| The gentleman's club?
Posted: 9/4/2009 2:48:59 PM | Hi,
I ve been dating a guy about 6 months now and have recently discovered that when he's not with me he likes to go to those gentleman's clubs. I guess he even pays for those $20 dances. Since I'm not a guy, I have no clue what goes on in thre. I hope it's safe. I wouldn't want to catch an std. I cant figure out if he goes there because our relationship has been a little shakey or that it's something in his personality. He wants to get into a long term relationship since having children is important to him, and so he is seriously considering me a a potentional partner. However, I find this kind of behavior questionable. I've never dated a guy who did this. Is there anything to worry about? Am I getting into a situation where the guy is prone to cheating? He can very much afford to throw his money away on these kinds of entertainment, but I wonder what I'm getting myself into. I hate to pretend like it's behavior I'm used to. I'm uncomfortable with it really, but I'm embarrassed to tell him. | |
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| The gentleman's club?
Posted: 9/4/2009 2:57:34 PM | | Only been to 2 in my life. both for bachelors parties. Not mine. Don't worry, most strippers are batting for the other team. Other than that, it seems to me a profound waste of money. Can't touch or the bouncers kick your ass. There is a reason you are uncomfortable with it. Trust your gut. | |
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| The gentleman's club?
Posted: 9/4/2009 3:03:41 PM | | I've been to two as well, and both times a friend payed. It was 20$ at the door, 20 for a dance, and 5 for a drink..so it gets pretty pricey pretty quick. As far as STDs and such, I don't think thats really anything to worry about in that department...unless they take the party elsewhere. But if you're uncomfortable with him going there, ask him about it, or ask if you can go with him one night. | |
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| The gentleman's club?
Posted: 9/4/2009 3:10:01 PM | From what I've heard, most places if you want any real action (hj, bj, sex) you have to REALLY pay. Just a $20 lap dance isn't going to get you anywhere.
My guess is he got into the habit while he was single. He wanted a little attention, and what better place than a strip club? You can spend money on a girl at a bar, but she might still be rude to you, but with strippers, as long as you're paying they're gonna be nice.
Like everything else, it isn't going to get better if you don't talk about it. Just tell him you'd prefer he not go anymore, or he should take you with (some people like that, it could be fun). And then see what his reaction is. | |
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| The gentleman's club?
Posted: 9/4/2009 3:20:09 PM | I think it must be a regional thing.
Going to the peelers here is about as threatening to wives or girlfriends as going to the game or the pub. I used to go when I was younger, and even when I was married if my brother came to town. It wasn't Gentleman's Clubs though - just the hotel bar. | |
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| The gentleman's club?
Posted: 9/4/2009 3:26:43 PM | Honestly my little brother managed a "gentlemen's" club in Dallas years ago. It was a LOT of fun to go in that situation. (wink) Totally changed the scene for sure.
Look those gals are generally only interested in your guys money. Many allow some lap dances where they rub against him in a VIP section but it doesnt usually get wilder.
Unless he is very good looking, drives a porsche, has a lot of coke and big rolls of green dead presidents you don't need to worry. He has a lot more chance of hooking up at many hotel bars then with dancer.
Cheers
Cowboy | |
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| The gentleman's club?
Posted: 9/4/2009 3:30:18 PM | | You won't find very many gentlemen at the gentlemen's club. | |
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| The gentleman's club?
Posted: 9/4/2009 3:40:42 PM | OP I can see where this would be a bit touchy to talk to him about. For once I am stumped on how to approach a guy about this one. I have never had a guy go to the Club's before.
but I'm embarrassed to tell him.
I would be in the same boat OP...
Ok guy some of you have stated talk to the guy about how she feels. I am interested in how you guys would like us to broach this subject...
BTW thanks for posting...I am going to learn something new today I hope | |
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| The gentleman's club?
Posted: 9/4/2009 3:49:55 PM | | I'm not interested in whether or not the girls are interested in him. If he can be so easily pursuaded to date someone else, i would say good ridence. I didnt even know he was so loaded until I got emotionally involved with him. So, to respond to your post cowboy, his is well to do and attractive. I just want to know what I'm dealing with. What kind of guy is this? | |
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| The gentleman's club?
