| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/18/2009 8:50:21 PM | I've been with a woman for 4 years, known her for 9 years since university. She's my first love and believe it or not, we've yet to have sex. We are both in love, there is no doubt, but I have really had it without sex. I get urges for cheating on her, and its getting uncontrollable now, especially when she's not giving me any. (No she's not getting some herself...).
Her point is that, she wants to get married and then get down to this. I am ready for that but she needs apparently another 1-2 years before she will be ready as she's completing her masters.
WTHECK do I do? I have told her that I am loosing attraction to her and I am beyond horny, to which she laughs.
What to do? | |
|
| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/18/2009 8:58:59 PM | Jesus. Go get laid.
If she wants to stay a virgin while she's getting her masters that's her choice, but you should go get fekked. Now.
Purity doesn't HAVE to be your choice too.
Lord. | |
|
| |
| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/18/2009 9:08:36 PM |
What to do?
You have to ask?
Is she saving herself for marriage or would she not have sex then, too? | |
|
| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/18/2009 9:10:09 PM | If you really love her (not just lust after), then you have a few choices:
a) Cheat
b) Take matters into your own hand
c) Get a blow up doll
d) Buy yourself a kit that makes an exact duplicate of the part of her you're so desperate to get your d**k wet with  | |
|
| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/18/2009 9:13:33 PM | I'm thinking four years is long enough to wait, are you engaged? I can't see that that would make a difference but in addition to the whole getting laid advice, do you want to be with someone for the rest of your life that belittles you and discounts your feelings?
I would think if she really doesn't want to do the deed she should do some reading about other ways outside of actual intercourse that she could make a continued wait more palatable but at this point, if she is wanting to put marriage off until the completion of her masters, that isn't particularly fair to you and again, she wants what she wants and to hell with you?
Kind of a problem there beyond the whole horny thing. | |
|
| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/18/2009 9:19:42 PM | *half-hearted joke snipped* This thread was one vote away from disappearing, but it survived.
Serious answer: You aren't telling us the whole story. You and she aren't as close as you're saying--maybe literally, like long distance or something. | |
|
| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/18/2009 9:26:13 PM | You're here, aren't you?
Your profile says you're looking for 'hang out', but then you specify an age range. You 'hanging out' with another woman is NOT going to be received well by your girl.
You're 28 years old, losing attraction for the woman you're with, and on a dating site.
My take is that you've made your decision already. Slap up a picture, slap the old girl on the rump to get her down the road, and get on with it. | |
|
| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/18/2009 9:28:37 PM | I think if she truly loved you she would at least be willing to make some sort of compromise. Are her reasons for not wanting to fool around at all religion based?
Are the two of you engaged? Personally I couldn't imagine not being with someone in that way before marriage. Marriage is hopefully for a very long time and to not know what you are getting into in that area, well, I just couldn't fathom it.
Only you really know in your heart what you can and cannot deal with here. But I think finding out now just how 'ungiving' she is, or unwilling to compromise she is, says a lot about what kind of future ya'll would probably be having together.
You have a very difficult decision to make. Have you told her of your latest feelings of "If she won't give it to me, I will find someone who will" ? I would at least give her the warning before acting on it.
Good luck, I do NOT envy your situation at all. | |
|
| |
| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/18/2009 9:37:52 PM | And if you waited until you married to have sex...what if it were the lousiest sex you could imagine?
The Ring...and then the Thing...either get it...or move on! | |
|
| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/18/2009 9:38:08 PM | | I say if you've been good to her but then she laughs at you like that you should examine whether she cares about what you want in general. She shouldn't just laugh at you for expressing frustration. If she's like this in other areas of your relationship then I would say GTFO of this as fast as possible. | |
|
| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/18/2009 10:01:22 PM | That's a real sticky wicket.
If she truly is your heart, soul, best friend, companion...the person with whom you without a doubt feel at home in her arms; you have an open and honest relationship, have some level of sexual openness and sensory pleasures indicating an overall compatibility, then it may very well worth waiting for.
jmackey makes a valid pont to consider when making your evaluation of what I said above.
In that we don't get a crystal ball, you just don't have any guarantees. | |
|
| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/18/2009 10:04:51 PM | DUMP HER FAST!
