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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Why do women try to make men feel quilty?      Home login  
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 Passionate Gent
Joined: 5/2/2009
Msg: 1
Why do women try to make men feel quilty?Page 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
If a woman feels hurt through something said or done by a man, why does she try to make the man feel guilty for it?

If your feelings are the result of external circumstances, or what people say about you, how can you direct your life in a constructive way? A man might be totally clueless that's he's done anything wrong, yet he's given the third degree as though he's committed the unpardonable sin, is that fair?

No one should make another person responsible for how they feel, since everyone has the ability to control what they feel.

If a person refuses to accept responsibility for their feelings, and learn how to control what they feel, they're nothing more than a leaf in the wind, at the whim of circumstances - like a puppet on a string.

Are you willing to acknowledge that your feelings are your own and that they’re entirely your responsibility? Trying to make a man guilty for how you feel is just plain wrong...
 *topchef*
Joined: 8/2/2008
Msg: 2
Why do women try to make men feel quilty?
Posted: 8/31/2009 8:11:29 PM
No one can make another feel guily, unless they are guilty.


Are you willing to acknowledge that your feelings are your own and that they’re entirely your responsibility?


I am perfectly willing to acknowledge this, so why wouldnt we expect the same of any man who feels guilty. Isnt that his feelings that should be acknowledged. If he isnt guilty, nothing she could say should make him feel that way.
 IllBurHukleBry
Joined: 7/20/2009
Msg: 3
Why do women try to make men feel quilty?
Posted: 8/31/2009 8:14:25 PM
In that case if you control your feelings...she wouldn't be able to make you feel guilty unless you wanted to.....right?? So would it, then, be right to assume that if you're feeling guilty, you are guilty??
 SoftAndHappy
Joined: 6/15/2009
Msg: 4
Why do women try to make men feel quilty?
Posted: 8/31/2009 8:20:08 PM
Ok - first of all, the women above me are awesome. I wouldn't have thought of that...


A man might be totally clueless that's he's done anything wrong

If he's clueless, how will he know that he did something wrong unless you let him know?

Also... there is taking responsibility for your own feelings - I will give you that - but you also have to take responsibility for your actions. YOUR right to extend your fist ends where my face begins. You extended, you hit something. You need to acknowledge that.
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 5
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Why do women try to make men feel quilty?
Posted: 8/31/2009 8:27:03 PM

Are you willing to acknowledge that your feelings are your own and that they’re entirely your responsibility? Trying to make a man guilty for how you feel is just plain wrong...

If he's a real man he should just suck it up and try to make her feel better.... only a whiner would feel guilty if he's done nothing wrong.... and if he did do something wrong then he has to stop feeling guilty and fix the problem anyway...

Putting it back on a woman because you feel guilty is just not acceptable....
 ~JustSimplyMe~
Joined: 8/18/2006
Msg: 6
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Why do women try to make men feel quilty?
Posted: 8/31/2009 8:33:37 PM

feels hurt through something said or done by a man, why does she try to make the man feel guilty for it

I agree with the above posts. If you feel guilty that is no ones responsibility but your own.
And it is your responsibility to own up to your mistake and fix it.
 ForumFilly
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 7
Why do women try to make men feel quilty?
Posted: 8/31/2009 8:33:41 PM
If you hurt someone you care about, by either actions or words, and you realize this, then, if you have any self-decency, you will feel guilty about your behavior, with no assistance from your partner.

No one can force another to feel guilty. YOU feel guilty when YOU know YOU have done something to hurt someone else.

Are you willing to acknowledge that your mistakes and your guilt are your responsibility?

