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| | Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?Page 1 of 22 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22) | So why is it men run when a women surprises you with hey I'm pregnant, now where i live, 7/10 pregnant women do it alone, bad choices I'm assuming when they were picking who to sleep with, now I'm sure a lot of women asked the guy, if i get pregnant would you stay, and most would respond of course, probably to get more of that sweet tail, but why not stick to your convictions? is it because men have no bounds to the kid because they are not the one caring it, it takes to make a baby.. was it just a victory bang?
More focused on the guy answer(but women, feel free to respond with your thoughts on the matter as well), hey we were all young and made our mistakes which later in life turn into little blessings but why hightail it the second the test becomes positive?
And sorry if this question has been asked to death. | |
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| Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?
Posted: 9/7/2009 5:18:20 AM | Heck, I had one man have the b*lls to tell me that if I turned up pregnant, he would disappear.
Needless to say, I showed him the door.
Basically OP, it's that men don't want to take responsibility for their actions.
Everyone wants to play and have a good time, but when the consequences become reality, then men bolt and run.
Which is why we have far too many children with single parents living in poverty, because the parent who ran won't take any responsibility. And of course, it's really kids who suffer in the end as they don't get what they need, and of course, the rest of us pay for it in the form of the social programs of housing, foodstamps, aid to dependent children, and yes, disability when it really isn't needed. | |
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| Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?
Posted: 9/7/2009 5:27:52 AM | You've both basically answered this question already.
Trouble is that we all seem to know this yet it continues to happen.
If it could only be as simple as the stove is hot - don't touch.
Men like sex but are willing to say whatever and roll those dice mainly because the stakes they put on the table are minimal.
If anyone should be a little more wary of whether the house cheats it should be women for the chips they place on the table are worth many times that of any man.
Trouble is these days they(women ) have their own bodygaurds (government, family laws , courts ) to cover their bets instead of being more careful when they walk into the casino. | |
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| Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?
Posted: 9/7/2009 5:58:18 AM | it takes 2 just as you said.there's no excuse for the men just as there's no excuse for the women who do the same.
i will say,in some cases it's better that they part ways.2 wrongs don't make a right....or better. | |
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| Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?
Posted: 9/7/2009 6:28:14 AM | You know what, in the vast majority of cases where an unwanted pregnancy occurs (at least in the eyes of the man), the question shouldn't be "why do men run?", the question should be "why shouldn't they run?"
No one should be getting pregnant unless both parties have upfront to consented to and agreed that having a baby is what they both want to do.
I know I will screamed down with how accidents happen. Fact is though if people really don't want to get pregnant, they rarely do. Chances of both a condom and a second form of contraception (like the pill), both being used properly, failing simultaneously, just when a woman happens to be ovulating resulting in conception (which by the way, even in a woman's most fertile years, only occurs around 25% of the time), is tiny; close to zero in fact.
Most people, men and women alike, operate on a much higher level of risk. Either they are using condoms only and nothing else; or the pill only and nothing else (and is pretty disturbing how little women seem to know about the sorts of things that can render the pill ineffective or how long it takes before you reach optimal levels of protection after missing one or having something happen that is equivalent). Or worse, they get carried away in the heat of the moment and hope for the best, or they count on ridiculous things, like pulling out or the rhythm type methods.
People are generally too embarrassed/ashamed/scared to say "Yes, we took a big/stupid risk and it resulted in pregnancy".
I don't see why any man should have to become a parent when he never intended to nor consented to it. BUT.........
If a man enters into a sexual relationship where he is not 100% certain adequate precautions are being taken (eg. he doesn't use a condom because the woman says she is on the pill or using something else or says she can't get pregnant, but he has no absolute proof of this), well if a pregnancy results, then he is equally as responsible for that as the woman.
Man or woman, if you don't want to become a parent, then you are equally responsible for making sure you reduce that risk. Fact is you *can* almost always reduce it to zero.
I have known A LOT of men and women in the last 20 years, all of us have had numerous sexual partners given we are all approaching 40 and have been active for a minimim of 21+ years. And not a one; not one single pregnancy that wasn't planned and consensual.
So why do men run? Because even though they were almost certainly equally culpable in taking the risk that resulted in pregnancy, fact is, they run....because they can.
