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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Why do I usually attract men that I'm not attracted to? Annoying!      Home login  
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 1UniquePerson
Joined: 1/1/2007
Msg: 1
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Why do I usually attract men that I'm not attracted to? Annoying!Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
This annoys me so much! I usually get hit on by guys that I'm either not really attracted to, or just not my type. Not that I'm really looking for a boyfriend or anything but it would be nice to find a guy that approaches me that I like for once. I'm not superficial at all. I could care less about getting the hottest guy. It would just be nice to attract a man that I find attractive,appealing and we both vibe.

It's flattering to get hit on but it makes me feel like I'm going to be single forever. I normally attract geeky men, nothing wrong with these type of men but they're just not my type. What do I have to do to get attention from a guy I like? Why do I seem to attract men that I personally feel that are not on my level?

I think I'm an attractive girl so what is it?
 chilledandserved
Joined: 5/12/2009
Msg: 2
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Why do I usually attract men that I'm not attracted to? Annoying!
Posted: 8/27/2009 8:59:05 PM
You're probably not as attractive as you think you are and you are attracting what you are "worth".
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 3
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Why do I usually attract men that I'm not attracted to? Annoying!
Posted: 8/27/2009 8:59:06 PM
It's just an odds thing. Out of 100% of men, there are only 50% interested in you let's say. Out of that 50%, you won't be into 40%. It's just that so many more are interested in you than not that it seems to be all guys who are into you aren't your thing.

Same in reverse - about 40% out of the 50% who you are into aren't interested back. The other 10% are impossible to find in the sea of non matches, and when you do find one you then have to hope he's not married, on drugs, 500 miles away, living in his mom's basement, whatever...and even when you do get involved the fun doesn't end. Now you have to hope it lasts.

Dating's great ain't it?

Want to double your odds? Approach men you like and speed up the process. Sure some won't like you back (you can't tell which ones are which before you say something), but who cares? At least you'll get more done and you'll feel like you have some control.

P.S. You don't have to ask them out, but start a conversation and get to know them - if they're into you they won't let you keep walking...
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 4
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Why do I usually attract men that I'm not attracted to? Annoying!
Posted: 8/27/2009 9:28:11 PM
Have you considered the possibility that, deep down, you're afraid of relationships? Perhaps when a guy approaches you, you start looking for reasons why he's "not your type" because you're afraid of actually being in a relationship.

Not saying it's necessarily true in your case, but it's a fairly common occurrence.
 privat33r
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 5
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Why do I usually attract men that I'm not attracted to? Annoying!
Posted: 8/27/2009 9:39:43 PM
The question is probably best as "how can I lure in and capture more of my fave prey" rather than " what's up with loserville camping on my doorstep"

I don't know about the camping dudes, maybe my standards are lower. As to how to find guys you share some vibe with,.. well maybe amplify what's going on so they pick up on it.
 DudeistPriest
Joined: 3/30/2009
Msg: 6
Why do I usually attract men that I'm not attracted to? Annoying!
Posted: 8/27/2009 9:42:08 PM
1) get over yourself
2) try doing the approaching instead of waiting to be approached
 DemonDingleBerry
Joined: 6/7/2009
Msg: 7
Why do I usually attract men that I'm not attracted to? Annoying!
Posted: 8/27/2009 10:16:53 PM

so what is it?

It's things like

Not that I'm really looking for a boyfriend or anything...it makes me feel like I'm going to be single forever.

You don't want a boyfriend, but you don't want to be single?
You just want attention? For people to let you know you are girlfriend worthy? To validate your opinion of yourself?
Most people don't want to be used simply for the validation and gratification of others. It's pretty easy to spot. If you're paying attention.


What do I have to do to get attention from a guy I like?

Give them attention. When you sit on a pedestal all you are going to get are obsequious supplicants.
Unless you put yourself there. Then people point and laugh for a little bit, and then go back to their lives and ignore you.


Why do I seem to attract men that I personally feel that are not on my level?

