|
|
|
|
|
| now I have herpes
Posted: 8/31/2009 8:11:43 PM | | I will try to make this short. Ok, dated a guy 7 years ago for about 2 years. It was great, I dumped him cause he wasnt emotional enough and we were both young and I moved. I have thought about him a lot and recently have gotten back in touch with him. He is very open and emotional now and we both grew up but we live in different states. We both regret breaking up and wish it had never happened. I am willing to move back to have this guy back. Problem is, I have herpes now, and I dont know how to tell him. I know I have to tell him, just not sure when or how. I can not move to him until March so until then we are starting back our friendship long distance. We have reconnected like we never were apart. So, if yall were in my shoes, or in his shoes, what would you do, or think of the girl now that she has herpes?? | |
|
| now I have herpes
Posted: 8/31/2009 8:25:23 PM | 20% of the population has genital herpes and many don't even realize they have it. In many cases, it was contracted while in, what was thought to be, a monogamous relationship. While uncomfortable during break outs, herpes is NOT life threatening. I, personally, wouldn't have a problem if my man informed me he had herpes. If you love someone, you work around it.
If he truly loves you, he will accept you as you are... herpes and all. If that's the biggest hurdle you two have in life, you'll be truly blessed.
Good luck to you and starting over. | |
|
| now I have herpes
Posted: 8/31/2009 8:39:53 PM | There is some great stuff about this in this topic:
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/12656868datingPostpage3.aspx
A good amount of discussion there on when and how to tell people. Of course there are a couple of idiots, but it's mostly thoughtful and to the point, a lot of it from people who have it. I believe this specific address should direct you to one page in particular which has some posts from a female member whose gutsiness and directness about it I really admire. So I hope that'll be helpful.
The Planned Parenthood website has some really good information on herpes, too, which might be helpful in telling him. I've been asked if it was a deal-breaker for me, and before deciding, I thought I'd better learn something about it, so I read their stuff. I was surprised to find that for most people it really isn't that big a deal, if they even have symptoms at all. He might be reassured by that. | |
|
| now I have herpes
Posted: 8/31/2009 10:24:56 PM | | Tell him now. Now is a good time to tell him. Telling him before now is no longer possible, and telling him later than now would not be as good as telling him immediately. Now is the best time to tell him because it will remove the concern from your mind, making room for what you will think about what he says when you tell him. That will replace what you think he might say. Knowing what he did say is better than wondering what he might say just because it is factual and accurate. | |
|
| now I have herpes
Posted: 8/31/2009 11:37:21 PM |
score another point for a dumb chick that had sex with a loser. how many more times you gonna do that???
Shut up, stupid!! | |
|
| now I have herpes
Posted: 8/31/2009 11:43:20 PM | Engage in risky behavior, and potentially suffer the consequences. Someone who contracted an STD is, for me, no longer an option. One, it puts me at risk for contracting the disease if we're intimate, and two, it tells me such a person didn't show a lot of forethought in how they conducted themselves, and they made a bad choice that now not only affects them, but could potentially affect others in their life. Put simply, I have little room in my life for people who make choices there's more than enough readily-available education to help them avoid making those choices.
Tell him, as he deserves to know if you're going to be getting involved with him. If he's fine with it, great, proceed as you see fit. But be prepared for the very likely possibility that he's going to end things once you tell him.
And if you don't tell him, and then he contracts the disease from being intimate with you, it's on your conscience that he got it. I would hope the horror of such a consideration would be more than enough to keep you from withholding such vital information from someone you seem to have such intense feelings for. | |
|
| now I have herpes
Posted: 8/31/2009 11:45:09 PM | And Miss, the meds now a days are great. I have both a male and a female friend that have suffer from what have. With the proper meds, you can get your breakouts down to about one a year. Maybe your already there. Also, couples have been successful for many years with one positive partner and never having the other affected. But it is an important issue that should be mentioned. But I would wait, a while at least, and get to know each other again before dropping the bomb. I wouldn’t see an issue with that and he wont hate you for it. Just be respectful about it. Good luck!
