| Is "separated", married?
Posted: 8/14/2009 9:05:04 PM | Hi all. I'm fairly new to this site and have a question for you more experienced users. I have noticed that quite a lot of women have used the "no contact if married"option. Being separated means that I am still "technically" married. I don't want to offend anyone by initiating any contact if they have used this option. Is there a straight line or is this a so called "grey" area.
If anyone has any more tips for me I would be greatly thankful.
Cheers  | |
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| Is separated, married?
Posted: 8/14/2009 10:02:57 PM | Personally I don't think seperated but married guys are the ones the "no contact from marrieds" is aimed at.
I reckon most women who request no contact from married men are really saying "Dont be looking my way if you are wanting a bit on the side behind your wifes back you dirty old scumbag"
But that just my take on it. | |
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| Is separated, married?
Posted: 8/14/2009 11:31:39 PM | | Married is married. Technical counts. Divorced is divorced. | |
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| Is separated, married?
Posted: 8/15/2009 12:08:02 AM | | depends on how long you have been seperated and are you still seeing your wife!!! my husband and i have been seperated for 23 yrs, just too lazy and neither of us has married again so legally..yes still married but havent been together since. i also use my maiden name. so it really just depends on whether you are still intimate with her and how long you have been seperated. | |
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| Is separated, married?
Posted: 8/15/2009 12:43:32 AM | I'd have to agree with Hilly and Shellg1.
If you want some on the side, go away and no touchy touchy.
It's hard enough for the genuine singles here without having some married people looking for extramarital affairs.
I am sure that there are sites that cater for that kind of stuff. | |
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| Is separated, married?
Posted: 8/15/2009 12:53:15 AM | Actually, when I first started reading forums... I read some threads on this... It was mainly americans replying....
And I was surprised this ... thought/attitude.. was quite prelevant...
Married is married. Technical counts. Divorced is divorced.
poster 3 is usa... from profile....
we can compare social attitudes..maybe between the 2 countries?..
It will be interesting to see how aussies feel on the same subject...
I agree with shellg1.... its individual...... circumstances.....
and I suppose religious beliefs?...maybe?..... and length of seperation?
re ready to move on? ...or maybe still hoping to get back together?...etc..
That would be what I would be concerned about...
peace | |
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| Is separated, married?
Posted: 8/15/2009 1:00:38 AM | Thanks guys/girls/women/gods best creation(to whom was that 1 for)
If I wanted something on the side I woulda got "brushetti".(love that stuff), I want main meal with all trimmings. I still separated without being divorced...what do I do. Divorvce is not married..separated is. I still want fairytale.
Just want people to know that emotionally/phsycically I am not married(pardon the spelling). Cheers
Colin | |
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| Is separated, married?
Posted: 8/15/2009 2:22:47 AM | funny how the only times you hear the word separated ..
it has to do with either eggs or people.....
as with eggs ...separated is separated.... often to be used in different dishes....
or combined again later?....as in a pav or an omelette type souffle..right?... | |
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| Is separated, married?
Posted: 8/15/2009 3:36:03 AM | I seperated my shoulder once playing footy, glad it didnt stay that way...
I seperated 43 yrs ago and divorced, glad it did stay that way....
I quite like Pavlova, and custard.....yust yoking | |
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| Is separated, married?
Posted: 8/15/2009 4:42:18 AM | separated.....
to me means unfinished business with current partner.
maybe dramas happening?.....or still to occur?
i guess you could say it's not what i am looking for in a potential partner.....
so to me it's not a grey area......it's black or white.
rip michael. | |
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| Is separated, married?
Posted: 8/15/2009 5:16:08 AM | | You know thqat pav is a New Zealand dish don't you.(just likem crowed house | |
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| Is separated, married?
Posted: 8/15/2009 5:38:27 AM | To me, having been the 'separated' wife, I thought it was 'all over'. However, when he moved on {wanting to marry someone else}, that's when I got upset because in my eye, we were still married. {Hey, it was eons ago, give me a break, I'm older and wiser now}
He never did initiate divorce, so I believe he was hiding behind the 'separated' thang, and not making a 'commitment' to the 'new' wife to be.
I finally initiated and got the divorce because I wanted to move on with my life. I felt that IF I ever wanted to move into a new relationship, I'd be fully free and available to that new person; physically, emotionally and socially.
I've had too many hassles with estranged and ex wives... that personally {again, if I get involved} I'd rather have a widower or a never married man in my future. Tough call, as I know they're not as common as the regular divorced variety. | |
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| Is separated, married?
Posted: 8/15/2009 7:38:56 AM |
I separated my shoulder once playing footy, glad it didn't stay that way...
Whether your separated,freshly divorced imo, there is a time period to get your house in order first, before you bring someone else [rebound] under your roof.
I've dated separated ladies twice, it was ok,have some fun,go out,enjoy. But unfortunately their unfinished business stopped us from going any further in the relationship. So, that what separated means to me, and in no way negative of the person. Good luck, as we all been there. | |
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| Is separated, married?
