| Guys Please help me understand why??????
Posted: 8/22/2009 4:50:34 PM | Ok I meet a man. He calls ALL the time. He seems great. We meet! We date. Then its ova! One night your together having a wonderful time together and then the next day comes the email. Yes a email! Not a phone call, an email. Why is it that he can call all the time but when I say I want to see you Im demanding? Tell me all the phone calls what does that mean? I just want to talk to you but not really want to see you unless its on my terms? Im so freakin confused.. Why is it when I show you that I really like you im moving to fast? Can't speak for every woman but when a guy likes us and we like them we want to enjoy your company. Hell what wrong with someone you like to like you and want to see you alot? I just dont understand.. Please enlighten me someone..
Im not a stalker, I like to have fun, Im not looking to get married tomorrow and I think Im just a normal woman whos looking for love in this pond! fish:
Please  !!! | |
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| Guys Please help me understand why??????
Posted: 8/22/2009 4:54:30 PM | How do these dates go? What sort of vibes are you getting... do you feel a connection?
You can't just say, "this happens and then this" without anything in between if you expect a bunch of useful answers. | |
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| Guys Please help me understand why??????
Posted: 8/22/2009 4:55:45 PM | For any one of a million reasons he has decided you are not right for him. That is the point of dating, to get to know someone and figure out if you want to know them more or not know them anymore.
He sent you an email, some people just fall of the face of the map.
And the adding "I'm not a stalker" that's what every stalker says. | |
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| Guys Please help me understand why??????
Posted: 8/22/2009 4:59:14 PM | You were simply incompatible. You have different relationship 'scripts'.
Either you smothered him or he's a flake. Does this happen to you often? If so, it's you. Is it new? If so, it's him.
No worries... the last 2 guys I dated moved super ridiculously fast and I felt smothered. On the flip side of that coin, I guess they thought I was 'aloof'. Truth is, I really did like those guys a lot - but I needed me time, you know?
Everyone is different. It's amazing that people get together at all in this world. I think it's all about finding someone who can move at a similar pace as you. | |
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| Guys Please help me understand why??????
Posted: 8/22/2009 5:00:05 PM |
.... Im not looking to get married tomorrow ...
Every woman that I've ever dated that uttered this phrase (or something similar) may not have been looking to get married tomorrow, but was absolutely looking to get married the day-after-tomorrow. | |
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| Guys Please help me understand why??????
Posted: 8/22/2009 5:06:01 PM | | Dates are great! We have fun! Chemistry is there.. Vibes are good. maybe I not reading well! Yes feel a connection. He calls like 3 to5 times a day. Then i suggest seeing him before he askes me and then I moving to fast! Tell me what do you guys really want? | |
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| Guys Please help me understand why??????
Posted: 8/22/2009 5:10:49 PM | You might have thought everything was great, he obviously didn't.Maybe it's him, maybe it's you. The only person you have any control over is you. You can't control how and what he feels.
This is part of dating, not everything always works out.
And you do need to figure out all guys, you just need to find one guy you want to spend the rest of your life figuring out. | |
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womany
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Joined: 8/10/2009
Msg: 11 | |
| Guys Please help me understand why??????
Posted: 8/22/2009 5:11:28 PM | | I'm not a "Guy" but have you considered that probably you're better off and just possibly he is truly a jerk and emotionally unavailable. And maybe he is just a chronic networker seeing what you have to offer and then moving on to more "fertile ground". Whatever that is? Maybe you should just count your blessings. If he left you like that, who needs that? From what you described he sounds like a classic manipulator so know that it his loss and you were probably saved from having your heart broke more. | |
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| Guys Please help me understand why??????
Posted: 8/22/2009 5:14:15 PM | | I don't know why, but it seems to me that the people who come on way too strong, too fast are always the ones to flake out. Three to five times a day??? That would be a signal to me that something isn't right. | |
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| Guys Please help me understand why??????
