| first date - nerves, clothes and banter
Posted: 9/3/2009 11:37:31 AM | OK, here is another one of my possers for you.
First date time. You are about to meet and you are nervous. What could a guy do to ease that nervousness in you straight away ? Is there perhaps something he could do, or say, that would make you feel betterm and more at ease ?
And when your getting dressed, what do you imagine the guy will be wearing ? Most of the time you dont really say will it be formal etc before you meet..its a bit of a greay area. So for you, what would a guy look best in the first time ?
As for having a laugh, do you think a guy should be very funny, possibly a little nutty (in a very nice way) to make you laugh the first time you meet ? Again, its one of those grey areas as perhaps you dont want him to accidently flick a prawn into someones glass, or have that tomatoe bounce off the plate at another table. so, how far should he go to make you smile ?
Thanks again girls ! | |
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| first date - nerves, clothes and banter
Posted: 9/3/2009 11:55:09 AM | I would expect any first date or meet to be strictly casual. As for how to put someone at ease - I find just admitting to the awkwardness of a first date can be an ice breaker. If it's funny, fine, but I would expect him to be himself - no more, no less. If that made me laugh, fine, if not, fine. No sense in setting up unrealistic expectations. I think outright buffoonery would be grounds to terminate a first date.  | |
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| first date - nerves, clothes and banter
Posted: 9/3/2009 12:06:09 PM | Don't get nervous.
I know what he'll be wearing because I ask him, so I can find him.
Won't go a date or a first meet if I think it's going to be awkward.
Maybe I'm not doing something right? |Hmmm...shuffles off to ponder. | |
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| first date - nerves, clothes and banter
Posted: 9/3/2009 12:13:49 PM | 1. Please shave, comb your hair and smell nice
2. Please wear clean clothes, iron if you have to... don't just pick your clothes up off the floor before you get dressed to come meet us.
3. Please don't wear your shirt open to the waist or your pants down around your ankles unless you are still living in the disco era or are 12yrs old.
4. Please don't show up in grubby work clothes and wash your hands if you work in dirt all day. Remember if things go well, you may want to touch us with those hands later on... will we want you to?
5. Please wear a smile... it's the cheapest thing ever and the best accessory!
Please note I started all notes with a "please..." as we can only ask can't we? Some will, and some won't and yet, ironically, no one should have to be asked or told these things. Common sense I would think.
I think starting off the night with a smile and compliment (if honestly said) helps put everyone at ease (I do it myself if it comes to me naturally), and if it's someone I've talked to a lot, a hug may be ok but it's definitely an individual choice and more up to the woman to make that first move if she's comfortable with it. I'm speaking only for myself here, not for everyone so please don't jump on me for suggesting it.
You just can't behave the same with every single person you meet, it's just so individual. Just please be genuine and kind, we can usually see through phonies.
PS If we are going to get into your car for any reason, please clean it. There's nothing worse than trying to sit in a car with garbage all over the seat and floors. Our fear when we see this? Good God, is this how he keeps his house too? | |
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| first date - nerves, clothes and banter
Posted: 9/3/2009 12:23:04 PM | Girls, thanks! These are great replies. Nikki - I totally agree, its all common sense, and in fairness costs nothing, but can have the biggest value of all.
So far I can tick most of that off my list of what im doing right at least ;o)
And I agree, it is very individual, so this thread is more a general "What would you like" than a definitive answers or guide ;oD | |
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| first date - nerves, clothes and banter
Posted: 9/3/2009 12:26:34 PM | if she is nervous, you dont be nervous
paranoia is contageous
relax and calm down, so will she,
just dont do anything crazy, like throw a tomato at a cop, unless shes into that sort of radical behavior. | |
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| first date - nerves, clothes and banter
Posted: 9/3/2009 12:34:06 PM | I stopped going on coffee dates and voila! no more nerve wracking meets. I like to do something physical - like walk the mall, or shoot some pool. Sitting at a 36" table knee to knee and staring in each others eyes...way too much eye contact and not enough personal space for me.
Don't ask me to get in your car for any reason. If we are moving venues, assume I want to follow you.
Don't continually point out how nervous either of us seems; an initial admitting to awkwardness is fine but after that it puts the focus on the wrong thing. I start worrying about whether I can put you at ease instead of trying to have a good time. | |
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| first date - nerves, clothes and banter
Posted: 9/3/2009 3:39:31 PM | A genuine smile always put me at ease.
As for what the gentleman wears, generally anything goes as long as it's clean and age-appropriate. Backwards baseball caps and cargo shorts ten sizes too big make a man look like a 12 year old kid.
Sure, everyone likes to laugh. But I'd go easy on the jokes and not try to force humour where it doesn't come naturally. | |
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| first date - nerves, clothes and banter
Posted: 9/3/2009 3:54:30 PM | Let her handle her own emotions. You handle yours. The best you can do it stop shaking and relax. Like Crowd Surfer said, paranoia is contageus.
Don't overthink it. Get in a habit of being dressed well at all times and the problem of what to wear for a date will not arise. If you're wearing something you're not used to wearing you won't feel like yourself and you won't behave naturally.
As for being funny - don't try too hard. It's a date, not a comedy club.
Speaking of flicking food from one's plate - I accidentally did it myself amost 20 years ago. I sent a piece of pizza flying into my date's chest. And he caught it! We had such a good laugh that I still remember it.  | |
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