| now what
Posted: 8/13/2009 7:22:07 PM | ok this is not about me, its my friend, he is 40 and going through his second divorce. I am taking him out tommorow night to cheer him up.
Do women usually frown upon a guy is divorced 2 times at that young of an age? | |
|
| now what
Posted: 8/13/2009 7:26:42 PM | Depends on WHY he is twice-divorced. Did he pick the wrong women? Did he run around on them? Did they run around on him (and why?) Is he an abuser - physically, verbally, psychologically? Does he ignore them or take them for granted once he's married to them? Etc., etc., etc.
If you were a woman, would you want to be married to him?
And most importantly, has he learned anything positive from his experiences? | |
|
| now what
Posted: 8/13/2009 7:28:16 PM | | I don't think 40 is a young age to be divorced twice. Maybe 25 but not 40. | |
|
| now what
Posted: 8/13/2009 7:28:47 PM | | no he is a too nice of a guy and women walk all over him, he normally bends over backwards for them, he is not the abusive kind or cheater , he gives them everything. | |
|
| now what
Posted: 8/13/2009 7:32:00 PM |
I am taking him out tommorow night to cheer him up.
Well ld44 if you are a true friend then be sure you don't go announcing to every gal he encounters tomorrow night that your friend is getting divorced for the second time!
Where do you plan on taking him? | |
|
| now what
Posted: 8/13/2009 7:32:12 PM | For some people, they fall in love and then marry.. but settling, more so without realising and so the marriage fails.
My ex-husband was married twice, me being the second... I realised that he didn't really understand the word and what it entails to be married, the effort and work that has to go into it, and that you can't be 100% batchelor and be married.
I also dated someone who had been married twice...
I think there are lessons to learn in life with anything that fails and as long as you can realise your participation with honesty and with clarity it shouldn't be an issue...
I would, as I think most women would, be it that they were married once or three times, try to ascertain if there was a problem that I need to look at as to the reason.
But, I certainly wouldn't hold it against a guy on the outset of it all. | |
|
| now what
Posted: 8/13/2009 7:32:44 PM | | I would think, well at least he married them......I don't know if he will ever go for round three, but ......you've only heard his version of the story....curious to know what their version of why it didn't work out.....he's not that young to have gone through this life experience..... | |
|
| now what
Posted: 8/13/2009 7:35:53 PM | | we are going out to dinner first, most of my friends always looked to me as their mentor, therapist or priest. then some drinks he wants to talk. so i figured a place like an upscale club where he could meet some women. good idea? bad idea? | |
|
| now what
Posted: 8/13/2009 7:37:33 PM | | I know all sides, he is to nice they get bored, he plays the good hubby part. they want more out of life. | |
|
| now what
Posted: 8/13/2009 7:50:46 PM | Send him my way once he figures out why he married and divorced twice. ;)
(IOW, what is his accountability?)
Not such a good idea to go out with your buddy and meet women when he is wanting
to talk. Let him have a bit to drink, let him talk and take him home to sleep it off. He'll feel a bit better the next day. Have fun. | |
|
| now what
Posted: 8/13/2009 7:54:53 PM | | meeting women part is for him, maybe cheer him up, his accountability is good he really is a nice guy and a great dad to his kids, he is just way to nice and gets walked on alot. | |
|
| now what
Posted: 8/13/2009 7:58:16 PM | I don't think so. We all make mistakes ...
At the end of the day, why concern yourself with the fact that he has made errors of judgment in the past ... it is more about who you are and what you are doing with yourself today.
And realistically, if someone has a problem with the situation your friend is in, then he doesn't need them.
We are all a combination of Saint and Sinner ... Only God can judge us ... we are not entitled to judge one another.
There is someone for everyone, the best way to find someone is to achieve a positive and clear frame of mind.
Don't make decisions based on correcting past mistakes. Make them with a view to improving the current situation. | |
|
| now what
Posted: 8/13/2009 8:18:38 PM |
so i figured a place like an upscale club where he could meet some women. good idea? bad idea?
Sure he's ready to meet women right now?
It seems like a hard kick in the nads to be the to nice of a guy, boring, yet dependable, and now going through his 2nd divorce.
I don't think there is anything wrong with being a "too nice" guy, however if he plays "capt save a ho", then she gets bored, he is needing to figure out why he is selecting women that say they want a nice guy, but gets bored...