Probably because you aren't paying attention that you don't really get to set your own level.
You can set your own value. But not your level of attractiveness. You're too biased.
 Husbandman
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 8
Why do I usually attract men that I'm not attracted to? Annoying!
Posted: 8/27/2009 10:41:12 PM
Do you know what kind of guy you would like to attract? can you describe him to us?

In general the "higher end guys" will only approach the most outstanding woman in their own territory where everyone knows who/how great they are and never hear the word no.
 DocElffington
Joined: 1/20/2009
Msg: 9
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Why do I usually attract men that I'm not attracted to? Annoying!
Posted: 8/27/2009 10:50:47 PM
You're not attracted to them because you're attracting them.

Women put up their defenses when men approach.

I have a 100% failure rate when I approach a woman I'm attracted to.

However, the odds are better when I'm approached.
 *~*Royal Majesty*~*
Joined: 8/5/2008
Msg: 10
Why do I usually attract men that I'm not attracted to? Annoying!
Posted: 8/27/2009 11:12:33 PM
Cue the song; "Love Stinks"! Yeah! Yeah!
 Write Time
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 11
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Why do I usually attract men that I'm not attracted to? Annoying!
Posted: 8/28/2009 2:24:20 AM
First of all, take a second to appreciate that you *are* attracting guys. That's not a bad thing. And maybe it couldn't hurt to talk with a couple of them and figure out what it is that's attracting them.

Then take a look and figure out: Where are the guys you *want* to attract, and what can you do to spend more time in front of them and less time in front of the guys who don't interest you?

Could be you're just in the wrong places at the wrong times.
 SoulConstruct
Joined: 8/14/2009
Msg: 12
Why do I usually attract men that I'm not attracted to? Annoying!
Posted: 8/28/2009 2:38:08 AM
Women get approached far more then men. That's just life, and it's going to happen anywhere you go that men will also go. It's just how we operate - we see something good and we want to know more about it.

Perhaps if you are looking for someone - try hanging out in a place where you think the guys you meet will have similar interests/class/things that you would find interesting in a guy.

If your not looking, well then just get a tape recorder out that has the recording "Not interested" and play it often, because your going to be getting approached regardless. It's just how men are.
 vanaheim
Joined: 6/6/2009
Msg: 13
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Why do I usually attract men that I'm not attracted to? Annoying!
Posted: 8/28/2009 4:24:03 AM

It would be interesting to watch the guys she does hit on to see if they too feel annoyed by being hit on by someone beneath their level!! LOL


Uh-oh, double standard alert
 feistyredangel
Joined: 7/9/2009
Msg: 14
Why do I usually attract men that I'm not attracted to? Annoying!
Posted: 8/28/2009 4:37:47 AM
I have to agree that at least you are being approached. Make friends with them. No one said you have to date them but there could be potential for them or you could meet someone else through them. Geeky guys need love too lol
 heavyiron
Joined: 8/23/2008
Msg: 15
Why do I usually attract men that I'm not attracted to? Annoying!
Posted: 8/28/2009 6:55:57 AM
In my 41 years on this earth I have a 100% failure rate whenever I have approached a woman I have been attracted to so maybe I am one of the geeky guys who has aproached her?
 miss_contemplative
Joined: 3/12/2008
Msg: 16
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Why do I usually attract men that I'm not attracted to? Annoying!
Posted: 8/28/2009 8:00:53 AM
You're missing out OP. Geeks are the best.
 forumrum
Joined: 5/25/2009
Msg: 17
Why do I usually attract men that I'm not attracted to? Annoying!
Posted: 8/28/2009 8:39:20 AM
Have to agree with the others. You may think you are hotter than you are.
 Fabulous Disaster
Joined: 7/4/2009
Msg: 18
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Why do I usually attract men that I'm not attracted to? Annoying!
Posted: 8/28/2009 8:49:30 AM
I always wonder why people as "why" so much when they are afraid to post a pic of themselves.
 bigpapapile
Joined: 8/8/2007
Msg: 19
Why do I usually attract men that I'm not attracted to? Annoying!
Posted: 8/28/2009 8:50:04 AM
ok if they guy is not really attractive so what look past that looks r not every thing , and how do u know if he is really ur type, did u ever talk to the guy more then 2 days ? (this goes for most women too) stop being so high strong about looks and type. some of the best guys u ladies could find r the ones u do not judge
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 20
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Why do I usually attract men that I'm not attracted to? Annoying!
Posted: 8/28/2009 9:38:38 AM
Follow "womaninprogress's" advice........some of the best I have heard in a long long time.......

