| is meeting over a cup of coffee the answer?
Posted: 9/10/2009 2:34:30 PM | | I am 68 and new to online dating. The women who appeared only slightly resembled their photos in three of four first-dates. I felt like a fool and taken advantage of free food and drink for what both knew from the start would not lead to a second date. Is insisting on first-meetings at Starbucks the answer? | |
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| is meeting over a cup of coffee the answer?
Posted: 9/10/2009 2:40:30 PM | ALWAYS do short first meets. The first MEET is not a date. Its only to explore if a real "date" is in order.
Meets shout be a quick drink or coffee. A walk around the block walking a dog or ANYTHING short.
Dates come after meets.
Problem solved.
Cowboy | |
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| is meeting over a cup of coffee the answer?
Posted: 9/10/2009 2:40:36 PM | Um...Yeah!
Geez. A first meet?! Don't devote more than a cup of coffee or a pint...and an hour of your time.
Some of my first meets have wound up lasting for four hours. But am I ever glad that when they don't last that long, that all I offered up was a walk/coffee/pint...whatever.
When it's good, it's really good. Save it for the second date. Learn fast and save yourself alot of time/money.
Good luck.
CJ | |
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| is meeting over a cup of coffee the answer?
Posted: 9/10/2009 2:41:07 PM |
The women who appeared only slightly resembled their photos
Yep, we've all been there and done that...
Is insisting on first-meetings at Starbucks the answer?
Yep, or some other inexpensive option. For instance, you could meet for a drink in the early evening with it being your option to buy dinner if things go well. | |
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| is meeting over a cup of coffee the answer?
Posted: 9/10/2009 2:46:06 PM |
I am 68 and new to online dating. The women who appeared only slightly resembled their photos in three of four first-dates. I'm going to guess that this is going to happen more often than not with folks in your age group. It's really prevalent in any age group actually. If you have the mindset that you are having a first MEET instead of a first DATE, you will weed out the charlatans.
Oh, keep in mind that if the coffee meet goes well, there absolutely nothing wrong with getting on with a date that same night. If she strikes your fancy, invite her to a meal or whatever. | |
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| is meeting over a cup of coffee the answer?
Posted: 9/10/2009 2:59:54 PM | | You felt like a fool because they didn't resemble their picture or because it was obvious there was no chemistry? Just because someone doesn't click with you and is not interested in seeing you for a second time doesn't mean they are taking advantage of you. | |
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| is meeting over a cup of coffee the answer?
Posted: 9/10/2009 3:08:12 PM | | Good grief, now we have a 68 year old cheapskate. If you are too cheap to spring for dinner, how are you not gonna be to cheap to spring for Starbucks? | |
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| is meeting over a cup of coffee the answer?
Posted: 9/10/2009 3:22:16 PM |
Good grief, now we have a 68 year old cheapskate. If you are too cheap to spring for dinner
He is not to cheap to buy dinner and like me probably enjoys taking a woman out for a nice evening. However, when there is a deception involved.. no two ways about it.. it sucs.
When the woman who shows up to dinner has added 100 pounds or 10 years to the woman in the profile, the evening simply is not going to go well. | |
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| is meeting over a cup of coffee the answer?
Posted: 9/10/2009 3:26:42 PM | | If the women is 100 lbs heavier or 10 years older than her photo and that bothers you, then why would you continue with the date in the first place? You meet at the restaurant and it's not the person you thought it was, you just apologize and say there must have been a misunderstanding and be on your way. You don't sit there and have dinner with the person and then complain about it later. | |
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| is meeting over a cup of coffee the answer?
Posted: 9/10/2009 3:30:52 PM |
You felt like a fool because they didn't resemble their picture or because it was obvious there was no chemistry? I think he felt foolish because he discovered the hard way that LOTS of people misrepresent themselves in their profiles.
If you are too cheap to spring for dinner Incorrect. He's obviously not too cheap to spring for dinner. He took several women out for dinner dates. The issue is the women he chose to meet posted photos that physically misrepresented themselves. Reading comprehension people.
If the women is 100 lbs heavier or 10 years older than her photo and that bothers you, then why would you continue with the date in the first place? Um because they agreed to have dinner? Reading comprehension people.
You meet at the restaurant and it's not the person you thought it was, you just apologize and say there must have been a misunderstanding and be on your way. I've done this half a dozen times. It's lead me to believe it's much easier to have the scenario set up as a first MEET instead of a DATE, and then be pleasantly surprised when the lady hasn't misrepresented her physical presence on her profile.
You don't sit there and have dinner with the person and then complain about it later. It's not a complaint, it's an OBSERVATION and he is seeking feedback wondering if this has happened to anyone else. YES, THOUSANDS of times. | |
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| is meeting over a cup of coffee the answer?
Posted: 9/10/2009 3:31:41 PM |
then why would you continue with the date in the first place?
