| help???
Posted: 8/26/2009 6:46:46 PM | | I will try to explain this and please I respect all opinions. I met this girl a few years ago at work she was dating someone and getting treated like shit. 4 months ago I saw her on this website and we started dating from there. We waited a month to have sex and everything seemed to be ok. Except she was very jealous of things I couldn’t even look at a car next to us and she freaked out but I let it go. She would constantly break up with me, and then tell me she cared. She would in front of people and her dad call me stupid, I was a piece of shit and so forth. I tried to take care of her bought her cloths, electronics etc. We got into an argument one night about if I thought a girl on TV was pretty I honestly didn’t think she was. She called me a liar hauled off and smacked me in the ear drum breaking it. She apologized I forgave and we move on. She tells me to **** off all the time and then texts me of how much she missed me wtf? She lives with her dad and she is 37 and has lived with him for 9 years and said she was never married She would call me at work asking who I am looking at what girls am staring at, who I talked too etc. I know it’s wrong to want this woman but I don’t understand why I am so in love with her. A lot of weekend she would make plans to go do something after we have already made plans and if I didn’t like it wham she would dump me and after words text me “ u still love me?” so damn confusing. I know she had a bad life she was molested, raped, and her dad went to prison. That stuff didn’t bother me I loved the girl for who she was nothing more nothing less. I just wanted to give her what she never had. I would spend every dime on her. We would have sex out of the blue sometimes and she would say how wonderful it was take pictures of my privates say how much she loves it and then 2 hours later text me and tell me she can’t be with and don’t care about me. Now am not perfect by all means and say that maybe I have been clingy when she dumps me I call and call and ask why? 3 weeks ago when we were still talking my dad had a heart attack and passed away 4 days later my step mom shot herself, yes it sounds horrible and it is but I was not that close never really knew them till this year. She dumped me telling me she can’t handle that. We got back together afterwards. Well to make a long story short she asked before if she could buy my dad’s truck that were letting go for cheap and her dads needs it I promised she could buy it. ( I never break a promise) but lately she won’t answer calls wants to be totally done and we never have a chance ever and all she wants is the damn truck and knows I promised it. Do I give her the deal and break a family moral of never break a promise or do I tell her to go ****herself am kind of torn someone kick me in the ass or help me cope. And by the way she said she had herpes and don’t be a baby about it I got tested I don’t have it!! She does she sent me proof and said she is sorry she forgot about it. | |
|
| help???
Posted: 8/26/2009 6:54:57 PM | Wow, What a winner!
If she is not returning your calls, I would forget about the deal to sell her the truck. She sounds like a Grade A nutcase and you need therapy to work through your issues of allowing yourself to be treated like a piece of trash. WTF man! Allowing her to physically harm you and break your ear drum??? In my book that is grounds for immediate dismissal and termination of the relationship.
Dude, relationships aren't supposed to be that difficult and that much work. | |
|
| help???
Posted: 8/26/2009 6:56:58 PM | | thanks i just loved her way to muchdo i give up on true love? | |
|
| help???
Posted: 8/26/2009 7:03:42 PM | | Get the best price you can for the truck, whether it's from her or someone else, then spend ALL of the money PLUS A LOT MORE on therapy. | |
|
| help???
Posted: 8/26/2009 7:06:30 PM | | am i realy that messed up to take that or is it that most people will forgive some one at leaste one time? | |
|
| help???
Posted: 8/26/2009 7:08:42 PM | WOW!
Here is why you love her:
1. she's unpredictacle/ crazy - Men like crazy women. They say they want chill suzy homemakers, but the crazies always get the good ones and make them bitter.
2. You are in 'Captail Save a Hoe' mode - She cannot be saved by you. You will get burned (no pun intended) everytime you try to help someone who does not appeciate you.
3. Pu$$y power - I think she put some moves on you and you are addicted to her sex. It's now worth it. Move on.
4. You've been living a lie - Fairy tales are fiction for good reason. Don't get caught up in fantasy in the future. See where it gets you.
Uh, btw, you said you got tested for herpes huh? Double check if you just go and get a regular s.t.d. screening(herpes for some reason is not tested in this one) and not a full panel screening then you might need to go back. Best to be safe and protect your future partners. | |
|
| help???