If she is already holding sex hostage - she will always use it as a weapon. Find a more willing partner. | |
|
| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/18/2009 10:18:16 PM | | Tell her to get back to you when she's done school. Meanwhile, you've got things to do. If she's lucky, you'll still be there. | |
|
| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/18/2009 10:19:09 PM | | Get her wasted, and give her an excuse to let go. Give it to her. Never mind her objections. Make some sort of connection first, though. | |
|
| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/18/2009 10:25:33 PM |
Tell her to get back to you when she's done school. Meanwhile, you've got things to do. If she's lucky, you'll still be there
^^^^ Couldn't have said it better. Like holy crap what is with this woman, your future wife might I add, what....she can't have sex because she's getting her masters degree. Waiting for marriage is nice...but not practical at all. Most wouldn't even consider a month hold out let alone a 4 year hold out and now she's asking for two more years... Pulease | |
|
| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/18/2009 10:34:25 PM | | Seriously. invite her over and get her wasted. She needs an excuse to let go. IF she does not let go, then you have wasted your time... If she gives you something that you need, then pursue it. | |
|
| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/18/2009 10:38:29 PM | | One in a masters program, the other horny and ready to cheat? Sounds like my divorce. A masters program is known to test relationships. It is cheaper to fail now than later. | |
|
| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/18/2009 10:39:17 PM | | so what is her reason for not having sex with you? i don't think you mentioned that. and why do you put up with it i wonder? sheesh most men i go out with expect sex by the third date and if they don't get it, i get dumped. not saying that's right but i can't imagine dating someone for 4 LONG years and never having sex with that person, it's unbelievable. | |
|
| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/18/2009 11:02:13 PM | First of all is she a virgin?
Is she doing this for religious reasons?
Is she TRULY a virgin or just one of those hypocritical 'everything but' girls?
Her point is that, she wants to get married and then get down to this. I am ready for that but she needs apparently another 1-2 years before she will be ready as she's completing her masters.
Are you engaged?
Are you living together?
If you love her and want to get married so you can start your life together then tell her.
Is there a reason you can't get married and have her finish school at the same time?
WTHECK do I do? I have told her that I am loosing attraction to her and I am beyond horny, to which she laughs.
Maybe she's just stringing you along as her university boyfriend that she doesn't have to put out with.
If she's not concerned that you are loosing attraction to her then she's not concerned if you leave.
And if she laughs at you for that then she doesn't have any care or consideration for your feelings.
It seems to be all about her.
Do you want the rest of your life to be all about her?
What to do?
Whatever you want to do of course. It's your life after all.
I'm assuming that you are not a virgin and have had sex before.
Do you really want to be with a woman that can wait 6 YEARS to have sex with you?
God! If she has no problem waiting that long you might only be getting it every 6th wedding anniversary after you are married!   | |
|
| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/18/2009 11:04:19 PM | | OH MY... I feel for ya.. well.. its really your choice, I can understand her purity wants, but she cant expect you to go without so I guess maybe just tell her, listen you either give it to me, or someone else will.. but like I said its all your choice lol. | |
|
tom385
|
Joined: 7/11/2009
Msg: 23 | |
| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/18/2009 11:18:16 PM | Sex is overrated unless you are doing with someone you can care enough about to do it without protection. Doing it with random partners while using condoms isn't that great anyways. I've tried over 10 types of condoms - and none have compared to the real thing. So you might as well wait. Does she at least give you blowjobs or anything? If not, you could just always try masturbation.
It is just over sensationalized by every guy douchebag who just wants to proclaim it so because he wants to rationalize that it is great. It might be different for women, but god damn that stupid condom barrier reduces feeling by 99% for us males.
If you really love her and care about her, and you know she feels the same way, just wait til you both get married then. | |
|
| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/18/2009 11:53:19 PM | | Is she at least sucking your**** Good lord! Four years is a hell of a long time. Shit. I wouldn't....COULDN'T last that long! | |
|
| Is this enough to ditch her?
Posted: 8/19/2009 12:11:50 AM | Okay, I know that I am so totally in the minority on this one, but we really don't have all the details of your situation.
I am not saying that it is okay to have to wait that long for sex....but there could be another reason. She is working on her Masters degree, which could be causing her a lot of stress. Extreme stress will interfere with her libido, along with depression, being overweight, and a lot of other things.
The other thing that strikes me as odd is that she is laughing off your complaint, but not for the same reason as everyone else. I tend to look for the deeper meaning to things and pay attention to the smaller details. Has it occurred to anyone here that she has some dark secret from her past, such as being raped or molested that is interfering with her libido? And laughing it off is not necessarily her way of being cruel, but her way of trying to avoid the subject because she is uncomfortable with it in general?
If that is the case, then I would recommend that she speak with a therapist or a doctor of some sort. If she really does love you she would want to work out these issues in order to keep your relationship strong.
Just some thoughts that it seems no one else is considering here.
Good luck. I would say that if this is the situation and she is not willing to work on her issues, then you do need to move on, but before you do, sit down with her and try to figure out why she is so uncomfortable with the subject in general. | |
|
Home
login 