As well, there are things that you can't possibly know, like perhaps he is the worst lay on the East coast... I AM NOT saying he is, however it does seem that perhaps their is a little more to this guys life than just being "too nice", and striking out twice.
Two divorces at age 40 isn't fatal, however you stated he's going through the 2nd which means he's still married... Have dinner, and let him go from there, if he is feeling brave to get hammered a third time before he's healed, and figured out why he's picking the women he is, then I guess he can go for it... | |
|
| now what
Posted: 8/13/2009 8:25:23 PM | Did you ask him if he wants to meet women? If he's in the midst of his second divorce, he may not be in the right frame of mind for it. Also, many women want nothing to do with a guy who is still full of the drama of a current/recent divorce. So that might lead to a lack of success in meeting women, which might make him feel even worse.
I think dinner together, and possibly drinks after, is a good plan. Allow him time to talk, and give him the gift of your full attention (not distracted by the "meeting women" agenda).
Follow his lead... if HE says he wants to meet women, then you can consider it. Maybe he just wants a nice night out with a friend who he can count on, without any pressure about meeting women. | |
|
| now what
Posted: 8/13/2009 8:28:45 PM | I dunno, some people are married 10 times or more, so when you mean "frown upon" do you mean people with double-digit marriages can't get married yet again?
Obviously they can, so what's the point of your question?
Can cities that burnt to the ground be rebuilt? Well, Troy was sacked 7 times. Chicago burned. San Francisco was leveled by an earthquake AND burned. Vancouver burned. How many times were London and Rome destroyed?
....and yet they are ALL still here, so the answer is OBVIOUS, just like you twice-divorced guy can OBVIOUSLY remarry. Have you lived in the same village of 100 people your entire life? Do you know NOTHING of history, of culture, do you have absolute NO education or experience to draw upon?
Even the long-suffering JOB who was tormented by Satan as God snickered...even HE remarried and had more kids. Sheesh......
Let me use your skull for the cornerstone of a skyscraper, because I don't think I'll find anything harder.  | |
|
| now what
Posted: 8/13/2009 9:30:54 PM | WackMC,
Point of the question sweet, is he's POSTED this in " ask a girl..."
You know, us women? Whether or not we as "women" would be bothered or not~~
tut,tut... You can't answer how "we" as women would view dating a male, whom has been married twice!
Unless ..... your a well, woman...
OP, he may be the nicest guy on earth and yes, some women take advantage of that, it's sad... | |
|
| now what
Posted: 8/13/2009 9:32:49 PM | | only bs makes me frown | |
|
| now what
Posted: 8/13/2009 10:29:16 PM | This is my opinion. I really don't care if someone has been married 1 x or 8 x's. What matters to me is who filed first.
I have found...not always...but a lot of the time...the person that files is the one who has decided that the committment (spelling?) that was made is not worth honoring. So...if your friend has filed for each divorce...I would be rather hesitant. I would be really curious as to what the other side of the story was in that case.
If your friend is the one who fought against the divorce...then I can't hold him accountable. You can't make someone stay married to you who doesn't want to be.
Have a great time at dinner...and since you are a priest to some of your friends..."Bless me Father for I have sinned....." | |
|
| now what
Posted: 8/13/2009 10:33:06 PM | tut,tut... You can't answer how "we" as women would view dating a male, whom has been married twice!
The POINT is that women answer this question every day by MARRYING men who have already been married more than twice~~!
It's like asking if you think it could rain this summer. Well, DUH, have you ever seen it rain in summer? Why would you even ask such a question?
It's already proven the guy can score, seduce, engage and marry women. That's not an issue.
Skip the obvious and get to the point! Which is ...????
- what caused my previous marriages to fail?
- was it the same issue?
- is it something I can fix so I don't have to keep finding new wives?
- am I a serial monogamist, and should I accept this and love each wife as best I can until the marriage implodes?
I think Prednisonegirl is on the right questioning track. | |
|
| now what
Posted: 8/13/2009 11:40:48 PM | | I wouldn't date him but....that's just me. My friend's husband just announced he's never loved her and he only married her because he was high. He's 27. This will be his 2nd divorce. Now HE has some serious issues. | |
|
| now what
Posted: 8/14/2009 11:10:39 AM | It all depends on how hot your "friend" is ...  | |
|
Home
login 