Posted: 8/26/2009 7:12:00 PM | BTW OP
You sound really sweet and loyal. You need a woman who will respect a man like you. You deserve respect. Remember that. Good luck. | |
|
| help???
Posted: 8/26/2009 7:22:31 PM | | stop thinking with the little head...have some self esteem...don't worry, there are more women out there who know how to love..break your promise and sell the truck to someone else..grow some balls man! geez | |
|
| help???
Posted: 8/26/2009 7:24:24 PM | | its just a family thing never break a promise and am torn | |
|
| help???
Posted: 8/26/2009 7:29:23 PM | You can't reason with Crazy.
Yes, it is good to be all virtuous and upstanding but that requires the other party to uphold their end of the bargain. I think you can safely walk away and forget about the truck deal without losing face.
Seriously, you would do well to improve your judgment skills. Good luck and stay strong. | |
|
| help???
Posted: 8/26/2009 8:19:45 PM | You do realise she is crazy, don't you? Her behaviour is not normal, not in the least.
If she can't treat you properly why should you keep a promise? She is ignoring you and that is not the way a decent person behaves. You need to start looking out for yourself here. You must have very low self-esteem to put up with any of her abusive behaviour. I don't think the way she was treated is any excuse for inflicting mistreatment on others, in this case you. You need to think better of yourself, realise that anything she says about you comes from a crazy person and probably isn't true. I suspect you are also addicted to the drama of the situation. Body chemicals change in such an unpredictable situation and it is possible to become addicted to those feelings. If you were with a calm, kindly person you'd probably wonder what was missing.
If you can manage to stay away from her for 6 months you will probably look back and wonder what possessed you to get involved in the first place. | |
|
| help???
Posted: 8/26/2009 8:22:21 PM | I really think you need help. Here's a distilled version of what you said:
She... was unreasonably jealous
constantly broke up with me
called me stupid & piece of shit in front of people, including her father
called me a liar
hit me and broke my ear drum
told me to frick off all the time
is 37 and lives with her dad
was raped and molested
called me at work and accused me of staring at and talking to other women
often broke plans we made together because something better came up
abandoned me when I lost both of my parents
may have given me herpes by recklessly sleeping with me (and you with her) and "forgot" (yeah, right) to tell me.
Sounds like you were abused/neglected yourself and needed someone to carry on the torture because that's how you relate to being loved. I'd seriously get counseling and if you're still into the abuse stuff after that, get a loving dominatrix to administer the canings.
And seriously...in light of everything you shared, do you really believe it will be a simple transaction, as in, "Here's the money for the car, thanks for the great deal and have a great life."??? I doubt it. Someone with this level of entitlement will hang on for more. "You sold me a piece of junk...I want my money back...you have to pay for the repair of this," etc. Cut and run. | |
|
| help???
Posted: 8/26/2009 9:47:47 PM | OP, the behavior you describe sounds like classic BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). One of the hallmarks of BPD is the pushing-away and pulling-you-back behavior you discuss, e.g., "she would constantly break up with me." Another hallmark is the rapid, unpredictable flipping from one emotional extreme (e.g., adoring you) to its polar opposite (despising you). BPD is usually caused by abuse or other form of abandonment when a child is very young, so it not surprising that your ex "... was molested, raped, and her dad went to prison." If you want to learn more, you can read my other BPD discussions by clicking on my "History" to the left. You can do much better, however, by going to the websites where I found my information. The best place to start is a short article at BPDfamily.com/bpdresources/nk_a101.htm. It is a concise description of what a relationship is like with a woman having high-functioning BPD. Another excellent description is at curezone.com/forums/fm.asp?i=780158.
Of course, that information will not enable you to determine if your ex's BPD traits are so severe that they rise to a level warranting a clinical diagnosis of BPD. Only a trained psychologist can do that. But, to decide whether someone is too selfish to be good marriage material, you don't have to determine whether the selfishness rises to the level of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Rather, you only have to know what "selfishness" looks like so you can spot it. Similarly, the BPD information can help protect you by describing the traits to look for.
QUESTION 1: "Why I am so in love with her?"