Posted: 9/4/2009 3:50:13 PM |
However, I find this kind of behavior questionable. Why? Absolutely nothing wrong with a guy going to see strippers. Hell... I've gone with guys and been dared to sit in pervert's row and I have...
No biggie... just a woman working in a way that has her getting nude... some of the strippers are quite talented in their dancing too! | |
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| The gentleman's club?
Posted: 9/4/2009 3:54:07 PM | " hes is well to do and attractive "
Then I would say yes you have a lot to be worried about ! THOSE guys can be partying with dancers. Thats what it takes. Thats 2 out of the 3 things a lot of dancers are looking for. Drugs would be the icing on the cake. NOT ALL DANCERS DO THIS !
But for the ones that do.... your guy has the right calling card trust me.
Good Luck
Cowboy | |
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| The gentleman's club?
Posted: 9/4/2009 4:03:35 PM | 20 years ago my ex was a dancer at one.
So I'm familiar with those places.
If it's a sleazy one, you can well wonder.
But the top of the line ones don't allow tricks.
To easy to get their alcohol license yanked.
Undercover Vice cops frequent em.
(which is why cops prefer to work vice.)
Mostly it's all about getting a guys money.
They tease to please but do nothing more.
Mainly I'd be concerned if he's a porn addict.
going constantly even without sex could be a concern.
How to broach it?
Ask to go with him.
why wonder when you can see for yourself. | |
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| The gentleman's club?
Posted: 9/4/2009 4:03:57 PM | I ve been dating a guy about 6 months now and have recently discovered that when he's not with me he likes to go to those gentleman's clubs. I guess he even pays for those $20 dances.
I'd call him a dirt-bag cheater. Extremely vivid red flag blowing in your face. Ask yourself: what are your long term plans for this guy and can you live with him getting sexual lap dances and worse after your married, sitting at home with squalling babies?
his is well to do and attractive
Which only fuels his bad character and behavior even more. Do you think he's going to be loyal to you in the long term? Is he the one you want to have babies with? Are you a troll?
However, I find this kind of behavior questionable
Have the morals of the country really sunk this low? Wow, I guess I am more of an old turkey buzzard than I thought. Are you that bamboozled? Get some self-respect and pitch the guy.
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| The gentleman's club?
Posted: 9/4/2009 4:10:23 PM | | You never said how often he goes. If it's once in a while with some friends, I wouldn't think much of it. If it's weekly and he goes alone, then you have reason to be worried. Actually, if he goes alone at all, you should maybe find a guy with hobbies you're more comfortable with. | |
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| The gentleman's club?
Posted: 9/4/2009 4:14:41 PM |
Then I would say yes you have a lot to be worried about ! THOSE guys can be partying with dancers. Thats what it takes. Thats 2 out of the 3 things a lot of dancers are looking for. Drugs would be the icing on the cake. NOT ALL DANCERS DO THIS ! Bull...
My daughter's father was a very handsome man, extremely successful and he also dabbled in the third. He went to watch dancers a couple of times a week and he was NEVER unfaithful.
You're painting your views on others with a wide brush... how very unfair! | |
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| The gentleman's club?
Posted: 9/4/2009 4:28:22 PM | | Whatever does or doesn't go on in there, I'd be more concerned with the guy's need to frequent such places at all. Normal guys might be dragged there a handful of times in their life, but if some guy's a regular, he's a weirdo whether or not he's unfaithful or anything of that nature. | |
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| The gentleman's club?
Posted: 9/4/2009 4:39:10 PM | In my opinion girls who are very against strip clubs are worried about their own body. They are afraid of how their body will compare to the dancers. As far as STDs goes, you have no reason to worry, you have just as much chance of getting an STD downloading porn.
On the other hand, I think a lot of guys would be a little uncomfortable with their girlfriend going to a ladies night. "Oh crap, those stripper guys are gonna have bigger penises than me!" Heh.