Ya know, there are times when I guess I could have just stomped on the gas and just kept going but then I wouldn't be me. Regardless of who shows up, I am going to make certain they have a nice evening. | |
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| is meeting over a cup of coffee the answer?
Posted: 9/10/2009 3:31:47 PM |
He is not to cheap to buy dinner and like me probably enjoys taking a woman out for a nice evening. However, when there is a deception involved.. no two ways about it.. it sucs.
When the woman who shows up to dinner has added 100 pounds or 10 years to the woman in the profile, the evening simply is not going to go well.
So let me get this straight. If she is everything you envisioned and you think there might be a chance of getting in her pants at some point you dont mind paying for din din.
If she doesnt quite live up to your expectation she shouldnt expect dinner. OK got ya.
Ya know i have observed that most men once they reach the age of 40, really dont have alot to offer, besides a beer belly. Now they want to act like brokeasses too.
I think i would be using every advantage i had. Paying for the din din without biatching would be a good place to start | |
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| is meeting over a cup of coffee the answer?
Posted: 9/10/2009 3:36:38 PM |
So let me get this straight. If she is everything you envisioned and you think there might be a chance of getting in her pants at some point you dont mind paying for din din. No, but if she misrepresents herself physically in her profile, it just makes you wonder just what else is she misrepresenting. Not a great way to start a relationship.
Ya know i have observed that most men once they reach the age of 40, really dont have alot to offer, besides a beer belly. Now they want to act like brokeasses too. Reading comprehension people. The issue isn't his potential beer belly, or that he is broke, it's with people misrepresenting themselves on internet profiles. The ad-hominem attacks on the OP are ludicrous.  Come up with something better. | |
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| is meeting over a cup of coffee the answer?
Posted: 9/10/2009 3:36:39 PM | | You seem to have a rationalization...er.. explanation for everything. If you agreed to have dinner and feel compelled to go through with it after it is obvious the person misrepresented themselves then don't freaking complain..yes, he complained, that it's obvious from the START that it's not going anywhere. If you don't mind that it's not going anywhere then just go along with the flow. If it bothers you that it's not going anywhere, then be honest with the person that you aren't attracted and leave. There is no law that says you must stay for a date that you're not interested in. Stop acting like you don't have a choice in the matter. | |
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| is meeting over a cup of coffee the answer?
Posted: 9/10/2009 3:38:14 PM |
If it bothers you that it's not going anywhere, then be honest with the person that you aren't attracted and leave. This has been suggested; when you find it unattractive that someone blatantly lies on their profile, that is grounds for ending the meeting. | |
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| is meeting over a cup of coffee the answer?
Posted: 9/10/2009 3:47:34 PM | Geez! What's with all the snotty responses? The poor guy is new to internet dating and trying to figure out why his dates have not been honest about themselves. I guess he's getting first hand look at why he shouldn't ask for opinions on the forums, either. Give him a break.
bejart, the best way to go always is a short meet to see if there is any connection. Save your $$ for the girl you have chemistry with. Ignore these ruthless folk. They have nothing better to do than hide behind their monitors and troll the POF waters seeking their next victim. | |
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| is meeting over a cup of coffee the answer?
Posted: 9/10/2009 3:58:07 PM |
Good grief, now we have a 68 year old cheapskate. If you are too cheap to spring for dinner,
OK I am just curious and asking very politely. I have been in the OP's shoes and when I started on here I was meeting for nice dinner dates for first "meets" and had way to many with 100+ dollar tabs as they kept ordering drinks and after 10 minutes I would know I would never want a real date. Dinner was a chore to finish. A $100 tab was just .....
So he is cheap huh ? How many dinner date tabs for a first meet have YOU picked up?
It's a lot different on the other end of the deal. I learned to do what I do now the hard way. And it cost a lot of money.
First meets should be SHORT and cheap. A drink or two max. I'll pick that up every time.
He was trying to be a gentleman and was taken advantage of. Happens to lots of good guys on here. First meets should be cheap or go dutch. I have met a TON of gals on here and you usually know in 20 minutes max if you are interested in a second date and that doesnt require an expensive dinner tab. He learned the hard way. Ladies that think we are cheap on a first date for not coughing up for an expensive dinner to learn we have little in common or their pics are old or fake are the problem.
First meets should be SHORT and CHEAP.
Cowboy | |
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| is meeting over a cup of coffee the answer?
Posted: 9/10/2009 3:58:55 PM | Yep, we ALL get taken every so often (men are just as deceptive, BTW). I would say I have eaten with many a guy who had outright lied about his looks/age. I have paid, he has paid. Interesting, though, that you haven't yet encountered the ole no show! THAT happens quite a bit, too.
