| Men like the chase?
Posted: 8/31/2009 4:53:14 PM | I met a great guy on another site. We've been together almost a year. He called every day, multiple times just to say hello, treated me with the utmost respect and was a perfect gentleman. We had our ups and downs like everyone else.
Mostly, I pushed him away though. I would not return his calls, tell him I would call and wouldn't, and when he wanted to see me I sometimes had an excuse. I was snotty and acted like he was bothering me when he called sometimes. We live about an hour apart, so we could not see each other frequently, only on the weekends for the most part.
I broke up with him after about 8 months, and after 3 weeks of not talking he texted me and I could not believe he still cared. We got back together in July, and I have realized how great he is. He has stuck by me through alot of crap, and I have hurt him more than once, and he kept coming back.
So now I have calmed down a bit and starting to trust him. Don't need to test him anymore. Answering the phone when he calls, initiating calls and texts, talking nice to him, making time to see him. I was finally falling in love with him and starting to feel comfortable, letting my guard down.
So yesterday, he tells me that he feels like he's not the right guy for me, that he can't make me happy! Even through the "breakup" he remains kind and never says a bad or mean word to me.
My question is - once I stopped pushing him away was when he stopped chasing and responding to me. All of a sudden he wants out. Could it be that he liked the challenge, the chase? When I broke up with him 3 months ago he showed up on my doorstep crying and begging me not to go. Now all of a sudden he's leaving me for my own good??? BTW definitely not another woman involved.
Also, should I try to contact him? He said he wants to remain friends. Is he testing me this time? | |
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| Men like the chase?
Posted: 8/31/2009 4:59:58 PM | Maybe he finally realized he deserved something better than someone who played games and treated him with the upmost of disrespect. Let him go and be happy.
Can't help but find some irony in part of your username... | |
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| Men like the chase?
Posted: 8/31/2009 5:03:42 PM | | That's the point. I was done with the games, and the pushing away. I was giving him the respect he so deserved for the past 2 months. Everything was great as far as I was concerned. This is when he left. | |
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| Men like the chase?
Posted: 8/31/2009 5:04:34 PM | Yep, I suspect that he is thinking about you pushing him away in the past and thinking that there really isnt mutual interest...from what you say, I dont think there is....
Normal guys will not pursue unless there is mutual interest....
"Nice guys" are the exception and will steam roll you without regard... | |
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| Men like the chase?
Posted: 8/31/2009 5:08:51 PM |
"once I stopped pushing him away was when he stopped chasing and responding to me."
Entirely possible this is just coincidence, or some random event (that you dont know about) changed his mind, or he's got psychological problems... could be any bajillion reasons (one of which might be that he does actually like the chase. but is it for healthy reasons?). He broke up with you - ask him. Course, you may not get a 100% honest answer,.. so... | |
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| Men like the chase?
Posted: 8/31/2009 5:10:21 PM | Could be he just liked the chase... could be that he remembered all the hoops you made him jump through the first time around and didn't appreciate it.
Could be neither, who knows? | |
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| Men like the chase?
Posted: 8/31/2009 5:14:23 PM | sweetie, this is how relationships go when you're a teenager. that whole dance of approach and evade. you're both young, just move on to the next person.
oh wait ... you're 43. well, good luck with that. | |
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| Men like the chase?
Posted: 8/31/2009 5:16:44 PM | Here's a piece of advice. Hope you listen to it. Relationships that start on false premises will end the same way.
If you started the relationship and told him that you had sensitivity and trust issues to begin with then either one of two things would have happened.
1. He would have understanded and built his love and trust in you in the same manor hopefully for a long lasting healthy relationship.
or
2. He would have been the loser that liked the chase only and you could have easily gotten rid of him for some other great guy that would have been a better choice.
Ask yourself what you are really attractive to? Some women deny it, but they like the immature jerks that play these types of games. Others will grow up and look for the stable and mature guy that keeps her happy in the long run. Make your choice and go with it. Hopefully you've grown up from this experience.
Tye | |
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| Men like the chase?
Posted: 8/31/2009 5:16:55 PM | I just think farceur's comment is right on the money.