Posted: 8/15/2009 10:54:33 AM | I'm sorry I saw Hilly post below the OP and got caught up dreaming about a threesome with her and naamah, I think I found god.
Kinda hard to get past who gives a flying f**k from there. Separated. Yeah, married. Um, nah.
C'mon Hilly, you think I'm hot, right?  You, me, naamah, a horseride in the countryside...a picnic...the champaigne spills everywhere...
Seriously somebody start an Oz topic I can get my teeth into. Gotta distract myself. | |
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| Is separated, married?
Posted: 8/15/2009 4:28:46 PM | | I'm an OZ , so I qualify monsieur Van. ... I think you can be divorced even yet and love a married man .. now there's a twist . So far I do not believe we've touched on this unhappy permutation . I like these big words . | |
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| Is separated, married?
Posted: 8/15/2009 4:39:22 PM | ok i am a bit naive at some things thats a given i am how ever gunna blame my mum for that
but when it comes to separated i have discovered over the past 5 yrs that lots of male type people use it as an excuse to find the " bit on the side"
genuinely i think look at profiles and see the "separated" tag and it makes my head swim
this is such a touchy area in some aspects | |
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| Is separated, married?
Posted: 8/15/2009 9:50:38 PM | | I am separated and here in Qld that has to be for 12 months until either party can apply for a divorce. I am just about to take that next step. Been separated for about 15 months, I have moved on and so has he but we remain on very good terms. It is possible! No chance of us re-uniting whatsoever but remaining friends is a definite! | |
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| Is separated, married?
Posted: 8/16/2009 12:02:21 AM | | I was separated for 5 years before i got around to divorcing my ex.Mostly cos i kept forgetting to get around to it,ok you got me,i was too busy buying toys and didn't want to waste money on divorce papers at the expense of my toys.So now offically divorced for 2 years but class myself as single.Think as others have said,it comes down to if they have emotionally and mentally moved on. | |
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| Is separated, married?
Posted: 8/16/2009 12:14:42 AM | | Married = Player ... Separated = un-finished business and divorced = "single again." Divorces can get messy even in the most amicable separations.... IMO we face enough hurdles when starting a new relationship without the added one of dealing with the hiccups a divorce may bring. | |
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| Is separated, married?
Posted: 8/16/2009 1:04:48 AM | I was seperated for over 3 years before I recently got divorced. It was totally over 3 years ago, but be buggered if I was going to spend good botox money on divorcing him. He left, he could pay for it was my opinion.
I really don't think a piece of paper means someone is anymore over a past relationship then someone who is just seperated....its a somewhat grey area I guess.
I reckon it totally depends on the person involved and to lump all seperated people together, as things being unfinished is a little unfair. | |
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| Is separated, married?
Posted: 8/16/2009 1:57:51 AM |
I reckon it totally depends on the person involved and to lump all seperated people together, as things being unfinished is a little unfair.
totally agree with you there hilly
i have been sepperated near seven years now ,we are still good friends ,but as she lives nine hours from me i dont see it as a baggage problem (but maybe thats why i dont get any emails lol)we have both moved on and comes a day when either of us want to settle down with a new partner then yes a divorce is nessessary
i would rather have it that way than messy breakups i always hear about with ex abusing new partners etc ,fighting over kids ,or ugly visits ,
i think the unfairness is individuals still playing up cheating etc pretending to be single
to me i think messy divorced people have a lot more problems | |
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| Is separated, married?
Posted: 8/16/2009 3:57:24 AM | | I can understand all of the emotional stuff around being separated and just not getting around to getting divorced. Here's a simple test - try to get remarried when you're separated. That will tell you whether separated is married. | |
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| Is separated, married?
Posted: 8/16/2009 8:51:06 AM | OP, you've listed yourself as 'separated' and I don't think anyone can fault you for that.
Undoubtedly a prospective partner will want to know just how 'technically married' that might make you, of course. As noted by Soulmate, Americans see the separated status very differently. Here in OZ, most folk are much more likely to be considering where your head is at.
Unlike America, you'll only have to put up with the worst case scenario for twelve months anyway . . and less if you're a bit clever. 
I can understand all of the emotional stuff around being separated and just not getting around to getting divorced.
I don't think I understand it at all really. 
Why would one separate from their spouse and yet remain married?
Why would one not take the logical next step of getting the divorce happening? Wouldn't that kinda preclude / inhibit the 'moving on' thing? I'd have thought he whole point of separating was to become single again so that one could make a new beginning?
Is maintaining the married status some sort of security blanket? | |
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| Is separated, married?
Posted: 8/16/2009 9:28:50 AM | Hilly, this is a cross over post from another forum topic.
After reading those fabulous testimonials in your profile I was gobsmacked (yes, really!!) to read in message 21 that some bloke had actually left YOU.
WTF??? | |
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...must be a lot of similarly religious people on this site judging by the emails Hilly and I often receive suggesting similar things. 
