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 mariner 49
Joined: 5/26/2009
Msg: 1
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Are guys who date multiple women "players"?Page 1 of 1    
As a newly-divorced guy, the last thing I want to do is to jump right back into a serious and exclusive relationship. I have disclosed this up front in my profile and whenever I meet a lady for the first time. It has been suggested to me by some women that this makes me a "player". I certainly don't want to "play" with any woman's emotions and I'm not looking for one-night stands or notches on my bedpost. If some women dislike bars but enjoy the theater while other women enjoy bars but don't enjoy theater and I enjoy both, why shouldn't I be able to have two dates on two nights with two women who enjoy different activities? By the way, I don't apply a double standard. If my dates want to date other guys at the same time they are dating me, I'm ok with that.

Mariner 49 (Befuddled in Florida)
 MsStackhouse
Joined: 5/20/2009
Msg: 2
Are guys who date multiple women players?
Posted: 8/19/2009 12:44:02 PM
As long as the woman knows up front that you're dating a bunch of people I guess its OK.

Personally, I avoid men like that. I refuse to compete with other women.
 Pitch Blease
Joined: 3/4/2009
Msg: 3
Are guys who date multiple women players?
Posted: 8/19/2009 12:46:26 PM
Sure why not...Isn't that what "dating" is? going out with different people? ...but you might confuse the masses by having that gold star on your profile. Unless it means you are serious about being a multiple person dater? Also be careful with your 2 roses...you'll be labeled a slut if you send them out and have none. It's scandalous even. On this site, pixels mean EVERYTHING!!!! Now go forth and date! Gospeed!
 Boro508
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 4
Are guys who date multiple women players?
Posted: 8/19/2009 12:52:18 PM
If the women know this this right up front and they are into serial dating too then it's all good.... personally, I would never date a serial dater.
 Sidewinder154
Joined: 5/19/2009
Msg: 5
Are guys who date multiple women players?
Posted: 8/19/2009 12:54:16 PM
Like pitch blease said, that's what dating is all about. If you are only dating one person exclusively, you've just entered the committed relationship zone. IMO A player is someone who dates multiple people but tries to convince each and every one of them that they are the only one in their lives. In other words, dishonesty and leading one on. As long as you are upfront and honest about it, you aren't doing anything wrong.
 brad29483
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 6
Are guys who date multiple women players?
Posted: 8/19/2009 1:00:20 PM
Can't be, I date multiple women and I am too clueless to be a player.

EDIT: Let me qualify that, if I meet the one, I will be a serial dater, because even if a girl is my girlfriend, fiance', or wife, I will still take her on dates.
 mysteriosa
Joined: 5/19/2006
Msg: 7
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Are guys who date multiple women players?
Posted: 8/19/2009 1:03:02 PM
It only makes you a player if you lie to any of these women or withhold the information that you are seeing others. I see nothing morally wrong with dating several women, if you tell them what you are doing. I don't think I'd want to date someone who is continuing to see several women at the same time. I might meet, if he's in the meeting people stage and is looking for a similar relationship to me, but if he wanted to carry on dating others then I'd conclude he wasn't interested in anything serious (which would be true in your case). Honesty is the most important thing.
 brad29483
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 8
Are guys who date multiple women players?
Posted: 8/19/2009 1:06:15 PM

It only makes you a player if you lie to any of these women or withhold the information that you are seeing others.


The good players do not lie about anything, they let it be known what they are doing the whole time, and more than a few women are turned on by this. The challenge of being the one to break him and make him a committed man.
 P.R.Handgrenade69
Joined: 4/10/2009
Msg: 9
Are guys who date multiple women players?
Posted: 8/19/2009 1:08:13 PM
You are in the clear just in case someone should take your attention for anything than what it is really meant to be. I guess the "hang out" would be more appropriate of a status choice.

But why would you want to date anyway after coming out of a divorce? Taking time by yourself and enjoying your solitude for a while isn't so bad. Unless it was because you are looking for intimacy in which case, again, hanging out with a friend that came with benefits wouldn't be so bad of a choice if that is what you are really looking for. Some people are okay but this is tricky because someone along the way is going to get the wrong idea or attached.
 FrozenAssets
Joined: 11/25/2007
Msg: 10
Are guys who date multiple women players?
Posted: 8/19/2009 1:10:02 PM
Thinking that one is to be exclusive after only one date – madness I’ll tell you, madness!