No one caused you to act in an inappropriate manner and no one caused you to feel guilty. It is your conscience that telling you that you f*cked up.
 Goldi G. Ger
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 8
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Why do women try to make men feel quilty?
Posted: 8/31/2009 8:39:36 PM
this thread makes me sad.
 Ependa
Joined: 7/16/2009
Msg: 9
Why do women try to make men feel quilty?
Posted: 8/31/2009 8:45:14 PM
I agree with what you say. It's very unhealthy to try to hold someone else responsible/accountable for your own happiness & welfare. In fact, it is a guaranteed flop. By the same token, only you can allow yourself to feel guilty..nobody can do that for your. A little harder to buy I know, but equally as true.
 jr123567
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 10
Why do women try to make men feel quilty?
Posted: 8/31/2009 8:47:50 PM
I don't try to make men feel quilty. Usually I prefer to make them feel knitty or needlepointy.
 Markreborn
Joined: 8/9/2009
Msg: 11
Why do women try to make men feel quilty?
Posted: 8/31/2009 8:53:25 PM
Both women and men do the same. my family was all about guilt trips, was not healthy but reality. You can say nothing.... its that easy.. but if you always say nothing then what does that say about the communication in your relationship.
 mistnrain72
Joined: 8/17/2009
Msg: 12
Why do women try to make men feel quilty?
Posted: 8/31/2009 8:56:13 PM
I'm not sure of what scenario exactly the op's view could be stemming from... I'm not sure how to comment. I can say this though - In a relationship, concern and accountability for the other person's feelings is necessary. When you love someone, part of that is accepting a certain amount of responsibility for how they feel. Of course you can just ask them to deal with all their own feelings and you'll deal with yours, it could work well for some... but that wouldn't be very much of a relationship in my opinion. Taking care of one another's hearts is the very thread by which your bond is sewn.
 DemonDingleBerry
Joined: 6/7/2009
Msg: 13
Why do women try to make men feel quilty?
Posted: 8/31/2009 8:58:25 PM

Why do women try to make men feel quilty?

It makes them feel better if they don't have to assume the responsibility?


If a woman feels hurt through something said or done by a man, why does she try to make the man feel guilty for it?

Pecking order, group position, self image?


If your feelings are the result of external circumstances, or what people say about you, how can you direct your life in a constructive way?

By always looking for those that validate how you want to feel.
Tons of people out there will pay you in validation coin, if you reciprocate payment to them in other ways.


A man might be totally clueless that's he's done anything wrong, yet he's given the third degree as though he's committed the unpardonable sin, is that fair?

The only thing that will really ever be fair is the state one they hold every year.


Are you willing to acknowledge that your feelings are your own and that they’re entirely your responsibility?

I tell myself I am. And I try to date people that validate the feelings associated with acknowledging my responsibility with my own feelings.
So I must be.
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 14
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Why do women try to make men feel quilty?
Posted: 8/31/2009 9:04:10 PM
I had to think carefully about this because I'm the opposite... I go out of my way to make sure the other person is okay. It's almost the mirror image problem - I can make myself be too responsible for their feelings.


If a woman feels hurt through something said or done by a man, why does she try to make the man feel guilty for it?

My guess is what she likely wants is reassurance or acknowledgment but is communicating in a backazzed (and likely counter-productive) sort of way. "Something happened" and whether he was right or wrong about it, she is dealing with the "Something happened".
* She would want reassurance that - in spite of the "something happened" - he still holds her in high regard.
* She would want acknowledgment that he is aware of "something happened" so it won't happen again (security, so she can relax and trust again)
* She MIGHT be wanting acknowledgment that he made a mistake and feels bad about it to validate her feeling upset about it.
>> This MIGHT look like: "you're right (its ok) to feel bad; I made a mistake. I'm sorry. I won't do it again"


A man might be totally clueless that's he's done anything wrong, yet he's given the third degree as though he's committed the unpardonable sin, is that fair?

No, its not fair... the conversation needs to be shifted into something productive tho'. It seems to me this is one of the areas where people easily slide into really bad communication in order to
1. avoid domination/being dominated
2. avoid being wrong/ in order to be right


No one should make another person responsible for how they feel, since everyone has the ability to control what they feel.

People don't control how they feel... feelings come up unbidden. What they can control is how they respond to their feelings.


Are you willing to acknowledge that your feelings are your own and that they’re entirely your responsibility?

True. Where this generally breaks down for people is that something someone ELSE did/said triggered their feelings. So it is very hard for them not to take it personally.


Trying to make a man guilty for how you feel is just plain wrong...

I try not to live my life through right/wrong; I look at effective or ineffective. In general, trying to make someone else feel guilty simply opens up a power struggle which is, generally speaking, the very opposite of what they DO want to have happen.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 15
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Why do women try to make men feel quilty?
Posted: 8/31/2009 9:05:38 PM
If a guy says or does something that upsets me, I remove myself from the situation and go over it to make sure it's him I am actually upset with; sometimes it's a residual thing from a past incident. Unfortunately this means if we're out somewhere that I walk off, get a ride home or whatever, make sure he doesn't know I left - I can't talk to him unless/until I sort it out because I like to avoid saying stuff I can't take back.

From there I will contact him when ready and let him know that he did something to upset me, or he did something that triggered some past crap of mine. I let him know that I'd prefer he not do it again - but that if he feels he needs to that's the reaction I'm gonna have.

