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 therese46
Joined: 8/28/2008
Msg: 1
How to tell someone you have dated twice you are no longer interestedPage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
If I no longer would like to see this man, after two dates...do I do the mean thing...not answer calls and make no response to his e-mail/texts untill he gets the idea.....I hate being that way.

Should I write an e-mail stating that I just do not think we are a good match.....do I say something else ....like I met someone else?

What is the best way?

My instinct is to be honest and write him with a polite Dear John letter: You are a wonderful man and I know you will meet the right woman. I do not feel we are the right match for one another. I thank you for the chance to know you and wish you all the best.?

What would you men like to have said to you....honesty with politeness? or just no further contact?
 Abbicci
Joined: 11/17/2008
Msg: 2
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How to tell someone you have dated twice you are no longer interested
Posted: 8/27/2009 9:41:35 AM
How would you want some one you have dated twice that they aren't interested?

A phone call is the high road. An email the middle road. Ignoring the low road.

If you think he might flip out and yell and scream go with the email.
If you think he is an adult who would appreciate the truth call him.

Doing the right thing sometimes makes us uncomfortable but doing the right thing makes us better people.
 OnlyThis
Joined: 3/31/2009
Msg: 3
How to tell someone you have dated twice you are no longer interested
Posted: 8/27/2009 9:45:21 AM

Should I write an e-mail stating that I just do not think we are a good match....

Yup. Just be honest and direct.

Leave out the wonderful guy crap. That's a tired line. If he was so wonderful, you wouldn't be moving on.
 JohnEDeep
Joined: 7/9/2007
Msg: 4
How to tell someone you have dated twice you are no longer interested
Posted: 8/27/2009 9:52:13 AM

My instinct is to be honest and write him with a polite Dear John letter


Oh Nooooooooooooo! Not a 'Dear John' letter! Johns everywhere cringe at this colloquialism.

Use his own name for best results.

Seriously though, an honest rejection is better than a kind lie. Silence is the chicken way.
 bluesandrock
Joined: 6/24/2009
Msg: 5
How to tell someone you have dated twice you are no longer interested
Posted: 8/27/2009 10:00:30 AM
Abbicci and onlythis said is best.

Phone call is the way to go if you think the person is an adult and won't flip out otherwise go with an email. For the love of everything that is holy do not send a txt message. To me that is worst than being ignored.
 Invictus74
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 6
How to tell someone you have dated twice you are no longer interested
Posted: 8/27/2009 10:07:10 AM
That sucks, really..

It sucks for you and it sucks for him, but it's the way it is. Try to be open and sensitive, but get your point across. Wish him well. Please just say something. I personally would like someone telling me that they aren't interested. ESPECIALLY if I had a few meetings with them. I would even accept email.

The Houdini act is the absolute worst. .. ( ..... I'm a hypocrite... I've Houdini'd. Still feel bad, but it's too late to do anything about it. *sigh*)
 MsStackhouse
Joined: 5/20/2009
Msg: 7
How to tell someone you have dated twice you are no longer interested
Posted: 8/27/2009 10:14:04 AM
If you're afraid he might be angry then I'd go with the email.

its been done to me enough times so I guess its pretty normal these days.
 scottey63
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 8
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How to tell someone you have dated twice you are no longer interested
Posted: 8/27/2009 10:26:32 AM
I think an e-mail is appropriate after the first date, but if you've seen him more than once, a phone call in real time is the decent thing to do.
 prittygurl2006
Joined: 9/17/2006
Msg: 9
How to tell someone you have dated twice you are no longer interested
Posted: 8/27/2009 10:40:12 AM
I agree with Abbicci
 hotdamnhereiam
Joined: 4/9/2009
Msg: 10
How to tell someone you have dated twice you are no longer interested
Posted: 8/27/2009 10:55:00 AM
All's fair in love and war....just don't be an a**hole about it.
 krisc76
Joined: 7/10/2009
Msg: 11
How to tell someone you have dated twice you are no longer interested
Posted: 8/27/2009 10:59:38 AM
Just call him and tell him...Maybe he feels the same way. Don't be a chicken... Treat him the way you would want to be treated. If he is a mature adult he will understand and move on with his life..
 one shot at life
Joined: 6/15/2009
Msg: 12
How to tell someone you have dated twice you are no longer interested
Posted: 8/27/2009 11:02:15 AM
I might be in the minority, but I wouldnt do a thing. You have only met this man twice. Did you exchange emails for a long period of time? How long have you been communicating with him?

At any rate, I feel you really dont need to call him out of the blue and tell him you no longer are interested. It's not like you were in a relationship or anything. Now, if he calls you and wants to go out again... politely decline and tell him why. If I met a man on here and we only went out twice, I would naturally assume he was talking and dating others.
 churlburt2
Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 13
How to tell someone you have dated twice you are no longer interested
Posted: 8/27/2009 11:31:08 AM
I just had this problem with a guy I dated three times -- only I was the person getting a "low road" response. I guess you learn something about the person on the exit interview even if you are not lucky enough to get one.

Definitely, do the high road.
 Vicshe
Joined: 5/18/2009
Msg: 14
How to tell someone you have dated twice you are no longer interested
Posted: 8/27/2009 11:36:10 AM
Don't just stop responding; that's ill-mannered, and, as you say, "the mean thing."

Wait until the next time he calls or emails or texts, and just tell him the truth. That's not so hard, is it? Harder to live with yourself having vanished or having told him lies about the reasons, I would think.

