| saying to me "ever dated a black man?"
Posted: 8/31/2009 7:14:00 PM | Every single black man who has messaged me has said "ever dated a black man?"
I dont get it..
I answer "I have dated a green one..why is there a difference?"
I really do not understand what they mean..is it a "selling" point..??
TANTRA. | |
|
| saying to me ever dated a black man?
Posted: 8/31/2009 7:27:39 PM | When someone outside your race is considering dating you, that's something that they're curious about. It can be that they're concerned how it would affect your family, or even you for that matter.
I've been asked that and have had no problem answering them honestly.
What I do have a problem with is someone asking if you have sex with them aka "Do you have jungle fever"- I remember a man asked me that when I was working once, and was utterly repulsed. | |
|
| saying to me ever dated a black man?
Posted: 8/31/2009 7:30:33 PM | There's no hidden message behind it Tantra
They don't want to be your experiment. I get asked that as well--and I don't get insulted. The person asking just wants to make sure that you're comfortable with them being a black man and that you realize that others might not be.
Don't read anything into it--say either yes or no. | |
|
| |
| saying to me ever dated a black man?
Posted: 8/31/2009 7:34:12 PM | I would agree with the previous posts. Unfortunately in the world we live in, interracial relationships sometimes are not easy for a variety of reasons.
I think that there are a variety of reasons that he may have asked you this. If it was me, I would nicely ask him why the question, and explain to him that you would like to know what prompted him to ask. | |
|
| saying to me ever dated a black man?
Posted: 8/31/2009 7:40:31 PM | In your case, this might be partly because they haven't really read your profile (which I thought was a lot of fun, BTW) and are trying to get a fix on your ethnicity.
But yeah, mostly they just want to know the answer, simple as that. | |
|
| saying to me ever dated a black man?
Posted: 8/31/2009 7:42:53 PM | | OP I get this a lot too. Mainly cause nobody can tell what the heck I am. Even after I tell people I'm part black, they still ask me it. I find it hilarious. | |
|
| saying to me ever dated a black man?
Posted: 8/31/2009 7:52:13 PM | I see this as a valid question.
Some people are really iffy on interracial dating. And getting the elephant in the room examined right away is a good option. If less than subtle.
Most of the woman I've approached have been black, but I've had a couple of nice conversations and interest with others as well. I never saw fit to ask this, because I figured if she messaged back, there must not be a problem. | |
|
| saying to me ever dated a black man?
Posted: 8/31/2009 8:04:04 PM | oK yes ty ppl..this makes more sense...
It never occured to me that they may have been in situations where OTHERS were uncomfortable like family etc(because I pay little attention to race..job..looks etc)..which may be either open or narrow of me I guess
and yes they may wonder what the heck I am??
ahahahha
IT is TURK gypsy...Apache and Kongo with a little Highlander in there...
TANTRA | |
|
| saying to me ever dated a black man?
Posted: 8/31/2009 8:43:01 PM | | I get that from a lot of white guys on here also. Well actually, they usually ask me if I am interested in dating a white guy. So try not to read too much into it. Not everyone is interested in dating outside their race so the question means exactly what it says. | |
|
| saying to me ever dated a black man?
Posted: 8/31/2009 9:46:38 PM | | i've had a few black men send me emails but only one who have asked me that. i'm mostly polynesian with a fraction asian indian. they seemed to me have all been pleasant in their email. the one that asked that question i didn't think negatively of, not out of line at all, or any negative connotation | |
|
| saying to me ever dated a black man?
Posted: 8/31/2009 9:57:06 PM | Good Lord, its not the end of the world Tantra, as another poster said maybe its because of the interracial thing, who knows, for some it could be insecurity, some it could be a legitimate question.
And you're trying to tell me every black man has asked you that question? where are these guys from , some village in Africa trying to come to Canada?
Im betting the farm on this one, if you asked them why they are asking , they might actually tell you the reason ?
just a thought. | |
|
| saying to me ever dated a black man?
Posted: 8/31/2009 11:09:46 PM | I get asked that alot. I say "no" and they go on and on about it.
