| Is Dating over 30 tougher than it was when you were in your 20's?
Posted: 8/18/2009 11:00:55 PM | I personally have come to the conclusion that dating in my early 30's is definately not as easy as it was when I was in my early 2o's.
It seems to me that everything is so much more complicated. There are typically children involved. Most of us have been married or in long term relationships in the past, which seem to breed mistrust, and sometimes resentment. Life is taken more seriously, and it seems that even a decision as simple as whether to date an individual or not, has become a major vetting process.
I have found it so much harder to break through that intitial "wall of caution" than I did when I was younger, and often Men and Woman alike (I myself am guilty of this) are often afraid, ultra cautious, or to timid to take that leap of faith, and make a commitment.
I am not all that different than I was appearance wise than I was in my early twenties, yet I find myself putting much more effort into the intial process of finding a suitable person to spend time with, This would lead me to believe that it is reasons other than physical changes?
Has anyone else experienced this? What reasons do you feel cause this apparent phenomena. | |
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| Is Dating over 30 tougher than it was when you were in your 20's?
Posted: 8/18/2009 11:15:50 PM | all men and women over 35 this applies....
Women are bitter and angry at men in general because of the bad choices they have made for fathers of there children...
Men are bitter and angry at women cause all men think that women are after something, like there wallet, or just out for free dinners....
Of course, you have guys like me who have never been married, no kids and get looked down upon cause there is something wrong with me cause I have never been married...go figure... | |
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| Is Dating over 30 tougher than it was when you were in your 20's?
Posted: 8/18/2009 11:19:37 PM | When you have more chips at stake, you're more cautious about how you spend your time.
I know sometimes I miss being as dumb as I was ten or twelve years ago. But I wouldn't go back for anything. It all comes down to knowing your own worth. Just yesterday I passed on an advance from a woman that most guys would rate at about a 9, but experience and the wisdom of not being a dumb azz 22 year old anymore tell me that she is a definite head-case. So I can actually be thankful that I'm more cautious nowadays.
It is more complicated, but think of what you've got more than what you haven't got. For example, I avoided a date with a very emotionally scarred but also very beautiful woman, and I also avoided a sure-fire headache. The guy that was more responsive to her advances got to take her out, have a miserable time listening to stories about the guy she just broke up with, and he wound up spending a ton of money on her. I think being a little older and a little more boring paid off for me this time.
I know everything was based on fun back then, but wouldn't you also say that your judgement is just better now than in your early twenties? | |
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| Is Dating over 30 tougher than it was when you were in your 20's?
Posted: 8/19/2009 12:14:14 AM |
Women are bitter and angry at men in general because of the bad choices they have made for fathers of there children...
Men are bitter and angry at women cause all men think that women are after something, like there wallet, or just out for free dinners....
This is the biggest load of bullshit I have ever heard. Don't project your own baggage upon everyone else on this site. There are plenty of us that are not bitter at all, we may be cautious and a bit more selective about our choices in men or women, but don't label us as bitter just because we won't have anything to do with a guy who has a shitty attitude like you.
Fix your issues and then maybe you will be able to find a woman who won't read what you write or hear what you say and turn away in disgust.
You have a lot of work to do on yourself. Get it together before you try to date anyone...no one deserves a man who thinks she s out to rob him or take him for free dinners.
Beth | |
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| Is Dating over 30 tougher than it was when you were in your 20's?
Posted: 8/19/2009 12:36:58 AM | Beth,
Thanks for the advice Dr Phil, way to break me down.
I said it in a little bit of jest, it didnt come out that way to you, which is fine, not your fault, I could understand why.
Bitter may not be the best word, more like hestitant, or scared might be better terms.
Just to let you know, Im not bitter at all. This is after getting tons of unread/deletes all the time. I keep trucking along, doesnt bother me a bit.
Again, I said it in a little bit of jest, which is why I added the story of me never married, with no kids, and women turning me down because there must be something wrong with me not being married.....
no one deserves a man who thinks she s out to rob him or take him for free dinners.
There has been MANY threads started by men who think women are taking them for free dinners. I have been on those same threads telling them to stop whining and pay for the first date. Paying for the first date is what a MAN does. Im sure I have been taken many of times and didnt even know it. That is on ME not realizing that maybe she wasnt my type anyway.... | |
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| Is Dating over 30 tougher than it was when you were in your 20's?
