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Posted: 8/24/2009 5:33:49 PM | Let me explain myself and my situation. I have a social disability, higher functioning autism and I have not had much experience in social stuff in my life (I am 26 now).
The main ways my disability if you would call that affects me, is for instance I have limited understanding and projection of body language and facial expressions, I am not very great at small talk and I am quite literal minded. Also I make a lot of social gaffes and people have noticed I am abrupt in my verbal communication style.
I am wondering how much of this should I disclose in my dating ad. Also to women I meet here and elsewhere. | |
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Posted: 8/24/2009 5:38:49 PM | I wouldn't disclose anything in your advert.
When you feel comfortable enough with a woman that you feel you want to share that, then certainly take that next step.
MHO.
^^BG^^ | |
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Posted: 8/24/2009 6:50:14 PM | You shouldn't have disclosed that stuff here. The last guy I read who disclosed he has an ASD was eaten alive. You have to understand that many posters here have very limited common sense, education, and intellect. I am part of the minority, however. :P
Dude, if you need this type of advise, you should just pay to see a therapist who is experienced with working with both kids and adults with ASD. You'd probably only need just one visit to discuss it. Another idea is to take some college classes in communication styles and skills, life skills, etc. I'm not sure if you already had those. If you have had such training, then you are probably at the peak where you can be, but taking refresher classes wouldn't hurt any. Don't place it in your profile. Disclose later on, after you build a rapport with a woman who seems to be okay with your differences, and you're okay with hers. | |
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Posted: 8/25/2009 2:17:27 AM |
Disclose later on, after you build a rapport with a woman who seems to be okay with your differences, and you're okay with hers.
True, for instance, no sense disclosing straight away you were a jailbird formerly incarcerated for a serious crime. Wait 'til you're deep in and she's hooked onto your charms then blurt it out, hopefully she won't run for the hills.
OP you're already in a predicament before you've made headway. Explaining the situation can perhaps help lift the burden and elicit understanding of your plight, if nothing else works..but as for your PoF profile..I see the problem, if you don't reveal it, they could get a rude shock in person. If you do, another rude shock. I suggest you ask advice from workmates, family and friends to supplement whatever help you seek. | |
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Posted: 8/25/2009 3:07:03 AM | I would not mention names of conditions as most people have no clue what any of it means and it therefore tends to lead to false assumptions. I would consider saying something like this:
I have limited understanding and projection of body language and facial expressions, I am not very great at small talk and I am quite literal minded. Also I make a lot of social gaffes and people have noticed I am abrupt in my verbal communication style. ...although perhaps you could phrase it more light-heartedly or joke about it. "Unlike most men, I am aware of the fact that I have limited understanding and projection of body language and facial expressions, that I am not great at small talk and I realise that I tend to make social gaffes. If you consider this amusing rather than distressing, and are not easily offended by those who tend to be more literal or abrupt, perhaps we could talk." Of course, you would need to add some positive stuff in there too... Humour can be very helpful.
Most people make social blunders or are insensitive or miss the point, the joke or the ballpark at times. At least you know that you do: in many ways you are one-up. Also, the social stuff can be learned so don't feel too stuck. I still consider myself to be very awkward for similar reasons to you, but I realise I've learned a hell of a lot about people in the last 10 years and this makes a big difference. The fact that certain social skills don't come naturally to you doesn't mean that you can't learn them or learn ways around the gaps so don't give up. | |
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Posted: 8/25/2009 4:13:38 AM | There's no need to disclose any of it in your ad. Unfortunately, it may put some people off if they don't understand it.
As already said it's something you can talk about once you've gotten to know the woman. My advice though, is don't leave it too late. Leave it til after you're dating, or done the deeds, and she may well be offended that you didn't trust what you think her reaction may be enough to tell her sooner. | |
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Posted: 8/25/2009 4:56:41 AM | That is very personal and I would disclose it to the person that dates you and becomes exclusive with you. Some people don't read the whole profile and just skim and pick out things that make a difference to them.
Also, you want to make YOU the biggest reason why they would want to date you, your character and things that you like to do. | |
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Posted: 8/25/2009 3:10:41 PM | You have Asperger's. Just say it. Explain it if you need to.
My oldest has it... my guy has it. It's only an issue if you let it become one. I make all kinds of accomodations for them. | |
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