As mentioned, you are player if you lead someone one to think they are the one and only, and in actuality, you are out dating other behind their backs – for shame. There is a special hell for people like that.
 MsStackhouse
Joined: 5/20/2009
Msg: 11
Are guys who date multiple women players?
Posted: 8/19/2009 1:18:24 PM
I would find it hard to date someone like the OP because he doesn't want an exclusive relationship...which means that we'd just go out on random dates whenever he felt like it, or whenever he didn't have a date with someone else. There would be no daily contact of any kind, and most important - no sexy time.....
 AlwaysExpectMiracles
Joined: 5/14/2009
Msg: 12
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Are guys who date multiple women players?
Posted: 8/19/2009 1:19:33 PM
Dating multiple women doesn't make you a player as long as you're not giving them the impression that you are exclusive with any one of them.

Player is the one who dates many but says he's exclusive with someone.

In theory, it should not be assumed that you are exclusive unless you discussed it with your partner and she agreed. But that's only in theory. People do make assumptions, and sometimes balme you for the assumptions they've made.
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 13
Are guys who date multiple women players?
Posted: 8/19/2009 1:19:58 PM
Personally, I wouldn't want to date a serial dater.

I couldn't even date multiple men at the same time. That would just confuse me.
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 14
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Are guys who date multiple women players?
Posted: 8/19/2009 1:35:08 PM
Sounds like a good idea to me.
Don't lead anyone to believe you're looking for a long-term relationship and be honest.
Some women won't want to date you, others will be on the same page.
 JGirlinSD
Joined: 7/16/2008
Msg: 15
Are guys who date multiple women players?
Posted: 8/19/2009 5:45:44 PM
OP,
I think there is nothing wrong with dating several women since you are newly divorced. Only if you lie to them and lead them on would you be considered a "player". If they know you are dating others and are also dating others..why not?

I really am not sure what the exact definition of a player is anyway. I've heard people being called players because they weren't in an "exclusive" relationship, but were just dating..it could mean sleeping around..who knows?
 sweet_n_heart
Joined: 1/31/2007
Msg: 16
Are guys who date multiple women players?
Posted: 8/19/2009 6:31:59 PM
Agree with others, your only a player if you tell every single women your dating that their the only one your seeing when it's not true.

Part of dating is going on multiple dates, wether the same person or a few different. Until agree to be exclusive, be in a commited relationship, you can date as many peoples as you want.. Just let them all know your going on dates with others too at the same time...

I don't care if a guy i'm going on dates with is seeing others at the same time, cause if we're ment to be then he will pick me and not them... I would just be myself and hope for the best. But if he has more then 2-3 on the go (includes me) then forget about him.
 Sabrosura
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 17
Are guys who date multiple women players?
Posted: 8/19/2009 6:37:29 PM
OP: IMO; not in your situation. You are clearly telling the ladies that you do not want exclusivity. Thus, it does not make you a player.

A player pretends that you are the best thing next to sliced bread, when in reality he has a hidden agenda (not good intentions).
 Rosie87
Joined: 2/5/2009
Msg: 18
Are guys who date multiple women players?
Posted: 8/19/2009 6:38:52 PM
Like others have mentioned here, as long as you're up front from the start then you're not really a player. 'Dating' is a loose word now-a-days. I personally just consider what you're doing as making friends/hanging out with friends (even if you kiss these women for me it is still on friendship level). People just have that norm that a person who dates different people at the same time are players without really looking at the situation. No way around it really. For me I believe it crosses into player mode when you're actually sleeping with all these women.
 mkc40
Joined: 8/3/2009
Msg: 19
Are guys who date multiple women players?
Posted: 8/19/2009 6:42:38 PM
OP,

Why date multiple women if you are not looking for one-night stands? Why not date one at a time to see if you like spending time with her before you move on to the next?

Why not call it "hanging out?" The concept of "dating" is with a view toward a relationship of some kind.

You contradict yourself. I think you are a player.

M
 Sabrosura
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 20
Are guys who date multiple women players?
Posted: 8/19/2009 6:56:24 PM
mkc40: Typically, dating is with the concept of a potential relationship. However, a relationship does have many "spins" on it. i.e. Long term, FWB, friendship, etc..........different TYPES of RELATIONSHIPS.

The OP is clearly stating that he is not READY to be exclusive as he is newly divorced (very smart man to chose to do so).

At the end of the day, what matters is what the two adults agree to have not what the masses define as dating. This varies from person to person, and their intentions.
 outofthedesert
Joined: 6/3/2008
Msg: 21
Are guys who date multiple women players?
Posted: 8/22/2009 8:36:21 PM
I prefer a man who wants to take the time to get to know me. If he is dating more than woman, he needs to be up front about that and allow me to choose if I want to be a herd animal.

Another version of a player--is the man I had been dating who asked me to sleep with him the same day he asked out a friend of mine. I didn't and neither did she.
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