| Guys- At What Point Do You STOP Searching Online When You've Met Someone???
Posted: 8/28/2009 4:08:03 PM | I need help here guys! If you've met someone here on POF, gone out, spent loads of time together - some of it intimate... at what point do you all STOP looking on here? It may sound like a no-brainer... BUT... this online stuff has made it SOOOOO easy to look and chat...
Is it just me? I think, even if you haven't found your FOREVER person, that person deserves the respect of the other party putting all their effort into the person they are spending their time with! Am I wrong? I don't think a guy should be looking or chatting if they are with someone! I really want to get opinions on this one!!
Thanks   | |
|
| Guys- At What Point Do You STOP Searching Online When You've Met Someone???
Posted: 8/28/2009 4:23:50 PM |
I think, even if you haven't found your FOREVER person, that person deserves the respect of the other party putting all their effort into the person they are spending their time with!
I agree. I think too many people are more concerned about pleasing their own desires while turning their back on the person they claim to be interested in. For me, if a woman gets to the point you describe yet, she continues on this site, I have to ask why?
Many have claimed that they have friends on this site and that's why they stay here. My argument is that I have many friends who hang out in singles bars - I guess it's ok if I go to the bar several nights a week just to say "Hey! What's up?" If you can't be friends on facebook, then I wonder why you are only friends on this site?
Another question in correlation to the OP's topic: Is it OK for that person to be adding new friends from this site once in a relationship? | |
|
| |
| Guys- At What Point Do You STOP Searching Online When You've Met Someone???
Posted: 8/28/2009 4:51:23 PM | out of respect, you should take off your profile once the two of you are exclusively dating.
but as for myself and my current bf, we are both active here in forums and he has tons of friends all over so I won't stop him from whatever he was doing before he even met me...
It just a matter of trust and communication! | |
|
| |
| |
| Guys- At What Point Do You STOP Searching Online When You've Met Someone???
Posted: 8/29/2009 5:12:57 AM | I've always thought like you op, if you're seeing someone, been intimate with them, you shouldn't be in here. People have all kinds of excuses, friends, forums, etc. for staying. If I'm seeing someone and they don't change their profile, log in regularly, I assume we're not exclusive/serious.
For some, staying on this site is more important than finding what they're actually looking for. Something messed up about that. | |
|
| Guys- At What Point Do You STOP Searching Online When You've Met Someone???
Posted: 8/29/2009 5:27:04 AM |  Gee maybe I should get off line now!!
First thought - hopefully you have found someone you can trust no matter where they have a profile posted! Sad that there is a complete lack of trust in the world now a days! Carrying on that baggage of untrust from relationship to relationship is sadder than staying on a website!
Hey my opinion - I'd rather him stay on line - that way you can watch what he's really up - to if you ask him to take off his profile he may very well just hide it and sneak behind your back!
Oh and I didn't know that being in a relationship ment you are no longer allowed to make friends and chat with other people?!?! Yikes!! Perhaps that sense of entitlement and possession is the downfall of many relationships! Does being in a relationship mean you are no longer allowed to be your own person?!?!  | |
|
| |
| |
| Guys- At What Point Do You STOP Searching Online When You've Met Someone???
Posted: 8/29/2009 7:19:15 AM | Well if you were to read leeannes profile its plan & simple for anyone to understand !
And Hell thats the probblem with people from london area!
Yes they do not TRUST ANYONE & hence thats why none of you single ladies are dating anyone! You don't have the trust in someone !
Oh sure lots of people on here who still have their seeking someone yet their currently dating someone too!LOL
Maybe its because they do not trust the person their currently dating and keeping the shopping mall open for a new sale !LOL
But then maybe thats why so many of you singles are so anal about everything as you do not trust anyone ! And thats gonna be your Biggy downfall!
So if you can not put some trust in the person your dating why are you dating them?? | |
|
| Guys- At What Point Do You STOP Searching Online When You've Met Someone???
Posted: 8/29/2009 7:30:12 AM | At my age I know better than to trust everyone blindly. Doesn't make me anal. Doesn't make me bitter. Means I've lived long enough to know that people have to earn my trust. Someone who is dating/sleeping with me but looking for longterm in a dating site doesn't have my trust. Nor should they.
Maybe some in here don't put trust in a new relationship because they've been burned in the past. This also doesn't mean we're expecting everyone to cheat, just means we'll protect ourselves until we're comfortable.
Doesn't everyone also jump on anyone who does trust a new relationship in these forums?
Dating is hard at any age. Harder in this site when so many use it to play games. I'll continue to date with my eyes open. | |
|
| Guys- At What Point Do You STOP Searching Online When You've Met Someone???
Posted: 8/29/2009 7:32:46 AM | Thanks "five-marie" You are right about my meaning... Leeanne, being married and "not looking" is VERY different from starting out a new relationship! Trust takes time to build and you can suggest that one is taking their prior relationship insecurites with them into a new one, but really, if the new relationship starts out like that... where do you go? How do you build on that?
Let's face it folks... if you are "with someone" and continue to chat and look online... with the primary focus as "dating" is that really right? I really think if we took the online part out of the equation and viewed it as someone intimately involved yet still went out to the bars... picking up women.... that's very different then having "friends" of the opposite sex!
My point is... online seems to make it OKAY for alot of the people on here... "oh, I'm just chatting" I wonder if online dating is just a joke... SORRY! Just a little skeptical... yet still hoping! | |
|
| Guys- At What Point Do You STOP Searching Online When You've Met Someone???
