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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Is It Ever Ok or Is It Just Plain Rude      Home login  
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 Midnight_Mystic
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 1
Is It Ever Ok or Is It Just Plain RudePage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Was wondering both male and female thoughts on rudeness. What I mean by that is...you agree to meet someone, perhaps you have been chatting a short time or maybe talking on the phone for quite some time. You meet at a specific place and say hi...then with another word they just vanish, no other words are spoken.

Is that ever OK? Should one at least have a coffee and chat for 20 min and then say thank you but I don't feel we have anything in common? Shake hands and go on their merry way? We are all adults and can deal with not being everyone's type. I have both male and female friends who have admitted to me that they have done this. What is popular opinion??
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 2
Is It Ever Ok or Is It Just Plain Rude
Posted: 8/31/2009 12:15:39 PM
I'm finding this unclear. You mean they greet you and leave on the spot, or, you don't hear from them again after the meet?
 Midnight_Mystic
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 3
Is It Ever Ok or Is It Just Plain Rude
Posted: 8/31/2009 12:17:18 PM
No they meet say hi, pretend they have a call or going to the washroom and just leave. The other person is just standing there waiting for them to return.
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 4
Is It Ever Ok or Is It Just Plain Rude
Posted: 8/31/2009 12:26:28 PM
Wow. No, that isn't okay at all. There are just a very few exceptions - their date lied in a big way about his/her appearance and/or sex; date greeted them with a crotch-grab; date is obviously very drunk, high on cocaine, etc.; or they actually were kidnapped in the washroom... but, assuming the other party was who and what they'd purported to be and didn't immediately do anything severely appalling by any standard, no, this is bad behavior.

It can be really hard to say to someone, "I'm sorry, I don't think this would work, and I'd rather just leave than waste any more of your time," or some equivalent, but, aside from taking the other person into account, it also feels better later to have done that rather than to have been both cowardly and rude.
 SoccerNerd78
Joined: 7/23/2008
Msg: 5
Is It Ever Ok or Is It Just Plain Rude
Posted: 8/31/2009 12:28:23 PM
We've become bitter, skinless mimics of our former selves. We used to be cool and talk to everyone and give everyone a fair chance. Now we are failures at life's simple interactions.

These are the people that ask "How much is that thing in the window?" not because they like it or want to buy it. They just want to know. It's all perception.

When they hear, "$5" Oh that's too cheap, I don't want to be seen buying that.

When they hear "$34.99" Oh, it's reasonable, but it doesn't come in (insert color,texture,etc.)

When they hear "$1,000" Oh, that's too much, but maybe I'll ask to try it on or hold it, etc.

Same goes with people unfortunately. Substitute descriptions and personalities for that item in the window and voila! Same thing!
 SnarkMeister
Joined: 6/24/2009
Msg: 6
Is It Ever Ok or Is It Just Plain Rude
Posted: 8/31/2009 12:29:06 PM
You say this like it's happened on multiple occasions. If that's the case you really need to reevaluate what you're doing. The occasional nut (we're beyond rude here) is one thing, but if it's happening repeatedly the problem is really with you. You're not screening carefully. And one wonders if your profile is an accurate portrayal of the real you.
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 7
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Is It Ever Ok or Is It Just Plain Rude
Posted: 8/31/2009 12:29:25 PM

Is It Ever Ok or Is It Just Plain Rude
Yes. When people turn up and are not who they claimed to be or have misrepresented who they are.
 MizBexReturns
Joined: 8/19/2009
Msg: 8
Is It Ever Ok or Is It Just Plain Rude
Posted: 8/31/2009 12:33:41 PM
Well what this person did was rude and childish. If there was something he was not pleased with, as unpleasant as the truth maybe he could have told you and at least you would know. On the other hand, and I am NOT saying this was the case with you, but if someone has been misleading in their pictures or lied about their appearance often people get so upset that they feel the person who fudged their apprearance doesn't really deserve the dignity of the truth because they were dishonest. I am not saying that is right, but it is what certain people believe.
 Write Time
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 9
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Is It Ever Ok or Is It Just Plain Rude
Posted: 8/31/2009 12:34:18 PM
It's not OK to treat people like that. It *is* rude.

That said, I think the Internet has made us all a lot less courteous than we used to be. I still like to believe that's there's no excuse for bad manners. For too many people, however, there seems to be no viable alternative.
 ForumFilly
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 10
Is It Ever Ok or Is It Just Plain Rude
Posted: 8/31/2009 12:39:12 PM
I can't imagine it ever being okay to just walk out on someone, because they aren't what you find attractive. I've read where some people have done this when the other person has been disingenuous about their appearance... much older or heavier than their photos show them to be. I, myself, would never just leave someone waiting without a word. If I have enough interest to meet them in the first place, I would most certainly be able to spend 30 minutes talking with them in person. Not everyone is going to be a romantic match. That doesn't make them any less worthy of being treated properly.

If you find they lied about their appearance and used a deceptive photo and it upsets you enough that you do not want to continue with the meet, at least have the decency to tell the person, as opposed to just disappearing. Talk about a cowardly act!
 brown_eyed_woman
Joined: 8/31/2008
Msg: 11
Is It Ever Ok or Is It Just Plain Rude
Posted: 8/31/2009 12:39:32 PM
To me, the only time that would be acceptable is if you turned up, and looked nothing like you represented yourself. I stayed for an entire drink with a man who showed up 30 years older than his profile (newbie mistake, first online meet ever). I sat there and I will never get that hour back, wasted on a man who lied and tricked me. Never again. If it ever happens again, I would say Hi and leave immediatly. Staying to explain why I would be disapointed in a liar is redundant.