Ok I want to be careful of how I say things as I get along with most people. But I feel it's just not my preference. I am not really into rap, hip hop, that kind of culture.
I can see, OP, where you may feel uncomfortable. | |
|
| saying to me ever dated a black man?
Posted: 8/31/2009 11:42:53 PM | I get asked that a lot too. I am always slightly startled by it. But then I see posts like this:
I get asked that alot. I say "no" and they go on and on about it.
And then I remember why they feel the need to ask.
No judgment Barbee. I mean that sincerely. Everyone has a preference. Some are more diverse than others...
OP, I am glad you have a better understanding about it. | |
|
| saying to me ever dated a black man?
Posted: 9/1/2009 12:25:15 AM | I've been asked "have you ever dated a white woman?" by POF users before.
OP, unlike some of the earlier posters, I don't necessarily think it would be so harmless all the time. It could be people who see you as a potential novelty, and it could also be from someone who genuinely is interested and wants to see if the difference is an issue for you. It depends. But you can get a much better idea of which by looking at all the other stuff they say in their profile or in their emails.
When a woman says to me "Have you ever dated a white girl?" And in her profile she has a picture focused on her butt, I know it's a silly curious white woman who watches too much tv. If that question came up as a follow up to other questions that were of more substance, I probably wouldn't think much of it.
So on the flip side, if a dude says "ever dated a black man?" to you, and he has nothing else of substance to say, then it's probably safe to say he's trolling for white chicks and has issues with black women. If the tone is one where it just seems like harmless curiosity, he's interested in you and wants no early misunderstandings.
And Pitch, with your main pic it's hard to see why some folks wouldn't guess that you're at least part black. I'm curious if you get the "novelty" vibe in your inbox sometimes. .... just one man's opinion. | |
|
| saying to me ever dated a black man?
Posted: 9/1/2009 4:47:31 AM | Interesting.
Are they initial messages or questions down the line?
It is a important question if the woman has never interracially dated before.
I've dated this one woman that had never dated a black man before. It wasn't an issue for her, but it was for her friends and family.
Her "best friend" was pretty much a racist and it impacted their friendship to the point where she threaten "smack her in her racist mouth".
OP, dating someone that has dated black men before is a lot different than being someones "first" interracial date. | |
|
| saying to me ever dated a black man?
Posted: 9/1/2009 5:21:47 AM |
Ok I want to be careful of how I say things as I get along with most people. But I feel it's just not my preference. I am not really into rap, hip hop, that kind of culture. there's a ignorant statement if ive ever heard one, now i know how my friend Tony feels, yikessssss, My buddy Tony is of Italian descent, owns a Construction company and the first thing some women say to him is? are you in the Mob/Mafia or are you related to any Mobsters, which he isnt.
Barbee, you think all black people are into hip/hop, and goes around busting a cap in people's asses because its our culture? Good Lord | |
|
| saying to me ever dated a black man?
Posted: 9/1/2009 5:36:15 AM | Yes I agree! there is good and bad in every race. We shouldn't paint everyone with the same brush! There are a lot of white people into rap these days too!  | |
|
| saying to me ever dated a black man?
Posted: 9/1/2009 6:25:46 AM | | LOL. LMFAO. I FIND IT HARD TO BELIEVE THAT EVERY AFRICAN AMERICAN HAS ASKED YOU THAT. BUT POF SHOULD HAVE SOMETHING THAT YOU CAN PUT ON YOUR PROFILE THAT SAYS WHAT RACE YOU WOULD PREFER. I KNOW PEOPLE PUT WHAT RACE THEY WONT DATE, AND FRANKLY THAT IS JUST DOWN RIGHT WRONG. YOU ARE LOOKING TO MEET AND GREET. YOU NEVER KNOW WHO YOU MIGHT FALL IN LOVE WITH OR JUST BECOME FRIENDS. THIS SITE HAS BECOME ENTERTAINMENT AT BEST,LOL. SO MANY PEOPLE LIE ABOUT ANYTHING. MY GOD LADIES , PLEASE TELL YOUR REALL AGE. BECAUSE MOST OF YOU DONT OR ARE ASHAMED OF IT. REMEMBER NOT ALL WOMEN WHO LIKE HIP HOP AND R&B LIKE AFRICAN AMERICAN MEN. AND NOT ALL WOMEN WHO DONT LIKE IT MIGHT LIKE AFRICAN AMERICAN MEN. JUST MY OPINION. | |
|
| saying to me ever dated a black man?