If you find out your guy likes to get a massage once a week, you should probably worry. | |
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| The gentleman's club?
Posted: 9/4/2009 4:47:45 PM |
Bull...
My daughter's father was a very handsome man, extremely successful and he also dabbled in the third. He went to watch dancers a couple of times a week and he was NEVER unfaithful.
You're painting your views on others with a wide brush... how very unfair!
I didnt say your daughters father was unfaithful.
But based on my personal experience which is vastly different then your own in real life! I am saying if the guy has money/drugs/is attractive and often frequents strip clubs then yes she does have a reason to worry. I didnt include ALL men or ALL dancers. Remember my brother managed a club and I personally knew all the dancers. There is another side of those places most never see. And it take a combo usually of money/drugs/being attractive.
I know what went on. And yes she does need to worry. I never said her man has no morals. I said she had a reason to worry. Thats all.
Cheers
Cowboy | |
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| The gentleman's club?
Posted: 9/4/2009 4:53:30 PM |
I didnt say your daughters father was unfaithful.
But based on my personal experience which is vastly different then your own in real life! I am saying if the guy has money/drugs/is attractive and often frequents strip clubs then yes she does have a reason to worry. I didnt include ALL men or ALL dancers. Remember my brother managed a club and I personally knew all the dancers. There is another side of those places most never see. And it take a combo usually of money/drugs/being attractive.
I know what went on. And yes she does need to worry. I never said her man has no morals. I said she had a reason to worry. Thats all. Your statements are absolutes, you clearly say that she does need to worry - full stop. That statement gives inference to the man she is dating being unfaithful - otherwise why would she need to worry?
I'm simply offering a situation where three of the criterion that you stated were met, and there was never a need to worry. Going by your statements, then I should have been concerned as well...
Not all men are led around by their dycks... some simply enjoy strip clubs and at the end of the night, come home to their significant others.
I say that she shouldn't be overly concerned with his going... if he were hiding it from her, then perhaps it would be a different story, but he's forthcoming with his interest in the clubs. | |
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| The gentleman's club?
Posted: 9/4/2009 4:58:46 PM | I have friends who frequent strip clubs 5-10 times a year, and they're normal, productive citizens. They're faithful. Their sig others know about it, and one even goes with her hubby occasionally. I wouldn't worry if it's something like that.
How to ask him? Well, just ask him why he thinks it's fun. Maybe ask if you can go along one time.
On the other hand, I think a lot of guys would be a little uncomfortable with their girlfriend going to a ladies night.
I've never had a problem with this... Why worry about what you can't control. | |
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| The gentleman's club?
Posted: 9/4/2009 5:09:30 PM |
Your statements are absolutes, you clearly say that she does need to worry - full stop. That statement gives inference to the man she is dating being unfaithful - otherwise why would she need to worry?
No it does not mean he not faithful! It means she has reason to worry trust me!
I have a whole different view then you do as being an insider in these clubs and I know what happens. I KNEW and partied with the gals.
I said NOT all guys and NOT all gals are involved!
I said she had reason to worry ! And I stand by that ! We will agree to disagree. Just because you think your guy was never unfaithful does not mean she has no reason to worry. I went to those clubs in relationships and was never unfaithful also! My ex would come with me at times. She was gorgeous and she knew who I was coming home to.
But the OP does have a reason to worry. The opportunity is there. I know !
Cowboy | |
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| The gentleman's club?
Posted: 9/4/2009 5:15:23 PM |
No it does not mean he not faithful! It means she has reason to worry trust me! Why would she have reason to worry if not for his being faithful or not? That's just not logical in the least.
I have a whole different view then you do as being an insider in these clubs and I know what happens. I KNEW and partied with the gals. Kudos to you... you're basing your opinion on your personal experiences...
I went to those clubs in relationships and was never unfaithful also! But she does have a reason to worry. The opportunity is there. I know ! Opportunity is present everywhere... it's not just the clubs.
OP... if a man is going to cheat he's going to cheat... whether he meets the woman at a peeler club or church... | |
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