| When you meet someone in real life
Posted: 8/27/2009 7:48:58 PM | | When you browse profiles online, there is usually something to indicate what kind of relationship someone is looking for. I know some take no notice of what has been put anyway, but let's ignore that for the moment. What if you meet someone in real life as opposed to online? You start off just getting to know them, maybe just as a friend, not even dating. It's a different situation. You are both learning about each other. How do you find out what kind of relationship(s) they are open to, or not, as the case may be? How has this subject been brought up in your experience? | |
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| When you meet someone in real life
Posted: 8/27/2009 8:38:30 PM | | Play it by ear. Keep it light. This means one****ail, no candlelight, no expectations. Just have fun. If you and that person happen to have a good time then send them a playful shout out or a call. Make sure you laugh. | |
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| When you meet someone in real life
Posted: 8/27/2009 8:56:20 PM | Those are really good questions. I've found that when I've met a man and began dating him, that we both just went with the flow. There was no discussion on what kind of relationship we expected. The main thing was to get to know one another. After dating for a while, it would become clear if it was a serious relationship or something more casual. I do know that I've been told initially that the man has no desire to get married again and then they end up proposing. Never say never.
The big difference with that now is age. I'm no longer in my 20's, 30's or 40's. I don't want to just 'go with the flow'. If I was dating someone I met IRL that I was very interested in, I would ask him what type of a relationship he was looking for. If I was interested in a long term or marriage situation and he wasn't, it's betteyr to find out early.
When Paul and I first started communicating, neither of us was interested in marriage. Now it's changed completely. If we connect in person as well as we have online, we both want to get married. Sometimes, viewpoints can change as feelings grow. What may not have seemed viable initially may seem completely possible after some time together. | |
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| When you meet someone in real life
Posted: 8/27/2009 10:20:41 PM |
How do you find out what kind of relationship(s) they are open to, or not, as the case may be?
You talk to them about it.
Makes dinner better if you aren't sitting in silence staring at each other.
Have a talk where each person offers their opinion on relationships and what they want or think about them, find out which one they idealize. That's what they are looking for.
How has this subject been brought up in your experience?
In conversation.
Same as anyone I've ever met online.
They may say "long term" but I have no idea what that means to them. So you have conversations regarding what they mean by what they say. | |
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| When you meet someone in real life
Posted: 8/28/2009 5:56:19 AM | It will come up in conversation naturally.
And remember, just because someone's PoF profile says they are looking for "long term" doesn't mean that they really are... | |
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| When you meet someone in real life
Posted: 8/28/2009 1:37:48 PM |
How do you find out what kind of relationship(s) they are open to, or not, as the case may be?
I failed clairavoyance 101, and I suck at reading between the lines. So, I ask. | |
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| When you meet someone in real life
Posted: 8/28/2009 2:59:18 PM | I know as a guy first meeting a girl it's usually scary talking about talking about relationship stuff that's current. I don't have any problem talking about past relationships, but often times girls don't wanna hear about that. If and when he kisses you, that's when you should get an idea. If he doesn't, he's either afraid, undecided, or wants a platonic relationship. If he does kiss you, it's short, and innocent, he likes you. You could probably develop a long-term with him. If it's a longer kiss then he's attracted to you. again, you could develop a long-term with him if you're tactful because he's probably more physically attracted than mentally (I'm a guy, I have first hand experience). If he "snogs" (for those of you who don't know, it's like a french kiss, but not as nice a term because modern french kisses are more like eating eachothers' tongues... or at least in the situations I had experienced it.) you then I would imagine he wants in your pants that night, that's when you say don't call me I'll call you... unless that's what you're looking for.
But anyways, guys and gals have very different views on relationships, and if you want a long-term relationship or develop one into marriage remember one thing. You do not fall in love, you grow in love. It is an effort made for the duration of the relationship for both to love each other regardless of mistakes they may make or traits you may not like about them.
This may be a little off topic but it's what I think needed to be said :P | |
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| When you meet someone in real life
Posted: 8/28/2009 4:10:58 PM | Simple: You Ask.
[Example]:
Let's say you've been talking to this person for a half hour over some drinks, or coffee.. You get curious about what kind of relationships they're open to, but you're not sure whether or not you're willing to be in any kind of relationship with this person yet..
Open with:
"So, I'm just curious.." (or) "If you don't mind me asking.." ..Etc..
You get the point. | |
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| When you meet someone in real life
Posted: 8/28/2009 5:19:01 PM | Gauging the conversation when you meet for a second or third date but not right away.
Here on the site, it is on the profile so it is easy to find out what they have in mind and the rest you find out when you meet, almost like a blind date.
In offsite dating, you get to know them on a date and know which questions to ask because they might have just invited you out but have just friendship in mind. That is something that you find out over time as you both begin to spend more time together.
Here, people find out what they want to know chatting you up, don't show up at all to a date, or decide after the first date that you are not what they are looking for. | |
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| When you meet someone in real life
Posted: 8/28/2009 5:43:07 PM | | Thanks for all the replies, very interesting. Wow! I didn't realise one could tell by the type of kiss. That's something I shall bear in mind in future should the situation ever arise again. | |
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