Posted: 8/29/2009 8:22:32 AM | The ability to surf anonymously is the temptation. Going to a bar and looking a woman or man up and down and asking them a few questions wouldn't be so easy for most.
Dating is like buying a new car. Some people like to try one and get used to it. Others like to tweak the knobs, honk the horn and jump in and out of as many as they can until they find the right one. | |
|
| Guys- At What Point Do You STOP Searching Online When You've Met Someone???
Posted: 8/29/2009 10:37:39 AM | I share your skepticism. I have a lot of friends on here and I have a lot of these same friends on Facebook and my msn as well.
I met someone at the beginning of the summer and I kinda sorta thought that maybe something might happen. He emailed me every few days, text messaged me and phoned me regularly. We had a couple great dates, and the 'vague' promise was there to see each other more often. A week ago he contacted me and asked me for some help and my opinion on a matter and concluded the conversation with a promise to get together soon. Then Monday he took his profile down, so I text him and said...is there something I missed? You took your profile down. Does that mean you are considering more concentration on something happening here? He said...well, I am concentrating on something but I am sorry to say, it is with the other woman I was seeing. We decided to give it a go and both pulled our profiles.......
So...how does a person not take their prior insecurities and disappointments into the next new situation??? Where do you go? How do you build?
Sure communication is important and if you do not have that from get go, then there is nothing to start with at all. I know my situation had the communication, or at least I thought we did....but obviously not.
As I say in my profile, dating from the internet is evil. There is always the temptation to keep looking for something better!
In answer to the headline that the OP asked.....you stop searching when you feel you do have any interest to look further!
If this thread stays alive, I may have something new to add in a week or two cuz no matter what, you have to try to stay positive and move forward. Some will, some won't! So What? NEXT! | |
|
| Guys- At What Point Do You STOP Searching Online When You've Met Someone???
Posted: 8/29/2009 2:08:20 PM | | It's hard to say, because I haven't gotten to that point yet. I pretty much give it my all until I find that it can't make it past anything more then a close friendship, then I go back to looking again. But that's just me. I should add that I have forgotten change my profiles on dating sites until I notice that I've gotten an e-mail from someone on that site, and then update my profile. Sure, I'm single now, but when I was pursuing a possible relationship I started getting messages from women. I'm telling you, women are psychic, they are only interested in guys are with women already. :) | |
|
| Guys- At What Point Do You STOP Searching Online When You've Met Someone???
Posted: 8/29/2009 3:20:26 PM |
Oh sure lots of people on here who still have their seeking someone yet their currently dating someone too!LOL
Maybe its because they do not trust the person their currently dating and keeping the shopping mall open for a new sale
We're talking about one's pride, dignity and health Firbrains. Not a commodity sold in the open market.
The only way to gauge one's trust is through behaviour. Talk means nothing in the long run - firbrains proves that. Chatting online and gaining more friends while claiming to be in a relationship is rather ambiguous in meaning an intent.... that's not a worthy way of gaining trust. Usually, a liar has a lot to say (excuses) because they are covering up the truth.
Talkers (story fabricators) are red flag material - the odds are great they are bullshitting someone, somehow, as opposed to being truthful. | |
|
| Guys- At What Point Do You STOP Searching Online When You've Met Someone???
Posted: 8/29/2009 9:06:26 PM | [Talkers (story fabricators) are red flag material - the odds are great they are bullshitting someone, somehow, as opposed to being truthful]
Well now isn't that kinda like you My I??
But then again it could be you and a few other s on ol pof !LOL
I guess people whom do not read very well understand what msot people post !
But I said shit for brains that most who are dating someone and still on here with their profiles still not changed from Looking to not looking are not being honest !
And Hence their keeping the dating mall (singles site option ) open for business!
Understand now ??
 | |
|
| |
| Guys- At What Point Do You STOP Searching Online When You've Met Someone???
Posted: 8/30/2009 8:54:28 AM | | I so agree with you MyI. Trust is such a valuable thing in a relationship. And even if you trust your partner you can't help but wonder what is lacking in your relationship that he or she needs to be on here. Yes it is extremely possible to have made friends on here you would like to keep. But generally my friends that I have met go to the next stage of msn and such. A dating site really should just be for "dating" and meeting a future partner. It is a matter of respect to your partner ...just my opinion :) | |
|
| |
| Guys- At What Point Do You STOP Searching Online When You've Met Someone???
Posted: 9/3/2009 7:09:35 AM | | This is the first time I have ever posted, but it is such an important question. I have been online dating for close to 6 years and have seen just about everything. Here is the ONLY definitive answer. If he or she likes you, and see's something worth exploring, they will take their profile down,(women usually faster than men), if the person you met and seem to hit it off with leaves their profile up, WHATEVER they tell you is not true...the fact is, they are still looking for something better. I have been through it too many times, and have seen the same with my friends. If you truely enjoy getting to know the person you met...I would think somewhere in the 3 to 5 date timeframe, both profioles should be removed out of respect. | |
|
| |
| |
| Guys- At What Point Do You STOP Searching Online When You've Met Someone???
Posted: 9/4/2009 9:46:41 PM | | mhm....lake of carp....your chances are based on your actions , i doubt anyone can answer that for you ....but good luck all the same . Double d has a good point cause thats usually the case , ive been here long enough to have heard the horror stories and have had a few of my own . I think tho this is something that both parties should be interested in doing , there isnt a time limit persay ....but there has to be an agreement at some point | |
|
Home
login 
