| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/2/2009 11:01:36 AM | | I can never figure out why almost all the men I've met absolutely have to meet me the very same day we first talk on the phone. Almost all of them have been like this. I really want to find somebody, but I am not going to meet a man at the drop of a pin as soon as I first talk to them on the phone. Why is it that later in the week or next week is too long to wait to meet somebody? Has anyone else noticed this? One man that was on here last year (don't know if he still is) really tried to pressure me to meet him right away. He was going to go on vacation a week later for a week. I told him I would be here when he got back because I couldn't meet him that week. It seems like they are extremely impatient get ticked off and then they don't want to meet at all. That man never contacted me to meet when he got back from vacation. It's alright with me, but it really makes me wonder what is wrong with some of these people. Has anyone else had this problem where it's "meet me now or never?" It's ridiculous! | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/2/2009 11:10:14 AM |
it really makes me wonder what is wrong with some of these people
What is wrong with them?
The whole idea of a dating site is to actually meet someone. Anyone who has dated for any amount of time knows that everything up until you actually meet is a waste of time since most won't go beyond that first meeting. | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/2/2009 11:13:43 AM | I've probably been impatient sometime, too - most people have. It depends on how far the plans stretch into the future. If you don't have much time to date men/women then maybe you shouldn't date at all. Time is THE most important factor and strangely enough it's also a very common excuse.
As for that guy, maybe he found you very interesting and worried that you'd be gone by the time he got back. It's a constant competition and everybody knows it. | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/2/2009 11:14:00 AM |
Has anyone else had this problem where it's "meet me now or never?
Yes. If you aren't comfortable enough to meet him, don't do it. If they are trying to pressure in to doing it, forget them. They might try to pressure you into other things you aren't comfortable with. | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/2/2009 11:15:05 AM | | Yeah, but it's wrong to ever expect someone to drop everything they are doing in their life and meet right this very minute. Just because you can't meet them this very minute, doesn't mean you won't meet them at all. People have lives and although that's exactly what we are here for to meet, it doesn't mean anybody has to meet them somewhere that very day. | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/2/2009 11:15:44 AM | "Anyone who has dated for any amount of time knows that everything up until you actually meet is a waste of time since most won't go beyond that first meeting."
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I'll second that. | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/2/2009 11:20:31 AM | | I have plenty of time for someone, but I'm talking about meeting someone right away right after the first phone conversation. | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/2/2009 11:23:29 AM | It's just representative of the "drive thru" philosophy we've developed toward everything.
We want instant food, on-demand entertainment, FedEx packages, Amazon.com everything ... and we want our love life delivered by dinner.
Nothing wrong with taking it slow(er), though. Don't be rushed into anything. | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/2/2009 11:24:16 AM |
to drop everything they are doing in their life and meet right this very minute
Hi Marcalyn,
That's not what you had in the original post. I would not expect meeting that very minute, but a day or two in the future would be acceptable, a week or two would not. If you can't juggle an hour into a schedule for a meet, you are probably too busy for developing a relationship at this time.
For me, life is too short to waste time emailing for weeks only to find on first meet, there is no "zing" between. You both want to leave after 10 minutes and the drinks took 7 minutes of that time to get there and you are now stuck for another awkward 10 minutes.  | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/2/2009 11:25:31 AM | I actually have had this experience as well. I think it's weird and too bad because some of those guys I really wanted to meet. All I can think is that men that do that must be playing a numbers game and it doesn't matter who they meet as long as it is right now.
Therefore probably a bad bet anyway. :) | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/2/2009 11:48:07 AM | OP, let me explain you. Most of us on this forum have been on this site for years and we’ve learned one thing;
This site is polluted with players and tire kickers only here to test waters. I’ve chatted with well over 1000 women since I joined 6 years ago. Do you know how many I convinced to meet in person? They always had excuses. The fact is, I was always a backup while they were dating multiple others. Again recently, after 1 month messaging and being unable to meet, I got an email telling me she was back with an ex! As if I didn’t know.
Men are tired of wasting time with players and chronic emailers. Does it make sense? | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/2/2009 11:50:32 AM | "Yeah, but it's wrong to ever expect someone to drop everything they are doing in their life and meet right this very minute."
Do you have time for this or not? We are not taliking this very minute. You know what we mean. All the bullshit and games..... | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/2/2009 12:05:21 PM | | I have had no undue pressure but then again, I do not typically make anyone wait too terribly long. I would much rather meet and see if there is anything there before wasting my time or theirs on endless emails and phone calls. JMO | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/2/2009 12:18:18 PM |
where it's "meet me now or never?
If this is how a man behaves with me, my answer immediately becomes "Never." and "Next?"
Control freak much, dude?