It also just seems ... what's the word: Myopic ... Naive ... Self-centered ... to think that your logical time line has anything to do with someone else's emotional time line. This sounds roughly like, hey, I treated him like crap for 8 (frickn') months and he kept coming back and then I was nice to him for a while .... and then you point to some obscure little dynamic like "men enjoy the chase" to explain your own distrust of men. What is this, really, an excuse to treat the next guy like crap for eight months under the permission you give yourself to do it ... "hey, men like the chase ... so let's make 'em sweat a little." I just think if your logic wasn't so self-absorbed you'd see there might be other interpretations available. | |
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| Men like the chase?
Posted: 8/31/2009 5:25:57 PM | | Ok, ok, so you guys have sucessfully ripped me to shreds...LOL. And (of course) it is not all black and white. I had my reasons for behaving the way I did, not saying it was right. And thanks for the kicks in the a$$, I needed that! | |
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| Men like the chase?
Posted: 8/31/2009 6:26:03 PM |
Ok, ok, so you guys have sucessfully ripped me to shreds...LOL. And (of course) it is not all black and white. I had my reasons for behaving the way I did, not saying it was right. And thanks for the kicks in the a$$, I needed that!
Frankly, at your age, to even consider playing such BS games would suggest to me that you have some major issues. And Sweetie, women like you don't just all of a sudden give up playing games. Further, no matter what you say, there are NO legitimate reasons for someone to treat a partner the way you did. Again, the fact that you seem to think that your actions were in some way justified, also lends itself to the you-have-issues theory.
It sounds like the guy wised up, found his self esteem, and moved on. GOOD FOR HIM!!  Leave him alone and get some counseling. | |
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| Men like the chase?
Posted: 8/31/2009 6:48:39 PM | | Me, i hate the chase, its dishonest. Honesty is the best policy. | |
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| Men like the chase?
Posted: 8/31/2009 6:52:46 PM |
had my reasons for behaving the way I did
That is a cop out and with that attitude, I would not be suprised if you keep running across the same result. | |
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| Men like the chase?
Posted: 8/31/2009 7:06:54 PM | Well, it sounds as though both of you got what you deserved, both during and after the childish cat-and-mouse game you described.
vvv EDIT:vvv
Well, it seems as though the guy was a willing participant, so the way I see it, they deserved each other, and they both deserved what was coming to them, equally.
I agree that there's a strange symmetry to this scenario. | |
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| Men like the chase?
Posted: 8/31/2009 7:08:24 PM | Does anyone else see the unbridled irony in the OP's SN?
Frankly, I have very little encouragement to give you after what you did to this guy. You totally played with him. You toyed with his heart and his emotions. He realized you were toying with him all this time ..
Contact him if you want. But be prepared to eat massive MASSIVE amounts of crow. You owe him a deep apology. | |
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| Men like the chase?
Posted: 8/31/2009 7:19:18 PM | | Obviously, while you are acting like a 16 year old he gave you the benefit of the doubt that IF you would ever get your sh!t together, you would be worth dating. Hence, he continued to come back assuming that eventually you would grow up. However, when reality hit and you finally came around to acting like a normal person 8 months later, he realized you weren't that great even when acting "normal". In other words, there were no more excuses he could make for you and he did the right thing by moving on. | |
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| Men like the chase?
Posted: 8/31/2009 7:20:19 PM | | my favorite saying-------Dont make someone a priority when they only think of you as a choice | |
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| Men like the chase?
Posted: 8/31/2009 8:13:47 PM | Men like the chase, but the chase has nothing to do with your situation. Men like to pursue and win over women who challenge, tease, evade, maneuvre and intrigue. You just treated him like dirt. There's a big difference.
He's not leaving you for your own good, he's leaving you for his own good. He sounds like a good man, and you hurt him. If you have any decency at all, let him go.
Also, he's not testing you. Testing people is a foolish, childish game. I think he just doesn't want to be with you. | |
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| Men like the chase?
Posted: 8/31/2009 10:22:49 PM | An old saying goes: If you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got...  | |
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| Men like the chase?
Posted: 8/31/2009 10:30:27 PM | | I'm not so sure about that old saying. Say you always used to go down to the corner to buy a newspaper, and got one, and brought it home. Then one day when you went there the newsstand was gone and in its place was a vending machine that sold soda pop. You could keep doing what you had always done, going down to the corner, but it would no longer get you what you had always got, since there were no newspapers to be had. It's like sex. If you went down to the corner for sex and one day she wasn't there, you'd go home alone, and without even a newspaper. | |
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