| Bi-curious?
Posted: 8/26/2009 7:45:57 AM | | How do i tell my current bf that i like girls? He knows ive kissed girls but he told me that he doesnt like the idea of me with another woman. I would like to take things further with a woman but fear of losing him at the the same time. any advice? | |
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| Bi-curious?
Posted: 8/26/2009 8:00:28 AM | I'm not sure there's any way to do this but fairly directly. If this is important to you, and he can't handle it, then it's pretty clear what you have to do. If you hide it from him yet pursue it, that's cheating, and that's not a good answer either.
There are plenty of men for whom this would not be a problem - and of course there are many who do have problems with it. Most people have an expectation of fidelity and monogamy unless explicitly agreeing otherwise. If you can't work this out, you may have to make a choice to give up this desire, or give him up to pursue your inclinations (and find someone(s) who are okay with you having both). | |
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| Bi-curious?
Posted: 8/26/2009 8:08:29 AM | I've been there myself! Mind you I think in my case the reason I was bi-curious was because I'd been so disillusioned with men and tired of being lied to, strung along and used (I was a total sucker for false flattery) I believed things would be better with a woman. So I used to fantasise about it - yeah I was sexually curious, don't deny it. But the main reason for thinking about women was 'cos I was disappointed with men. And when men hurt me or upset me in relationships, trampling all over my feelings, I'd say "Maybe I'd be better off with a woman".
Different men react differently to bi-curious women. Some love the idea and may want a threesome (I don't think many b/f's would be selfless enough allow you to explore sex with a woman but them not be part of it), or some may want to watch. Others will not be confident enough or secure enough to handle it and will feel threatened by it full-stop. At worst they will feel they aren't enough for you, and will fear you may stray to satisfy your curiosity. As my exes used to say "I can't compete with a woman, can I?"
However I do think it's best to be honest and tell your man the truth. If, like me, the thought persists until you turn the fantasy into reality, then perhaps accept that you can't have it all. It's a lot to ask of any partner to accept that you want to have sex with someone else, isn't it? Only the most secure and most open-minded of partners would allow it and it not damage your relationship at all. | |
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| Bi-curious?
Posted: 8/26/2009 8:12:18 AM | Hi, cutie. You might have to let go of the sausage to go down on the carpets.
From a standpoint of pure prurient thrill, I'd find it quite exciting and stimulating to watch my girl get it on with other girls (if she allows me to watch), but, just like if she has sex with another man, there is a rejection point where I'd start feeling left out. It takes a very special man to be able to handle this, and perhaps you'll find that special man...a different man than the one you're with.
Good fishing! | |
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| Bi-curious?
Posted: 8/26/2009 8:19:02 AM | I should add... I once met an attractive lady online, whom I met up with - and there was an attraction there. I'd just been recently dumped by a fella I'd moved to a new county for, and was feeling crap about myself in general. Had a job I hated and was getting bullied, so flirted with a woman online.
I met her and there was a spark but... turned out she had a boyfriend. A serious one! I met her for an Italian meal and a drink, and at one point I met her fella briefly, in the city centre. The woman said she 'did' want to sleep with me, but.... her boyfriend wanted to watch and film it. I said "No!". She said he also wanted to join in, have a threesome. But she admitted to me that, although on one level it turned her on as a fantasy, she knew she'd feel jealous - and didn't know if she could handle it. So I never met her again because I *knew* it was asking for trouble... I did chat to her but never took up the invite to go and stay with them. I reckon that was one decision I made which was actually wise, in my lifetime! | |
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| Bi-curious?
Posted: 8/26/2009 8:24:35 AM | | If you have a bf, you shouldn't be thinking about taking anything further with ANYONE...male or female...it's still CHEATING. | |
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| Bi-curious?
Posted: 8/26/2009 8:29:19 AM | | If you let him watch I'm sure he'll be perfectly fine with everything. | |
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| Bi-curious?