One thing I do that works for me:
Ask to meet at the bar of a restaurant. That way, if he doesn't show up, I still have my drink at bar I like. If he shows up, we each have a drink at a bar I like. If we hit it off, we can have dinner together. If we don't, we can say our tear-filled good-byes, go to our respective homes, and eat our frozen dinners in front of the TV like always, with a big jug of "my life sucks" as a side.
==============
To all you guys who think women are golddigging for dinner--OY! NEVER ASK A WOMAN OUT, that will solve your problem. | |
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| is meeting over a cup of coffee the answer?
Posted: 9/10/2009 4:03:09 PM | OP, I met over 100 women in person since I first joined and could only recognise about 10. Yes, coffee for me is good enough! Even better, I prefer a Drive By Date!
“Good grief, now we have a 68 year old cheapskate. If you are too cheap to spring for dinner, how are you not gonna be to cheap to spring for Starbucks?”
Obviously, you’re NOT the one who pays all the time! | |
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| is meeting over a cup of coffee the answer?
Posted: 9/10/2009 4:07:37 PM |
So let me get this straight. If she is everything you envisioned and you think there might be a chance of getting in her pants at some point you dont mind paying for din din.
If she doesnt quite live up to your expectation she shouldnt expect dinner. OK got ya.
You have nothing. You comprehend nothing. | |
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| is meeting over a cup of coffee the answer?
Posted: 9/10/2009 4:08:16 PM |
If we hit it off, we can have dinner together.
Sounds great but a note to OP...never extend a first meet unless you are certain the attraction is mutual. Many women will gladly accept dinner, after dinner drinks, etc. and won't even let you get home before sending the "no chemistry" brush off. | |
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| is meeting over a cup of coffee the answer?
Posted: 9/10/2009 4:10:38 PM |
OK I am just curious and asking very politely. I have been in the OP's shoes and when I started on here I was meeting for nice dinner dates for first "meets" and had way to many with 100+ dollar tabs as they kept ordering drinks and after 10 minutes I would know I would never want a real date. Dinner was a chore to finish. A $100 tab was just .....
So he is cheap huh ? How many dinner date tabs for a first meet have YOU picked up?
It's a lot different on the other end of the deal. I learned to do what I do now the hard way. And it cost a lot of money.
First meets should be SHORT and cheap. A drink or two max. I'll pick that up every time.
He was trying to be a gentleman and was taken advantage of. Happens to lots of good guys on here. First meets should be cheap or go dutch. I have met a TON of gals on here and you usually know in 20 minutes max if you are interested in a second date and that doesnt require an expensive dinner tab. He learned the hard way. Ladies that think we are cheap on a first date for not coughing up for an expensive dinner to learn we have little in common or their pics are old or fake are the problem.
First meets should be SHORT and CHEAP.
Cowboy so nailed this on the head. | |
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| is meeting over a cup of coffee the answer?
Posted: 9/10/2009 4:12:02 PM | OP, I beg to differ with you. You were NOT a fool. You are simply afflicted with what have become rare conditions in our society - class and integrity. These conditions are not something that requires thought, they are an ingrained part of a person's personality and character.
A person of class realizes people have fears, issues and circumstances A person of class recogizes good people do things which, while they may not be generally acceptable, are understandable. A person of class has genuine compassion and empathy for others.
Integrity goes to the core of a person's being. It is the unflinching adherence to a strict ethical code in the face of any and all opposition.
When a person of integrity gives their 'word', they will pay any price or endure any hardship to keep that 'word' inviolate.
Integrity transcends emotion and thought.
Back on topic, Only This hit upon it. Make you 'meets' at a restaurant that has a separate lounge area. IF there is interest on both your parts, then suggest to extend your 'meet' to include a light dinner (maybe just appetizers and dessert).
Worst case, you have dinner alone AND have maintained your 'afflictions'. | |
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| is meeting over a cup of coffee the answer?
Posted: 9/10/2009 4:19:24 PM | Good grief, now we have a 68 year old cheapskate. If you are too cheap to spring for dinner, how are you not gonna be to cheap to spring for Starbucks? cheap shot, dreamcatcher. the guy is just trying to figure out how online dating works and asking for help. you didn't walk in here knowing everything.
If she doesnt quite live up to your expectation she shouldnt expect dinner. OK got ya. nobody should expect anything beyond honesty and basic courtesy. you seem to be saying a woman DESERVES dinner just for showing up. that she's doing him a favor. that's as bad as the guy who thinks plunking down his credit card entitles him to some head in her car afterward. news flash: if she doesn't measure up, a man is entirely within his right to terminate contact.
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| is meeting over a cup of coffee the answer?
Posted: 9/10/2009 4:43:28 PM | | Never do dinner on a first date. It's not supposed to be a date anyway, it's a meet and greet. You are not cheap at all. Why should you pay for dinner and drinks for someone you don't like. Meet for coffee and even then the women should pay her own coffee. Why should you buy coffee for a stranger. I think it is awesome that you are putting yourself out there and trying to meet someone. That's cool. | |
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