Posted: 8/22/2009 5:26:14 PM | Your post has this overly eager and expectant feel to it. It will work for some man. For me, however, I got claustrophobic from reading it before I reached the last sentence. I felt like there was no room for me to move within it as a man. I started wondering if you wanted the man who was in front of you, to really connect with him, or if you more wanted some idea of a man in your mind, and he was just there to act the part. Obviously you didn't connect like you seem to have thought you did. Perhaps you were so internally locked into that idea of a man inside your mind that you couldn't even pick up on the fact that he wasn't at all connecting with you like you thought he was.
Just a feeling I got. What do I know? | |
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| Guys Please help me understand why??????
Posted: 8/22/2009 5:32:37 PM | Perhaps he was diasappointed in betting on your handle .
Not intending to offend, just consider the possibility.
Good eye. That too. Give me that "pootie-tang". | |
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| Guys Please help me understand why??????
Posted: 8/22/2009 5:33:57 PM | OP
No matter how great you think things are going never put too much into a budding relationship. Statistics prove that more often than not someone will pull the plug :-). Next time go into it with an air of nonchalance, i.e. this is just a fun trip. Very few guys are worth that kind of attention, you should know by now. And even if you think they are, put up extra guard. They are probably fraudsters hahaha! | |
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| Guys Please help me understand why??????
Posted: 8/22/2009 5:37:25 PM | | I have to agree that I have had more than one man come on very strong, e-mailing and wanting to meet.When we meet they seem talkative and nice, but never call again when they find the 1st meeting won't end in sex! One man met me at McDonald's and we sat there with no food or drink for 30 min. talking, he seemed fine with it! I have not dated since I was a teen, I gained weight and have lost alot, so my body shape isn't great. I try not to judge men by looks and weight but can't figure out whats up! Isn't a date getting together for a drink or a walk and visiting-not sex now? What do men really want? I would also like to understand why? KC Jade | |
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| Guys Please help me understand why??????
Posted: 8/22/2009 5:44:46 PM | It happens to guys also....
People are freaky weird......
I think half the world is on Prozac and the other half needs it! lol I should get me some and see if it makes me look "NORMAL" to the world!
Na... Really... For some reason there are people out there that just can't say the TRUTH!!!
1. There are people who want you to support them! They want your money! If you don't play like someone that will do this then they dump you or will not give you the time of day.
2. There are people that want a F#@$ BUDDY! YEA!! Really... They come in all sexes!
3. There are people that want their freedom BUT want a relationship? WTF!!!!! They need a dog!
4. The list can go on and on and on............................
Good Luck! It's probably NOT you, well, maybe it is a little... You just have bad judgment! | |
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| Guys Please help me understand why??????
Posted: 8/22/2009 6:01:56 PM | | Maybe he really does like you and the chemistry is or was there, BUT HE GOT SCARED THAT THE TWO OF YOU WERE GETTING TOO CLOSE. My guess is, he will be back someway somehow. | |
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| Guys Please help me understand why??????
Posted: 8/22/2009 6:02:29 PM | [Your post has this overly eager and expectant feel to it. It will work for some man. For me, however, I got claustrophobic from reading it before I reached the last sentence. I felt like there was no room for me to move within it as a man. I started wondering if you wanted the man who was in front of you, to really connect with him, or if you more wanted some idea of a man in your mind, and he was just there to act the part. Obviously you didn't connect like you seem to have thought you did. Perhaps you were so internally locked into that idea of a man inside your mind that you couldn't even pick up on the fact that he wasn't at all connecting with you like you thought he was.
Just a feeling I got. What do I know?]
Hell, you might have hit it right on the money! Maybe I was trying to make him in my mind who I wanted him to be and didnt see the connection wasnt there. My profile name is just a name. I over heard it on a TV show that my son was watching and I thought it was a funny name. Thanks for your insight. 
Got that light bulb moment! Thank you all for your input and Im not offended by any of it. I appreciate every bit of advice. Its been a long time since I dated and I guess Ive got alot to learn. Thanks again!!! | |
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| Guys Please help me understand why??????
Posted: 8/22/2009 6:03:17 PM |
Guys Please help me understand why??????