Beyond that, I may need to take him out of the equation. Bottom line is its always my fault if I put up with it - and if I am not content or at peace with a guy and he makes me emotional constantly, he's got to go because I don't like being emotional. The only way to eliminate it is to kill it at the source.

Therefore I will only let a guy know it's his fault once I'm sure he did it on purpose - and the second time he does it knowing it bothers me, it's on purpose. : )
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 16
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Why do women try to make men feel quilty?
Posted: 8/31/2009 9:10:40 PM
Interesting as other people noted, by claiming another makes you feel guilty, you are abdicating responsibility for your own thoughts and feelings. My mother tries to make me feel guilty all the time, it pisses me off but if it makes me feel guilty, that is a choice.
 Felanie
Joined: 1/23/2006
Msg: 17
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Why do women try to make men feel quilty?
Posted: 8/31/2009 9:13:33 PM
Women lay a guilt trip on because they are travel agents for them...

And if you feel guilty, it worked... if not..*shrug*... she will try another tactic next time..
 baseballboy
Joined: 6/26/2006
Msg: 18
Why do women try to make men feel quilty?
Posted: 8/31/2009 9:13:41 PM
It should always be taken with a grain of salt when women speak unfavorably of a man's action or sentiments.

For example, they claim that jealousy is an unattractive feature in a man. That's baulderdash. They probably relish it.
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 19
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Why do women try to make men feel quilty?
Posted: 8/31/2009 9:19:52 PM
Wait a minute, wait a minute... I'm a little slow tonight.

TRYING to make someone feel guilty << THAT is an interpretation.
It likely isn't what the person is trying to make you feel/trying to make you acknowledge.

Guilt doesn't do anything about their "Something Happened"

They are trying to get something else and your interpretation is they are trying to make you feel guilty.
^^ Miscommunication all around.
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 20
Why do women try to make men feel quilty?
Posted: 8/31/2009 10:14:27 PM

No one should make another person responsible for how they feel, since everyone has the ability to control what they feel.

Yeah, I don't know about that. I really couldn't help being annoyed by this appallingly adolescent whine.

I didn't have to say so... but I do feel better now.
 TrueSamurai
Joined: 8/22/2009
Msg: 21
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Why do women try to make men feel quilty?
Posted: 8/31/2009 10:24:20 PM
IMO guilt is something that people try to get rid of to dump it on someone else. People attempt to put the onus on the other to make themselves feel better, not responsible, there is a little of that already in this thread.
The fact is guilt is non transferable, it comes back two fold.
 sanity is overrated
Joined: 8/22/2009
Msg: 22
Why do women try to make men feel quilty?
Posted: 8/31/2009 10:45:59 PM
Cuz it's fun and we like presents!!!!
 lovemesomemen
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 23
Why do women try to make men feel quilty?
Posted: 9/1/2009 12:21:54 AM

I don't try to make men feel quilty. Usually I prefer to make them feel knitty or needlepointy


lol. You read my mind.


I don't try to make a man feel guilty about anything.
 lucylia
Joined: 8/23/2009
Msg: 24
Why do women try to make men feel quilty?
Posted: 9/1/2009 12:34:20 AM
How are all our feelings OUR responsibilty? If you had a man who constantly put you down,made you feel worrthless in front of your friends by saying or doing certain things he shouldn't be . . .why on earth she WE take responsibilty for our feelings when its his actions that have caused it? How are we able to control how someone else makes us feel? Telling your partner that they have made you feel a certain way, isn't TRYING to make them feel guilty,its telling them how you feel. And if you cant do that . .then you dont have a good relationshipd at all. We are all capable of making another feel bad about themselves at some point in life. And i reckon if we do,then we should accept this. And we should feel some form of guilt . .or we wouldn't be human. Guilt is part of the process of having said or done something we shouldn't.

L x
 crazylilting
Joined: 5/6/2008
Msg: 25
Why do women try to make men feel quilty?
Posted: 9/1/2009 12:48:15 AM
If said man is clueless it is about time he learned how his actions and communication affects others. Just because no one has said anything before doesn't mean that it didn't have the same affect on them. They could of just not cared enough to make you aware that your a bumbling idiot.

The idea that people are completely responsible for their own feelings is a ridiculous new invention of popular pop psychology that needs to be put out of its misery. I think it is a convenient belief that allows people to run amuck over everyone else without any accountability or need to take responsibility for anything they do or say.

The reason people use guilt is because it works. Not the best thing to use but when dealing with people who simply can't put two and two together when it comes to cause and effect how else can you make them understand?
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