| Safety issues at POF
Posted: 9/4/2009 10:03:01 PM | We've all heard about the dangers of meeting someone on a first date in a non-public place...which caused me some alarm when I read the following advice given by POF in someone's "chemistry view", under the category of openness:
.... On first dates, perhaps you might suggest to your partner that the two of you spend a quiet night having dinner at one of your respective homes instead of going out to a restaurant or club.
Who writes these up? Does this advice bother anyone else? | |
|
| Safety issues at POF
Posted: 9/4/2009 10:10:06 PM | | there is no such thing as safe .... more people are killed /raped by people they know than by strangers ...lock yourself in your house ..and forgo life if you want perfect safety ...and then the house may be invaded ..there is no such thing as safe ...no we just have to use our intuition and hope for the best | |
|
| |
| Safety issues at POF
Posted: 9/4/2009 10:28:18 PM |
Who writes these up?
I don't think anyone does. I think it's computer generated. It might have been a program bought from someone else. So at one point in the far distant past it might had specific relevance, but here it might simply be a gimmick. Such as if the program was first used with people that were assumed to have known each other prior to actually dating.
Does this advice bother anyone else?
Not really. It seems like kind of a waste when they could have said something useful. So the advice is ultimately meaningless to me. As I'd never invite anyone on a first date to my home.
But my openness category reads a lot different than that. So maybe other people have a personality that is secure with inviting who I see as strangers over to their house.
Maybe the test misread you.
Which sucks because now you have to do it. It's mandatory to membership here. You have to do what your openness category match thing tells you to do. It's the law. I saw it on Judge Judy. | |
|
| Safety issues at POF
Posted: 9/4/2009 10:35:44 PM | It probably was computer generated....can you imagine if someone tried to use this as a defense..."but Judge Judy....POF told me to go to her house"...lol
and yes....we all know Judge Judy is right! | |
|
| Safety issues at POF
Posted: 9/4/2009 10:49:40 PM | Well, I guess in this case "openness" means opening your home to a total stranger!
I think a guy must have written this....saves him money on going out to restaurants for first dates.
I see that the sentence said "first dates" in the plural, so maybe they are refering to the third or fourth date...much more reasonable. They also say "suggest to your partner" which implies this person is already your partner...
For a very first "date" I have usually met in the daytime for a coffee. If you really hit it off, you can always extend the date to lunch or dinner.
I think the first date is really a "meet" where you introduce yourselves. You are essentially meeting a total stranger, so to be in a public place is a very good thing.
To be very safe, have a cell phone with you, some extra money, and let someone else know where you are going and who you are meeting. And type his full name into a search engine beforehand. | |
|
| Safety issues at POF
Posted: 9/4/2009 11:35:13 PM |
We've all heard about the dangers of meeting someone on a first date in a non-public place...which caused me some alarm when I read the following advice given by POF in someone's "chemistry view", under the category of openness:
.... On first dates, perhaps you might suggest to your partner that the two of you spend a quiet night having dinner at one of your respective homes instead of going out to a restaurant or club.
Who writes these up? Does this advice bother anyone else?
Not everyone is insanely paranoid and thinks every guy on PoF is Charles Manson. | |
|
| Safety issues at POF
Posted: 9/4/2009 11:45:37 PM | I can not possibly think of a worse idea! In my time on POF, I've had a few encounters that we're less than pleasant (Please don't misunderstand, the MAJORITY of people I have met have been reasonable, nice, sincere, etc), however, there have been a few that have been people that I ABSOLUTELY would not want knowing where I live!
While there is truth to the statement that many voilent crimes are committed by a friend or family member, that doesn't really discount the risk that is being presented here in this post. A number of years ago I was a Crisis Counselor with Rape Counseling Service for 2 years. I can tell you from personal experience that we saw every possible scenario imaginable, and I dealt with as many victims who didn't know their attackers at all or didn't know them very well to those who did. That is certainly not wise reasoning to put yourself in a compromising situation with someone you don't know!
I do agree that we shouldn't cut ourselves off from the world and sit in our homes in fear of being a vicitm of crime, and yes, the numbers are in our favor... but if you meet enough people at some point you number will be up. There is no reason to not use a little bit of wisdom in "living" life in this world either, and taking precautionary measures! Certainly, meeting a total stranger in a public place, letting someone else know where you are, who you are meeting, when you expect to return, etc. To think that anyone would advocate meeting in a private setting is simply like playing Russian Roulette! Do Not Risk Your Safety! | |
|
| Safety issues at POF
Posted: 9/5/2009 12:18:51 AM | I dont know.... seems to me we have become a culture of fear of late and while I can certanly say there are examples of things to be fearful of.. it doesnt make any sense to become engrossed in it..
take personal responsibility for your personal safety.. IE get some mace spray .. whatever makes YOU feel secure...having a few friends call you in the course of meeting someone to ensure your okay isnt outside the bounds id think.. a quick text saying " still alive" would suffice... Granted I wouldnt goto such lengths, but I can understand where a woman would. I do think we all should stop watching the terrorist threat meters and reading into every sensational story on the news...
