| disclosing cronic illness on profile
Posted: 9/11/2009 10:37:20 PM | I sometimes have fibromialga bad enough that I have to ocassionally take medicine and take it easy for a few days... recently I meet someone who was very much the woman I was searching for but I was reluctant to talk about it with her...three weeks after we met I had a major flare and after two days of not talking I told her about it.....she was very mean and angry and used very hurtful words as she ended the relationship with me...... it hurts to know people will judge me by something I cannot control and I hesitate to talk about it right away...... I dont feel Im ready for a disabled dating site..... so whats a guy like me to do??
any suggestions on how to not scare people away...its only every few months the pain gets to me too much.... | |
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| disclosing scronic illnes on profile
Posted: 9/11/2009 10:44:18 PM | She wasn't judging you.
She was displaying her inability to comprehend a chronic illness.
Doesn't belong on a profile, but should be disclosed before 3 weeks of dating pass | |
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| disclosing cronic illness on profile
Posted: 9/11/2009 11:16:58 PM | | consult ur pharmasist have him give u a print out from ur place where u buy meds to let ur other know ur condition pleases excussing me spelling 3 girls at work have the same problem but they keep working and they deal with it | |
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| disclosing cronic illness on profile
Posted: 9/11/2009 11:26:12 PM | I would LOVE for it to be a MUST on these sites. You should list your illnesses! Could you imagine the HERPES, VD, HPV, etc.... cases!
OUCH!!!!!!
But as for your situation. This is a heredity passing thing. Maybe she didn't want kids with that possibility. But still... Name calling ....
Put it off to bad luck on POF.... Then again, POF seems to have more POS! | |
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| disclosing cronic illness on profile
Posted: 9/11/2009 11:47:37 PM | | That's too bad she treated you the way she did. But in all fairness, if I were you, I'd disclose your illness right from the beginning. Women get cranky when guys don't communicate and having something like fibromialga and not mentioning it for awhile could really make a woman upset. Even if the pain is only every few months, I would make it known regardless. | |
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| disclosing cronic illness on profile
Posted: 9/11/2009 11:50:40 PM | I don't think you have to put it on your profile but it should be one of the things to talk about in the early stage of dating.
The way the woman reacted to your situation she is a borderline of something and she shouldn't judge eh LOL | |
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| disclosing cronic illness on profile
Posted: 9/12/2009 12:08:06 AM | Putting it on your profile, maybe. But I would immediately (and have done so) block any woman who didn't reveal any serious health issues by the end of date number two, and this number includes the first meeting. Man, you gotta give what you wanna get. If they react "mean" as you say, then they're doing you a favor. I have no interest in getting attached to the woman she wants to pretend she is, as opposed to who she really is. Been there, done that.
As for putting it on your profile, you should put it on there if it's something you are absolutely unable to keep to yourself. (Blindness, one arm is a hook, in a wheelchair, that sort of thing.) If it's something nobody can see, this is one of those things that should be covered just like telling her what you do for a living. | |
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| disclosing cronic illness on profile
Posted: 9/12/2009 12:29:48 AM | It's a fact of life that as people age, they tend to have more medical issues... it's normal.
Don't put it in your profile because of what ONE woman did.... she is not the majority. Keep dating other women. Remember, you only need one good one, all the rest don't count. | |
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| disclosing cronic illness on profile
Posted: 9/12/2009 12:47:56 AM | | I mentioned in my profile that I have a chronic illness I am dealing with. Once I start communicating with someone I tell them about my condition. No point in even going as far as meeting them if they can't deal with it. Some men chose not to continue the communication and others have been fine. Some also have conditions and we continue chatting and become mail friends. As for the nature of the illness no I don't think you have to tell all in the profile, just the ones that you might be interested in pursuing. | |
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| disclosing cronic illness on profile
Posted: 9/12/2009 2:17:21 AM | I don't think you need to put it in your profile, but I think you need to talk about it when you start dating someone, not simply disappear with no explanation when you have a flare up, OP.
I'm sorry your GF was so hurtful towards you when you did tell her. Someone who was really interested in you would be prepared to work around your illness with you. | |
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| disclosing cronic illness on profile
Posted: 9/12/2009 2:59:34 AM | I would say you did the right thing, I too have an illness (cancer) but I wait until I know that we are going to be dating more than just casual. I am in remission but people see illness as something "they" can catch. I dated one man who invited me to dinner at his home with his daughter and after dinner she took a piece of food from my plate (I was in the livingroom) and I heard him tell her it was my plate and then asked me if cancer was contagious. I was really hurt and upset and told him no and she can't get it from toilet seats either.
When you meet the right person (don't we all want that), she will understand, I have to believe it, with all the other dramas, I think the only real concern I have is and feel it should be disclosed immediately is HIV or Aids.
Good luck | |
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| disclosing cronic illness on profile
Posted: 9/12/2009 3:15:31 AM | To be simple and to the point, I agree with Landra.