And Dear, don’t be intimidated by the moron above. He's an ass! He is one who finds fault in other for the sake of feeling better about himself. | |
|
| now I have herpes
Posted: 8/31/2009 11:54:35 PM | By wait to tell him, I mean as you say that you cant see him right now anyway, I don’t see how a few conversations in the meantime without him knowing could possibly hurt. That way, he can get to know the girl again before throwing her away perhaps for nothing really. And if you mean something to him than he should at least take the time to research and make an educated decision.
Most of the other replies you will read here are based on emotion and ignorance, so.
As for me, what would I do, I don’t really know... | |
|
| now I have herpes
Posted: 8/31/2009 11:57:42 PM |
And Dear, don’t be intimidated by the moron above. He's an ass! He is one who finds fault in other for the sake of feeling better about himself.
Awww, now my feelings are hurt!  You must be a telepath to so authoritatively put forth what's going through my head! I, sir, am humbled by the presence of a human so biologically evolved as to have developed such a unique and scientifically-unlikely ability.
This isn't about making me feel better about myself; I don't need to interact with others for that. My confidence in myself comes from knowledge of my own strengths, without shame of acknowledging them as appropriate, as well as knowledge of both my weaknesses and the intellect necessary to overcome them. Bad behavior shouldn't be legitimized by "It's all going to be okay"-type statements. If someone with an STD is going to be involved with someone else, that person needs to know immediately. To do anything less is tantamount to handing the person a revolver, encouraging them to point it at themselves and pull the trigger, and not say anything about whether there's a bullet in the chamber. There are things called "consequences" for our actions, and no one should be spared those consequences, ever. If someone engaged in risky behavior in their past, and came up deuce on the dice, then that changes their future, and bestows on them a responsibility to others they become involved with. It's literally as simple as that. | |
|
| now I have herpes
Posted: 9/1/2009 1:42:50 AM |
I love women and love to treat them well. I put a hundred percent into my partner. I am a romantic. A gentleman. I am intimate and sensual yet experimental and very open sexually
This tells me isit2l84love or however the hell it's spelled would try to nail you regardless of your disease...
Now, If you don't tell this guy you have the herp right away, you're being decietful, plain and simple...
Tell him now, spare him the heartache of getting with you and finding out you're gonna give him itchy sores on his nuts for the rest of his life...
no one cares how good the damn meds are... they still aren't a cure FOR ITCHY SORES ON YOUR BALLSACK think about it fellas.
Do I care how good the meds are? Hell no... Because I don't have the herp... I'll care if some broad gives them to me though.
And before all you damn 39 year old divorced chumps come tell me how much of a meanine I am... step back and think... would you bang her? | |
|
| now I have herpes
Posted: 9/1/2009 5:25:06 AM |
Engage in risky behavior, and potentially suffer the consequences. What an arrogant, small-minded response. How do you know SHE was the one who engaged in risky behavior? I know people who have contracted STDs while in, what they thought were, monogamous relationships. It was their PARTNERS who were cheating on them, without their knowledge, that infected them. They were, in no way, engaging in risky behavior. And, by the way, it was the man who screwed around in all these cases. So, now the women are no longer of value? Because the men they were either married to or living with decided to have unprotected sex with someone else? That's absolutely ludicrous.
You are a small-minded, self-righteous man who, if karma really exists, will end up with an incurable STD one of these days from trusting that your partner was faithful, when she wasn't. Then, hopefully, you'll remember that you now fall into your own category of not being a worthwhile 'option'. | |
|
| now I have herpes
Posted: 9/1/2009 5:51:38 AM |
Engage in risky behavior, and potentially suffer the consequences. Someone who contracted an STD is, for me, no longer an option. One, it puts me at risk for contracting the disease if we're intimate, and two, it tells me such a person didn't show a lot of forethought in how they conducted themselves, and they made a bad choice that now not only affects them, but could potentially affect others in their life.
You'd have to be a virgin to never put yourself at risk for contracting herpes; it can still be passed with a condom on, and people can lie about their test results to you/never be tested. It isn't usually tested for when most people get STD tests.
I can understand people not wanting to knowingly be with someone who has herpes, but I don't like how people think that you have to be careless to get it, because it isn't true at all, anyone could get it. | |
|
| now I have herpes
Posted: 9/1/2009 5:56:24 AM | I think before you engage in any contact that would involve increased risk to him of catching herpes he needs to know. No point in telling him after he's contracted it is there?