The short answer is that your desire to be needed far exceeds your desire to be loved. That is, you likely have codependent aspects to your personality, being a caregiver type like I am. The problem is not that we want to help people but, rather, that we are willing to keep doing it when it is to our great detriment. You and I are drawn to wounded birds and we ignore the hoards of men running in the opposite direction. Hence, even if you aren't sucked back into a relationship with your ex (as you say you have been many times), there is substantial risk you will be drawn to another just like her. I therefore urge you to find out why this toxic relationship was so intoxicating and addictive that you were willing to tolerate abuse wherein, as you say, "she would in front of people and her dad call me stupid, I was a piece of shit and so forth." For a detailed technical explanation (the best I've ever seen), go to Shari Shreiber's website at GettinBetter.com/needlove.html.
QUESTION 2: "Should I give her a good deal on the truck as I promised?"
Losing a little money on a truck is a small price to pay to retain your image of yourself as a man of integrity. If a specific price was not promised, however, your self esteem will not be harmed one iota by some old fashioned negotiation. Keep in mind that, when a woman has strong traits of BPD, her emotional memory is so short that she cannot appreciate anything you have done for her. Instead, she will remember (at an emotional level) only what you have done for her in the past week and it's always "What have you done for me lately?" Hence, if you decide to sell her the truck, do it only for yourself, i.e., to protect your sense of integrity. Do not expect any appreciation from her. She likely is incapable of it. Indeed, she probably feels entitled to receiving a free truck. I wish you the best of luck. | |
|
| help???
Posted: 8/26/2009 10:30:17 PM | Wow, this one sounds like a nut case, past trauma or not. Do you really want to be with someone that breaks up with you constantly? What kind of life is that?
Tell her to go *&^% herself if she asks about the truck.
And she suddenly forgot to tell you she had Herpes?
I think you know what the answer is. Walk away, stop phoning/texting/etc.
Things will never be right with this overly jealous, wishy washy woman. | |
|
| help???
Posted: 8/26/2009 11:51:01 PM |
Well to make a long story short she asked before if she could buy my dad’s truck that were letting go for cheap and her dads needs it I promised she could buy it. ( I never break a promise) but lately she won’t answer calls wants to be totally done and we never have a chance ever and all she wants is the damn truck and knows I promised it. Do I give her the deal and break a family moral of never break a promise or do I tell her to go ****herself
This seems to be the gist of why you posted, right, you don't know what to do about the truck? If you are a man of your word, and it matters to YOU, then make the choice to do it. If you are so dead set on keeping a promise, at ANY cost, then you're going to do it right?
I would really HOPE that after all that she has done to you, that you would never call her again (she's not answering your calls right?) and you should just sell the truck on your own since she already had a chance to buy it. Right? If she won't answer your calls then stop calling. Really, what more are you willing to give this soul-sucker?
You ever hear of a Murder of the Soul? Look up Borderline Personality Disorder. See if it rings a bell with you. The key line in a person with this disorder is "I hate you, don't leave me!"
I'm sorry to read your story. It makes me sad for you both. She is clearly troubled. I don't know if YOU are as troubled as she is, but you seriously are out of touch with reality if you continue to have ANY relationship with her!
How much damage are you willing to let this woman inflict upon you? Seriously?
When are you going to love YOURSELF more than you love her????? | |
|
| help???
Posted: 8/27/2009 1:22:27 AM | You sure she is not bi-polar? Sounds like it.........
Sex can be a tool to keep you by her side..then emotionally/physically abuse you ..
Don't take it...do not walk...RUN | |
|
| help???
Posted: 8/27/2009 2:00:47 AM | ... ciao:
"I never break a promise"
guessing here, but i bet that's been used on many occasions. and in all of them, you get to be the long suffering victim. your are no different than "women" that allow men to beat them up, all in the "NAME" of ""LOVE"".
on some level, you're getting something out of being treated that way. there is a definite pay-off in it for you. on the surface of it, you must not feel you deserve any better.
personally, i don't see why you blame her, for doing what you've continued to allow her to do. if you put up with it, must not "REALLY" be that big a deal ... | |
|
| help???
Posted: 8/27/2009 3:23:28 AM | Don't give up on love, love someone who loves you back.
And like trouble2day said, quit being a sap and grow a sack. Nobody needs to put up with that kind of crap.
You deserve way, way better. Now go for it! | |
|
| help???
