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 samantha1187
Joined: 7/26/2009
Msg: 1
How do I tell a guy to slow it down...Page 1 of 1    
How do I tell a guy to slow down when it comes to moving too fast without him thinking I'm not interested? He wants to meet Friday, but I want to get to know him a little more first. I don't want him to think i'm not interested but as soon as a guy starts to move a little fast for me I start to freeze up. Help!
 andyboro
Joined: 1/12/2009
Msg: 2
How do I tell a guy to slow it down...
Posted: 9/9/2009 5:15:52 AM
I think the answer here is the same answer i give to any woman who wants to get something across to a man..... straight up and honestly - really, we dont get all those subtle hints and nudges and if we do - we are far more likely to mis-read.

something as simple as 'do you mind if we slow down a little - i do like you but i dont want to take things too fast because ***********'

really, i think most guys would prefer that...
 Nerdhead26
Joined: 5/7/2009
Msg: 3
How do I tell a guy to slow it down...
Posted: 9/9/2009 5:26:56 AM

andyboro

got it right on
 wileygy
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 4
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How do I tell a guy to slow it down...
Posted: 9/9/2009 5:34:57 AM
i agree with andy.however don't be too surprised if his interest wanes since you can't even bring yourself to meet up.
 farceur
Joined: 5/3/2009
Msg: 5
How do I tell a guy to slow it down...
Posted: 9/9/2009 5:50:24 AM
Meeting is how people get to know each other. Online is how people arrange meetings. Maybe what would work is for you two to meet to discuss how best to make arrangements online in a way that would lead to meeting to get to know each other that suits both of you.
 KC-Friends
Joined: 7/12/2009
Msg: 6
How do I tell a guy to slow it down...
Posted: 9/9/2009 6:04:34 AM
in those very words. Don't make it harder than it needs to be.
 OnlyThis
Joined: 3/31/2009
Msg: 7
How do I tell a guy to slow it down...
Posted: 9/9/2009 6:10:11 AM

He wants to meet Friday, but I want to get to know him a little more first.

Meeting is what this is all about. If you told me you didn't want to meet, I would move on.
 HalftimeDad
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 8
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How do I tell a guy to slow it down...
Posted: 9/9/2009 6:49:42 AM
Yeah, you really can't get to know anyone through this. The first meeting is what all this is meant to get you to.

But, it's your call and that's just my opinion. Just tell him that everyone has a different comfort level when it comes to that first meeting - and you need to get to know him a little better before you can commit to a date.
 hyoid
Joined: 5/12/2009
Msg: 9
How do I tell a guy to slow it down...
Posted: 9/9/2009 6:51:02 AM
Getting to "know" him on line will do NOTHING to improve the chances you two will be compatible. If either of you is a scheming type (aka known as a playa) the delay will allow refinement of the gambit to be ultimately used.
 Navigator6
Joined: 3/5/2008
Msg: 10
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How do I tell a guy to slow it down...
Posted: 9/9/2009 7:02:01 AM

He wants to meet Friday, but I want to get to know him a little more first.

Meeting is what this is all about. If you told me you didn't want to meet, I would move on.

Ditto! Just because you meet, doesn't mean that you can't take things slow. So, why waste time by getting to "know" someone through long email/chat/phone conversations where they can BS and portray themselves to be whatever they think you want to hear? IMO, the only way to get a true depiction of the type of person you're dealing with is through face to face interaction.

OP, meet the guy on Friday night, just be yourself, and let him know that you want to take things slow. It's that simple. Any decent guy will certainly understand that. If your guy doesn't, then you would have just saved yourself all of that email/chat/BS time "getting to know him".

Good Luck on Friday!

EDIT:
Wait a minute, I just saw the other thread you started today about the same guy texting that he "misses you". IDK, that would weird me out! Especially if you haven't met yet. I'd still go meet him but DON'T ignore any blatantly obvious red flags... like that text message. It sounds like he's the type who gets waaay too involved, waaay too early so, plan on keeping the meeting brief - tell him you'll meet for A drink. If things go well, you can always hang out longer, but if he starts to get freaky on you, you can bail out after one drink.
 Invictus74
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 11
How do I tell a guy to slow it down...
Posted: 9/9/2009 7:06:27 AM
Nothing at all can happen until you meet. Meeting is the WHOLE point.

If I first contacted a woman right now, at my desk at work, and she responded back that she'd like to get together for lunch ... today... You better believe I'm going to lunch.... today..

That said, make sure he knows that you're interested. Show him that you're interested. And also make sure he knows how you'd like to pace things. If you meet him and you still want to take it slow, set your dates up with a longer period of time, a week or more in between. Keep in touch with him so things don't die on the vine.
 slybandit
Joined: 7/10/2006
Msg: 12
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How do I tell a guy to slow it down...
Posted: 9/9/2009 7:18:26 AM
Here, I'll assume that when you state "He wants to meet Friday, but I want to get to know him a little more first" this implies that you have not met him in person yet.

Let me echo some other posters: you are not going to get to know him online.

Getting to know someone is what happens *when* you meet them.