Kinda makes the case that given it's a woman's body that will carry the baby if she decides she can't terminate, and a woman that will be left raising the child if the man makes an exit during the pregnancy, that no matter how "unfair" it might be, that woman better make damn sure that she and her partner are taking absolutely maximum precautions to not get pregnant unless she is ok with being a single mother; assuming they are not both intentionally trying to conceive. | |
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| Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?
Posted: 9/7/2009 6:39:27 AM | I dont believe birth control fails nearly as often as people claim it does.
If a pregnancy occurs, somebody was either being really stupid, or not using protection, in a lot of cases. | |
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| Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?
Posted: 9/7/2009 7:02:19 AM | Because if she "surprises" him, it means she didn't ask him if it was ok for her to get pregnant and burden him for the next 18 years.
There are not only many more contraceptive methods available to women than to men, but after conception, the woman is the only one deciding if the pregnancy goes to term or not. Man's input is not expected nor desired, but he's expected to abide to her decision.
And finally, after being charged with a burden we don't want, suffering an extreme life-changing event, and slaving ourselves to a woman's choices, we are expected to bear with it with an ear-to-ear smile.
At the risk of being extremely un-PC: scr*w her. Her body, her choice, her responsibility. | |
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| Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?
Posted: 9/7/2009 7:24:09 AM | Vanman999 ... I have a very unpopular view on this, but .... here it is.
A female KNOWS if she is at risk of getting pregnant, and takes the chance anyway, which in my opinion makes her fully responsible.
We all know that guys are horny dogs and like to have sex ... and are highly unlikely to ask a girl if she is on the pill (or other birth control) - especially if she isn't insisting on using a condom. And, especially in the heat of the moment, and if there is alcohol involved, chances are the subject just doesn't come up.
Then, we have the girls who lie about being "covered" and turn out pregnant. And, we have the girls who are out to trap certain guys.
Now, if I were a man, I sure as heck wouldn't want anything to do with a girl who "trapped" me ... especially if I were young and not ready to have a baby.
Then, if a girl is "easy" and has unprotected sex right away with a guy ... the guy has really got to question if the baby is even his to begin with!
As far as I'm concerned ... as a female ... I know it is my body that will get pregnant, bring the baby to term, deliver it, and it is me who will be ultimately responsible to rasie the child ........ so it is up to me to either protect myself from pregnancy, or deal with the fact that a guy having sex with me doesn 't mean he wants to make a family!
Really, why SHOULDN'T some men run at the first sign of pregnancy?? Especially those who are young and just starting their "adult" lives ...
If they stay, and actually care about the child ... they have to look forward to fighting with the mother over custody and visitation, and handing over half their earnings ... while the mother shacks up with another guy and has another kid .... OOPs, getting carried away now! | |
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| Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?
Posted: 9/7/2009 7:47:10 AM | they do not believe it is them...probably some one else...they are wimps or cowards or both
when a man gets a woman pregant...it is atwo people that were involved...not just the woman
hopefully the man will become responsible...the child loses
if the parent is not around or the woman will get a boyfriend who eventually becomes her husband...the husband adopts the child...the child calls him dad...forgets about his father...lead s a descent life...who loses ?
the father who was trying to punihse the mother...in the long run he is punishing himself. | |
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| Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?
Posted: 9/7/2009 8:53:54 AM | Not all men run at the first sign of pregnancy. Men that are happily married and PLANNED a baby with their wives rarely take off at the first sign of pregnancy.
Why is it so hard to understand why a man who has NO SAY or who was not consulted in any way would not be happy about a surprise pregnancy/impending birth? That is a huge thing in someone's life, and it is outrageous that one party can decide for another party when and with whom that will occur.
Just because a woman gets pregnant does not mean she has to have a baby. If she has a baby it is because she DECIDED to have a baby. Many women say that the thought of abortion or adoption is too difficult of a choice for them, but they fail to think about the tremendous emotional burden they are forcing on men, to have a child they didn't want with a women they didn't want to have it with, and they have to pay a good portion of their hard earned money out for close to TWO DECADES of their prime earning years for a child they didn't want.
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| Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?
Posted: 9/7/2009 9:48:10 AM |
............Why is it so hard to understand why a man who has NO SAY or who was not consulted in any way would not be happy about a surprise pregnancy/impending birth................
