A smorgasbord of PAIN LOVE and the IN BETWEEN Free Dating, Singles and Personals

A smorgasbord of PAIN LOVE and the IN BETWEEN Posted: 10/21/2004 3:50:55 PM
You know, all my life I've been affected by drama in love, and life, and deep moments... What I've done here is put together a collection of my life stories, none necessarily in order, for anyone to look at. Not this may be the longest single thread anyone has ever posted at once, but I figured that I may as well get it all out there, for those of ya'll who appreciate a good vent in words... I hope you enjoy. And if you actually read every bit of this word-for-word, please mention it... I will have congradulations in order. Thank you. As always>>>>Copyright ©2004 Michael Andreas Beckham<<<--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fuel for Rage With every day that slips us by, I watch you throw me away... Farther into the reach of nothing Where nothing ever gets away. Doesn't matter if I live or die, I just want to fold up inside... I can't wait to get away from it all, So I can pretend I'm fine, and hide. I feel so empty now... Is all this pain for real?! Encumbered by the things you've said, And fact that you don't feel. You used to slip me on When finished with your day... Now you avoid me again. Wish that I'd just go away. Easy in/Easy out. That's the way it went... Just to see if I was "him" Yet now I lay here bent. Rejection is the shame I wear... An old used pair of jeans. The hope of promise long gone now and echo of it's screams... Where's the meaning behind it all? What's the point in involving love? When's the answer going to appear? What in the hell were you thinking of? I can't wait for someone to touch me- You can't wait for me to fade... I can't wait to embrace a true soul That knows nothing of the games we played. I'm not forever alone... I won't wait for a miracle to take place. And even if it did occur somehow, It wouldn't be in the form of your face. I'm not afraid of chances... That's what got me here. But the pain that ensues from chances taken Enhance the effects of my fear. There's no label for our tragedy... It was foolish to entertain it all. Consequences will linger for both... And both will build a wall. My fists curl in rage... But I keep it in. I'm angry at you and life itself... Your kind don't know where I've been. I hate you for the fake everything. I hope you reap the rewards of your lie. I pray the game gets flipped on you... So you're stuck asking yourself the reasons why. You prey on troubled hearts For all the boost you need... An ego boost that killed my dreams, And left me here to bleed. Fuel for Rage I can't wait for someone to need me Like they way I needed you... I can't wait for someone to show me The things that love can do. The bitter taste is tempting... I need to take a breath... You just don't know the pain you've caused, And soul you're playing with. The victory in this for me would be Accept my destiny... Your empty smiles have paved the way To setting all my love free. I can't wait for someone to heal... And feel the same things I feel. I can't wait for that someone to find me And take me by the hand, for REAL. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Love Love has overtaken me Funny, but it's true... Everytime I hear your voice I fall in love with you. Love will take it's chances... Just like we take our own. Watching you just lets me know I'll never be alone. Right here you lay beside me... So peaceful in your sleep. Kisses tell me deep inside It's me that you will keep. And in our quest for answers, We see what they don't know... A love that's bound for glory, With so much room to grow. Love will take it's chances... And we will overcome... All the odds against us From which we will not run. Love has overtaken me... I give my heart to you. Thanks for all love you've shown, and days you've helped me through. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A word is just a word... A word is just a word, you see, but love is even more... It's everything you dream about, and what you're living for. It's smiling when you see the skin of who is by your side... And knowing who to run to when you need them to confide. It's thanking God for having you, when God was just a myth... Believing the impossible, because of who you're with. It's more than just some letters that define what's there within... It's letters written from the soul, and reading them again. It's staring in those eyes of blue, and kissing you goodnight... It's knowing something's wrong inside, pretending it's alright. And feeling hurt when hearing that you have to go away... You've lost the words "I love you", and you don't know what to say. It's seeing you pull back from me, again, without a clue... It's knowing that you're leaving me, and that I'm losing you. What's in a word? Again you ask that question in the end... Pushing forward, falling back, and there without your friend. It's just a dream, I tell myself, or wished that I believed... Instead of feeling useless, like my heart has been deceived. The turn around, so quick in fact, I had to stop and think... From love to hate in seconds flat, while feeling my thoughts sink. Another notch in Murphy's Law, or so you tell yourself... Quietly, you weep inside, and make your way through hell. The truth eluded me again, and left me in the dark... A word is just a word, you see, for me, it left it's mark. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- This one's for you You keep me when I sleep at night with thoughts I have of you... The dreamy state of is this real? Is proving to be true! And when I smile, it's thanks to you and all the things you say. The simple words you spill on me have washed my doubts away. Yes, you make my heart smile more than it has smiled at all... Yes you've helped me to tear down the makings of my wall... I think of you so much inside I don't know how to act! I lose the words I want to say, and yet, you bring them back. So much left unsaid because you think I'll run away... I promise that I feel the same with words I want to say. So when we speak just say the things you really feel inside... I'll listen with an open mind as long as you don't hide. Such little time and yet I feel I've known you for a while... There you are, and here I am, both sharing the same smile. Why is it I feel this way That we were meant to be? I'd give it up to be with you, and hope you would for me... ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I miss the fire I miss the fire behind your eyes, the way they burned so much The light would dance upon your skin, and heal me when we’d touch. But now that fire has dwindled to a faint and distant glow... It’s hard to see those pretty eyes the further that you go. You tell me not to let my past influence my today, And yet your past has haunted you, and taken you away. So here I am alone again, although you’re by my side… You’re far away from what’s right here, while embers burn inside. Helplessly, I watch the flames consume what’s left of this… The fire you once possessed for me is gone from your sweet kiss. I feel like what we had before was nothing but a phase. And now I’m nothing to your heart, except a worn out blaze. Or so it seems this way to me, because we don’t make love… And so you think that sex is what I’m always thinking of. There’s more inside from me to you that you refuse to see… But maybe you don’t want to see those better parts of me. The girl I met was full of life, and now she’s all but gone… Makes me think she’s doubtful now, and has been all along. I miss the way she’d cling to me when she’d come home at night… She used to make me feel so good, and hold me so dmn tight. I miss the feel of kissing her the way we used to kiss… Nothing’s like it used to be, so now I’m writing this. I wish that I could feel her hands on me like once before… If God would hear my prayer for her, so we could kiss once more. I miss her breath against my ear when we were making love… Sex is not the focus here, it’s her I’m thinking of. The way she feels while cuddled up to me before we sleep. Are one of many feelings for the girl I’d like to keep. She gets upset when I bring up my insecurities… And yet ignores the fact her past has brought me to my knees. I’d give my life for anything to help me to retain The kiss and touch I miss so much, and hope to soon regain. My prayer is that one day soon, she’ll understand my tears… And open up to me once more, regardless of her fears. I need her more than anything a man could ever need… She tries to find herself inside, while silently I bleed. Love is not a word to use before you know it’s real… You say it when you know it’s there, and that it’s how you feel. I pray the light behind those eyes will burn again somehow. That would take away the thoughts of losing you right now. And maybe in the coming nights you’ll crave my touch again… And hopefully these doubts you have will never win again. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Don't Judge Dont judge me by the way I am, or how I feel for you... I've paid the price for coming here, from what I'm going through. It hurts to see these **ing words through blurry eyes again... Lonliness has taken hold to find out where I've been. And all of it's familiar... This journey to the end... The bitter pain of memory, when wounds don't want to mend. In time they say the hatred dies for losing to your heart. I'm sure you'll find, in time they say, the journey to a start. I know these words aren't sinking in, but still they hold the key... To all the things I wanted here, and all this pain in me. There you are, with nothing said, yet anger on your mind... No structure in your search for life, yet life's not hard to find. You turn it off like nothing's there, at least in front of me. There's no remorse in choices made by you, from what I see. And so my pain becomes the fuel behind the things I write... The ignorance of true blue love that's lost into the night. You never saw the side of me, that many get to see... At least they try to take a look, instead of looking through me. My final words to you are such, to which you have no clue... You killed the good in hope I had for ever loving you. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Faced with my past... This was written for my ex when she came up from GA. to WV. I know just what you want from me-the things I cannot give. I'm trapped within a troubled life-a life I'm forced to live. For you this is the last resort, for me, there's no concern... I'm shadowed by the love you feel, a love I can't return. You held on to a broken dream, and I chose to move on. You expect too much from me when all I felt is gone. I never thought I'd see your face or hear your voice again. And yet you're in my life once more, but this time as my friend. You can't accept the simple fact I have some things to do. Matters of a broken heart that have no ties to you. I cannot bear the cross of guilt for taking care of me. A choice in which I know is right, and fits me comfortably. You take it as a tragedy because those tables turned. The tragedy is nothing but a lesson I have learned. The moral of the story lies in where you'll go from here. And how you'll deal with what I think, and looking past your fear. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Free at Last Just a short one that I jotted down on the city bus... Glimpse into the future, the remnants of your past... Grab the reigns of fear and ride until you're free at last. Damn the struggle for routine, it's way too hard to find... Take control, and cleanse your soul to open up your mind. I paid the dues for where I'm at, a costly price to pay... Take a look at all the scars that just won't fade away. I've learned a brutal lesson which I owe my thanks to you... A lesson learned and bridges burned from all the things you'd do. Miles away from anywhere, apart from all my friends... A price to pay for piece of mind, repairing broken ends. The envy that I used to feel for those who had your ear Has turned into the gateway for a way to ease my fear. I'm flipping mental quarters as I sit alone to write... Shameful of the things I've done to please my bitter spite. And yet I wouldn't trade those days for anything you see... From each mistake I'd blindly make, a lesson's burned in me. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Here Alone Another poem written for the aftermath of marraige... I'm not the man I used to be, I'm just an empty shell... Trusting one too many souls has bought my place in Hell. The scars I've tried so hard to hide are visible within... The are no choices left to make-I feel like giving in. My hand was out for all of those who needed help to stand... Yet now it's me who needs that help, but no one sees my hand. All these wasted years in life, with nothing left to show... I've seen the fake sincereties when "love" would come, and go. I've had to learn the hardest thing a man should ever learn... How empty life can really be, and quickly love can burn. I cannot say what lay ahead, or what life has in store... I'm not the person that they say can see behind life's door. I guess it's up to me to find the answers on my own... There's so much less to stress about when living life alone. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hope at Last... This is for the hopeless romantic with love in their sights... I love the way you smile at me, and look me in the eyes... Your honesty is welcome in a world that's filled with lies. You're everything a soul could want, and yet, there's so much more... You're all the things I've dreamed about and spent life searching for. You bring a smile across my heart, and leave me feeling high... I'd be a fool to look for more, and let you pass me by. I need the things you speak about, you bring me hope for life... I've never had those things before, not even from my wife. I'm scared that I'm the only one who thinks that something's there... Wishful thinking is the cross in which I choose to wear. I'm tired of the lonliness that plagues me in the night... You step up to the plate with hope, I hope to make things right. And yet there is the side of me that whispers every doubt... The hopeful side is hanging tough, to me, it reaches out. You never know... I tell myself ...this may just be the one! The girl who keeps me by her side, instead of on the run! I hope to be the lucky guy who opens up your heart... Forget the end from which I came to see a better start. I'm thankful for the grace in which you've shown from day to day... I hope that you will be the one who takes this pain away. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Misty Morning Wishful Thinking... I wake up in the morning, the sunlight hits my eyes I grab a cup of coffee to break my sleepy ties... I open up the window, and breathe the cold fresh air... Another Misty morning, and wishing you were there. So far away, yet close within this weathered heart of mine- My thoughts are set on holding you and help me bide the time. The words you leave hanging in my head leave me with a smile... Another Misty morning... Think I'll stay a while. The boundaries between us, invisible, yet there... The miles that keep you distant, keep my heart aware. I know you're not available to heal my soul right now... Another Misty morning... You'll find a way somehow. I've never seen such beauty in a woman such as you... Always wear a pretty smile and do the things you do. I think of you and chase the dreams of what it's like to kiss... Another Misty morning that's filled with joy and bliss. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Myth Anger towards my soon-to-be EXwife. short version... Closure is elusive, it hides it's face from me. Running with the answers while it breeds uncertainty. The paths that line my troubled heart, are treacherous by far... Nothing I can say or do will hide this mental scar. Trust is but a word we use to sugarcoat our fears... You manipulated me with love and found those hidden tears. You left me in my darkest hour, and locked the inner door... Reminders are the photographs that lie upon my floor. Anger is the biggest thing that occupies my mind... Resentment in my quest for truth that you made hard to find. You took a word so beautiful and used it towards your gain... Who'd have thought that love would be the source behind my pain?! So now I'm left alone to cope with storms that rage within... Questions plague the hopeless world to which I'm living in. I wish that I could see the light that guides the world it's way... Something that would show me peace into my everyday. I pray the rain will wash away the stains you left behind... So I could see the better half of me I left behind. Is there such a thing called love, or is it just a myth? I'd like to know, and just let go of what I'm living with. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Obsession's Posession This is for an exgirlfriend who just didn't understand me anymore... You breathe for me, you think for me, obsession comes to mind... You say my lack of need for you has made your conscience blind. You borderline insanity when things don't go your way... But then you cross that fine thin line when my thoughts slip away. You say my presence fuels your need to see the sun again... Without me in your life you say your life would meet it's end. Obesession comes to mind you see, when my breath covers yours... Your footsteps fall into my own when crossing through life's doors. You cannot see without me there to tell you what you've seen... And if I don't explain my moves, my conscience won't come clean. It's just not fair that I am forced to do these things for you... And if I choose another trail, that you must go there too. Obsession is the chain I wear to keep you by my side... You shadow every move I make, from you, I cannot hide. The private time I used to have was raped when you came back... I wish that you would disappear so I'd get back on track. You suffocate me with concern for things not on my mind... You make my search for the cure of obsession hard to find! And yet, I can relate to it all, for the fact that you're obsessed... The paranoid thoughts of being alone that keep your mind posessed. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Taking Chances This is for anyone who is facing a relationship after a broken heart.. I wish that I could be the fly that rests upon your wall... A witness to the things unseen, a soul to bare it all. My fears can get the best of me while looking in your eyes... Just when things could go my way, I'm paranoid of lies. But who in hell could blame me for the things that I have seen? Surely you can understand my words for what they mean. I'm forced to take another chance to open up again... Not by you, but for the fact I need you as my friend. I wish that I could trust without the whispers in my mind... The voice of doubt that rings within, where trust is hard to find. My reasoning is driven by the painful cross I've worn... The center of my memories where all my thoughts are born. I want to get to know you-another chance to take... The time is near to face those fears, a choice that I must make. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Talking to Life This was written for life and my EXwife... You take me down, and spin me completely around, just to put me back up again. Your friend in need a friend indeed until the bitter end? The things you say...Events that play, and nothing's making sense. You're always quick to contradict my show of confidence... Why is pain, that's topped with blame, entwined with tragedy? It was evident that you'd invent a way to "let me see"... You're lies show through, reflecting you, for who you think you are. The days that we just don't agree will never get us far... Let's not pretend, that in the end, our friendship won't endure... My search to find within my mind the way to find the cure. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Without a Trace This is dedicated to an exgirlfriend down in Georgia... Taking off without a trace, or chance to turn our lives around... You called my name, with no response, gone without a sound. You made it so dmn difficult, when it was easy just the same... But now I'm not around to deal with all the mental pain. I tried my best to keep things from falling apart... But you did your very best to scar my battered heart. I'm on the road to nowhere, with somewhere on my mind... I don't think a replacement for you will be too dmn hard to find. The burden was lifted when ya walked out that open door... It's good not to see your spiteful face any more. I finally realized that you were never into love, or a friend... I'm definitely glad that we've reached the very end. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Legacy of Suffering This is dedicated to the one love that never was... The legacy of suffering's in what you've done to me... Along with every ounce of pain that comes with tragedy. The reign of thoughts that rule my mind have tainted what I know... I've crucified my strength and pride instead of letting go. The outcome of my fate is such to where I have no clue... I don't know where I'm at in life, for that, I'm thanking you. Not that everything's your fault, for this I take the blame... I gave in to the lies you told, and played your stupid game. And now I'm left with nothing but the taste of emptiness... I'm here alone, beside myself, encumbered by this mess. I've fallen short of everything you wished that I could be... Ashamed within for lack thereof of loving me for me. Who'd have thought that love could bring my life to such a halt? In introspect, I feel regret in knowing it's my fault. Closure has escaped again, I had it in my hands... The touch and feel of truth untold, that no one understands. You never saw the part of me that kept on reaching out... You assumed the worst to where assumptions led to doubt. So once again, I now begin this viscious train of thought... And there you go, you just let go-It's me that you forgot. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- One For those who have a time in finding closure... One year in the making... My tolerance for pain. Remembering the bittersweet taste of all the blame. One thousand miles seperates the love I had for you... Introspect is waiting for the chance to let me through. One more man who's in your life-the one who makes you see The better times in which we had, the better parts of me. One more chance forgotten, another painful fact... I'll never think of you again, nor am I looking back. One more day has slipped us by, and brought us tragedy... Reminders of the words exchanged, when love did not agree. One last thought has passed through this twisted mind of mine... Running from the pain within, and running out of time. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Addiction This is for those who know the pain of addiction Everytime I try to see, your answer makes me blind... Everytime you speak to me, I cannot clear my mind. Everytime I open up, you shut me down again... Everytime I start out new, you bring me to an end. Everytime I help myself, you help to bring me down. Everytime I listen up, you take away the sound. Evertime I find my way, you cross my path once more... Everytime I get back up, you push me to the floor. Everytime I try to breath, you start to suffocate... Everytime I shed the blame, you help to implicate. Everytime I close my eyes, you wake me with a scream... Everytime I mend within, you tear another seam. Everytime I try to quit, you shove it in my face... Everytime I find my peace, you're taking up my space. Everytime I think you're gone, you show your crooked grin... Everytime I find some hope, you cause me to cave in. Everytime I think I'm cured, you introduce disease... Everytime I feel some strength, you bring me to my knees. Everytime I ask for help, you prove my needs untrue. Everytime I lose myself, it's all because of you. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Being Selfish Your silence is attractive, It says alot to me... It paints a portrait of your life, and speaks of mystery. I've wondered who you really are, and what you like to do... I've thought alot about your eyes, yet unbeknownst to you. Your smile is captivating, and worth a second glance... Picture perfect, there you sit, while I sit in a trance. I float on every word you say, and love it when we speak... And dmn those eyes for seeking out-they make my knees go weak! Am I being selfish?! I'm glad to say I am... Leaning on your every word, yes, I'm your biggest fan! I search for words of wisdom, yet all I have is this... Another poem, another day, while dreaming of your kiss. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Consequence What happens when you speak before you think... Sometimes words are just better off left unspoken... Seems the promise of love will always be broken. Such a price to pay just to express what you feel... The consequence of words before thought is real. I search in vain for that one single clue So that I may one day actually dechiper you. Your mystery dominates your personality and definitely confuses what's left of my rationality... The consequence of speaking my mind Has left me defensless, rendered me blind. The one piece of the puzzle that I didn't see Was the fact that you are too far away from me. Not in the physical sense, by far... Yet you hide behind that emotional scar, And it will never fade like you think. In my hopless efforts for love, I drown, I sink. It's much too hard to navigate in the darkness in which we live... And too dmn easy to just let go, rather than to forgive, And there you go, pulling me by a chain... The consequence is my love and my pain. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Disease This is for someone with whom I witnessed addiction... The color drains from her face down her cheek in the form of a tear. Crumpled in a corner in some quiet space locked alone in her mind with fear. Her knuckles turn white against the wall as her fingers slip inside the cracks. Knowing dmn well she's gonna fall when her anxiety and thought attacks. She can't help but to wince when someone reaches out... It's been that way ever since her violent episodes with doubt. The void she speaks of is there empty, yet so full of pain... And she doesn't even really care if anyone points out that dmned stain. She knows it's there, patiently waiting to remind her of what she's seen... And the insanity it's been creating tells her that she'll never be clean. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Falling Insanity based on other people's assumptions.... It ain't right... That I made all the wrong dmn choices- Think I've lost my mind... I'm frozen. Paralyzed by this relentless fear. Lord knows I've tried... I'm still hearing those dmn voices. They say I've lost my mind... And I've chosen To pretend that I just can't hear. Sew me up... Sew me up cause I'm falling... Sew me up... Sew me up cause I'm falling apart at the seams. I don't mind... That they see what they want to see. Sometimes I question every word unspoken. I've seen the looks in their eyes. You won't find... None of the answers you seek in me. And all your promises remain broken... Set in stone-for all to see my demise. Pull me up... Pull me up cause I'm falling... Pull me up... Pull me up cause I'm falling into those wicked dreams. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mystery The mystery's inside of me, the words I cannot speak... Herein lies the clues you need for answers that you seek. Once again, you soothe my heart with words you try to say... You're the only one I know who takes the pain away. I love every single thing that makes you who you are... Unique is not the word for it, you're beautifully bizarre. You make my every reason for patience an absolute must... I'd wait that year and hold my breath in hopes to have your trust. I need your hand on top of mine, to say that's it's alright... I ache to feel your arms in mine, while walking in the night. How I feel is powerful... It's more than I could tell. Waiting for the moment that you think your heart is well. So many things from here to there await to stop this train... Along with fate, and lots of faith, our bond will meet the strain. The mystery is here within these jumbled words of mine... I'll wait that year and stick it out... They say you win with time. I hope that if you solve this piece, you'll still be at my side... I know that if I play this right our hearts will eventually collide. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Piece by piece She's taking off the mask she wears, slowly, day by day... Piece by piece, she watches as her pain is thrown away. Revealing so much more of who she really is inside... The person that she needs to be, a soul her mask can't hide. Patience is a virtue that she doesn't know just yet... I hope she learns from looking at the past she can't forget. Piece by piece she sheds her mask in hopes that she'll be fine... I hope she knows in doing this she'll find herself in time. Her smile has shown me so much more than she would ever say... I'm falling for that smile of hers more and more each day! I know she knows I think of her, and wonder how she feels? The answer lies within her heart that slowly she reveals... Her faith is in a new found hope that only few can see... And all that hope just rubs right off when sitting next to me. Her journey is a hard one, and destiny unknown... I'm always here to take her hand when she is there alone. One day soon she'll free her self completely from her chain... Piece by piece, she'll lose that mask, and be herself again. I only hope that when she does, I'll be around to see The person that she really is, I keep inside of me. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- She is the One She steals the very last thought on my mind, and runs with the words I wanted to say. She reveals the very last thing I thought I'd find. She's so unexpected, and takes my breath away... She holds the key to everything that's mysterious, and she knows it's what keeps me up at night. She unfolds bit by bit, just to keep me curious... Yet she remains an angel in startled flight. She knows that her silence speaks soft like a whisper... Leaving chills down the center of my painted back. She grows in my thoughts to the point where I miss her. When she's gone I can almost taste the panic attack. She tries to open up what's locked deep within, and release the strains of past memories. She cries from the frustration of where she's been, and the sight of things that no one else sees. She needs to know that I am always here for her even though she never asked me for my help... She bleeds silently, weeping from being so unsure of her destiny or how she'll free herself... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- State of Heart I never get to put in the full versions... Fleeting thoughts SHORT I look at all the time that's past, and yet you're still the same. You run from every fear inside while I embrace the pain. I've learned so much from having spent this time away from you. And yet the lonliness I feel just bleeds its way on through. No one asked if things were good, or if I needed help. I chose the things I had to do, and did them for myself. I'd like to say I found the one, but here I am alone. My state of mind is better now, but state of heart unknown. I try to think of something else to occupy my mind... But closure is a shadow here, and very hard to find. I thought I had it once before, but I was just a fool... Believing in the things you said when words were just your tool. The closet that's been locked inside has opened wide again... Unleashing pain that once was dead, and buried deep within. Reminders show me reasons why I'm still in life alone... My state of mind is better, yet state of heart unknown. Now I'm left to wonder what this life is holding next... Nothing that's as simple as the words in basic text. At least I've proved to everyone just how much I've grown... My state of mind is better now, but state of heart unknown. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Surfacing I am not the bandwagon kind of guy... I mold my own. I am me. I have no one to turn to... There's no where else to run. Every seam that keeps me here has torn and come undone. There are no second chances when taking that last step... There are no lessons to be learned or secrets to be kept. They never scratched the surface of who I was inside... The only people I could trust and all this time they've lied! Surfacing for one last time to show what they have missed Rising up to prove to all the sun can still be kissed. Taking chances, risking all to overcome my fears... Every word I've tried to say has fallen on deaf ears. So now I'm on my own in this and fight the uphill climb... Striving for accomplishment against the hands of time. Struggling as I make the grade to show them who I am... One last breath then I explode from proving that I can. Surfacing for one last time before I settle down... Close my eyes, and disappear from life without a sound. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Touched Within When you come near, I suffocate, you take my breath away... Choking on the words I've found, yet don't know how to say. Everytime you look at me my heart begins to grin... Don't know what to say except you've touched me deep within. Fascinated by the way your life resembles mine... Praying for another day so we can share some time. Opened up and spilled it out-the things you hear from me... Saying things I've never said to anyone, you see. And here I am, an average guy who's bent on seeing you... And there you are, I don't know why you see the things you do. Sometimes, I want to pinch myself, ensuring that you're real... My dreams can't even hold a match to how you make me feel! A hug alone from you's enough to send me in a spin... Don't know what to say except you've touched me deep within. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What's this for?! This is for the one who sees the pain I've felt inside... This is for the only girl from which my thoughts can't hide. This is for the warmth I feel whenever she is near... This is for the flood of hope that channels out my fear. This is for the emptiness that is no longer there... This is for the risk I'll take to show her that I care. This is for the people that have warned her in advance... This is for the that girl again, who's given me that chance. This is for the jealousy that others have of me... This is for the only one who sees the things I see. This is for the thankfulness I give to God each night... This is for the angel that has given me her sight. This is for the things she says that leave me with a smile... This is for the faith I have, for her to walk that mile. This is for the simple fact I needed this to be... This is for the flames that burn for her inside of me. This is for the feeling that I know she feels the same... This is for the light she brings, and darkness she has slain. This is for the countless words I know that she will read... This is for the better part, the other half I need. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Window to her past The window to your past is but a pane of MEMORIES... The broken glass you write about are folks you couldn't please. When you reached back and cut your hand, it didn't bleed too bad... It SEEMED to be the worst of cuts because your heart was SAD. The wound you thought would never heal was just your STATE OF MIND... The scars it left are painful thoughts you CHOSE to leave behind. You've gone so far, you THINK you're lost, and yet you've moved AHEAD. The numbing pain that you describe is only IN YOUR HEAD. Instead of praying for your end, THANK God that you are here... Then you'll find RELEASE in life, and help to ease your fear. LET IT GO, the cross you wear, the burden that you feel... I've LISTENED to the things you've said, and KNOW that you are real. You know just how to FREE YOURSELF, now all you do is TRY. That window's ALWAYS there my friend, so let those feelings die... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Please remember what's BELOW Copyright ©2004 Michael Andreas Beckham Any use UNauthorized by AUTHOR will cause that A$$ to get SUED royally ;)... Hope ya enjoyed!