer for advise he has told me to call the spca and red flag her so when she is bit again ( also learned today she did the same to another dog and it was put down the owner still lives in the building) my dog wont be destroyed and they will not be able to take legal action on me. thanks for your replies though and blakk let me borrow him for a week lolol | |
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| my poor puppy:(
Posted: 8/14/2009 8:52:07 PM |
and yes i call her a brat she is what she is....
With that kind of attitude, it's no wonder she won't listen to you when you try to tell her. My guess is you are trying to boss her around rather than explain, teach and connect.
I have a hard time believing all of her family / mother / grandma / herself simply won't listen to you or talk to you, and yet it's none of your fault and all of their fault - cause, hey, she is a brat because "that's what she is"? | |
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| my poor puppy:(
Posted: 8/14/2009 10:30:12 PM |
I have a hard time believing all of her family / mother / grandma / herself simply won't listen to you or talk to you, and yet it's none of your fault and all of their fault - cause, hey, she is a brat because "that's what she is"?
I'm just curious, do you think that there are no children who are actually brats? I do not mean this particular child in the op, but just in general. | |
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| my poor puppy:(
Posted: 8/15/2009 12:18:09 AM |
I'm just curious, do you think that there are no children who are actually brats? I do not mean this particular child in the op, but just in general.
"being a brat" is a label. It's not a behavior. Underlying the use of this kind of label are some hidden assumptions about the motives that drives a child to act a certain way. Most of the time, these motives are not really the child's motives, but they are rather the adult's interpretation of these motives, based on his own reference frame, expectations, experiences and bias. Moreover, they are also the adult's interpretation of these motives as reasoned from a matured brain, adult perspective, yet the child's reasoning and motivations are based on a different, earlier stage of brain maturation and psychological development.
I have challenged many posters in various previous post when I saw someone using labels regarding children, and so far, nobody seems to be ready to defend their position. So, let's see: If you can define precisely what you mean by "being a brat", then I can tell you whether I believe a child can be or not be "a brat". | |
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| my poor puppy:(
Posted: 8/15/2009 7:03:47 AM | | Honestly it is the girls parents job to correct the behavior, but since they won't do anything try showing her how to use a harness instead. It is better for the dog and makes her easier to walk. I had a black lab chow mix. Go with this little girl on on your dog walks, and teach her the right way. Let her hold the leash. I think this is the best way to correct the behavior and teach the girl. | |
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| my poor puppy:(
Posted: 8/15/2009 8:07:58 AM | I really like most of what you have had to say in regards to the interaction with the child and the dog owner. I think the problem is that the OP has tried unsuccessfully for long enough, that they are now just frustrated with the situation and I am sure we can all appreciate that.
There are many parents who do not parent, teach or spend time with their children. They also refuse to accept responsibility for their child's behaviour. If the child is seen as a "brat" by their actions, they may very well have behavioural issues. Remember the child in question is 9 and not 5 and at this age, being told by an adult that is not their parent, that their actions are unwanted and inappropriate towards an animal, that is not theirs, should garner a response of either avoidance or acceptance. The child is doing neither, which indicates either a learning or behavioural aspect in their failure to modify themselves.
OP, your priority is your animal and not parenting someone elses child. If your dog bites, your dog and your failure to control them will be blamed. If a 9 year old kept coming over to your 4 year old child and dragging them around by the shirt, what would you do? Always place yourself between the child and the dog. Always be ready to defend your animal against the unwanted and provoking attacks against it, or it will eventually do it itself.
If you have been diligent and responsible, tried to avoid, educate and co-operate and nothing works, then defend. If the child comes near you and your animal, warn her to back off as you are training the dog. If the child is non compliant, then leave. Go into the house and call child protection services and anonamously report the incident. The supervising adults are placing the child in danger by refusing to correct her dangerous and unwanted behaviour. Or I might even gather a petition from the other parents and animal owners indicating the childs behaviour, the attempts to resolve the situation with the father and grandmother and their failure to act to solve the problem to present to them if you don't want it to be anonamous.
You and your animal have a right to be left in peace, but remember that in a public area, you do not have the right to be left alone by someone who is a social non conformist. It means that if you don't like it, then you have to leave and not the other way around. Yes, it will interfere with your life in the short term, but remember, she always leaves to go back to her mother. | |
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| my poor puppy:(
Posted: 8/15/2009 9:51:39 AM |
"being a brat" is a label. It's not a behavior. Underlying the use of this kind of label are some hidden assumptions about the motives that drives a child to act a certain way. Most of the time, these motives are not really the child's motives, but they are rather the adult's interpretation of these motives, based on his own reference frame, expectations, experiences and bias. Moreover, they are also the adult's interpretation of these motives as reasoned from a matured brain, adult perspective, yet the child's reasoning and motivations are based on a different, earlier stage of brain maturation and psychological development.
I agree with you. | |
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