Just because a woman gets pregnant does not mean she has to have a baby. If she has a baby it is because she DECIDED to have a baby. Many women say that the thought of abortion or adoption is too difficult of a choice for them, but they fail to think about the tremendous emotional burden they are forcing on men, to have a child they didn't want with a women they didn't want to have it with, and they have to pay a good portion of their hard earned money out for close to TWO DECADES of their prime earning years for a child they didn't want.......
Well, once again, a prime example of everyone wanting to play, sex is wonderful, etc. but when the consequences occur, men will run like hell.
Well, it takes TWO! My feeling is, birth control is the responsibility of BOTH parties involved. Guys, if you don't want to have kids and freely play, then have a vasectomy or use a condom. Ladies, same goes for you: - get your tubes tied, get on the pill, etc.
BOTH parties need to sit down, discuss it, and take responsibility. We are ALL adults and know the risks. - Whether it be an unplanned pregnancy or worse yet, getting an STD.
There is NO excuse for men whining and b*tching they have NO SAY. What a bunch of bullshit. I get so tired of people not taking any responsibility for their actions. I am a former human services worker and have seen way too many documentated cases of nonsupport children. - on both sides - the mother AND father. - but yes, sadly, the majority of those cases were on the father's part. In the ultimate end, it's the kids who suffer because they are most likely living in an impoverished situation and can't get what they need. Child Support Recovery, and yes, the Courts are totally backlogged with the cases of nonsupport and can only do so much. Trying to find these deadbeat parents is another issue because many of them move around, work for cash under the table, and the list of shenanigans goes on and on.
Sure, the Courts can establish paternity, sanction an amount of support each month, etc, and more often than not, the parent who is to pay only gets a slap on the wrist if s/he is found in contempt. So needless to say, the courts aren't exactly in the business of helping people, either.
Unfortunately, it just isn't the kids affected who pay. We all do. In the form of funding for Child Support Recovery, the Courts, to social programs of Housing, Food Stamps, Aid to Dependent Children, disability - even if it is NOT needed, welfare, and all the rest of the programs that we fund out of our hard-earned paychecks. - Programs that we ALL b*tch about.
But if we ALL took reponsibility for our actions, none of this crap would be needed.
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| Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?
Posted: 9/7/2009 10:42:45 AM | MePlus, I have to disagree with you I have encountered many women who were told they couldn't get pregnant, some were married and practicing birth control correctly with the antibiotics issue, or the pill apparently wasn't strong enough or the fell into that 1% failure rate or whatever it is.
A friend of mine just told me that he is an expectant father and it was totally unexpected. Now, he has a grown son from a first marriage, his younger boy is 12, and he doesn't sound remotely pissed to be having another baby at 47, perhaps because his second son he saw as a chance to really do things right, better than he had as a young parent with the first son and knows that despite all of the negatives that do accompany parenting, it is far outweighed by the joy.
Maybe people are raising their boys wrong if they behave this way. I certainly don't know how my boys are going to "turn out" but I know how they feel about their father's lack of interest in their lives, the way I have raised them by myself even the first 12 years that he was living in the house. I really cannot see either of them walking out on a baby whether it was planned or not. If boys and young men are raised to believe that children are both the joy and responsibility of both parents equally instead of the women's milieu, would there be fewer men who believe that an unwanted pregnancy is the woman's problem?
I really understand that this sucks for guys and I believe in a woman's right to choose and that it is not particularly great to have a baby when you are young and totally unprepared to raise one, that abortion is an option that should be considered, but I'm not sure when I was young if I had conceived a baby within the confines of a loving relationship that I could have aborted.
Because if she "surprises" him, it means she didn't ask him if it was ok for her to get pregnant and burden him for the next 18 years.
Or neither party ever bothered to discuss their intentions before having sex if an unplanned pregnancy did result. And this really is stupid, is she not equally "burdened" for the next 18 years, pfft. | |
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| Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?
Posted: 9/7/2009 11:03:31 AM | Because if she "surprises" him, it means she didn't ask him if it was ok for her to get pregnant and burden him for the next 18 years. Or neither party ever bothered to discuss their intentions before having sex if an unplanned pregnancy did result. And this really is stupid, is she not equally "burdened" for the next 18 years, pfft.