Posted: 8/19/2009 1:56:00 AM | Scrtach Off, your response makes a lot of sense (most of yours do)
I think one of the biggest issues that makes dating so much harder now is timelines.
When I dated girls in their twenties, they were mostly up for a good time. It didn't really matter if you were the "one" or not; just as long as you were inviting them to a cool event.
Now I date women in their mid to late thirties, many of who still want children.
Once they determine I am not the one to build a family with, we are done.
They can't afford to waste another minute on the wrong guy.
A woman I met recently at a singles event summed it up best when she said:
"I'm not looking to have fun. I'm looking for a man." | |
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| Is Dating over 30 tougher than it was when you were in your 20's?
Posted: 8/19/2009 2:02:27 AM | Oh ... It's heck a a lot easier actually....
I am wiser, sexier and more marketable than ever.... 
One thing though.... I used to date older women in my mid-late twenties, nowadays I date younger... (20-25).... 
As I get older, I find younger women more attractive...weird... eh - plus as you said no kids, drama, bitterness ....
go young....  | |
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| Is Dating over 30 tougher than it was when you were in your 20's?
Posted: 8/19/2009 2:10:08 AM | Yarimelma, Could not resist looking at your profile..........
Your advice is excellent... for yourself; but most of us do not look anything like you.
Most of us have to be realistic about who we will actually attract.
Because when we don't do this, we end up spending a lot of time alone. | |
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| Is Dating over 30 tougher than it was when you were in your 20's?
Posted: 8/19/2009 2:36:21 AM | No, it's not tougher. It's just different.
When you're 20 you are going to live forever so why not waste a couple of years exploring a relationship that isn't really making you happy.
When you're 30 you see those things way before they develop into anything. It takes you a couple of dates to figure out what used to take a couple of years. It's just more efficient when you're older and wiser. When you're 30 you know you're going to get old one day. | |
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| Is Dating over 30 tougher than it was when you were in your 20's?
Posted: 8/19/2009 4:11:11 AM | | i totally agree. i think after yrs of experience in realtionship, we have the idea of the perfect person, but have become so jaded, and have been left with emotional, financial, baggage that doesnt allow us to be so open. and we slowly build "the wall" in hopes of not getting hurt, but it gets to the point where the wall is too high for even the nicest of people to climb. and i have the idea that im going to get hurt eventually, as i have in the past so im very skeptical of any man....it sucks feeling this way but life experiences tend to do that:( | |
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| Is Dating over 30 tougher than it was when you were in your 20's?
Posted: 8/19/2009 4:16:59 AM | | hey look it here, young girl dater. young girls also have issues. immaturity, lack of wordly experience, and some have gone through more relationships, and shittier ones than i ever will. older women know what they want, just not a suitable partner found yet. and the same applies for men. nothing against younger women, but you make it seem that us older women are a bad thing:p | |
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| Is Dating over 30 tougher than it was when you were in your 20's?
Posted: 8/19/2009 7:56:01 AM | OP: For me, dating when I was younger was less complicated. Now as I mature, I am set in my ways, more selective about who I date, less tolerant with nonsense and of course most have married/children (that brings a whole different dynamic into the picture) where I don't have all those past experiences.
Doesn't deter me from meeting people and wanting a potential life partner, but it is a lot more complex. | |
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| Is Dating over 30 tougher than it was when you were in your 20's?
Posted: 8/19/2009 9:22:58 AM | I find being 40 made it easier for me to date, but harder to find one. I know that sounds like a contradiction...
I found that judging a book by its cover was counter to my best interests after meeting women who didn't fit the 'type' I had cast for myself and finding out how wonderful they were.
Women my age, however, seem to have gone the other way and narrowed down their guidelines to a very limited field. | |
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| Is Dating over 30 tougher than it was when you were in your 20's?
Posted: 8/19/2009 9:25:42 AM | I find I have very little mental energy left for dating these days.
I'm all consumed with work and looking for a new condo, and then spending a little free time with my friends.
Also, I have no patience for guys various sub-standard behaviours as most guys my age still act like they're in their twenties, but the guys I meet that are older than me are too staid and boring. | |
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| Is Dating over 30 tougher than it was when you were in your 20's?