"oh...yeah...sorry, but you got herpes from me. I just couldn't find the right time to tell you. Surprise! " | |
|
| now I have herpes
Posted: 9/1/2009 7:34:29 AM | mycroft, the only dumb one is the guy that gave the OP herpes knowingly. It's pathetic that some guys on this thread think it's acceptable that some idiot man gave the OP and tons of other women he had sex with herpes, but they condemn the OP for having it. The idiot who gave her herpes clearly acted irresponsibly while the OP is acting responsibly.  | |
|
| now I have herpes
Posted: 9/1/2009 7:59:19 AM | | Thanks for everyones comments. I expected some ignorant ones, their is always someone to blab about something they no nothing of. No, I did not participate inricky behavior. I was in a monogamous relationship with an idiot who gave it to me. I told him he gave it to me, he says it wasnt him and to this day is having sex with every girl and NOT telling her he has herpes when I know for a FACT that he has it. Everyone I have dated since him I have told. I would NEVER not tell a guy before having sex with him. I have always given them the decision to continue on or leave. 100% have stuck around. I was shocked but it was their decision to date me. None of them contracted it. The only difference with this guy is I realllllly want him back for good, and the only thing that would screw it up is herpes. I will continue to be friends with him wait a little bit before I tell him. | |
|
| now I have herpes
Posted: 9/1/2009 8:05:01 AM | You guys got it all wrong!!
And silentman, I wasn’t talking about you. You said nothing more than that she should tell him. But you obviously missed my quote from the other gentleman that had only condemnation for her and I think that is bullsht!
Furthermore, I would never advocate sleeping with him, or me, with anyone without being forthright with them about the problem. Fortunately, I do not suffer in this way but if I ran into someone I cared about after years, I certainly wouldn’t expect her issue to be the first thing out of her mouth. That is all I was saying. It is her responsibility to be honest with him before ANY intimacy takes place. But I would understand her fears and that she is a human that made a mistake and who would I be to condemn her further.
It helps to put my comments in the proper context and to also realize that only after many of you are able to walk on water can you ever condemn another person.
She has every right to have conversation with him before filling him in. Otherwise, you people make it sound like she should tattoo it to her forehead.
You people gotta’ get a grip... Remember when you were in elementary school and you use to take those comprehension tests? Well I passed mine!
No leave her alone unless you have something productive to say. In fact, if I was her friend, I’d holder so she could cry in the arms of someone who gave a damn!! | |
|
| now I have herpes
Posted: 9/1/2009 8:13:46 AM |
I will continue to be friends with him wait a little bit before I tell him.
I'd agree that this is probably best. The fellow who asked me about it waited 'til there was clearly some emotional investment on both sides, and it was a good move. Had he told me immediately upon meeting, like most who know little about it, I would have said "no." But because I cared, I learned more and found out just how big a deal it really isn't.
Unfortunately, that still didn't work out because he also had some emotional issues - he was aware of them and working on them, and had hoped he was ready to be involved, but, alas, not. However, the herpes wouldn't have kept us apart once I had done some self-education on the subject, and now if I meet a dating prospect who has it in future, I won't immediately consider it a deal-breaker with them either. It's more along the lines of, "Okay, not great, but not the end of the world."
Since you won't even be seeing your fella for several months, I see no reason to tell him just yet. Did you check out the other topic? There's some really excellent stuff there. I'll see if I can manage not to mess up the linking this time:
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/12656868datingPostpage3.aspx | |
|
| now I have herpes
Posted: 9/1/2009 9:23:34 AM | Condoms don't protect the ballsack and inner thighs from that s--t either, when a woman is gushing all over the place. If a man has it, and uses a condom, the woman should be OK, unless he's got visible sores all over his balls and inner thighs. I think I'm just gonna wank off forever...
Tell your man NOW. Then face the music, whatever that may be. | |
|
| now I have herpes
Posted: 9/1/2009 9:43:43 AM | | visible or not, outbreaks can happen and you may not know. And you dont get herpes from the gushing..you get it from touching the sores. If I had seen visible sores on the guy I would have run far and fast. | |
|
| now I have herpes
Posted: 9/1/2009 10:03:08 AM | forumfilly said:
What an arrogant, small-minded response. How do you know SHE was the one who engaged in risky behavior?