Posted: 8/26/2009 8:29:50 AM | why don't you get him in the act also?
two chicks can do much more than just one can do.. | |
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| Bi-curious?
Posted: 8/26/2009 8:31:44 AM | | What guy wouldn't like the idea of his woman hooking up with another chick? That's hot. | |
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| Bi-curious?
Posted: 8/26/2009 8:32:41 AM | | There are probably no wordsmiths that will fling some way of explaining to your bf that you need a gf too. Unless he's open to threesomes or down with an open relationship. Sounds like you need to "date" and not worry about commitment. | |
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| Bi-curious?
Posted: 8/26/2009 8:33:04 AM | I think this is pretty simple. You have to let go of your man and take the chance he may be gone permenantly if and when you choose sides. You are completely selfish in your thinking and if I was your man, I would tell you to go figure your shite out.
You want it all, but your greed will cause harm.
If you want to try women, go for it. If you want a BF, stick with it. You have been told you can't have both, yet you come here whining and hoping someone will tell you it's ok to be greedy. Not gonna happen with me. You are being selfish and you know it. Get off this box and go deal with your issues. | |
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| Bi-curious?
Posted: 8/26/2009 8:33:28 AM | OP - maybe he doesn't like the idea of you with another PERSON...man or woman.
You are asking how to have your cake and eat it too...when he's already told you he's not down with that.
Good luck with that one. Can't see it working out well at all. | |
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| Bi-curious?
Posted: 8/26/2009 8:33:38 AM | Okay, first off...does your bf know you are on here looking for other people? your profile says not single/not looking, just looking to chat with men because you aren't looking for a serious relationship at this time. Then you list what you would do on a first date. So this looks like a total troll post to me broadcasting you are bi and looking for girls.
Anynineteenyearoldseekingattention,
Your bf said he doesn't like the idea of you with another woman. Either keep your relationship monogamous or go find someone else that accepts your sexual preferences in a relationship. How would you feel if your bf said he wanted to have sex with other people and you weren't okay with it? You answered your own question in your OP. You know your bf wouldn't like it, but yet you don't care about his feelings. The first thing that should be important is him being able to trust you and vice versa. That's what mature people do. | |
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| Bi-curious?
Posted: 8/26/2009 8:47:13 AM | You have to talk with him and come to a mutual agreement, but the most likely result is you'll have to choose between your boyfriend and your curiosity, which you probably should anyway. It's a bit weird to be with someone and then want to try sex with someone else, "that okay with you honey?" Um, no.
Maybe you're better suited to open relationships, which is a boundary that needs to be set going in, it's going to hurt this feller moving back to an open relationship or essentially FWB situation when he thought he was having an exclusive or devoted one, unless he's the kind of guy who has little trouble picking up at nightclubs and wouldn't mind an open relationship.
Plus also you can't be a hypocrite about it. How would you feel if he was sleeping with every blonde at the local nightclub on a Saturday night? Annoying girls you wouldn't be interested in let's say (whiney and petty, but really hot, just ultra annoying and really neurotic with a screachie voice and they steal your bras).
I dunno, you're really hot, don't get me wrong waaay under my age bracket to start picturing myself seriously in this, but nevertheless I know I'd be well attracted near your age, and I think I'd be really hurt if it was me. Maybe because you seem interesting and kinda hard to replace, as well as hot, that's a pretty nifty combination.
I reckon he'll be hurt. You might have to break up if you're serious, pick you over him. | |
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| Bi-curious?
Posted: 8/26/2009 8:51:53 AM | | Lou Diamond Phillips probably thought it was okay.....doh! | |
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| Bi-curious?
Posted: 8/26/2009 8:52:07 AM | OP you are a mere 19 years old. You're suppose to be curious about exploring your sexuality at this age, and you have every right to do so.
However, just as you have to be responsible in regards to safe sex, you also have to be considerate in regards to the feelings of those you are interacting with.