If you want to increase your odds of finding those you are interested in, and they you, initiate the conversation, connection, and opportunity. If one sits there and does nothing, that is what you will get, or only the ones you wish would not have started trying to connect with you.

Many times there are women I am interested in, but I wait for them to show me that I am not just one of the many that approach and get rejected. If she starts the process, I will make sure that it continues if wanted by me as well.

One can not win the game, unless you work at increasing the odds of winning, and that will happen if BOTH will make the effort to start it.

Just my opinion..........
 KinkyBastard
Joined: 1/3/2008
Msg: 21
Why do I usually attract men that I'm not attracted to? Annoying!
Posted: 8/28/2009 11:33:49 AM
In this age of sexual equality... It's about bloody time women start growing some balls and start hunting too!

If you really want something (aka Mr Right), it ain't gonna just land on your lap just like that!

The old notions of men being the hunter and women being the hunted are breaking down. These days... Women can hold their own... In some cases better than men. So I would certainly encourage women to be more proactive and stop being reactive, when it comes to the dating game.

 NerdStatus
Joined: 1/9/2007
Msg: 22
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Why do I usually attract men that I'm not attracted to? Annoying!
Posted: 8/28/2009 1:49:49 PM

I usually get hit on by guys that I'm either not really attracted to, or just not my type.

Unless your "type" is the majority of men, statistically this makes perfect sense.

it would be nice to find a guy that approaches me that I like for once.

That goes without saying.

I'm not superficial at all.

That's unfortunate - work on that.

It's flattering to get hit on but it makes me feel like I'm going to be single forever.

You get hit on... and that makes you feel like you're going to be single forever. I wonder what you'd feel like if you never got hit on. Woman logic escapes me sometimes.

What do I have to do to get attention from a guy I like?

Fish in the ponds that have the type of men you like, and use bait that will attract the type of guy you like.

Why do I seem to attract men that I personally feel that are not on my level?

Don't know. Is the vibe you put out as substance free as your profile?
 mcbobly
Joined: 8/28/2005
Msg: 23
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Why do I usually attract men that I'm not attracted to? Annoying!
Posted: 8/28/2009 2:54:36 PM

You're probably not as attractive as you think you are and you are attracting what you are "worth".

I tend to agree that maybe she is wanting a Brad Pitt or George Clooney and since he/they haven't dropped in on her she is becoming cynical.
 4whoiam
Joined: 3/23/2009
Msg: 24
Why do I usually attract men that I'm not attracted to? Annoying!
Posted: 8/28/2009 4:03:27 PM
I know exactly how you feel!! It's so annoying!! I'm tired of attracting men who are either too old, too ugly, and too overweight... I admit to being a little shallow, but only when I'm looking for a possible date.. I've tried swallowing my shallow pride and I've been on dates with men who look as though if you knock them over, they'll have a harder time trying to get back on their feet than a turtle turned on it's back... They really are sweet, but nothing more than just a friend to me.. I even admit to not being such a "looker".. My body isn't perfect and I weigh more than I should.. but why is it so much to ask for someone I can be attracted to?? I don't need a man who could make the top 100 hottest men on earth.. (Would be nice, don't get me wrong! lol)

Maybe it's our aura's that attract the men we don't want nor like...
And for me it may be that I have a very low confidence level...
 Pashune
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 25
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Why do I usually attract men that I'm not attracted to? Annoying!
Posted: 8/28/2009 4:34:12 PM

try doing the approaching instead of waiting to be approached


I second this.
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