It's pretty simple really.
When you experience this:
He calls ALL the time. He seems great. We meet!
It means it is doomed to fail.
Here's an easy equation.
Lot's of talking, emailing, calling, spewing personal biased and controlled information BEFORE actually meeting = doomed to fail
Very little talking, meeting, THEN increasing interaction, leading to lots of talking, building up of a foundation of understanding so each persons method and ability of communication is understood, leading to the ability to communicate via phone, email, IM, text, because no questions of what they mean are ever considered because you already know due to all that interacting, listening, and communicating = potential for a healthy adult relationship, but no guarantee.
Actual live interaction is the only way you get to know a person.
Phone, email, IM, text, is a half assed way to tell yourself you get to know (a minute bit) of a person.
Huge difference.
Why is it that he can call all the time but when I say I want to see you Im demanding?
He called you all the time because you indirectly communicated (or at least that is what he interpreted) that is what you needed to continue seeing him. So when he says you are "demanding" it includes the need for constant phoning. It includes the entire email relationship.
Even though it may be only in his own head that you need it.
Or it might be simply an easy excuse to vilify you so he can get out of it without being the bad guy. He's good, you're too demanding.
Tell me all the phone calls what does that mean?
NOTHING. You place importance on them. And more than likely he KNOWS you place importance on them. So he does it. It got you to stick around and consider him "great" didn't it?
I just want to talk to you but not really want to see you unless its on my terms?
Welcome to 99% of online dating. And offline. Why do you think so many people complain, seek, or ask about FWB relationships? That is the epitome of "only want to really see you on my terms." They only really work when both people have the same terms.
Why is it when I show you that I really like you im moving to fast?
Because you don't really know him well enough to determine if you like him. You only know him well enough to determine if he's going to pay you with enough attention so that he's worth pretending you like him.
Hell what wrong with someone you like to like you and want to see you alot?
You are making huge assumptions that anybody really likes anybody, rather than it simply being rationalizing and self deception hiding deeper games and desires. Which, based on the forums, it usually is.
Im not a stalker, I like to have fun, Im not looking to get married tomorrow and I think Im just a normal woman whos looking for love in this pond! fish
Have you ever met anybody that admitted and lived their life cognizantly aware they did not like fun, that were looking to get married tomorrow, that didn't consider themselves relatively normal, and goes to dating sites to specifically not to look for love?
I highly doubt it.
So your statement is pretty much meaningless. It's what you think you are. Not necessarily who you really are. | |
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| Guys Please help me understand why??????
Posted: 8/22/2009 6:06:26 PM | | you seen the be attracted to flakes . write down what made you try so hard on this one post it on the inside of your front door and read it before you go out and know that is what a flake does . I,ll bet all his friends know he scored the first night . there are a lot of guys like that . like older and never been married , been in many many relationships , got fancy toys , fancy cars , say all the mean thing about others . his home looks like a pro decorated , real great guys til they score . your chaseing the wrong profile .these guys rob you of the essence of your self and your self respect .. its your choice . | |
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| Guys Please help me understand why??????
Posted: 8/22/2009 6:07:44 PM | They're "men" And to be fair, men say some women are like this too. Men will hit you hard with wanting to see you, call you, whatever, and then vanish. Yeah, you want to say why bother saying all that if they don't mean it, but you'd have to tell them that on the front end, not after they've already done it. All I know for sure is that a whole lot of them are just playing to see if they can get your attention and then when they get it, the chase is over for them. If you initiate or return the interest the same way, you take the high risk that he'll run. A few guys are worth taking the risk, but you know that yes you are taking the risk. | |
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| Guys Please help me understand why??????
Posted: 8/22/2009 6:09:43 PM |
these guys rob you of the essence of your self and your self respect .. its your choice
Wow, point-on. But I wouldn't go as far as blaming OP for falling prey she has stated that she just started dating again. I guess she should develop better "feelers" for these types of guys, you can usually tell by how they brag about their possessions because its the only thing they can bring into a relationship. | |
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