You have a boyfriend. Although alot of guys would love to participate in some girl on girl action....your boyfriend does not like the idea of you hooking up with another woman.
You need to respect his feelings about this situation, or you need to be single so that you are free to explore your own feelings. | |
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| Bi-curious?
Posted: 8/26/2009 9:27:53 AM | it says not single/not looking on my profile cuz i aint looking and i aint single! im clearly on here to make friends, last time i checked thats not wrong.
Like it was posted earlier by sapphiresteel that the only reason she was attracted to women was because of men and thats the same for me. My bf has not been the best kind of bf in the world, yes he has cheated on me but i forgave him and tried moving on from it all! so in my deffence why cant he just look past his issue if it was ok for him to sleep around? dont my feelings count in any way? | |
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| Bi-curious?
Posted: 8/26/2009 9:31:51 AM | | I suggest that since you are only 19 that you give into it and go further with another woman. There is an equal chance that you will discover your true sexuality as there is that you will be repulsed. Right now you are just a horney teenager. | |
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| Bi-curious?
Posted: 8/26/2009 9:38:11 AM | So your logic is my boy friend cheated on me so it is okay for me to cheat on him because I forgive him for his indiscretion.
Anywho, it was not okay for your boy friend to sleep around but you choose to ignore that and now want to use it in your defense for cheating on your boy friend. That is not right. If you really want to have sex outside of your relationship then you need to end your relationship. How difficult can that be when your boyfriend "has not been the best kind of bf in the world"? | |
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| Bi-curious?
Posted: 8/26/2009 9:43:58 AM | "Honey I like girls too." Seems simple enough? You have open honest communication about it decide what the boundaries of your realtionship will be and go from there.
I have to wonder though would it be okay if your boyfriend was also bisexual and wanted to have sex with other men. I mean what's good for the goose is good for the gander right? | |
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| Bi-curious?
Posted: 8/26/2009 9:45:06 AM | | "The Fast and the BI-curious" -an SNL short film | |
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| Bi-curious?
Posted: 8/26/2009 9:45:41 AM | Just be honest about what you like to your boyfriend. If you really like girls, and he's not open to that breakup and find out if it's really for you. On the_Bridge and lookingfrgrl229 are looking for bisexual girl to, ahem, have a good time with both of them, though it's not stated in their profiles. And there's plenty of people who are like so it's just a matter of finding them and being very honest.
I dated a bisexual guy, who wasn't honest and damn that was a nightmare. Don't go there. And be happy that you're your female and bisexual or bicurious, cuz people won't give you shit the way they do men who like other guys. | |
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| Bi-curious?
Posted: 8/26/2009 9:48:55 AM | Just be honest about what you like to your boyfriend. If you really like girls, and he's not open to that breakup and find out if it's really for you. On OKcu*** the_Bridge and lookingfrgrl229 are looking for bisexual girl to, ahem, have a good time with both of them, though it's not stated in their profiles. And there's plenty of people who are like so it's just a matter of finding them and being very honest.
I dated a bisexual guy, who wasn't honest and damn that was a nightmare. Don't go there. And be happy that you're your female and bisexual or bicurious, cuz people won't give you shit the way they do men who like other guys. | |
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| Bi-curious?
Posted: 8/26/2009 10:05:33 AM | | Im not using that in my defence at all im just saying whats wrong with wanting to explor more? He did it so im just thinking it would be ok for me to do the same. I wouldnt do it behind his back if ever i did meet a girl who i did want to take things further with then i would tell him! im no cheater! | |
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| Bi-curious?
Posted: 8/26/2009 10:13:25 AM | If you engage in a sexual act without the consent of your SO, you are in fact a cheater.
His knowledge of the occurance doesn't lessen it.
I love the two wrongs make a right thinking though, that kind of passive aggresive non communication is sure to make your relationships present and future successful.
Explore if you want to, but if your B/F isn't open to sharing, do it single. NOT as revenge, which is how you make it sound. | |
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