You don't have to go into detail about every fault you perceive him to have. Saying you don't feel you are a match would be simple and true.
 brewton4
Joined: 1/9/2008
Msg: 15
How to tell someone you have dated twice you are no longer interested
Posted: 8/27/2009 11:37:44 AM
No, no, no don't call. Too awkward for both. Why does everyone think calling is the 'high road' so you can DISCUSS WHY you don't want to see him? C'mon, give him and yourself a break. Send a nice email.

Personally I would prefer the ol' text message if someone didnt want to see me. Clean, simple. B'bye.
 LegMassageGoddess
Joined: 8/15/2009
Msg: 16
How to tell someone you have dated twice you are no longer interested
Posted: 8/27/2009 11:44:35 AM
A phone call is probably better than an e-mail. If you feel he's not going to blow up and get all gnarly over the phone, do it that way. The e-mail example you gave here sounds pretty good to me. I'd leave out the "wonderful" part, however. Everything else is ok.

Having been on both ends of the "I don't think we're a match" deal, calling or e-mailing beats the no further contact ruse hands-down. Not contacting someone again for a while certainly screams "no interest," but it's unkind.

This is why they call it dating, right? Two, three, even four dates and you feel you aren't a good match - move on. Just be polite about it!
 iTsMeJuLi
Joined: 10/27/2008
Msg: 17
How to tell someone you have dated twice you are no longer interested
Posted: 8/27/2009 11:55:33 AM
I'd rather do the Houdini. I went out with a guy twice and didn't want to see him again. I sent him a text. He replied back calling me some nasty name.
 Just_Jay79
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 18
How to tell someone you have dated twice you are no longer interested
Posted: 8/27/2009 12:04:26 PM
Here's TW's simple three-line breakup conversation/letter guaranteed to let any REASONABLE man down gently without stomping his testicles into paste:

Sentence #1 - Thanks for the laughs:
Thank him for his past company and time (if he was at least somewhat fun, feel free to insert "the pleasure of your past company" instead). This is a nice first line to acknowledge any efforts on his part, especially if he paid for most things like the stereotypical male is required to do. No one likes to feel like they pissed away their hard-earned coin on someone that didn't even appreciate it...

Sentence #2 - Different strokes for different folks:
Say that you are no longer interested in seeing him for the HONEST reason, but word it in a polite way such that you convey a sense that the particular character/physical defect simply doesn't appeal to YOU specifically, such that he can draw the hopeful conclusion that other females might be able to enjoy or look past it. Nothing worse that conveying a sense that NO woman on Earth would want him because of Failing XXX...

Sentence #3 - Good luck & goodbye:
Tell him that the reason you're saying this harsh truth is that you respect him (at least as a basic human being with feelings), and believe he deserved more than just being blown off, so you wanted to be honest and wish him the best in his future endeavors (note that if he was a complete A-hole then feel free to waive this section on respect and simply say that YOU'RE too good of a person to not tell him he's a douche).

That's all that needs to be said in my opinion, and if you can pull this three-sentence approach off with class and tact, reprisals are virtually impossible because you've given them all the requisites for closure, i.e. there is no wondering "WHY?!" (note my retard/juvenile caveat at the beginning of this post).

Best of luck!
 Invictus74
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 19
How to tell someone you have dated twice you are no longer interested
Posted: 8/27/2009 12:25:33 PM
@TigerWoods

I dig this. Tagging for future reference :)
 MsStackhouse
Joined: 5/20/2009
Msg: 20
How to tell someone you have dated twice you are no longer interested
Posted: 8/27/2009 12:38:59 PM
Best is to be brief and honest - without hurting their feelings too much.

If you went out twice he probably likes you, so just think about how you'd feel if you went out with someone you really liked a few times and then they 'vanished' on you, know what I mean?
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 21
How to tell someone you have dated twice you are no longer interested
Posted: 8/27/2009 1:40:42 PM
Send him an email telling him that the second date confirmed what you suspected on the first date: there is no "spark."

Or, if you feel comfortable enough call him and tell him or wait until he calls you.

Do NOT give the silent, no answer treatment. That is childish, selfish, and cowardly.
 dardika
Joined: 7/25/2009
Msg: 22
How to tell someone you have dated twice you are no longer interested
Posted: 8/27/2009 1:52:05 PM
You know the answer to this question.

But I caution you against putting yourself in the position of explaining yourself. There is no need for that.

I would leave out the "you are a wonderful man" part because if he is so wonderful then you would not be dismissing him.

You gave it two tries but didn't feel any chemistry...let him know that only and tell him no return e-mail is needed.

Do not get into an e-mail war with him. If he sends you something back..don't open it...delete it...it does not matter what his retort will be. It is over.
 Yorkshire!
Joined: 6/20/2009
Msg: 23
How to tell someone you have dated twice you are no longer interested
Posted: 8/27/2009 2:27:39 PM
I totally agree, Honesty is the best policy, i'd prefer to be told straight, that your not interested.

If after two dates i dont think its going aswell as i thought, i'll just call, and be honest, (with tact).

I mean this site is called Plenty of Fish, it wont be long before they are talking to someone else, just dont feel guilty about doing whats right.

Hope this helps
 CaRo78
Joined: 2/22/2009
Msg: 24
How to tell someone you have dated twice you are no longer interested
Posted: 8/27/2009 2:28:28 PM
i was in a similar situation, and i just told him that although i had enjoyed my two dates i just wasnt feeling any spark so i thought it better to let him know sooner rather than later, i wished him luck in finding what he was looking for, and he thanked me for being honest and upfront! job done!
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 25
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How to tell someone you have dated twice you are no longer interested
Posted: 8/27/2009 2:29:51 PM

Yup. Just be honest and direct.

Leave out the wonderful guy crap. That's a tired line. If he was so wonderful, you wouldn't be moving on.


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