Technically, no, it is impossible for the woman to "be equally burdened" with a child because she can decide not to have it. A child cannot be foisted upon the woman as it can be onto the man. | |
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| Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?
Posted: 9/7/2009 11:18:46 AM | Use that logic in a different situation.
A guy hands you a hand grenade. Before he runs for cover, he tells you that if you pull the pin, there is only a 1 in 100 chance of the grenade exploding. These are considered relatively safe grenades because they have been made into duds, but the process is not perfect and some till explode. He says that if you pull the pin and find out, and don't get blown up, he will give you 100 dollars. You're really broke and need the money, and you have spent all week looking for a source of income. That 100 dollars would be a great help.
So, you consider the possibilities. If you walk away, the grenade has no chance of exploding since you didn't pull the pin. You will never know if it would have gone off. But you also miss out on the money. You have to keep looking for that somewhere else. Do you go for it, take the risk, pull the pin, and earn an easy handful of cash? Or does the risk of being blown up put you off the idea?
OK, now that you know what you would do in that situation, add sex back in. In addition to being brave, taking the risk, being willing to accept the consequences of your choice, an additional requirement is that you have to be enthusiastic about pulling the pin, smile while you do it, and call the grenade, "Daddy".
The foisting is done by the sperm. It's not like the women has sex, then as an afterthought stops at the baby store on the way home. | |
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| Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?
Posted: 9/7/2009 11:47:40 AM | | One thing I've noticed as a single dad trying to date again is how MANY of the women I've dated have kids by deadbeat dads. The courts apparently are overburdened and can't handle these things in a timely manner(and in my opinion the laws should be MUCH tougher regarding these things). I think the reason a lot of men walk away when they find out a woman is pregnant...is simply because they can. They'll job-hop around every time their ex finds out where they work or they'll work under the table to avoid garnishments. It's sad but it's not ALL men either. It's just that no one is going to post on a "dating site" who is a wife or husband who are responsibly caring for their child together. This venue lends itself to more "horror stories" than to stories where the man takes care of his responsibilities. I will say that protection is the only way to go and still not 100% safe by any means. If I had a nickel for every time a rubber broke...well, I guess I'd still not have a whole dollar...BUT I could have a ton of kids running around despite my efforts to be safe. As for right now, I've just decided that sex can wait. I'm already raising one awesome little boy by myself so opportunities are few and far between anyway lol, but I'm not going to die if I don't have sex this month either. | |
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| Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?
Posted: 9/7/2009 1:26:51 PM | BOTH parties need to sit down, discuss it, and take responsibility.
While I agree with this, I can't understand why women, knowing THEY will have to carry the kid and very likely have to raise the kid alone don't go above and beyond to protect themselves. I find it rather bizarre, honestly.
There are about a dozen methods of BC available to women. There is abstenance. There is Plan B, abortion and adoption. Sex does not occur, with the exception of rape, unless the woman agrees. A child is not born unless a woman chooses to carry him/her to term.
I just don't get it. I don't even understand how a doctor could possibly tell a woman that she cannot get pregnant unless she doesn't have a uterus and/or ovaries. I've heard this story so many times from women here and in real life.
I think any man who trusts a woman with BC or who trusts a woman who says she can't get pregnant is a fvcking idiot. He should absolutely take responsibility for his sperm.
Why do guys run? I think there are cases of feeling betrayed, I think there are cases where the guy is a complete shithead, I think there are cases where the guy does it out of spite, and I think it's likely that there are as many reasons as there are runners.
But ultimately? I think that women should keep their legs shut, or double/triple up on BC, or just say "No" if a guy refuses to wear a condom in addition to the BC she is using.
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| Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?
Posted: 9/7/2009 2:21:11 PM |
I think that women should keep their legs shut, or double/triple up on BC, or just say "No" if a guy refuses to wear a condom in addition to the BC she is using......
hmmmmm. I could say the same thing for men who run around with their pants unzipped as well. | |
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| Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?
Posted: 9/7/2009 2:42:52 PM |
hmmmmm. I could say the same thing for men who run around with their pants unzipped as well.
Of course you could.
