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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > when a guy gets really close then backs off..      Home login  
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 squishyfeet
Joined: 4/20/2009
Msg: 1
when a guy gets really close then backs off..Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
why do guys begin to get really close to a girl and then all of a sudden back off. It like they all of a sudden think "wow, im getting to close, cant do this right now, gotta slow down." Is this true. Especially when you dont think they have met someone else?
 Mr. Stubbs
Joined: 8/18/2009
Msg: 2
when a guy gets really close then backs off..
Posted: 8/28/2009 8:59:56 PM
To give an honest opinion, I'd need some sort of context. Women do this too. And not ALL guys do it.

Is this a general question, or did it happen to you? Was this a come-on-strong-and-then-back-right-off situation, or did it happen over a bit of time?

Pardon my asking, but did it happen after some sort of intimate encounter?

You don't have to elaborate on any details, just put your question into perspective.
 FlameNFire
Joined: 7/11/2009
Msg: 3
when a guy gets really close then backs off..
Posted: 8/28/2009 9:03:11 PM
Sadly, this seems to be a common occurance...Don't take it personal. It happens to all of us and there is no hard/fast answer. There could be a dozen reasons. More often than not, he may just need a little space. Give it to him and see where you get from there. Good Luck!
 cashu
Joined: 1/25/2009
Msg: 4
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when a guy gets really close then backs off..
Posted: 8/28/2009 9:56:02 PM
I know why I disappear . by the time i get you to put your regal blessing on meeting on our first meeting I;m bored with you . you know what I mean when I say WHO ARE YOU . I can go to a bar and walk out with some one that night but when I talk to the same girl on the Internet all of sudden i,m a terrorist .
 cinsav
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 5
when a guy gets really close then backs off..
Posted: 8/28/2009 9:59:41 PM
We could reword the question for men too:


why do girls begin to get really close to a guy and then all of a sudden start playing mind games. It like they all of a sudden think "wow, im pretty, i think right? i can do better than this can't i? what if I can't? he's nice to me, but i am used to being treated like shit, do i deserve this? gotta slow down." Is this true. Especially when you dont think they have met someone else?
 DemonDingleBerry
Joined: 6/7/2009
Msg: 6
when a guy gets really close then backs off..
Posted: 8/28/2009 10:00:48 PM

why do guys begin to get really close to a girl and then all of a sudden back off. Especially when you dont think they have met someone else?

It means they didn't really get that close to you.
It means they led you to believe they got close to you to get something from you (paid you), and then realized it implies potential commitment and responsibility.
They didn't want that. So cut their losses, measured their gains, and went to find a new store.
It's usually achieved by manipulating your expectations and beliefs. Telling you what you want to hear in a convincing manner so you think a relationship is going in a "direction" you want it to.

Sorry.
 4/20*FRIENDLY
Joined: 8/25/2009
Msg: 7
when a guy gets really close then backs off..
Posted: 8/28/2009 10:01:40 PM
In my opinion...
This is a dating site and a lot of ppl on these sites are actually addicted to the chase.. Once there's been a "Catch"... soon after there's a "Realease".

NOT everyone is like this. I have heard of GREAT success stories also..
 mrstooie
Joined: 7/7/2009
Msg: 8
when a guy gets really close then backs off..
Posted: 8/28/2009 10:14:23 PM
My guess is he is not interested anymore for whatever reason and doesn't want to come out and say it or say why because many if not most in my opinion really dislike any type of confrontation. Dating is a process right? The hard part is being interested in someone and they decide they are not in you. You pick up and move on. Easier said than done sometimes but it's the truth.
 dardika
Joined: 7/25/2009
Msg: 9
when a guy gets really close then backs off..
Posted: 8/28/2009 10:25:06 PM

by the time i get you to put your regal blessing on meeting on our first meeting I;m bored with you


Just the type of guy I want to get all dressed up and meet


Once there's been a "Catch"... soon after there's a "Realease".


it is a sad day when we are truly treated like....fish
 TrueSamurai
Joined: 8/22/2009
Msg: 10
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when a guy gets really close then backs off..
Posted: 8/28/2009 10:33:42 PM
OP
not enough info. although it sounds like mind games. a little like playing tap in school, I'll tap you on the shoulder and run away, you chase me, tap me on the shoulder and run. At the end we both get tired and say, geeez that was fun.
some never stop playing games.
But as I say, it's difficult to give MHO on the info you provided.
 Kings Again
Joined: 7/24/2009
Msg: 11
when a guy gets really close then backs off..
Posted: 8/28/2009 10:36:58 PM

why do guys begin to get really close to a girl and then all of a sudden back off. It like they all of a sudden think "wow, im getting to close, cant do this right now, gotta slow down." Is this true. Especially when you dont think they have met someone else?


Just a hunch... they probably back off because they realize you're too clingy, turned off majorly in another way, or just want nothing to do with you for some other reason. It's up to you to figure it out.
 thaiyellow
Joined: 7/19/2008
Msg: 12
when a guy gets really close then backs off..
Posted: 8/29/2009 2:30:10 AM
yes.

men are socialised to like their space, though also not to share their feelings (this is changing). so if his behaviour is saying "space", give him space.

it's a great time for you to do stuff you really like doing and never have time for~ movies, night out with girls, plant out that garden, start that novel... :-)
 Bluesman2008
Joined: 4/2/2008
Msg: 13
when a guy gets really close then backs off..
Posted: 8/29/2009 2:36:16 AM
The answer is, it is what it is. For whatever reason, over which you have o control, is that he just ain't into you. It isn't a question of good/bad or right/wrong. It just isn't. You can't take it personally. If everyone took all criticisms/rejections personally, people would probably be cutting their wrists en masse. I think you have to hear a lot of "no's" before you can really a ppreciate the "yes".