Posted: 9/1/2009 6:50:51 AM | If they're asking you this question in their initial contact that's pretty silly if you ask me. I've done nothing BUT interracial dating most of my life, and the only time I ever asked that question was down the line after several dates when the topic of past relationships comes up. 
In the beginning, they should just be interested in knowing if the two of you have the potential to CONNECT, i.e. do you have similar interests, do you even find them attractive, are they able to capture your attention, etc. Whether a person has dated zero, one or one hundred of your race provides no guarantee/reassurance that they are going to date YOU. 
So I just try to get to know the person by striking up some conversation, and they'll usually let me know pretty quickly if dating a black man is outside of their preference zone. If it is, so be it, no harm no foul. But if they're down...   | |
|
| saying to me ever dated a black man?
Posted: 9/1/2009 6:55:28 AM | Dre, would of killed you not to type in CAPS, you know thats considered shouting right?
second
I KNOW PEOPLE PUT WHAT RACE THEY WONT DATE, AND FRANKLY THAT IS JUST DOWN RIGHT WRONG. YOU ARE LOOKING TO MEET AND GREET. YOU NEVER KNOW WHO YOU MIGHT FALL IN LOVE I dont agree with that, you attracted to what your attracted to, plain and simple , now dismissing a race because of bigotry is one thing, not attracted to particular race because youre not attracted to them is another. | |
|
| saying to me ever dated a black man?
Posted: 9/1/2009 7:09:33 AM | Hmm . . . I have had black men email me and ask if I have ever had sex with a black man, but I don't recall that one ever asked if I have dated a black man.
When they ask the sex question, it is usually followed by: "If you haven't, I want to be your first."
To paraphrase Gertrude Stein, " A penis is a penis is a penis is a penis is a penis is a penis is a penis." | |
|
| saying to me ever dated a black man?
Posted: 9/1/2009 7:14:26 AM | | Well you are right and wrong.I think you know what I am talking about, at least I think lol. A lot of women of non color think that african american men desire them more than our own, just a fact. When you put on here that you only want a certain racial group to contact you its down right racist at best. I am not talking about dating, i could care less, but when you talk about just someone just talking wel thats wrong. Remember they put no black men can contact them, and yeah it says dating but hell not all here for that some are here to just to chat and thats wrong. One thing that women of non color are and thats curious, but the other thing that they are, is scared of ridicule. | |
|
| saying to me ever dated a black man?
Posted: 9/1/2009 7:32:48 AM | I hear what you're saying Dre, but my philosophy is, if some woman doesn't want to talk to me because im black so be it, no skin of my ass, nor do I care.... to me that shows how ignorant a person is if they say that, and why would I waste my time with someone who is ignorant when there are wonderful people in the world I can associate with.
Ive tried talking to black women who ends up telling me they dont want to talk to black men too, to that I say ciao, see ya, later, buh byeeeeeeee, no need to get upset, down or angry, ignorance is ignorance not matter what color the skin or ethnicity
Those people are doing me the favor with their ignorance, it allows me to concentrate on the good people out there. | |
|
| saying to me ever dated a black man?
Posted: 9/1/2009 7:53:54 AM | Whenever any black man emails me, they always ask if I have dated a man of color before. Always.
I never respond, as it does not matter who I have dated before, white, blue or black and I wont answer that question to a stranger.
What I would prefer to be asked, is whether or not thier profile interests me, and let me determine if I feel he is dateable based on how he presents himself here, like all the other men on POF.
I totally know the reasons he would ask, but that doesnt mean I agree with any of them, and I find that question really tacky...no matter what color the man is asking...and yes, I have had white men ask me if I ever dated black men-I assume they are racist and would not want to date a woman who has dated a black man. Those also go to the bin.
Pretty much anyone who refers to race right off the hop, goes to the bin. | |
|
Home
login 