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/2/2009 12:26:10 PM | | I think it has a lot to do with them and anyone not wanting to waste their time, not saying you are a waste of time. But when you talk and email a lot then you get attached. Then your hopes are sky high, then when you meet, what if you don't have ANY chemistry at all?? Then you got your hopes up only to be let down. A lot of people are on this site, because they have been let down and they are looking to find someone they can connect with and want to spend more time with. They probably know that they have the initial physical attraction (because hey! they messaged you, and I can almost guarentee it's because they think you're cute, not because your profile says you love to laugh and enjoy foreign food) so now they want to know if there's a real connection in person. Anyone can be whatever they want to be on the internet but it really comes down to the chemistry you have in person. So the sooner you know whether or not you do, the better. Hope that makes sense. | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/2/2009 12:31:36 PM | | He has to make a decision in advance, so if he did already take the pill that allows him to maintain an erection, then there is a period of time within which he must act. Those pills cost money. | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/2/2009 12:44:31 PM |
Anyone who has dated for any amount of time knows that everything up until you actually meet is a waste of time since most won't go beyond that first meeting.
I 100% agree with this. Now that doesn't mean I have to meet the same day we have the first phone conversation but I expect to meet with in a week or two. If our schedules are so out of whack (baring vacations and what not) that we can't find some free time with in two weeks to meet, it is usually an indication we will have the same problems every time trying to set a date. | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/2/2009 12:46:29 PM | | Hmm good question..and if your giving your phone number up by message #2 or setting up a meeting by message number #3 your told this site is not for "pen pals"..I find it funny. I have not figured out the rush either but I don't let anybody rush me. | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/2/2009 12:51:05 PM | | I certainly have. I found it to be a great weeding-out tool. They are actually doing you a favour. Someone who doesn't have the patience to wait a few days to meet; or who doesn't have the courtesy to respect that not everyone moves at the same pace; and that some people actually have lives offline, isn't someone you really want to be involved with anyway. To me, it tends to imply they might be a "player" or "control freak". | |
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btg22
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Joined: 8/20/2009
Msg: 20 | |
| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/2/2009 12:54:35 PM | | I usually let the window of opportunity present itself on its own. I know that I am not one to make haste for the meet. A 2 or 3 week time frame is usually ideal for me. After that, if I sense hesitation my views start to change. I start to get a feeling the person just wants to talk...well after 1 month...I would just move on. A lot of people come on here expecting something different, but it is a dating site. If there is nothing scheduled and you are both free, then why not have a cup of coffee or something? If you are truthful in your intent, then problems shouldn't arise. | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/2/2009 12:54:48 PM |
To me, it tends to imply they might be a "player" or "control freak".
From a guys perspective, you might tend to imply that you are all too serious and lack the ability to be spontaneous and fun... just sayin... | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/2/2009 1:17:04 PM |
that everything up until you actually meet is a waste of time since most won't go beyond that first meeting Actually it is a waste of time if you meet someone like this! Don't let them pressure you! The only date I had a dogie bag with was a guy that I let pressure me into meeting him. The man I am marrying emailed me for a month before I called him. Getting to know someone saves you from wasting your time on going on a date. It takes little time to write emails to get a feel for what someone does in their work, their life, fun, kids, etc. If he can't be bothered to email and get to know you, he probably is just looking for sex and not a real relationship. You have a life time and if they can't wait for you to really want to meet, forget it. I am not saying that you have to have a set time for meeting anyone! I am saying wait until you are sure you want to meet. | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/2/2009 1:37:34 PM |
From a guys perspective, you might tend to imply that you are all too serious and lack the ability to be spontaneous and fun... just sayin...
Fair enough, I suppose some guys might see it that way. I'm thinking more about guys that take a "now or never" pressure approach about meeting immediately, as the OP mentioned.
Surely most reasonable people can appreciate that everyone doesn't always have the option to just drop everything that minute and go for coffee. If someone already has plans or commitments, they shouldn't cancel them at the last minute for someone they just met online, anymore than they should expect the other to. Fun and spontaneity are great but shouldn't they be balanced with our responsibilities? | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/2/2009 1:45:35 PM | Im so glad everyone gave such positive advice. Now I can play devils advocates. Some guys might want to meet you within an hour or so, to see how desperate and do you have low self esteem . It is like player psychology, "Is she really desperate to have someone!"
When that guy feels in control and that you are desperate, when they meet you. The next question as soon as they see you is, "Can I have a kiss?" When they get said kiss they probably will try to feel you up too. I think you can feel in the blink, hence why does it have to be with in the next hour or 2 or never. It sounds like they may be trying to score! 
Hence now or never, being the 2 choices they gave you. I would choose never, if I was you! | |
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| Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/2/2009 2:17:36 PM | I don't see it as a problem or as ridiculous. If I'm inclined then I will. If I'm not then I won't.
They have a different dating style than you. Focus on those that are more in line with what you are looking for and your experiences will improve. | |
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