Posted: 8/19/2009 9:50:16 AM | I think dating in the early 30's flat out sucks so far, it's like some wierd in between point in life, I can't quite explain it. It's like you always meet people that think you are too young, or too old, and all the people in your age range are taken. They say the early 30's is a great time to date I just don't see it at all so far. Then as you get older the children factor complicates everything, I am not interested in marrying a woman that already has children, so I pretty much have to look younger since a ton of women my age already have children. If I met the right woman by chance and fell head over heels for her I probably wouldn't let the children factor stop me though since love seems so hard to find.
I've noticed a lot of single women over 30 appear to be extremely picky and seem like they have the waiting for the perfect man syndrome, and they think every guy is supposed to a millionaire by age 33. Instead of worrying about finding someone they click with chemistry wise they're too worried about finding someone that matches their 5 page long checklist. I think they overcompensate for when they were younger and possibly were not picky enough. | |
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| Is Dating over 30 tougher than it was when you were in your 20's?
Posted: 8/19/2009 1:19:28 PM | The only way in which I can think that dating might have been easier at 20ish than 30ish is the volume of people in my life. At 20ish I was exposed to a lot more people on a day to day basis than I have been since hitting 30. There were friends, friends of friends and random people I would meet while out being social, the majority of which were single. This made it easy to meet and subsequently date people that were interesting, enjoyable and seemingly compatible. It was completely effortless to meet singles. They were everywhere.
Now the majority of my friends are married and the social events I tend to attend are more couple and family focused so there are less single people to meet within my peer base. So yes, it does take actual effort now to meet people who are single, interesting, enjoyable and compatible. The pool is much smaller so it makes it harder to find those four things all in one person.
In most all other ways though I find it much, much easier in my 30's than my 20's. I'm smarter and wiser for having had some really great relationships. I'm more confident. I have much less tolerance for games and the people who play them and can typically spot them a mile away. I'm not bitter, resentful, mistrustful, timid or ultra cautious and I'm not attracted to or by people who are. Yes, there are a lot more of those than there used to be but to me, that says more about them and their lack of compatibility with me than anything else so I don't worry with them. I tend to focus on finding those that are happy and who take responsibility for their own life. Oddly, the more I focus on the positives the more I find them. Same with negatives. The more I focus on them, the more I find them. | |
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| Is Dating over 30 tougher than it was when you were in your 20's?
Posted: 8/19/2009 1:24:07 PM | I don't think it's harder because we are older. It's harder because people just don't communicate one on one anymore. I rememer when there were no dating sites so all you could do was just take a chance in person. Now, it may be harder sometimes too if you already have children because someone like myself may be cautious of the responsiblity that will come in the long run. Not saying I don't like children, I just don't have any so it's a lot to take on. Especially if you are in a long term relationship that fails. Ouch I could care less about my partner it's the kids I worry about. They tend to latch onto me. I even had one who called me mom.
I also think people tend to focus on what we are 'supposed' to be doing at or in the 30^ range. I just focus on what makes me happy in the moment. I know who I am so single is good, dating is great and a possible longterm is definatly in the future. When? I don't know, but he had better be ready because I'm a bit of a handful.  | |
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| Is Dating over 30 tougher than it was when you were in your 20's?
Posted: 8/19/2009 3:37:18 PM | | Dating over 30 is about the same for women I think because they still have plenty of single men to choose from. Dating over 30 get's harder for men because there's way less single women in the pool. Which is why I think some guys in their 30's still chase the 22 year olds, all the 27 year olds are married or taken. | |
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| Is Dating over 30 tougher than it was when you were in your 20's?
Posted: 8/19/2009 4:13:29 PM | I've actually found it to be easier to date now that I'm over 30. I'll take experience over inexperience any day.
Women have generally been through at least one serous relationship at this point. It's easy to tell which ones are drama queens, bitter, or evolved into something better. I've been though some great changes. I know what personality types are a good match for me, and which aren't. I've learned better ways of communicating, the value of vulnerability - and I'm not nearly as shy as I used to be. I don't see women so 'generically' now. They've got their own personalities, opinions & backgrounds... instead of thinking, "What do women want?", I look at the individual - and what she wants. | |
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