1 to 100 years old, why would anyone assume others are 100% healthy? Key word... ASSUME. | |
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| disclosing cronic illness on profile
Posted: 9/12/2009 3:48:39 AM | hi there op, hey sorry that happened, but that woman sounds like a real sow. i can understand her being a little miffed at you for being completely incommunicado for a couple of days, but wow, just wow.
you could put fibromyalgia on your profile but i don't think most people are going to know what it is or understand how it affects you. well then you're now in a position of having to use more descriptive language and before you know it you've just ruined your profile. i don't think it belongs on your profile at all.
on the other hand, you can't reasonably expect to not disclose. i think the best time to do that is right when you get to the point of talking about meeting for the first time, or when you meet for the first time, but not later than that. | |
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| disclosing cronic illness on profile
Posted: 9/12/2009 4:09:21 AM | livinglife,
well, we are getting older even as we sit here and type away so i think at your present age, you can expect to maybe start encountering some health issues.
no, i don't think you have to disclose things like that in your profile unless you are disabled and receiving disability compensation for it.
since perhaps you're not considered disabled in the medical/legal sense then i think this is an issue that you need to bring to light in the early stages of communication with someone.
i don't have any health issues but there are things that i prefer to even bring up before i step out to meet with someone.
anyway, deal with it sooner instead of later and as for the way the woman acted while you had your flare-up then realize that not all people handle things right and yes, her reaction was a bit strong but let it go and move on. | |
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| disclosing cronic illness on profile
Posted: 9/12/2009 4:19:51 AM | no need to put it on your profile,but, if you start dating someone, it should be told to them after a few dates
and like that other post stated, ohhhhh i sooo wish we could say the names of the people who have herpes and such on this site, would clean out a few forsure | |
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| disclosing cronic illness on profile
Posted: 9/12/2009 4:20:16 AM |
I don't think you need to put it in your profile, but I think you need to talk about it when you start dating someone, not simply disappear with no explanation when you have a flare up, OP.
I too think that IF she was "into you" she would likely have been inclined to work with you on this. The sudden flare up, disappear with no explanation would piss me off too. | |
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| disclosing cronic illness on profile
Posted: 9/12/2009 4:36:38 AM | You're lucky she left...showed you what she was made of.
Looks like most people think no. IMO there are a few proactive reasons why you could: finding someone with empathy, weeding out the weaklings, humanizing your profile. If you did, I would think that either treating it with some levity (if that's your style), or very briefly describing, "How would this effect you?" would fly. If it's simply a matter of ordering in instead of going out, maybe this would preemptively put people's minds at ease. I wish you luck. | |
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| disclosing cronic illness on profile
Posted: 9/12/2009 5:00:24 AM | on the other hand, you can't reasonably expect to not disclose. i think the best time to do that is right when you get to the point of talking about meeting for the first time, or when you meet for the first time, but not later than that.
motown cowgirl
i would disagree with you on telling before meeting or the first date...therefor i would say do the meeting thing fist... if there are no sparks... everyone goes home never to see each other again. if there is enough curiosity for a date...enjoy. when you wake up...if you don't feel the need for a second date...problem solved... now if you wake up 
well this is where you have to have" the talk!" NO! NO! not the exclusive talk.... the i can see myself with you but i have(fill in the blank) talk
hell! life is hard enough trying to deal with everyday problems... do we really have to scare people away before we meet them... or expect they will ignore a chronic illness just because they have been charmed?
op the person you are looking for is the one that can except you with you charms and quirks... not one that can't deal with you illness. you can expect some negative responses from many.... only because they are attracted to what you have to offer. unfortunately they are unable to cope/understand your illness.
always remember you have to deal with your illness...they have to deal with their disability! | |
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| disclosing cronic illness on profile
Posted: 9/12/2009 9:39:05 AM | | There's no point in hiding what you can't help or change. That would be like me trying to hide the fact that I am a paraplegic. Eventually they will find out. She was just a shallow, superficial, self centered, incensitive loser. My mom has Fibro and Scleroderma so I know what you're going through. | |
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| disclosing cronic illness on profile
Posted: 9/12/2009 9:52:44 AM | Any man I meet will be my friend first. I don't tell all my friends all my business. If I want to tell you something really personal I would hope our relationship would have developed to a level where feeling achy now and again was neither here nor there.
If anyone is rude to you, it is as well that they are off the scene since you certainly do not need that in your life.
She probably has no idea what fibromyalgia is.
Take care. | |
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| disclosing cronic illness on profile
Posted: 9/12/2009 10:10:26 AM |
three weeks after we met I had a major flare and after two days of not talking I told her about it.....she was very mean and angry and used very hurtful words as she ended the relationship with me..
OP,
Consider your experience a blessing. My question to you is, do you want
someone so insensitive, so shallow? Believe me, the question was never
" was I (you) good enough for her, it indeed was is she good enough for you?
it hurts to know people will judge me by something I cannot control
Get off the Cross. Winter is coming and we could use the Wood!
Not all people will judge you for something you can't control.
I'm sending you some Cheese to go along with your Whine!
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| disclosing cronic illness on profile
Posted: 9/12/2009 10:27:07 AM | | Be upfront always at the beginning.Sheeeeeesh.....its not like you have a STD.We all have health issues and if she turned her back on you this quick,mark her off and move on.Shes not worth it.Good luck man. | |
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| disclosing cronic illness on profile
Posted: 9/12/2009 10:45:48 AM | | I also have Fibromyalgia but rarely have a flare up, most people who know me are unaware that I have it, I do not take medication for it. I do try to get a certain amount of sleep every night, and if I do not sleep well for a few days I will sometimes have a flare up. Just say NEXT, if she was put off by your FMS, then she was not for you. | |
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