Women here often tell men that the men should keep it in their pants if they don't want to be a father, but it's very rare that women tell other women to keep their legs closed....
... and, again, given that women will most likely be the single custodial parent, I just find it hard to understand why women are not more diligent about BC than the shitheads they choose to have sex with...
Just to be clear, I think men are fvcking stupid if they trust women to be responsible for BC or for believing what women say about their fertility.
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| Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?
Posted: 9/7/2009 2:53:36 PM |
I think men are fvcking stupid if they trust women to be responsible for BC or for believing what women say about their fertility.......
Yes, Capitano, I agree....but on the other side of the coin how many women out here have heard a man say he had a vasectomy? or had a prior condition that rendered him sterile?? - and oops.........he wasn't shooting blanks after all. It happens more than you think - yes, men WILL lie to get what they want and take off.
You want to play, you are going to pay the consequences. Pure and simple. It's not that difficult to figure out.
End of story. | |
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| Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?
Posted: 9/7/2009 2:58:33 PM | BOTH parties need to sit down, discuss it, and take responsibility. While I agree with this, I can't understand why women, knowing THEY will have to carry the kid and very likely have to raise the kid alone don't go above and beyond to protect themselves. I find it rather bizarre, honestly. There are about a dozen methods of BC available to women. There is abstenance. There is Plan B, abortion and adoption. Sex does not occur, with the exception of rape, unless the woman agrees. A child is not born unless a woman chooses to carry him/her to term. I just don't get it. I don't even understand how a doctor could possibly tell a woman that she cannot get pregnant unless she doesn't have a uterus and/or ovaries. I've heard this story so many times from women here and in real life. I think any man who trusts a woman with BC or who trusts a woman who says she can't get pregnant is a fvcking idiot. He should absolutely take responsibility for his sperm. Why do guys run? I think there are cases of feeling betrayed, I think there are cases where the guy is a complete shithead, I think there are cases where the guy does it out of spite, and I think it's likely that there are as many reasons as there are runners. But ultimately? I think that women should keep their legs shut, or double/triple up on BC, or just say "No" if a guy refuses to wear a condom in addition to the BC she is using.
I think that women should keep their legs shut, or double/triple up on BC, or just say "No" if a guy refuses to wear a condom in addition to the BC she is using...... hmmmmm. I could say the same thing for men who run around with their pants unzipped as well.
Not really. He quite clearly illustrated what the difference was between men and women:
While I agree with this, I can't understand why women, knowing THEY will have to carry the kid and very likely have to raise the kid alone don't go above and beyond to protect themselves. I find it rather bizarre, honestly.
Looking at it at face value, women have a lot more to risk/lose by failing to use adequate bc than men. However, there is another way to look at this argument. That is, what one may view as a negative consequence for a woman, i.e. the burden of pregnancy and parenthood for 18 years, is actually anything but for many women. In other words, for many women who are careless about birth control, they will be rewarded by birth control failure rather than burdened, because they are open to (or eagerly anticipating, depending upon the woman) the idea of having a baby if there is an unplanned pregnancy.
Looking at it that way, it is clear that the consequences of birth control failure to the man can be much more severe than for women. | |
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| Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?
Posted: 9/7/2009 3:09:18 PM |
In other words, for many women who are careless about birth control, they will be rewarded by birth control failure rather than burdened, because they are open to (or eagerly anticipating, depending upon the woman) the idea of having a baby if there is an unplanned pregnancy.
Yeah....
... as I've said many times before, I think that many women choose FATE as their preferred method of BC... 
... just rollin' those dice.....
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| Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?
Posted: 9/7/2009 3:18:14 PM |
Yes, Capitano, I agree....but on the other side of the coin how many women out here have heard a man say he had a vasectomy?
Same thing goes for her. Any woman who'd believe that shit is a fvcking idiot as well, especially since she's the one who's likely to end up pregnant.
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| Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?
Posted: 9/7/2009 3:19:18 PM | I would like for men to fight for more reproductive rights laws ( I would gladly sign petitions) Women can option out of unplanned pregnancies, men should be able to as well.
I think if it can be proven that a woman has a precription for birth control , that proves that she is not wanting to get PG. If there is a failure the man should be able to say no. Then the women takes all responsibility to have the child if she decides to do so... | |
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