Everything you think you *know* about someone you converse with online consists entirely in you *projecting* things into your *image* of that person.

The more time you spend 'getting to know them' online the LESS likely you are to have anything like an accurate picture of the person.

Let me be brutal, samantha1187: stop being a coward.

If you're afraid of rejection, deal with it. Guys deal with it or they get no dates. If you're afraid he's going to turn out to be a liar, loser, pervert or whatever, you're not going to find that out online without *meeting* the guy in person. He might give off some red flags beforehand, but that's about it.
 *Cowboy*
Joined: 4/28/2006
Msg: 13
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How do I tell a guy to slow it down...
Posted: 9/9/2009 7:27:28 AM
Just be honest and head that kinda talk off at the pass as soon as it comes up. Tell him you want to know him better on here before meeting. That your interested but that you take meeting online slowly and want to know more about him.

But when you message him on here then after that, DO ask a lot of questions to help getting to know him. This should not take forever if your really interested in getting to know him here. If your writing endless 2 line messages playing message ping pong your not going to look serious to me. Many on here mainly want to chat. They are not serious it seems in actually meeting. So use your messages here and ask questions. When you get to the point your comfortable move to phone calls.

I ask a lot of questions but I also want to see progress being made towards meeting also.

Cowboy
 MsEclectic
Joined: 12/13/2008
Msg: 14
How do I tell a guy to slow it down...
Posted: 9/9/2009 7:33:33 AM
Someone else pointed out your other posting, and after reading that, it looks like you should have put all the details into one thread...

That in mind, it sounds like you are really questioning if you should meet him at all. If he scared you, or is coming on too strong before you have even met, you have every right to change your mind about meeting.

If you do meet, make sure it isn't his home or someplace you are not familiar with.

Don't lead him on if you don't feel comfortable with his communication style. Just my thoughts. Good luck!
 SoccerNerd78
Joined: 7/23/2008
Msg: 15
How do I tell a guy to slow it down...
Posted: 9/9/2009 7:37:39 AM
The best way to tell someone something is not through means of telepathy.

Stop feeding your dog fake octopii, those dogs are notorious for eating anything and everything. I was at the vet hospital yesterday and they had to remove a baby toy from the poor guy's stomach via induced vomiting. Surgery is expensive...
 JP1111
Joined: 4/13/2008
Msg: 16
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How do I tell a guy to slow it down...
Posted: 9/9/2009 7:37:54 AM
Be honest with him and tell him that you would like to get to know him a little bit better before moving this fast.
 56kingfish
Joined: 4/27/2009
Msg: 17
How do I tell a guy to slow it down...
Posted: 9/9/2009 7:40:23 AM
Just tell him what you've written in your question.

Tell him. Don't suggest it or insinuate it. Tell him.

Say something like, "I have met men on this site very quickly and been dissappointed. I've made a decision to take time to get to know someone better before actually meeting thim in person. I like you and I enjoy the conversations and e-mail exchanges we've had. Please give me a little more time before we meet in person."

He's got to respect that and if he doesn't? Buh, bye!

You are correct in your thinking, you know. The rub is that if you don't quickly push things to an in-person meeting, someone loses interest or finds a what the feel may be a better prospect but if you do rush things to an in-person meeting without eccectively "qualifying them", 9/10 times you will be horribly dissapointed and stuck on a miserable date.
 ProdigalSon81
Joined: 1/18/2009
Msg: 18
How do I tell a guy to slow it down...
Posted: 9/9/2009 7:41:19 AM
Andyboro said it best I think.

The guy can't read your mind and he may see it as you're the one being weird about not wanting to meet up.

If you don't want to meet, just tell him so you don't waste each other's time.
 Write Time
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 19
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How do I tell a guy to slow it down...
Posted: 9/9/2009 7:58:07 AM
Just say it was clearly and concisely as you can.

If you can say it to us here -- a screen full of strangers -- you should be able to say it to the guy you're interested in dating.
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 20
How do I tell a guy to slow it down...
Posted: 9/9/2009 7:59:39 AM
How long have you been talking to him online? If it's a week, just say "I'd rather keep it online for a little while longer, if you don't mind, so I can get to know you better."

If it's been a while that you've been chatting online, you're wasting his time if you don't ever ACTUALLY meet him. I would also dump you if you said you needed more time.

Why wouldn't you WANT to meet this guy you're interested in, anyway? THAT seems to be the real question to me.
 1kindMan4U
Joined: 5/23/2007
Msg: 21
How do I tell a guy to slow it down...
Posted: 9/9/2009 8:03:33 AM
How do you people (yes I said it, YOU PEOPLE) expect to "get to know someone" without MEETING and talking FACE TO FACE?

Heck, back in "the day" ( you know, pre-computer crapola) You'd meet someone at a bar or club, an hour later have her phone number, a day or three later you'd call her and

ASK HER ON A DATE in order to GET TO KNOW HER, and so that SHE COULD GET TO KNOW YOU.

How is wanting to meet you IN PERSON to get to know you, MOVING TOO FAST?

What the heck are YOU PEOPLE? afraid of anyway
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