I cant think of any other reason to do that to someone...so, if you showed up as expected, Id say it was rude to bolt like that.
 guyd42
Joined: 10/13/2008
Msg: 12
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Is It Ever Ok or Is It Just Plain Rude
Posted: 8/31/2009 12:54:27 PM
"You meet at a specific place and say hi...then with another word they just vanish, no other words are spoken."

Is it ok? Of course not but what can you expect when people lose all their life skills after spending way too much time "online" or texting instead of developing real relationships?
 Happily Ever...maybe
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 13
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Is It Ever Ok or Is It Just Plain Rude
Posted: 8/31/2009 1:44:58 PM
Its never difficult in my opinion to treat other people in the same fashion I would want to be treated in return. I can always spare 20-30 minutes for a person who is nice and genuine, even if they aren't necessarily what I'm looking for in a dating partner. Yes, the exception is the people who lie about their appearance, age, whatever, but even then I won't just duck out the back. I'll call them on their BS and say that I'm sorry but they clearly misrepresented themselves and given that, I lack any desire to know them further. Who knows, maybe they'll learn a lesson for next time. But leaving another human being sitting there while you went out the backdoor when you said you were going to the bathroom!? That's not just rude, its cruel; imagine how you would feel sitting there waiting for someone who isn't coming back? It might seem a little awkward to tell a person you aren't interested, but in the long run, chances are they'll appreciate the honesty. And you'll feel better for having done the right thing.
 pirateheaven
Joined: 5/11/2008
Msg: 14
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Is It Ever Ok or Is It Just Plain Rude
Posted: 8/31/2009 1:52:25 PM

No they meet say hi, pretend they have a call or going to the washroom and just leave. The other person is just standing there waiting for them to return.


That is just cowardly. Why can't you just slap the man and throw your drink in his face like well mannered women used to do?
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 15
Is It Ever Ok or Is It Just Plain Rude
Posted: 8/31/2009 1:53:06 PM
No, that is not OK.
 farceur
Joined: 5/3/2009
Msg: 16
Is It Ever Ok or Is It Just Plain Rude
Posted: 8/31/2009 2:07:35 PM
The nature of being rude is that it's not OK from the point of view of the person to whom it is done, but it does suit the person who is being rude. It's always OK to the rude person, and never OK to whom they offend. Well, almost always and never. Is it ever fun to be miserable?
 Midnight_Mystic
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 17
Is It Ever Ok or Is It Just Plain Rude
Posted: 8/31/2009 2:20:48 PM
This I posted because I have a friend who does this often to men she meets. She says it has been done to her on several occasions so she feels its ok... I disagree with her. I think they deserve to know why... we are not compatible, you are nothing like your profile, or something...if nothing else, they may learn to be truthful.....constructive criticism....
 SnarkMeister
Joined: 6/24/2009
Msg: 18
Is It Ever Ok or Is It Just Plain Rude
Posted: 8/31/2009 2:25:37 PM
You need better friends.
 chris755
Joined: 2/21/2009
Msg: 19
Is It Ever Ok or Is It Just Plain Rude
Posted: 8/31/2009 3:15:46 PM
lol...not laughing at you

we live in a text only society...what this equates to is people lack social skills.

Not everyone fits into this category but there are enough of them out there.

There are a group of people out there that only collect phone numbers that they will never dial.

They read messages that never will never be answered.

just roll with it
its rude but at the end of the day be glad you found that character flaw early.
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 20
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Is It Ever Ok or Is It Just Plain Rude
Posted: 8/31/2009 3:30:20 PM
pretty darned rude. it's a freakin cowardly lie that's totally unnecessary.

the formula is simple. uncomfortably direct for many, but simple: 'i'm sorry, i don't think this is going to work, so goodbye and good luck.'

there! honest, civil, brief, and everyone can immediately go on living their life.
 viva_vegas
Joined: 8/14/2009
Msg: 21
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Is It Ever Ok or Is It Just Plain Rude
Posted: 8/31/2009 3:55:31 PM

You meet at a specific place and say hi...then with another word they just vanish, no other words are spoken.


Yes, I've done it. The girl looked nothing like her photo. I excused myself to use the restroom and left. She got exactly what she deserved.
 fitandfun78
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 22
Is It Ever Ok or Is It Just Plain Rude
Posted: 8/31/2009 4:06:40 PM
Your friend is creating terrible karma for herself, and karma gives an awfully hard kick in the a$$ when your time comes due. How horribly rude of her ... it's hard enough for some people to muster-up the courage to go out and meet someone, let alone to have that person be a total DOUCHE to them by leaving in this manner.

Your friend deserves every bit of misery she encounters in her dating experiences for acting this way towards others.
 whowhatchamacilit
Joined: 8/14/2009
Msg: 23
Is It Ever Ok or Is It Just Plain Rude
Posted: 8/31/2009 4:43:13 PM
It is only ok if they are carrying an uzie. Even then, I would call the police so at least SOMEONE was showing up to meet them!
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 24
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Is It Ever Ok or Is It Just Plain Rude
Posted: 8/31/2009 4:53:02 PM
OP: I agree that it's not polite; but there's often no point in maintaining a pretense if there is no "click" between two people. It's cool if two people can have a polite cup of coffee together knowing that they're not going to go any further than that; but it's not realistic to expect that all daters are that poised and socially skilled. Rather than sitting there in awkward silence, it's probably better for some to make a quick exit. It was a minimal investment, so it's a minimal loss.
 aaamm
Joined: 7/5/2009
Msg: 25
Is It Ever Ok or Is It Just Plain Rude
Posted: 8/31/2009 5:16:45 PM
Did your friend say she liked having it done to her? Did she say how she felt when it was done to her? If she wasn't hurt or didn't feel at least miffed by this, I also think you need new friends.

Off topic **Nice new pics Gwen!**
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