Posted: 8/27/2009 8:28:01 AM | OP, the posters who said that this girl has Borderline Personality Disorder seem to be correct. Read into it.
Any future with this girl will consist of walking on eggshells. I had a 3 year relationship with a girl like this. Whatever you do for her will never be enough. Gratitude is the shortest lived emotion.
Unfortunately, you know that if you sell her the truck, you will hear from her every time it breaks down. It will be your fault. Most people will never comprehend the irrational rage that people like this can muster. You are in a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" situation.
Stop wanting to help her, the time has come that you must help yourself.
One way or another, she will get by in life, she is not your responsibility. | |
|
| help???
Posted: 8/27/2009 8:40:06 AM | Those bipolars can be hyper-sexual, can't they? This chick must be one red-hot vixen sexually. Otherwise, I don't see the point of continuing with her. A jealous, wishy-washy flake who doesn't trust anyone, including herself. Why is it the sexiest ones are the flakiest?
Herpes eh? Hmmm...well, even with a condom, prepare for a nasty outbreak on your balls.
Selling her your dad's truck. If you promised that, and want to keep a promise, get it over with quick, and then ignore any future calls. But, if she's anything like you say she is, she'll constantly barrage you with phone and text messages b-tching about the "clunker" you sold her and all the problems it has. Change your phone # after the sale of the truck, or go back on your promise and say it's over. | |
|
| help???
Posted: 8/27/2009 9:07:44 AM | | I do believe also hard to let go because of the fact things were done sexual that i have never had before so that could explain why i longed for that if that makes sense. another example is that she would call in the morning say all sorts of stuff to make me feel good ask if i can go shopping for her give me a list i go spend a hundred or so, give her the things because she had no money she would be all happy say thanks and then want to have sex. ok great then later on that night i get a text " having sex with u makes me sick i dont want to see u any more, i only want the truck so move on" I do beleive i am the one messed up here to put up with it. | |
|
| help???
Posted: 8/27/2009 9:37:14 AM | Okay so she turned you out. It's okay. It's happened to the best of us including myself. Let that sex go! Not worth it.
Don't worry about any promise you made to her. She treated you poorly and does not deserve your respect. Did you call your doc to see what exam they gave you? Get on top of that. Take care of yourself babe and you will be alright.
You are not messed up; just gullible. Don't let this make you bitter. You have the right to be mad, but if you become bitter it will push people away from you. Take some time to be single. Hang out with some close friends then find somebody new. | |
|
| help???
Posted: 8/27/2009 9:46:30 AM |
you know that if you sell her the truck, you will hear from her every time it breaks down
I totally agree, if you were to sell this women the truck she will want you at her every beck and call! and it will always be your fault if the truck breaks down etc... you really don't need that. People often make promises that at the time were genuine but after time things change, circumstance changes and the promise is no longer valid.
Lets say for example, you promise a women you will always love her and never leave her. Then after time things change and you find your self no longer inlove with her or that you don't love her as much as you once thought you did. Will you stay in the relationship because you made a promise to her in the begining? if you were to keep that promise you'd be unhappy for as long as you lived. Sometimes hun promises do and will get broken, there is no point in beating your self up over it.
As for the girl she needs help for her issues, regarding your self you need to get away from her and go out with friends. Enjoy your life, have some fun and meet someone more derserving of your love. There is a lady out there waiting for you, a lady who will love you just as much as you will love her.
Go find her hun and forget this girl and the truck lark!
Good luck hun | |
|
| help???
Posted: 8/27/2009 10:18:41 AM |
thanks i just loved her way to muchdo i give up on true love?
Dude.... this is sooooo NOT true love!!!
Love shouldn't hurt. Love shouldn't come with broken ear drums, abuse of any kind (and believe me, she's abusive) or any kind of bad feelings.
Cut your losses and move on, lesson learned. | |
|
| help???
Posted: 8/27/2009 11:02:12 AM | Wow!
This can't be serious. OP if what you say is true then you need help. There is no love here, only abuse.
She's a grade "A" psycho. Run away as fast as you can. Don't answer calls or texts. Damn, change your number.
And forget about the promise. What a load of crap. DON'T SELL THE FREAKSHOW THE TRUCK! | |
|
Home
login 