Women do the exact same thing to us, sooooooooo. What're you looking for? A truce? LMAO. And end to the never ending war between the sexes? ROTFLMAO. I should live that long
 brighteyes_09
Joined: 6/7/2009
Msg: 14
when a guy gets really close then backs off..
Posted: 8/29/2009 7:54:30 AM
Because, after developing an initial interest in that girls, they may eventually lose that interest.
I'm not sure why this would be so hard to understand?


Nothing like answering a question by restating the question and adding nothing new.

The Op KNOWS the guy loses the initial interest the question is WHY

Op-

Time for some useful advice.

Some guys are afraid of commitment because once they get "attached emotionally" the other person has the power to hurt, or even cripple them in an emotional sort of way. If they've been hurt before, they're gun shy.

Women too. But they don't really show it quite the same way in general. A woman is more likely to hold back and then finally give it up. A guy..will be more fickle, and do the dance such as you have experienced.
 MizBexReturns
Joined: 8/19/2009
Msg: 15
when a guy gets really close then backs off..
Posted: 8/29/2009 7:55:34 AM
You know, this is not necessarily a bad thing. Men are very different than women, often times they need to step back and think about how a woman can fit into their life and how he can fit into hers. They often step back to process where the relationship is going and while he is doing this, you should be doing the same.
 kpooks
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 16
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when a guy gets really close then backs off..
Posted: 8/29/2009 8:16:35 AM
I think a lot of us (male and female) are afraid of looking at OURSELVES too closely, because we don't always like what we see.
 K_A_
Joined: 7/12/2009
Msg: 17
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when a guy gets really close then backs off..
Posted: 8/29/2009 8:35:10 AM
Guys back off because of women attitude. When someone show you affection try to be nice to him. Don't give him impression that he is now wanted.
 miss_contemplative
Joined: 3/12/2008
Msg: 18
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when a guy gets really close then backs off..
Posted: 8/29/2009 8:40:29 AM

Well, if the OP doesn't know why the guy lost that interest, how the fvck should a group of total strangers on the internet, who don't know her, don't know the guy, and don't know any details of the circumstances, have any idea why that guy lost interest?


Sometimes the truth is humorous!
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 19
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when a guy gets really close then backs off..
Posted: 8/29/2009 8:47:28 AM
If one enters through the door and looks around at the furniture and condition of the place, and they like what the see, enjoy what they feel, and are comfortable enough, they will stay.............

If one enters through the door and looks around and does not see what they feel good about, they turn around and walk out............

End of story.

Just my opinion........
 Samantha44
Joined: 10/25/2008
Msg: 20
when a guy gets really close then backs off..
Posted: 8/29/2009 8:52:18 AM
Some men are in a struggle with themselves they want love but are afraid of it at the same time. It really depends what his past experiences are related to especially how he grew up and and what he witnessed, how he sees other people's relationships.

Some men are afraid once they commit they we will feel penned in. Sometimes when it feels too good they even get anxious and are afraid of these overwhelming feels.

All men are different some crave and want the attachement, some want it and are afraid of it and some just want to live a free and easy lifestyle with no attachements at all.

It really depends how deep his fear runs......
 breath~
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 21
when a guy gets really close then backs off..
Posted: 8/29/2009 8:52:43 AM
It really could simply be that he/she is getting to know the other person more, and just has come to a realization that this really isn't going to work out too well.
I'd guess that THAT is the more usual thing that happens.
Yeah, there are some with committment phobias or some that are 'players' or some that have this or that going on.
But usually, in my opinion, it is just that they've decided that the other person isn't 'right' for them, once they've gotten to know them more.

Why your guy, OP, decided to back off... we have no way of knowing.
 squishyfeet
Joined: 4/20/2009
Msg: 22
when a guy gets really close then backs off.. ***more info***
Posted: 8/29/2009 11:17:20 AM
So we chat on yahoo for aprox. 1 month. We meet and he starts hanging out at my house. Didn't have sex till 3rd meeting, and has been staying over night at my house for about 2 months maybe 3 or 4 nights a week. Not every night had sex but definately cuddled close. The last time we spent all day togather and he said he was so happy to spend it with me. Then for the whole following week... doesn't come over, was busy at work. Still called me every morning as usual, but not so much every night. But did send txts occasionally. Does this help any?
 JustMary65
Joined: 5/26/2008
Msg: 23
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when a guy gets really close then backs off..
Posted: 8/29/2009 11:20:23 AM
LOL Squishy feet---I have NO idea, and since it's recently happened to me ---I'm just as perplexed as you are. Needless to say, I guess getting close means allowing yourself to love and be loved---scary for some I suppose.

When you figure it out let me know, eh? :)
 Commonsens
Joined: 4/6/2009
Msg: 24
when a guy gets really close then backs off..
Posted: 8/29/2009 11:26:31 AM
never approached something, anything, to get a closer look, identify it, have a different perspective of this thing and then realize that it what not what you where thinking it was or that you where not prepared to encounter, want or deal with this?

same applies here.
 Lastknight2009
Joined: 8/26/2009
Msg: 25
when a guy gets really close then backs off..
Posted: 8/29/2009 11:49:05 AM
I don't think any girl has let me get close enough, lol, but it would be nice to put it to the test sometime who knows, i think most men are just selfish and want to be in control, when they feel they are losing that control, they back away, some women are the same though
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