perhaps my view is skewed based on my occupation but I see no reason to freak out and spend one second concerned with the "what ifs"... Life is much too short to live in the potentials... | |
|
| Safety issues at POF
Posted: 9/5/2009 12:33:56 AM | | I don't recommend meeting at one another's homes on a first date. DO go out in public. DO get away from the distraction which is the bedroom. | |
|
| Safety issues at POF
Posted: 9/5/2009 3:46:43 AM | | This is where we need to use our own common sense, rather than the dubious advice of so called experts... | |
|
| Safety issues at POF
Posted: 9/5/2009 4:45:25 AM | well i don't know... let me ask my lawyer & my rabbi and i'lll get back to you....
on 2nd thought, there aren't enough lawyers in the world to issue appropriate disclaimers about dating. lol.
my rabbi said as long as he's a nice jewish boy.... otherwise, pack your taser. | |
|
| Safety issues at POF
Posted: 9/5/2009 6:09:27 AM |
We've all heard about the dangers of meeting someone on a first date in a non-public place...which caused me some alarm when I read the following advice given by POF in someone's "chemistry view", under the category of openness:
.... On first dates, perhaps you might suggest to your partner that the two of you spend a quiet night having dinner at one of your respective homes instead of going out to a restaurant or club.
Who writes these up? Does this advice bother anyone else?
Perhaps I'm simply reading the statement differently from others here but I get a totally different take-away from it. The statement suggests discussing a private dinner while ON the first date - not FOR a first date...
Hard to say what the actual "feel"for the intent is without the entire context. | |
|
| Safety issues at POF
Posted: 9/5/2009 7:43:25 AM | Good for you...that means your thinking.
Im 5ft9 can bench 230 and can handle myself but i would never meet a person in a private place for the first date or even the first few dates.
I let my friends know where i'm going and when i will be back and who i'm with.
I even have issues with people knowing where i live till i get to know them as my job takes me away from home a few days a week till i get to know them.
For any people that think that is being paranoid is just plain silly. True not everyone is crazy but there are a quite a few both men and women (and you know who you are) out there.
stay safe
If all goes well on a few dates then there will be time for that quiet dinner at a persons home. | |
|
| Safety issues at POF
Posted: 9/5/2009 7:54:37 AM |
Does this advice bother anyone else?
Yes. It's extremely stupid advice. Never go into anyone's home unless you know him very well. There are dangerous people out there. | |
|
| Safety issues at POF
Posted: 9/5/2009 8:36:28 AM |
Who writes these up? Does this advice bother anyone else?
The home-dinner first date is not a good idea for total strangers, but is often a good first date for people who already knew each other in person (as friends, neighbors, or whatever) before dating. I would agree that it's probably not the best advice to appear on a dating site; but it's also expected that mature adults would take all advice (on POF or otherwise) with a grain of salt and use common sense and reason in a given situation.
So no, it's not worth it being bothered by it. Don't take that particular advice if it's not useful to you.  | |
|
| Safety issues at POF
Posted: 11/6/2009 4:48:25 PM | | I think that meeting in public place is safe for a first date, but typing their names into search engines could be also like finding a needle in the haystack. Some people have common names and unless you know their middle name it is like trying to find a thousand john does on the internet. Most people won't generally give out any personal information that you meet them in person and they know nothing about you. Warning signs are if the person insists that you meet them at their place after not knowing them initially at all. The only time have I met a person at their place is that I knew them through their friends and my friends have known them for quite some time. I wouldn't suggest meeting a total stranger in a non-public place at all because there are just too many crazy people out there these days. | |
|
| Safety issues at POF
Posted: 11/7/2009 12:07:54 AM | | all the things I have read, and classes attended.. it is recommented to meet on a first date.. 4 only 10minutes to see if you mesh.. not in YOUR home, NEVER NEVER THERE!!!! | |
|
| Safety issues at POF
Posted: 11/7/2009 2:17:24 AM | | No one steps foot in my home for at LEAST a couple of months. It's my space, and no one is welcome until I start thinking that I might be interested in actually sharing that space. | |
|
| |
| Safety issues at POF
Posted: 11/8/2009 5:31:32 AM | | yup...saves money and has close proximity to a bedroom. fantastic idea! such silliness in the forums doesnt bother me but it does annoy me when i get that type of invite. i recently asked a guy...."are you seriously inviting me to dinner in your home for a first date"? i never heard from him again. | |
|
| Safety issues at POF
Posted: 11/8/2009 5:43:59 AM | I volunteer at museum and we have "free Saturdays"!
Sooooo if someone wants to meet with me for the first time........well, guess what else is in a museum??? besides the coffee shop????? SECURITY!!!!!!!!!!! hey, if you have well over 10 million dollars in art in a building, then you damn well better have security!!!! YES!!!!!!!! So if I am in my department and my "prospective date" walks in and starts acting like an ass and won't leave willingly, I am very sure security will be all too happy to escort him out!
I will wait at least 4-6 months before I invite somone to my home.......for safety's sake.
Besides, I have a farm to protect. - with kids on it! No way would I ever just let a stranger come out here! Especially living out here in the country! | |
|
| Safety issues at POF
Posted: 11/8/2009 1:16:15 PM | | I saw that and thought WTF? The advice sounds very specific to situations when you already know some one, whether it be through work, church, bowling league or what have you. | |
|
| Safety issues at POF
Posted: 11/8/2009 1:28:10 PM |
For any people that think that is being paranoid is just plain silly.
Count me among them girly man...
Shudder to think the danger you are in with these little gals..  | |
|
| |
Home
login 