We know from her post above that it wasn't her. We also know that she's responsible despite the fact that she contracted it from someone else. Kudos to her for being responsible. However, your own response is curiously emotional and intense. I wonder why that is?
forumfilly said:
So, now the women are no longer of value? Because the men they were either married to or living with decided to have unprotected sex with someone else? That's absolutely ludicrous.
I never said such a person wasn't "of value", I said they weren't a viable option for me. Comprehension, as one gentleman here pointed out, is your friend.
forumfilly said:
You are a small-minded, self-righteous man who, if karma really exists, will end up with an incurable STD one of these days from trusting that your partner was faithful, when she wasn't. Then, hopefully, you'll remember that you now fall into your own category of not being a worthwhile 'option'.
You're aware, I suppose, that when you attack the person and not their position, your own position loses a great deal of its own credibility, right? There's a difference between being self-righteous and simply being right, and not afraid to stand on it. I advocated nothing more than taking responsibility for one's own actions and circumstances, and in situations where those circumstances affect others, to act with appropriate conscience and responsibility towards them. Again, as the OP has noted above, she does this. Kudos, again, to her.
As for the karmic thing, your statement of "if" is most accurate. Since karma doesn't exist, I suppose I have nothing to worry about, since I actually apply common sense and avoid behavior that would lead to me contracting an STD. Likewise, however, on the extraordinarily off chance that the silly eastern mysticism-based concept did exist, what would make you think that you're the one who could determine or predict its outcome?
Cheers.  | |
|
| now I have herpes
Posted: 9/1/2009 10:20:52 AM | You can get it from skin shedding when there are no visible symptoms, too, and many carriers have no symptoms, ever. Condoms reduce that risk but don't eliminate it. According to all the doctors I've asked and whose material I've read, most people contract this from someone who had no visible symptoms at the time and may not even have known that they had it.
It's entirely likely that some of the people posting about risky behavior are themselves carrying it all unawares. And chances are that even those of us who have tested negative (it's not a standard blood test; you have to ask for it specifically, so if you had the usual syph/HIV test, don't assume they checked for this, they didn't) have at some point been exposed, if we have had sex in our lifetimes. Just got lucky is all. | |
|
| now I have herpes
Posted: 9/1/2009 10:24:58 AM | People can be so cruel and insensitive. I expect it from grade school children, but not civilized adults.
I have MS guys. It isn't contagious but their is a chance I might need a cane someday,maybe even a w-h-e-e-l-c-h-a-i-r, if I'm unfortunate enough. Okay cool guys spend some time shooting some insensitive remarks at me. Then you can go back to hurting her. If you can't be supportive, just shut the hole in your face... | |
|
| now I have herpes
Posted: 9/1/2009 10:43:11 AM | | All the negativity thrown at me for having herpes does not bother me. I expect it from people who no knowing about herpes and just assume its some nasty disgusting disease. It really is sad to know how many ppl have it and they dont even know it. What is worse is the ppl who know they have it but are in denial and continue to spread it to others. Yes I have herpes and no it doesnt bother me. I have regretted much worse in my life. I have gone online and googled images of herpes and there are some very frightful pictures. They post the worst of the worst to scare the hell out of ppl. My vagina does NOT look like those pictures and when I do have an outbreak it looks nothing like those pics. I have had herpes for 5 years now and have outbreaks maybe once a year. Ya I could be shedding the disease at anytime but I am careful as I can be. And no I will not become a nun because of herpes, my life is very normal and so has been my sex life. There is nothing an ignorant person can say to offend me. If a man chooses to not have relations with me then that is ok...its his decision once I tell them. I provide all the info I can and let them make their decisions. I dont judge anyone who runs from me. I once was clean and would have done the same thing. Of course now that I know everything about herpes, i realize it really is NOTHING. Its the damn nearly the same virus as shingles and chicken pox...and yes I have had shingles and chicken pox...oooh scary i know... | |
|
| now I have herpes
Posted: 9/1/2009 10:55:25 AM | | the longer you wait to tell him the harder he's going to take it. If you've both grown like you say then prove it to him. Be a woman and tell him. | |
|
| now I have herpes
Posted: 9/1/2009 11:19:35 AM |
score another point for a dumb chick that had sex with a loser. how many more times you gonna do that???
Where's the :modhammer: ??? | |
|
|
|
Home
login 
